One paper down and a coffee session of my performance review with my boss. Super tired. Got to know my performance rating. Sigh, not good at all, compared to my past performance grades. But at least i know my boss's feedback. Apparently he managed to catch spot-on of some of my weaknesses, now i can only use actions to change his views.

Sigh, don't think i can go for the conference next year..sigh..

This time, i am even more certain that i have thrown myself into a big sea, learning how to swim and survive.

Sigh. Oh well, i am young now, i can afford to take hardships. Jiayou jiayou jiayou jiayou!!

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ZJ's birthday today!! Happy birthday!!!! =D

Have not had much pleasant times at work recently..I learnt something new about my weakness and my strength in work..and am trying to be even more careful and detailed in my work.

Kinda been having terrible intuition about how my boss has now evaluated me..but i just gonna be brave and stormed through all obstacles.

I must constantly learn from Da Chang Jin - always face your fear with courage and never give up even in the face of difficulties.

At least i know that now, i have supportive colleagues who are always trying to help or offer me advices whenever i can.

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I was trapped in a lift this evening at my house.

This was the first time when I could feel myself in such technical disorder situation. I did harbor worried thoughts that the lift will topple and my life will be taken just like that.

Thank goodness, i managed to keep my cool and sanity. I kept pressing the alarm bell button. Can't believe i actually had this day when this button has its importance. I didn't want to call my mum, because I know she will freak out, seeing me trapped in the lift and in case the lift has any mishap, I didn't want her to witness this entire tragic.

Anyway, i must really thank my neighbor who entered the same lift as me during that time and then exited after me, came to my rescue. The service man was on his way.

At that instant when the service man opened the lift door with his mere strength, somehow he looked like Superman to me..i was so impressed with his strength that my jaws opened in amazement and i said "wow!". hahha...

Anyway to thank my neighbor, i bought her many tidbits as an appreciation of thanks.

Really if it wasn't for her to offer that first contact point, i wouldn't have gotten out of that trapped lift so quickly.

But can't believe that AG was rather cold towards this incident. Obviously he knew nothing terrible is going to happen to me. Sigh. Don't know whether the value of my existence to him is deteriorating. Sigh, oh well, i gonna get used to this kind of feeling. Probably, for me, this is the value of my existence when my relationship duration is increasing.

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Things have not been going smoothly for me lately..i'm feeling increasingly depressed and have anxiety attacks which i never had before. i could only express my depressions over here in this blog.

Recently i realize my brain seems to be deteriorating unusually..sigh..that gets me upset...

exams at the end of nov..and ends on 1st week of dec..!! so nervous!! this time, i am not going to take any leave to prepare for exams..so gonna push myself to a greater stress management and memory capacity limit!!

Don't know what's wrong with me recently..had all sorts of weird dreams - dreamt of my boss and me feeling pressurized...tied to a bungee thingy and thrown up and down in the air...and my lips being injured by a fish hook, yet didn't feel any pain..

Hmmmm...

Think the boss's expectations really have been stressing me a lot...i'm kinda worried that my numerous questions posed to him may have posed to him that i am not very intelligent...  :s  and don't know why i may have portrayed to him as a not very hardworking worker...sigh...

I am intelligent, just that to avoid any form of misunderstanding, i wanna ask more to double confirm!!! I am hardworking, i have been making a lot of notes to memorise..!!!!

i will survive..i will survive...!!!

Exams are around the corner..i am starting to feel the stress...

Think i'm starting to become paranoid since the disappointment incident..i'm starting to worry if i will be dismissed for the incapability..i don't want to disappoint my boss again..but don't know why, things are not going smoothly for me these few days, i made mistakes which i have never made before in my past 3 years..think i've put too much pressure on myself...

sigh...

really hope i can regain my self-confidence and boss's confidence in my capability.

don't stress too much, mantou...don't stress too much...relax.....

Not an excellent morning to begin today. Again, I have disappointed my boss. I was shocked because i thought i've perfected my work before sending to him. Only the second time when i made the mistake (a different mistake this time), i was finally enlightened what the root of my problem is...

