(-_-)

dun know why..these few days have not been in a greatest mood..

Probably the stress from the tests' doing all the tricks..

Too many things happened le.

Recently have been praying to God.

Prayin to Him to bless me with friends whom i can trust and get really be comfortable with.

Praying to Him to bless my the one that he can do well in law school so that he can have more time to spend time with me, other than studying (been meeting him just to study together).

Praying to Him to bless all my friends whom i trust and feel comfortable with.

Praying to Him that the friendship which i try my best to maintain will never change to the worst, but to the better.

Praying to Him for everything He has blessed and protected me. Cos i know He is always there for me.

But sometimes i just can't understand why people will change, often to the worst. People are changing not to trust others so much, resulting in some situations which hurt others' feelings. I can't understand myself either.

Frankenstein has changed ever since the day when he made the monster. He seems to shun away from Trust and leave the monster on its own destruction.

The monster used to be an innocent and good-hearted one. It trusted everyone around but cos of its appearance, it's being hurt. Badly.

It cried and I feel I could hear.

Maybe strong on the surface. But fragile inner. Just like a crab.

I pray that God will bless the monster, no matter how bad it will get in the future.

--- End (-_-) ---

Bought the "Princess hours" soundtrack. Great songs and music.
But dun know why, i feel like crying when i start to listen to them.

However, whenever i listen to these songs and music, i will talk to Him. He gives me the peace and comfort which i am yearning for.

Thank you, Lord. I love You lots. (",)

CooOoll..

First time ever.

First time ever I have studied so hard during this early period.

It's only test..!!!!!

And I'm already started to study real hard.

Chiong my books.

6 hours non-stop action.

COOL.

6 hours of studying concrete structure. Figuring out how figures are calculated, figuring out how to play with concrete.

50% into my head. (-_-)

Extremely tired now. Tomorrow going school and skipping my lectures.
Friday's hydraulics test - my hydraulics idol's test..!! WhooOo...hhaa..

Oh ya, forget to add this.

This morning, when i came out from my solid waste tutorial, i met my hydraulics tutor. He's my GIP interviewer too. Guess what?

He can still recongise me cos he smiled to me..!!!

AHHHhhHhh.. *faint* *faint*

I have to really do well for this subject. TRY not to be late for his tutorial.

----- End of phase one -------

Had a weird feeling encountered when i was sitting in mrt train from boon lay. Had a weird feeling that someone wanted to do something. Haa..but i shunned off. There's evidence of some obvious signs.

(-_-)

I have decided upon myself to never allow such thing happen. To me, such thing doesn't last long. I am getting pessimistic over such stuff.

(-_-)

I'm busy..more busy again..

BUsy again..

In fact, no, I'm more busy now.

Tests are coming.

hydraulics test this fri.
Concrete structure test next mon.
English literature project consisting of 1000 words next tue.
Water supply test next fri.

O_x

OMG..!!!

Really find it hard to breathe...

arg.....

This semester is really hard to get by.
Miss public duties.

But then I have things at hand.
Tuition jobs...
Studies...

Just these two are enough to keep me busy.. T_T

Anyway I am hired to be a part-time excursion tour guide for KFC's Chicky club's children. The person who contacted me for this job still remembered me as the Protex roadshow's hand-wash educator for kids. He still remembered me as the one who interacted with the kids in the wash-hand game activity. hhaa..me very happy..when i first heard it, I was in tamp mac. So went to the toilet to jump for joy.

Can't help myself. Me too happy.

First, cos initially, the working staff in the roadshow seemed to have underestimated my working ability. Well, cos i'm always looking that blur (can't help..i juz have that face). So i believe i really surprised them with the way how i managed to get the kids engage in that activity.

It's good to feel tat way. =)

Just rejected the interview for my school's GIP (Global Immersion Programme).

Just rejected the interview to go France for my next semester's industrial attachment.

Reason being? Personal reasons.
Calculated risk which I know nothing will turn out good just to pursue my dream of going France.

Still wonder my the one will be thankful and treasure me more for my this last-minute withdrawal from this programme.

Heard the programme is pretisgous. So after rejecting it, still feel kinda a little regretted.

But well, i try to take things at their stride. Afterall, this course has never been what i want to study.

If I were to be given a scholarship to go overseas to study medicine, at all costs, I will go.

But not for this. For my personal reasons, I faltered at the last minute on the day of interview.

The GIP interviewee, who is also my Hydraulics lecturer and tutor, asked me yesterday for the reasons of this sudden withdrawal. He looked kinda concerned but still he encouraged me to do well for exams. Sound kinda comforting to me. But then if I were to go for interview, I have this intuition that I'll be selected.

Anyway it's over. Dun wan think about it so much.

(-_-)

When this incident is over, it seems to me that a friendship has slowly disspated.
I have no idea why. Have an intuition that it's not positive.
Once again, I may learn something from this friendship.

(-_-) (-_-)

Feeling slightly better..

Din study at all yesterday..hha..

It's Sindy's birthday..!!

Happy 21st birthday!! ^^

Only managed to meet them in the evening. And well, took some neoprints. ^^ haha.. =) think i look nice in those photos..whaa...

