Today was a rather unsettling day..

Din get to talk much to AG..i mean at least he called and msged me once in a while..but i kept feeling very unsettled and uncomfortable...like there's an omen....

but anyway AG din have a good day today at work - facing some bad moments in office...while i was busy in the morning, first-time experienced media site visit and goodness me, i felt so noob, inexperienced and passive...i felt lousy about my performance today....

from time to time, somehow whenever i was left alone, i could feel myself thinking the discussion last night and the pessimistic feeling just keeps banging onto me which makes me tear...

i am feeling very afraid and unsettled...dun know i keep feeling that he's trying to avoid me in a way.......it just feels distant, scary and once again unsettling....... :'(

Having a terrible headache now after all my silent tearing in my room..

I am very exhausted from all my sobbing and negative thoughts...

I really wish AG is the one for me, but I'm scared that things will go the other way round...

I'm a girl who believes in marriage. I'm a girl who has hope and faith in her marriage. I'm a girl who wants to give all her heart and soul in her marriage, always wanting to build a photo album of lasting memories with her husband, despite of the past failed relationship/s she has. Because she knows for this man has the courage to walk through the lives together, to build happiness together, who is willing to wait with her for all good things to happen.

This is my belief in marriage. Pretty naive ah? But it's a little candle of hope she is holding it tightly and always reminding herself to have faith in God.

I am still loving AG. I feel he is great, he really makes me feel very happy and blessed, keep making me feel very strongly that he might be the one who will give me the courage to walk through the aisle of life and I can picture very strongly of all the happy times spent together in a marriage life, it's something which I have never felt before...I'm wailing to wait for him as long as I can hear and feel his assurance that he wants to walk the aisle with me...and of course as long as my expiry date is not up yet.

But as for Now I keep feeling very lousy of myself...

Once again, I'm stuck in my paranoia and self-condemnation.

The same issue of travelling overseas together before marriage is brought again, and this time, it is different - I couldn't make it happen, as such approval needs to come from my parents. I know I am already 26 this year and I am still listening to my parents..but i've no courage to get into huge conflicts with my parents again..and i keep hoping that the wait can last till i get married..but dun know why i keep feeling such wait has its limit and may not last till marriage....

I start the same behaviour again - ask AG if he wants to hang out with other girls who can go overseas with him during dating period.

I know myself that I am very lousy gf to AG...i can't go overseas now with him......I am really really very lousy to the core....

but i also want to leave the best memory to my husband...but why it just seems so far to me...and that i'll not be married..yeah, every girl wants to get married, just a matter of time and her eligibility.

I am the worst girlfriend ever :'( I can't even grant a simple wish....

Went to office to finish up some of my backlog..realise that it can be a very comforting working environment on a Sunday afternoon - there's lotsa freedom =)

really wish weekends end slow..i need that weekend rest before kicking off the new week.

Next weekend is one crucial moment..gonna be even busier than the past few weeks!

Been very busy lately...but somehow I have been feeling motivated and of course challenged in a manner..

Finally for today, I managed to squeeze a morning out to interact with my officers, to understand more and together with my colleague, trying our best to help them in any way in their course of work.

It seems that there are always loopholes in every system, and people are constantly working towards perfecting it..or to be realistic, only some are working hard to become the top-notch problem solvers and solution executors.

For the past few weeks, upon self reflection in my work place, this comes to my mind, not yet a conclusion - it is easier to be a solution provider than to be the executor.

In the world, there are an university of solutions available, but it is up to us who make the decisions to execute these solutions.

Sometimes I can just feel myself being noob in executing solutions, I may have plenty of solutions to many problems, but how I need to go about executing them, I feel I am still relatively inexperienced.

Recently I've been given a pretty strong dosage of work adrenaline and independence. I have to admit I am liking such independence although such can get me really uptight and stressed up. Guess it's time for the baby eagle to start flapping her wings and getting herself up everytime she falls. :)

Happy new year, everyone!! haha..so how's your 4.5 days of rest been?

haha..well well well...I've been eating non-stop..haha..and so i've gained back that 1 kg..Booo hoooo...

anyway i still have some time before the day when i need to wear the bride maid dress..i need to look good in those photos!

been very busy, as usual..shall blog more..recently i've been facebooking more than blogging..hahaha..