Couldn't agree more with my boss about his very first feedback to me on Thursday - I did not listen. Initially i have to be honest with myself that i do kinda doubt it. My initial thoughts were that it couldn't be - during normal conversations, i could remember every single thing the other party is saying. I can even remember what the event is during the conversation. But then since today's incident, i kinda know the reason.

For my past 3 years' working experiences, i have been very much attuned to taking instructions via emails, resulting in my deterioration to listen attentively to verbal instructions. I am glad that i learnt my big lessons right now during my probation period.

Of course, i am not going to let it happen. It will affect my performance! So I've come out with a solution and i believe this time, it'll work successfully.

Seriously i want to prove to my boss that i am willing to learn, willing to change to the better, and that i am worthy of his guidance and employment.

The more i reflect, the more i feel i have indeed made a wise decision. I am still grateful for my very first employment experience. But on this second career path experience, I realize there are hundreds of things which i am totally inexperienced and that i need to tell myself - this is the period when you are improving yourself. That is why you have made this decision to move out of the comfort zone. The road may be tough, but you just gonna press on and keep telling yourself that you can do it. Do not despair. Do not give up easily. Keep on thinking of solutions to improve yourself.

Think i have mentioned my career ambition too soon...

these 2 days have been a disaster for me in work..it was totally unsatisfactory!! Sigh....totally disappointed with myself..wanted to explain to my boss, but after some thoughts, i decided to hold them back, will only reflect myself taking excuses...i guess i've put my guard down in work, as a result, i did not put in 100% effort in making sure my work a total perfection before sending to my boss.

after some reflection, i find it weird - why i will do that? how come i can end up like this? i guess after all i need to get back my self-discipline back. i need to quickly transform myself into a perfectionist.

i told myself before - i want to work for this boss, right from the start after the first interview with him. i know i can grow, i can improve under his leadership. i must learn the good work ethnics from him. i must press on!! i must transform!!! i can do it!!!

Finally all back to my regularity!! ZJ's wedding was just over on Saturday and i was honored to be one of the bridesmaids, and...one of the MCs for her wedding dinner!!

Enjoyed myself very much throughout the entire day..the groom and his brothers were very spontaneous! First time i had a walk down the church aisle..haha..of course as the bridesmaid..ZJ was a very beautiful bride on that day too...

Wedding dinner was lovely..love the live band whom ZJ has engaged..it was entertaining and at least many of us would not feel so bored..

And of course, seems that love cupids were flying around that day..hee hee her...

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Work is taking its pace to pick up..but i am starting to have several concerns in my mind..e.g. if i voice out too many suggestions, will it make me look too aggressive or hungry for straight As? Or what are the other areas i need to consider while working..? Can i be proactive in voicing out suggestions and improving things to the better, or just wait for my boss to give instructions to me?

Hmm..i want to do well, in fact, wanna do a lot better than before. my morale is at peak - i am no longer taking cabs to work, i study on the trains whenever i am on my way to work or back home from office, i am back to my exercise regime..

this time, i wanna score straight As in my work.

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6th October 2011 marks the day when a member of the Crazy Ones passed away at his 56. He's Steve Jobs, ex-CEO of Apple Inc. It's interesting and somehow comforting to see many of us, including me myself, post several clips, speeches and biography about him over Facebook.

He is, indeed, as said by many, a visionary. A crazy one. A legendary.

My very first knowledge of him, probably interestingly, has nothing to do much with Pixar and iPhone. It is his presentation style, the simplicity and impact of his presentation slides, which draws me to him the very first time. It was then when i was inspired to do up similar presentation slides i  my career path. Not an easy thing to, because the slides are so simple that the speaker needs to put in a huge effort to remember his lines and building up the climate of the presentation.

2 years back, i was introduced to using iPhone, credits to AG. Used to be cynical about the phone and of course its price. But this phone concept has this rather powerful attraction. I love the application, i love the  responsiveness and convenience of the phone. I was pulled closer to Steve Jobs' fan club.