Went zhijia's house after dinner. Played with Cookie. He's very hyper.. O-o haha..always urging people to play with him..and his mouth is pretty wet, ending up my clothes smell of his saliva..haha..but he's grown. His head's getting bigger.

Haaa..

Anyway tried the hoola loop in her house. haha..finally i know how to do that..!!! yeah..!!! me so happy..cos initially hm was laughing real hard when she initially saw me playing with the hoola loop. The way i hoola was kinda hmmmm..funny...it's really funny..

hhaa...

Deciding to buy a hoola loop. so that i can practise at home. also, dun know why, i can feel my tummy go flatter.

Pyschological flattening?
Or physically flattening?

Haa..dun care la..i'll juz buy one!!! >_<

very tired. very stressed.

only until now, then i have some time to write my bloggie.

Recently, wat have i been doing?

study.

study.

study.

study.

I can almost feel I'm going to explode.

These few days, I have several occassions when i feel like crying.

Realise that i can't.

Have bottled up my stress for a long time.

Yet i dun know how to vent out this stress.

Did feel better after a badminton session on wed. But realise it hasn't removed all my stress..

T_T

i really wan to cry out..

I feel very terrible......

*faInT* *FaInT*

I wanna faint today..haha..

Saw one of my old pri sch friends today..!! ArgGGggGGg..

I wannna faint..

Almost fainted.

hhaa..met him in bedok central with a girl. If i am not wrong, that should be his girlfriend. Glad to know that he has met another girl. But this girl looks different from his ex. This one is more quiet-looking and less active. Looks more suitable for him..haa..but when he saw me, he got stunned there for a moment, making me stun there for a short moment too.

With a waffle in one hand.

A file in another.

And me chewing the waffle.

And I stunned there for a moment.

O_O arrggg...!!

*faint* *faint*

Lucky thing is that I wore better just now. Phew.... =P

He has slimmed down pretty much, compared to when i saw him in junior college (i entered the same sch as him, but different classes). And definitely, he's grown to be more good-looking. haa...he used to my eye-candy in my primary school's years..hhaa..his eyes are pretty nice. but the thing is that he never even greets me at all la.. -_- the same old him still..recognised me yet din acknowledge me.. -__-

HAA..

u may think i've strayed off..hahaa.. NO nO NOoo..I am still in great l_v_ (fill in the letters urself) ..whaahaa..though his eyes are smaller than this pri sch fren's, his have the voltage high enough to make me feel the electric shock...

Ah..!!! i'm electricuted..!! stay a few metres away from me..!! Ah..!! *shock* *shock*

Someone's going to have goose-pimples again. haha..

busy..BUSy..liKe a BeeEzzz..

this is the first week when tutorials have started..

bussssyy..BuzzYyyyy..

already feeling the stress level in me on the first week of tutorials. also busy preparing my students for their tests and exams. T_T

me and my the one have started becoming couple muggers..hahaa..for him, i can understand. cos he has lotsa reading to do. Kanbatte..!!!

juz gotten a new tuition assignment. so in total,i have 4 students at all. One who is preparing her 'N' level exams.. x_o stress sia..

My prescribed elective is cool - "Music, Technology and Novel". Again it's english literature related. hhee..think i'll still prefer taking english literature to chinese literature. As i can express my opinions better in english, though my command of language is not very satisfying. For chinese, i could only write better in narrative works. Anyway, for this elective, i'll be studying "Dracula"and "Dogseater". Think i'll like these two works real lots.

my French language lessons are great too. Not easy to understand when my french teacher speaks too fast. But i love her voice - gentle yet brings out a level of artistic appreciation. Beautiful.. ^^ Well, motivates me to learn french more and better. haha..

but my this voice quality doesn't really suit specking french. japanese suits my voice more - more kawaii, u see.. hhaa..but well, i still love the french language and wanna speak it well.. =)

Miss playing badminton..feeling that i'm gaining weight again.. T_T

badminton, fireworks, HMV

played badminton today.. T_T i played badly today.. sigh.. think i'm tired ba..

Reached esplanade to watch the fireworks with my the one..super crowded..then ended up him being annoyed. din really get a good view site. partly cos tat we reached there late. hmm..but i think next time round, i shall go there alone or with my friends. At that point in time, i juz remembered that he dislikes crowded places a lot. noticed his expression juz now, he doesn't seem to enjoy the whole thingy totally...But well, still, despite the poor view site, i could still see the high level fireworks, especially the finale. The fireworks were simply displayed like nobody's business..!! as if they have too much money to spend..hhaa...

But well, tat's what i love the last part.

Many yet ongoing with high pace. hhaa..

Went to HMV after the fireworks. Saw the 'princess hours' soundtrack album.. T_T have that great urge to buy..!!! T_T goodness me..!! but it's quite costly for me.. sigh... =(

BORING DAY..

thReal boring day today..

Sigh..

Took 2 hrs of nap and watched 3 hrs of the korean drama "princess hours".

Initially wanted to go esplanade watch the singapore fireworks festival. In the end, made up my mind not to go le..

Going alone to watch the fireworks performance. think i'll tear in the end.

initially my the one told me that he's going pubbing with his orientation group mates.

Can't believe it's faster than i expect.

I expect one of the days, he will go such places.

Wat can i do? i can't do much. haiz..sooner or later, he'll change...

But i really want to go to watch the fireworks performance tonight badly. Did try to ask him whether he wants to go but he seems to shrug it off.

That's why even if i were to go alone, think i'll feel very down..wishing him to be there etc..
Should have asked lip yung to go with me, since he's bored today too..hhaa..

But well, my the one decided not to go pubbing. Cos he was asked to make a choice between pubbing and meeting me for breakfast tomorrow. not asked by me. I feel more relieved.
But then, there will be other chances when he will go pubbing.

I never like guys who go clubbing. That's why i'm very scared for him. Scared he will do something behind my back. But wel, juz realise he's wanting pub, not club..*phew*

Paranoid?

Yes i am.

Very paranoid when it comes to this.

So what to do? i juz let him go if one day he's going. For socialising.

HAIZ.

school's started..!!

School's started..me so excited..!! ^^

Really eager to start a brand new school day..cos there's no lab session at all in this semester..!! haha..me so so happy..cos i dun have to have that evil idea of wanting to burn down all labs in my sch..

whahaa...

Reached boon lay's new bus interchange and my school's bus booth is extremely EXTREMELY far away from the mrt station.. o_O

Bad decision-making. Dun they know that this will only increase the 'skipping school' morale in us, the students? Well, cos they've just increased my morale. hee.. >_<

Not my fault...

As usual, late for the 0830 lecture. and of course, i give that "i can't be bothered to be punctual" face. hhaa.. =p

Realised my favourite lecturer teaching us waste water engineering..!! hah..me so happy..!! he's very very cute. Find him looking like Santa Claus. Dun know why i will have such idea. maybe cos he's a foreigner and he has a belly and he looks old..haha.. ^^ so ke ai..!!

My hydraulics lecturer is an interesting person too. He's not physically cute nor good-looking at all. But he can make the whole class listen to him, though there were times when i still dozed off. hhaa..like my this lecturer.. ^^

Realise there are many interesting lecturers around in my sch. There is one who looks like Yu Tian (a tawainese artiste), one who looks like Fei Xiang. I have one hydrology lecturer who has a hairstyle of Einstein and a pair of cute deep jiu wo. haha..

And one more..!! He's my favourite lecturer..!! ^^
To me, he's considered to be quite good-looking and a very good presenter. He used to teach my patch of yr 1 common engineering students nuclear physics. He's always looking very pleasant. I still remembered, I walked past him twice and he smiled at me TWICE..!! ^^ aaahhhh...got electrocuted by his smile..!! hhaa..but too bad, this lecturer's from EEE. o_o

Anyway today's my last day in kumon. Really excited cos i find myself getting bored of working there with little pay.

This semester's timetable is great. No lab. class ends early. Can learn French.

But need to go sch early everyday. 0830 everyday. o_O

Let me see which 0830 lessons to skip..

sch's starting..

school's starting tmr..

Pretty excited.. =)

Been having tough time at home..have not been laughing (including smiling) and crapping with my family for a very long time..often wonder whether my parents actually miss my jokes and non-sensical craps and laughters..

Sigh..dun care much le..

School's starting, giving me excuses not to go home for dinner.

Nowadays, i've been having tough time having dinner with them. I'm like a walking corpse.

-------- (-_-) ------------

Will be going for Red Cross first aid duty's IMF. Feel like going.

There might have riots.

I dun care. That's what i want to be involved.

I'm crazy. probably. But i've been wanting to do this when i was back in HK last yr..

Wanna show my parents that i can take care of myself.

-------------- (-_-) (-_-) ----------------

During a recent gathering with my 4 very good friends, one of them posed a very good question.

"What do you think where you will be after 5 years?"

A question which i no longer have a definite answer to.

When i was in junior collage, i can still answer this question.

"Will be in NUS medicine. Saving people with the medical knowledge i hold dearly. Be a unique doctor to all my patients. Will be taking photos with all my patients. Will be......"

No longer now.

"Maybe i will try again for medicine course. Maybe i will go work as an engineering for 2 years. Maybe i will go NIE take up teaching. Maybe....."

Of course, I enjoy doing first aid duties. But so what? my family is not supporting me at all. my parents dun seem to understand what i actually like. They cannot understand why i like to go for first aid duties.

Arg..dun care liao..

I'm sounding terrible now again..

--------------- (-_-)' (-_-)" (-_-)"' -------------------

Great day..

Great day yesterday.. ^^

initially had a bad tummy ache in the morning. Visited the doctor and well, my stomach's okay. So i gave myself a good excuse to go cycling with lipyung they all..haha..

Cycling is fun cos it''s been a long time since i cycled. haa..met the Northland sec girls there'. they were having sec 3 camp and 2 of these girls recognised me.hhaa..