Just last year, I got my very first DSLR and later introduced by my ex-colleague to use RAW format. Eventually, I managed to get a MacBook with the help of my dad. And woah! That was the moment when i knew i can never get back to Windows OS..(i mean besides my office laptop). Mac has helped me so much with my editing of photos.

Couldn't agree more when news, even US president, complimented that Jobs has put a lot of impact onto the world.

I've read more about him today, especially his speech at a Stanford graduation ceremony. i respect him more than before. He's an inspiration to me who is weaving my own dream into a reality.

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Thank you, Steve Jobs!

New work has been starting quite a while..a lot of new things to learn and I'm still unlearning and re-learning..and there are times when i need to remind myself that i cannot be too frank in my replies..think not everyone can take it..i need to watch my mouth...hmmm...

my iPhone just died on me.. *heartache*

been rather paranoid these few days...think attributed to my physical hiccups..

i'm so tired...my iPhone is not working well, and i've not been studying religiously, besides studying on mrt trains, every time during on my way to work..

Finally the conference is over and from tomorrow onwards will be free and easy!! WOoh!

Hmm..a little self-reflection of my performance..hmm..have to admit that i'm not handling well yet, still trying to adjust myself to the new environment and trying to figure out my new boss's expectations, and also trying my best to interact well with colleagues..in addition, a lot of technical terms which i have been trying to get myself to learn..

learning curve is steep, well, have to admit that this curve seems to be steeper than the previous one, kinda feeling a little stressed out and lost once in a while..particularly because in my previous job, I was already attuned to the environment since internship, so even on my first day, i was very comfortable working.

Well, have told myself before - i have made the decision to step out of the comfort zone, the start is never easy, so now i need to be even stronger to survive in this tentative challenge zone - just need to push myself a lot further..! Looking at the postive angle, it's good that there is a push/pull factor to get myself move more proactively.

Mantou, you have done it before! So now, you can do it!!! Prove yourself that you are worth the employment!!! SHINE MANTOU SHINE...!! ROAR..!!

Anyway been feeling better these few days..just had a dinner with AG and his friends too..tried to watch my behaviour..

Left one week!! Think have not had enough rest...haha..but excited for my new work and going to head to Taipei for business trip! =)

Oh ya, went to USS with AG the previous week! After 2 years plus, this is our very first outing!! And we tried the roller coaster, it was crazy fun!! The food is pretty awesome too but the price is hmm.... Think the USS isn't as great as Disneyland, but having AG as company is wonderful!!

Don't know why..I am still not feeling at my best today, even though AG told me not to worry about yesterday's incident..somehow, the intuition tells me that i still need to worry, be prepared for the worst..you may get replaced by another girl who is better than you. Anyway DMT, you have no talent in this area. Accept it if that day comes. You may be good in many other things but probably this is the something your life will be compromised. You are not a keeper.

Sigh. keep feeling that this incident is a ticking time bomb for me...

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Somehow out of the blue, at times, i keep thinking whether i am smart or stupid...i feel myself very stupid when i am at a total loss or i am not performing to others' expectation..but yet again, i feel that i should be smart, otherwise how can i manage so many things right now?

It can get kinda scary when you are sitting on the roller coaster which can give you dips of high and low confidence level, because in the end, you get yourself lost and confused, not knowing what you actually are.

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A good morning to start off for National Day - went to watch Harry Potter finale..

But not a good night to end it off...was on a defense mode while having social awkwardness at the same time, and as a result, out of my defense mechanism, i gave a gentle slap on AG's face when he tried to kiss me on my cheeks in front of his friends..yes, it was wrong of me to slap him, even if it's a gentle one..at that moment, it was so sudden, my mechanism triggered the "fight" mode and i had made the worst mistake a girlfriend should not make. He was annoyed and i later realise that i've just embarrassed him.

Explanations..sigh, can't say much, i can't explain that too..i only knew during the dinner, i was socially awkward, i was shy and quiet - all the comfort i could seek of was the NDP show and the steamboat dinner which i just kept munching away..

i was at fault..so sigh, oh well, if AG were to want the end of this r/s, i know i deserve it and should not cry over spill milks..

Once again i've screwed up, just that this time is in a complete different form.