BBq in the evening. My the one came to attend the bbq and hahaa..guess what? He's the BBQ hero of the night..!! ^^ well, he helped to start the fire twice..!! hey, ppl, must thank him ah..hhaa..but i can't help much with the starting of fire. So, all i can do is juz stand by him, giving moral support and provided him as many welfare services to him as possible. whhaa..'think i'm going to be his personal missy..hahaa..!!! ^^

The chicken wings marinated by ys's mum was fantastic..!! I enjoyed eating them. But think cos my stomach's not fully recovered, i can't eat much too. Feeling nausea later on. Partly due to the marshed otah's paste being bbq...the look of the paste really disgusted me, and made me wanna vomit... x_x

hhaa..anyway the day was great and as for today..!!! i'm going to meet my 4 good good frens..!! haha..so happy..!! going changi village..!! wonder what's that place like...haha.. ^^

My parents're still not talking to me..almost a month of cold war soon..the longest war i've ever had to endure... T_T why can't they juz start talking to me first, esp my dad? is face that that important? -_-

Lessons of Love

hihi, people..!!

here's a little story to all of u, especially those who have been hurt along their way of life..

I apologise for the religious tone in this story, but the crux of this blog is to let you know something about life.

Anyway this is a good story, which i've actually gotten this from an email and had it printed out black and white. So that i could keep it in my wallet and read it whenever i see the need...

Lessons of Love

A ninety-one year old woman died after living a long dignified life. When she met God she asked him something that had long bothered her. If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?

God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. And it is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people, relationships and God. This confused the woman, so God began to explain.

When someone lies to you it teaches you that things are not always as they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know their heart. And remove your own masks to let people know yours.

When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have, for you never know when you might lose it. An dnever, ever take your friends and family for granted because today is the only guarantee you have.

When someone inflicts an injury upon you it teaches you that the human state is a fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best as you can, it's the only thing you are sure to have forever.

When someone mocks you it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, don't judge them by how they look or act; instead base your opinion on the contents of their heart.

When someone breaks your heart it teaches you that loving someone does not mean that that person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together. Times ten.

When someone holds a grudge against you it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is to forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is the most difficult and courageous thing Man can do.

When a loved one is unfaithful to you it teaches you that temptation is Man's greatest challenge. be vigilant in your resistance against all temptation. By doing so you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.

When someone cheats you it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.

When someone ridicules you it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections ever which they have no control.

The woman's curiosity deepening, God once again began to explain.

When someone loves ur it teaches ur that love, kindness, charity, honesty, forgiveness and acceptance can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one less evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.

When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die will your life have resulted in more loving or hurting? More comfort or pain? More joy or saddness? Each one of us has power over the balance of love in the world. use it wisely. Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the world's scale in the right direction.

- The End -

ahhhh chhOOoo chhOooo...

I'm sick..

very sick...

Caught a cold early in the morning..

Nose's running tremendously fast today... T_T

Despite my runny nose, i risked my life to go to the army market to help my buddy get some stuff..haha..hey fishiz buddy!! touched rite? hahaa... =p hhaa..but well, he's my buddy, so haa..i'll help him as much as possible, within my ability..hee ^^

back home after meeting my the one...face felt hot...

Had my body temperature...

uh-oh..i've fever.. x_X noooo...not at this time, pleasee.. T_T think it's not cold i've caught, it's flu...

arggggGG..!!!

I need to ensure i'll get well by tomorrow. i really want to go for the NDP preview. For the past 2 NDP shows, i din manage to watch the grand finale of the fireworks..!!! T_T why? cos i've to attend to cases during that period.. T_T ok, maybe u'll say..watch them from my house..NoooooOO..i dun wan..i wan watch from the stadium... hee..

Really hope everything goes on well tomorrow. Hope nothing goes wrong, especially on the red cross side. Sometimes i'm really tired of handling political stuff. Need to wreck my mini pathetic brain to weigh what ought to be done and said, and always lie LOW...

Have a bad feeling..i'm in high profile in RC now.. x_O arggg...

But i really hope i can get back home fast...early...i wanna make my parents eat their words that i can take care of myself and guarantee them that,"hey i''ve grown up le..."

But well, as u know, they'll always treat me like a kid.. T_T

Nose is still running..hope it's not running marathon though i know marathons' events are coming up...

I need to pray real hard tonightttt...

not a bad day afterall.. =)

Not a bad day today..

mum's talking more to me. hmm..a few instructions. Still a baby's step..

my student din pass her a maths test..!!! arg..!! T_T DEMORALISED LA...!!!

celebrated anniversary with him juz now.. ^_^ wow..i've been with him for a quite long time.. =) but i still like being with him though he's a little 'woody' and not very sensitive..haha..but well, there are important factors in him which i like.. whahhaaaa...

So mushyy...!!! arg...!!!

Anyway hopefully can play one more session of badminton this week...wanna try out my new racket..!! and oh ya, forgot to tell u all something..!!

yesterday, me paired up with my the one to play a match with lip yung n his friend.

The match's initial results - me vs lipyung : 0 - 11

Later, dun know wat had happened..my the one juz scored like nobody's business...

me vs lipyung : 11 - 11 odd.

=) cool rite?

and of course, close match..

and finally my side has won...!!!!! with the results 15 - 13 !!!!

yeah yeah yeah yeah..!! can't imagine can catch up so much...all efforts credited to my badminton hero - the one..!!! hahaa... ^^ =P

but i realised something. everytime when i compete against my the one, i juz cannot perform well. But when i compete against people like lip yung, hahaa...i'm highly motivated and juz feel like smashing the ball at him...since i've learnt how to smack ( haa..though still not good ^^)

hhaaha..dun know why la..maybe i get electrocluted by my the one..whahhaa

feeling better..

feeling better..after the game of badminton..

haha..also listened to one particular Christian song..i feel better..

My buddy FINALLY msg me..hahaa..i feel better too...

also my buddy had consoled me well and i feel better..

My badminton racket is getting a re-string make-over..!! i feel better too..!!!

Wilson taught me smacking skill today..!! master a little but not enough..haha..cos my arm strength is still not good..so haa..me going to start doing push-ups again. Actually Anh taught me before but i juz cannot get it right. But also of course, my footpath is refreshed again. Still not familiar with it..hmm..going to train myself more on it..
hhaa

My racket is getting a re-string and i'm really excited...!!! my tat one brought me to the right shop and i learnt a lot more from the shop owner. He's a badminton player from malaysia. And i believe he's a professional one..haha..

One of the days, i'm going to get a new one. A better one. hahaa..

^^

busy day today...

had a real busy day today..tuition in the early morning..and another one in the afternoon.

Travelling from Pasir Ris all to the Serangoon just for tuition. Ended up myself having no lunch. Basically, i din eat much for almost the whole day.

Haa..can't help it. I'm a workaholic. =p

Bad feeling's coming up in me again. Have a bad feeling i'm losing one friend. Again...sigh......

I really guess I have to learn to reject. Just dun wan myself ending up in a sad mood again...a mood of expectation yet disappointment...

I want to talk to God again. Need to ask Him a few questions. Hope He will show me the way to acceptance and enlightment..

Wonder how are my buddy and Anh have been doing. Din hear anything from them. Dun know whether my buddy has come out from his BMT cos been seeing a few army guys booking out n walking around in Pasir Ris and reminded me instantly of my buddy. He hasn't given me his band's music album -.-

Dun know when Anh's coming back. School's starting soon and he seems not to be back from Vietnam. -.- me wan play badminton with him. Feel like asking him to play with lip yung an wilson when there's a chance. haa...

sigh..siGh..SIGH...

I wanna speak to God again.

miss my SAC life...

Saw Mrs Heng today in sch after the passing out parade. had a bit of chat with her.

I was real excited and happy to see her..!! i was practically jumping and hoping towards her..!! ^^ haa.. ^o^ can't help myself. i was really happy to see her..!!

She's still as motherly and gentle as in the past. ^^ but she seemed to look more tired..feel a bit heart-ache for her..currently, she's still teaching as a part-time teacher for sec 3 and 4 A.maths and E.maths.

And guess what? hee..Mrs Heng still remembers my name..!!!!!!! whahhaaa...me so happy..!! She made my day..!! ^^

And to all my sec 4/7 friends..!! GUEss what..??!!! She still puts our class photos, which we took with her in 4/7 classroom and during the grad nite, on her working desk..!! T_T me so touched...!! n so happy..!! and she mentioned to me that our class is still the best class she has ever taught..!! ^^ haa..cos we always listen to her and will always do the homework she gave to us..!! haa...

Really miss my sec 4/7 class..Mrs Heng, our form teacher..Mr Robb, our hilarious New-Zealand E.maths teacher who always told us to save his homeland's trees..Mrs Boo, our joyful Chemistry teacher...hha..

Miss my sec 4/7 classmates..like Peiying, who sat next to me the whole year..doing all the silly movements eg 'row the boat' , giving each other weird nicknames like 'siew ya (roast duck)' and 'siew rou (roast meat)', physics's Fleming Left Hand Rule to become sticks for fishballs..whaahaa...and me teaching her cantonese when we were suppposed to be preparing for 'O' level chinese..haa..

Really miss those days..

happy n sad..arg..dilemma of feelings..

on 21st july 2006,

racial harmony day,

i had my oath taken solemnly.

With a little giggle though. =p giggled a little when i read the last few statements of the oath. I can't help it..!! T_T

It's kinda weird to take my oath in front of the lady commission of oath, in front of the two photos, and the flag. The whole environment was kinda weird, awkward, i would say. =p Well, of course, i was pretty excited cos i've renounced my british-hong kong citizenship and now took this solemn oath as a singaporean. hmm..pretty a significant day to me. =)

Attended SAC's passing out parade this afternoon. My girls were utterly nervous when they received the rank from the principal. haa..a lot of hilarious mistakes made from them..!! haa..but the passing over of positions was not very well-done, especially the passing over of the president appointment.

*shake head* i started to get worried for the future of my girls. T_T

The whole parade brought back my old memories. All my achievements i had in SAC, in sjab, especially...

1998:
- Appointed as my class's class monitor. (in fact, i volunteered myself to be one. dun know how i got the courage)
- Joined sjab cos there's no red cross in SAC. still, to me, made no difference as long as i could learn more first aid skills.