The alternative for this, i need to run away - avoid meeting AG's friends for their gathering sessions. Each session, i do not behave like myself and involuntarily my social mind sets at its defense mechanism, fights back when it gets threatened.

Somehow i guess i need to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for the worst. i am aware that i do not have the physical asset and now, my behaviours are unacceptable..

I am a total screw up in relationships.

Things are starting to move slow for me in the office, well, because i'm leaving! hhaa..hmm..the news have brought in sudden to all of my colleagues - guess i've been really quiet in the office and they never seem to be hearing me complaining.

Hmm, I will not say I'm not pleased with my work environment there, but I feel I need a major change in my career path. I'm telling myself - if I don't try this change now, then when? By the time when the life requires me to settle for a safety rope to hold on, there may be a high tendency I need to hang on in the safety zone. But then again, who knows that the change is my safety zone? You never know unless you try.

My parents, especially my mum, haven't been supportive of my this decision..but anyway I'm a stubborn girl, i am determined to prove them wrong - i can do well in this sector, in this industry, that i can still manage my studies and work..

i am a strong mantou - i know i can do it!! YES I CAN..!!!!!!!!

WOoOO..ok, gonna wait for my colleague to be back from her vacation tmr, and I can start handing over my work to her..following that, I can go for my breakkkkkkk...!!! My long-awaited breakkkkkk...!!!!

It's done. In the progress of ending this chapter of life, and going to write a new chapter.

Yup, readers, I've accepted a new job offer, moving into a totally new and different industry. Kinda nervous about it because it feels that i'm making a milestone, bringing myself to greater heights, but on the other end, worried that it may be a wrong move. But anyway no matter what, what i have decided, i will aim for the target.

Gambatte, mantou!

Some of the snapshots which I took during Singtel & Singapore Cancer Society - Race Against Cancer 2011 event! Was given the opportunity by them to be one of the volunteer photographers..! =)

Enjoy!

Finally I had time to upload my favourites of the shots which I took during YJ's wedding..first time being a bride maid - rather tiring from morning to noon..gosh..but love the rest period in the afternoon when the bride maids had the entire room for themselves while the brothers had theirs at another room. =)

Still need to improve on my shots. Felt that my quality of the photos was not professional enough.

I really need to lose more weight and tone up my legs..my legs look so chubby..!!! :(

anyway enjoy the shots! More have been uploaded in my FB! =D

Still trying to study for my last paper..tue's paper was a tragic for me, slept through the night and morning...

Went for a meet up and feel that there will be no follow-up after today's meet up. Sigh.

Thought things are picking up but seems that I have to face the reality. Sigh sigh.

What to do? Just have to hang on there.

Exams have started..and now moving into the 2nd week of exam. Work in the morning and prepare for exams in the afternoon. Kinda exhausting...

Tmr is a presentation to a proposal evaluation panel. Stress. Plus a tough paper on tue. How good timing can that be.

Sigh.

Can't wait for my exams to be over.

Seems to receive a few calls. But still gonna cross my finger.

Well it's another round of wait.

Hope they'll call me soon...

i broke down once again, cried quietly to myself for the past 2 hrs...i'm going to rattle out my thoughts right now.

i am breaking down not because I am fatigue from studying.

i am breaking down because i am tired of my job. yes, i am saying i am tired of working.

i have not taken any decent vacation since my trip to vietnam at the end of my yr 2. since then, i worked, i studied, i worked, i studied and i worked and i studied. Even after i've completed my yr 4, i have not even taken any decent break, not even a graduation trip, and i jumped into work. and since then, work, study, work, study and work and study.

i am trapped in the parental protection scheme now. i dun have any chance to travel leisurely. why can't they give me a chance to study overseas like my brother? why can't they just let me go?

what i am really want to do? yes, away overseas for a month, away with my backpack and camera. i want to go to US for 2 weeks, explore bits and parts of US to eat and feel the culture. also to japan look for my brother and visit the little interesting places. to hong kong to eat my long-wished childhood comfort food and probably to bali since it feels like a very relaxing place to rest.

but i know i still need to work. but can't i wish for a good decent break? Please grant me this wish...