1999:
- Appointed once again to be the class monitor. (this time, voted by my classmates..haa..)
- Tremendous improvement in maths ever since i had joined my tuition teacher Mr Kelvin Ng's lessons. =) really grateful to him.
- Almost every maths test, I topped the class. =)
- Final year exam, i was ranked fifth of the whole sec 2 level in the Final year's Science paper. =)
- Got into my dream class - the only Triple Science class, sec 3/7 =)

2000:
- Appointed to be the class vice-chairman
- Often topped the class for my A maths's tests. =)
- Initially signed for SJAB zone 3's Basic Leadership Course (BLTC). But after the selection and interview, I was recommended to go for Advanced Leadership Course (ALTC). Basically, i've jumped course. =) with only a rank of a private.
- Awarded to be the ALTC's Best Cadet Award. Only with a rank of a private. =) this, i'm real proud of myself.
- During SAC's passing out parade, I was awarded to be the Sec 3's Best Cadet Award.
- At the same time, I was appointed to be SAC SJAB's vice-president cum secretary. this, i'm really happy.
- For my sec 3 term 2 semester, I scored full marks for all my A.Maths tests.
- So, I topped the whole sec 3 level for A.Maths. =)
- In SAC's Achievers' Night, awarded 'Leadership' award and 'A.Maths top-scorer' award.

2001:
- Represented SAC for National Pen Chinese Calligraphy Competition. But din win. haa..
- Represented SAC for National Chinese Composition Competition. Din win again. whaa..
- Got double-promotion in SAC passing out parade. =)
- A tremendous jump from prelims' 17 points to 'O' levels' 9 points.
- English literature -> prelims' B4 to 'O' A1
- English -> prelims' C6 to 'O' B3
- At that point, I really thank God for this. Din really expect myself to do this well. Really thank Him for His blessing.
- Entered my dream JC, Temasek Junior College. =)

I love my SAC life. =)

okay day today...

A okay day today...

Went to british high commissi0n today. Ended up catching in the wonderful rain with my umbrella. Caught the right bus in a wrong route direction.

But lucky me, have my stuff done. =)

Almost done.

Love rainy days. But not today. Cos my poor feet had been soaked with rainwater in the morning. -.-

Kinda miss my the one. Din really get to see him during these 5 days. Somemore, tmr's NDP and on sun i can only meet him for a few hours. ARgg...!! And right now, at 1245 and in a few minutes' time when i'm expecting his phone, i'm slacking my night off. He had slept exceptionally early due to his domestic matters. sigh..and guess what?

I MISS HIM LOTS..!!! T_T

Think i'm love-sick...sigh...

Love being with him these few years though there were times of disagreements and misunderstanding. He possesses almost every quality which i'm looking for my mr right. Though he is kinda 'woody', i'm glad that he makes effort in reassuring me in this r/s. but sigh...i dun dare to think of the future though. Sometimes, when the same problem is mentioned, i juz have this bad feeling coming up. sigh..anyway i try my best not to think about it and think positively. Maybe i may tend to sound a little technical here, but well, he, my this choice, not only fits most my requirements, but also i feel i've made the right choice to be with him. And i count myself real lucky, provided i choose him solely on how he carries himself in front of his friends and that he din really make real obvious efforts of 'chase'. whaha...

haa..think DLY is going to have goose-pimples again..whaa..anyway me dun care..!! xp


Anyway me juz feel like writing these down..and somehow, think it's time for me to have a quiet time, thinking about people around me.....

NE show tomorrow, later still needs to read up on my first aid manual (juz in case). but gee..maybe tmr morning i can get to see him for jogging and for breakfast..!! really hope he'll wake up early...really hope he'll happily surprise me tmr morning..

Have not been hearing anything from my buddy who is stuck in the local tropical 'jungle'. wonder how he is now...

also, wondering when Anh's coming back..i want play badminton with him..and want to learn more skills from him..

Another quotes of the day..

"We would think a man insane who, instead of covering his house with a roof and putting windows in his window frames, goes out in stormy weather, and scolds the wind, the rain, and the clouds. But we all do the same when we scold and blame the evil in other people instead of fighting the evil which exists in us. It is possible to get rid of the evil inside of us, as it is possible to make a roof and windows for our house. This is possible. But it is not possible for us to destroy evil in this world, just as we cannot order the weather to change and the clouds to disappear. If, instead of teaching others, we would educate and improve ourselves, then there would be less evil in this world, and all people would live better lives.

Do not be embarrassed by your mistakes. Nothing can teach us better than our understanding of them. This is one of the best ways of self-education."
- THOMAS CARLYLE

"When people wanted to kill a bear in the ancient times, they hung a heavy log over a bowl of honey. The bear would push the log away in order to eat the honey. The log would swing back and hit the bear. The bear would become irritated and push the log even harder, and it would return and hit him harder in return. This would continue until the log killed the bear. People behave in the same way when they return evil for the evil they receive from other people. Can't people be wiser than bears?

You should respond with kindess toward evil done to you, and you will destroy in an evil person that pleasure which he derives from evil.

The true teaching of love is strong; it kills evil before evil can grow and beome powerful."

Read the same book again yesterday and only have the time today to write. Find these two quotes to be very meaningful and necessary. Hatred often occupies a certain portion in our hearts. Many often, when we do not sit down peacefully and reflect calmly with rationality, we are often blindfolded by the truth of evil. As a result, as the saying goes,"an eye for an eye" or at worst situations, "few eyes for an eye". It is tough to forgive and forget and it is tough to refrain ourselves from taking our so-called revenge.

This is human nature. Or I should say,

This is the animalistic nature in humans.