Couldn't get to sleep..I am feeling so terribly trapped. I really have enough of the time when I cannot get good rest at all, for many years. I am really feeling sick of what I'm doing. I couldn't help thinking over and over and over again.

I'm really fatigue. Can I take a break?

The desperation is building up and I am getting frustrated.

I am starting to feel extremely fatigue. I'm feeling sick of this whole world, just want to abandon the reality, break away and venture off for a month.

AG has been recently feeling annoyed with me, which is keeping on my toes..I am starting to get a litte worried..as time passes, the more i get worried, because my intuition tells me that the climate of a relationship will start to decline when it's stepping into the 3rd year...

all i can tell myself is just leave it to fate..you can't control this..and maybe i am not a good catch afterall, don't be so full of yourself.

Sometimes I think myself of being too naive and simplistic so much that I overestimate myself.

Good badminton practice. Although I'm not sure whether will be playing for the departmental games, but anyway as long as I can play badminton, it's alright for me.

Had dinner with AG just now and were talking about his friend who knows his gf for a year and is getting married next year. Asked about why the rush, and was given the answer that the gf was a good catch. Hmm, what defines good catch? so does that mean that a good catch will get married within a year?

hhaa..shall not think so much, depends on your fate.

heelllooo hello there...

well, been busy with work as usual..seems to me that this year's the busiest among my working years.

seems that there might be a change awaiting me..my division deputy director approached me to discuss for a change..i know what i want, i make the request, and gonna see how it goes. but i want to accomplish my few big things while i am still in my current work scope. i wanna make a big positive change in my work before i leave.

recently been trying to create the room for changes, but seems that it is still not working for me. i think i know what i am good at or weak in, what i want in my life, in my career. i just need to keep trying.

I'm seeking for a lifelong character development, so that it can get me ready to achieve my life goals.

i need a break no matter what. a vacation overseas. somehow i wanna travel overseas on my own, it smells independence, freedom and adventures. i might meet the most interesting people and probably dangerous people. but if i can take this kind of risk, no doubt i should be able to handle any big change i wanna make in my life.

i kinda miss my mini travel photography, be it local or overseas. i can just go wherever i feel like going, stay put as long as i wish to, without feeling any external pressure.

i have business plan in my mind, but i know my current character development is not up to the capability yet. sigh, but who is willing to take the leap of faith in giving me the chance to expand my development room?

Study for this semester is a total craze.

I am still not giving up, but keep on trying until I get it. Hhaa..not really in a mood to blog recently..been very busy with work, and work is piling but i keep feeling i need a break from work, even if it's just for a day. i did take a day time-off today, a work breakaway, and immense myself in books. Preparing for my exams which will commence in first week of june. This semester's exams spread over 2 weeks, i know i can't afford to take full-day leave for the entire 2 weeks. so need to start studying right now. Gambatte!

Wait is my recent habit and disappointment is my current constant mental feed. Sigh.

Terrible cough i am having...coughing very badly during work today and really wish I could have the money to just see a doctor get a mc and rest at home...

the whole afternoon was tough to get through..having some fainting spells, coughing badly, feeling weak and trying hard to look through the figures..it's a hard struggle..

AG was very sweet and nice..he fetched me to the toa payoh clinic where i seeked for tcm..went to see my teacher..had gone to see the western doctor earlier on on sunday, but as expected i know the doctor has no idea how to treat it, cos mine is not typical cough - phelgm, sorethroat, etc.

hopefully i can get well by friday!!! i'm going to be busy on weekend!!

Sick, I'm finally sick!

My entire body system just collapses completely. Keep coughing very badly especially when I lie on the bed..especially last night...terrible night to get through before i went to cook some ginger soup to drink..thank goodness i went to the clinic at night to get a medical cert..had extremely good rest today..

anyway shall not talk..still feeling fatigue after all the rest..

Finally things have been straightened between AG and me..haha..and the Sunday was very well-spent with him. Just by hanging out and lazing with him feels oh so good! =]

My bro is safe in Japan, safe from the terrible earthquake..I was so worried that he could not survive..first he can't swim, so assumingly the first instinct is probably worrying about not knowing how to swim..second he has never been educated in surviving all these natural disasters, so really have to play by the ear.

Let's pray for Japan's well-being.

2 weeks of wait, and still in vain. Sigh.

Today was a rather unsettling day..

Din get to talk much to AG..i mean at least he called and msged me once in a while..but i kept feeling very unsettled and uncomfortable...like there's an omen....

but anyway AG din have a good day today at work - facing some bad moments in office...while i was busy in the morning, first-time experienced media site visit and goodness me, i felt so noob, inexperienced and passive...i felt lousy about my performance today....

from time to time, somehow whenever i was left alone, i could feel myself thinking the discussion last night and the pessimistic feeling just keeps banging onto me which makes me tear...

i am feeling very afraid and unsettled...dun know i keep feeling that he's trying to avoid me in a way.......it just feels distant, scary and once again unsettling....... :'(

Having a terrible headache now after all my silent tearing in my room..

I am very exhausted from all my sobbing and negative thoughts...

I really wish AG is the one for me, but I'm scared that things will go the other way round...

I'm a girl who believes in marriage. I'm a girl who has hope and faith in her marriage. I'm a girl who wants to give all her heart and soul in her marriage, always wanting to build a photo album of lasting memories with her husband, despite of the past failed relationship/s she has. Because she knows for this man has the courage to walk through the lives together, to build happiness together, who is willing to wait with her for all good things to happen.

This is my belief in marriage. Pretty naive ah? But it's a little candle of hope she is holding it tightly and always reminding herself to have faith in God.

I am still loving AG. I feel he is great, he really makes me feel very happy and blessed, keep making me feel very strongly that he might be the one who will give me the courage to walk through the aisle of life and I can picture very strongly of all the happy times spent together in a marriage life, it's something which I have never felt before...I'm wailing to wait for him as long as I can hear and feel his assurance that he wants to walk the aisle with me...and of course as long as my expiry date is not up yet.

But as for Now I keep feeling very lousy of myself...

Once again, I'm stuck in my paranoia and self-condemnation.

The same issue of travelling overseas together before marriage is brought again, and this time, it is different - I couldn't make it happen, as such approval needs to come from my parents. I know I am already 26 this year and I am still listening to my parents..but i've no courage to get into huge conflicts with my parents again..and i keep hoping that the wait can last till i get married..but dun know why i keep feeling such wait has its limit and may not last till marriage....

I start the same behaviour again - ask AG if he wants to hang out with other girls who can go overseas with him during dating period.

I know myself that I am very lousy gf to AG...i can't go overseas now with him......I am really really very lousy to the core....

but i also want to leave the best memory to my husband...but why it just seems so far to me...and that i'll not be married..yeah, every girl wants to get married, just a matter of time and her eligibility.

I am the worst girlfriend ever :'( I can't even grant a simple wish....

Went to office to finish up some of my backlog..realise that it can be a very comforting working environment on a Sunday afternoon - there's lotsa freedom =)

really wish weekends end slow..i need that weekend rest before kicking off the new week.

Next weekend is one crucial moment..gonna be even busier than the past few weeks!

Been very busy lately...but somehow I have been feeling motivated and of course challenged in a manner..

Finally for today, I managed to squeeze a morning out to interact with my officers, to understand more and together with my colleague, trying our best to help them in any way in their course of work.

It seems that there are always loopholes in every system, and people are constantly working towards perfecting it..or to be realistic, only some are working hard to become the top-notch problem solvers and solution executors.

For the past few weeks, upon self reflection in my work place, this comes to my mind, not yet a conclusion - it is easier to be a solution provider than to be the executor.

In the world, there are an university of solutions available, but it is up to us who make the decisions to execute these solutions.

Sometimes I can just feel myself being noob in executing solutions, I may have plenty of solutions to many problems, but how I need to go about executing them, I feel I am still relatively inexperienced.