Anyway, lucky thing i managed to contact one of my frens who is from hk. Have very urgent important stuff to ask. Phew..i'm real relieved that i could get through her in short time and she really helped me a real deal lots. Very grateful to her. =) i have decided that i have to help her as much as possible, to the best of my ability, whenever she needs help from me.

Btw, i feel the need to pray for my friends, especially some of them.

A Calendar of Wisdom...by Leo Tolstoy

Recently have the time to go the library and borrow some books. =)

Been a long time since i read my favourite reading materials.

Philosophy - that's one of my reading subjects.

Borrow this book "A Calendar of Wisdom" written by Leo Tolstoy. This book was said to be written and selected from the world's sacred texts and it seems to me that this author was a renowned one (dun "play-play" ah..).

Anyway found some of the quotes very interesting and meaningful. So selectively select my favourite quotes:

"The difference between real material poison and intellectual poison is that most material poison is disgusting to the taste, but intellectual poison, who takes the form of cheap newspapers or bad books, can unfortunately sometimes be attractive."

"The life of a person without faith is the life of an animal."

"Kind people help each other even without noticing that they are doing so, adn evil people act against each other on purpose."

"Put at least half of your energy into making yourself free of empty wishes, and very soon you will see that in so doing you will receive much greater fulfillment and happiness."
- After EPICTETUS

"No matter how many times you aim to achieve victory over your passions, do not give up. Every effort weakens the power of passion and makes it easier to gain victory over it."

"The kinder and the more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness he can find in other people."

"The higher the position you occupy among other people, the more humble you should be. Many people live in height and glory, but the mysteries of this world can be revealed only to those who are humble. Do not seek out complication. Treat your duty with respect. Do not study what you should not. More things have already been revealed to you than you can understand."
- From APOCRYPHA

"Remember all the bad things which you have done, and try to avoid doing bad things again. Remembering only your good deeds will interfere with your doing good in the future."

"People live by love: love for yourself is the beginning of death; love of other people and of God is the beginning of life."

hmm.

Badminton session is also great. Wilson is real good. Well, after all he's a school team player, so haa..certain level of standard needs to be there. hhaa..but well, today played with my the one, wilson and daliyong. Good game. My backhand serving has shown improvements and today i managed to play slightly better. but well, still lost badly to wilson and daliyong. Totally destroyed by wilson. haa.. =p but my service was not done well today and my light serving as well.

long time never play with anh now. wonder how he is in his hometown, vietnam. When school re-opens, i must get to play with him.

not going to see my the one for this whole week. =( sigh..important domestic matters at hand...

Ne show this coming sat. Need to wear the no-rank rc uniform. hopefully it has been done by fri.

Finally have uploaded more cosy bay's photos on friendster. funny ones. please dun laugh too hard though. hahaa..

thanks..people... =)

Thanks ling..thanks for telling me..i feel more at ease now..thanks really a lot.. =) i love u all guys..!! hahaa.. xP

But of course, the detachment people are treating me well. Yesterday, if it wasn't for this deteachment friend, I really have no idea what to do. The chairman is very nice too. He really cares for his detachment members and i heard from this friend that he was asked by the chairman to take good care of me, making sure that i'll not be pushed around. And this detachment friend was really very helpful and took great care of me. So thankful that I join the right detachment. =)

Anyway i love my sjab zone 3. Start to love them even lots. haa..i'm really very touched. Will put in my best effort. =)

Yes..!! tomorrow's playing badminton..!! i'm so so happy..!! but my right arm is aching badly ( cos i use this arm to support the casualty's full body weight), wonder how i will fare playing. The badminton kakis are back together again..!! ^^

utterly pissed off in the day, challenging at the end...

my pants issue is solved. Managed to buy it but the cutting is not very nice. But well, i dun care..

Utterly pissed off in the beginning of the whole duty. when i reached rhouse, things are not arranged properly. Everyone is very scattered and there is no actual meeting area in the hq.

Next, my pass is not done, and i have to do a temporary pass. -_- n heard fr my fren there that things are pretty political. To me, it seems that politics are more prominent. Sigh....

Next thing, reached the stadium. messy meSSY MESSy....disOrGaNISED..DISorganised..

that's all i want to say. Things which could be done in the hq are done there, which seems to cause the whole thing to be disorganised and look last-minute.

Talking about last minute, heard that things are well-planned initially, but implementation of the planning is not fully carried out. last-minute changes are done and my detachment fren was being pushed around by the duty committee.

Not just that, i was very unhappy about some attitudes from one member in the committee. One first aider from another detachment and i were sitting on a bench when she came forward to us. she wanted us to move away cos they will be having a meeting. The problem is that she can't put the message across nicely, and it seems like she's looking down on us. -_- so wat she's an officer?! no customer service. At that point in time, i dislike her a lot and find her to be a very ugly person. =( phmf, yes,i am very angry.

Ok, next, the arrangement of where my detachment fren and i are supposed to stand. Think cos of political issue, or watsoever personal issue, our names are cancelled off without our permission..!! what crap!! =( yes, i'm angry again.