Recently I've been given a pretty strong dosage of work adrenaline and independence. I have to admit I am liking such independence although such can get me really uptight and stressed up. Guess it's time for the baby eagle to start flapping her wings and getting herself up everytime she falls. :)

Happy new year, everyone!! haha..so how's your 4.5 days of rest been?

haha..well well well...I've been eating non-stop..haha..and so i've gained back that 1 kg..Booo hoooo...

anyway i still have some time before the day when i need to wear the bride maid dress..i need to look good in those photos!

been very busy, as usual..shall blog more..recently i've been facebooking more than blogging..hahaha..

Been exercising..realise that my stamina and strength have deteriorated a lot! Gosh..but have been trying to avoid eating too much carbo..and things seem to be working.. =) recently been feeling that my working pants don't feel too tight as compared to previously.

went for kickboxing on sat and another exercise session on fri..my legs are super sore now..goodness me..so tiring but highly motivated..but at the same time, i need to make sure that my health is maintained well, no illness throughout the year..

was pretty proud of myself about my health record last year - only 2 days of MC last year, and i was relatively healthy throughout..even if for colds, i managed to get myself recovered within a night or few hours.

so this year, my health record target is to lose weight and stay healthy at the same time.

and for this year's xmas gift, i am going to get myself prime lens for my camera..been reading up thee few days, kinda motivated to get this type of lens..will need to think through over these few months..haha..

hopefully my work this coming week will not be as hectic as last week..

Work is a havoc..it was a nagging week for me..i started to feel exhausted..especially when i received an email and the few initiatives I tried to roll out are not effective enough..i'm starting to feel a little demoralised..

was tied up with many items these few weeks..i have completely neglected the HR issue of my officers..wanted to help them but i was so tied up with many things in HQ..i felt i myself could not move things..i need the strong support from my 2 senior officers to help make things possible.

i need to admit that i am weak now, i need help.

i realise that i am still not happy. i still feel i need a change. sigh.

Finally I have made the decision to sign up membership at Amore fitness centre. And went for my first lesson today..pretty tiring just for the stretchfit lesson..but it feels good. i need to lose weight more.

Not really looking forward to this week's work..a lot of work to do..but need to tahan tahan tahan!!!

AG picked me up after my lesson ends today..yeah..wonder is it because his parents ask him to do so..hahaha..

Anyway some more, AG and I came to this conversation topic - of what is my score in his eyes..so he told me that i was 7.5 out of 10 and added that i top the other girls..hmm..as for being the top, i dun really care much because he knows himself he has to put me at the top..but i am actually not very pleased with my own scorecard..personally i am not very satisfied. 7.5 means there is 2.5 marks missing, which indicates i still have a relatively big room of improvement. Currently the only thing i can think to improve is my body shape - to lose great deal of weight. to look skinny, to put on make up and do my hair, change the way how i dress up..

these few days have been relatively tough..i realise myself trying to control myself from taking in too much carbohydrates..i need to be more aggressive in my diet..to go on low-cab diet and be more picky in my food selection..i need to eat no matter what, otherwise going on hunger strike will only damage my stomach which is very harmful to health.

ZJ's wedding is this year, and i need to tone up my arms..slim down my legs as much as possible..so that i can look nice and on top of that, i can score more than 7.5....!!

This year is my "Walk the Talk" year.

Work as usual is piling up and I totally find hard to breathe..headache headache..trying to make things work out smoothly but seems that things still do happen..haha..

wonder why my boss has not approved my off in lieu yet!!! have submitted via the system last week and this week sent an email to her..but seems that she's not approving it.. (T__T) start to have this feeling that i need to finish up the crucial items first and let her know that I've finished my work...sigh...

It's only my first day of school and I'm feeling that I want to break down..6 modules this semester..and I still need to revise my basic to firm up my foundation..

And I realise that I'm starting to talk to myself again..I'm only afraid that I might be reaching the climax of my stress tolerance level..

I know my condition because I remembered talking to a frog during my JC period..I was so stressed up that I really wished for a listening ear and emphatic heart. But I felt very alone managing that stress during that time.

Right now, I can feel almost the same way..but gonna think of ways to keep myself sane.

I'm thinking to take up yoga.