Anyway the whole thing is utterly disorganised and i am very disappointed with the high-level management. Utterly disgusted, pissed, disappointed..!!! At one particular point in time, i've this strong urge of writing to the newspapers. But well, i restrained my utter disappointment. Also, at that point in time, i really miss my zone's ppl badly..cos in their hands, i know and i trust them that they can do things much much better. y do i say so? cos i've been through ndp duty with them last yr, and they've done a very great job in managing ppl and organising things.

and of course, i'm not condemning the committee totally. In fact, my detachment fren has been very very helpful. he knows i need to get a pass and almost bugs the duty chairperson every time he saw him. he really takes a very good care of me this political amateur cum political idiot.

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. When the duty was almost ending, cases stepped in and i was involved in one. A challenging one. Hypertension case. Spent a great deal reassuring the casualty in getting her to resume normal breathing. She's basically struggling in great pain and was yelling and crying. Tough one. Anyway realised she has great phobia for medical-related stuff. Also got her relative to do a great deal of reassurance. Lucky she's around, cos it'll make things done more effectively n efficiently. Afterall, casualty will feel more reassured when the relative does the job. Spent almost 2 hrs on reassuring the casualty. phew.

Learnt that a casualty really does not need juz the medical treatment, but an important yet insignificant thing is that, he needs emotional and mental treatment. But really glad that i can get to handle a case, juz there are many times when i can't have the chance if there is. Anyway i am really glad that the casualty is feeling so much better and has gone home safely. =)

Saw hp and jh today. jh jokingly said something which hurts me a lot. Really a lot. I join red cross juz because i wanna to be exposed to more first aid experiences, and very often i feel stressed when giving treatment with my rank on. with no rank at all, i feel that i might be able to practise first aid with ease cos i know very well that i've poor first aid experiences and do not excel in it. with my rank on, i am very worried that if i can't treat a casualty, the cadets will start to question my rank and capability. but still, i wan to be with my zone 3 ppl. Afterall, i feel more at ease with them. Know them longer and definitely a certain level of ties is there n i really love being with them. Also, st john has taught me a lot stuff and groom me well. but i really hope they can understand me and not condemn me (if there is).

stress..stress..

stress.......STRESS.....

need to get a pair of dark blue pants by 1300 later...!!! arg...i din know it's compulsory to wear them!!! sigh...lucky thing daliyong has helped me find out whether tampi sells dark blue pants. Well, i'm not going to care so much about the gender of the pants. I juz wanna buy n wear..!!!

This is terrible..dark blue pants are so hard to find... =(

Anyway i'm really stressed up now..dun know whether i can really buy my ideal pants...sigh...

So right now, i'm feeling stressed up now n am trying to find people online to play msn minesweeper game with me now...

and of course, writing this blog..

basically,i'm stressed..stressed..STRESSED...!!!!!!!!!

hmm...

Feeling affected recently.

Been feeling tat i've not been a very good gf to him. A terrible one. Feel myself to be too conservative and narrow-minded, overly suspicious lady these few days. Paranoid, as well. As a result, ended up myself getting into troubles and problems. :(

well, anyway as i say, new challenges will be coming up. I have to make myself to be more accustomed to the future changes. I believe I will lose to some challenges but well, I just do my utmost best to face them.

Sometimes, i wonder how i could be more open-minded n less suspicious. Do have ideas to make myself to be as busy as possible - but that's a short-term solution, isn't it?

Any suggestion?

Be going for this sat's ndp red cross first aid coverage. might meet my sjab frens. hope they'll not be stunned or anything...i juz scare they've misunderstood my intention. cos i juz want to be exposed to as many first aid coverages as possible, in order to upgrade my first aid skill. red cross is my first pri cca which intro me to first aid and cultivate the passion within me, sjab is my cca which trains me more on first aid, nursing, leadership and personal development.

if were to ask me to choose only one, i'm sorry i can't.

cos both are my teachers of my life.

if weren't these two CCAs, there will not have a today's me.

feeling better..

i'm feeling better.

After a wonderful game of badminton and non-stop action of 5 hrs ktv with my 2 other friends.

Somehow, have this feeling that my r/s is moving on to another stage of challenge.

Kinda nervous though...hmm..

Recently, dun know wat's wrong with me. My emotions are almost fluctuating. Arg..terrible...I'm paranoid again...!!!!!!!!

ARGGGgggGGggGg..!! x_X

I'm crapping again...

-_________-

Disliked today.

Feel terribly cheated.

By one of my friends.

Can't believe me got cheated again.

By the same friend.

Something which i can't understand - why can't tell me that plan B has been carried out successfully? and left me this stupid idiot to carry on plan A?

Utterly hurt. Yet a word of apology is not said at all.

Well, i've carried out my plan B too. A subtle one though.

An act of so-called pre-planned revenge?
An act of mental and emotional preparations?
Probably.
Yet it brings out the true colour in this friend. I only know I'm utterly terribly disappointed.

Been feeling cheated these few days.

I can't bring myself to trust guys to a greater extent anymore.
That's why if my this relationship were to end one day, I do not wish to be attached so soon.
One, I dun want the other party to feel that he's just a substitute.
Two, I can't bring myself to trust guys more than in the past.

I know I always look dumb and easily to be cheated. But why take advantages? I put my whole heart to trust a person just because I always have faith in human nature and I always want to behold this faith. To me, I believe no one is completely evil. It's just that the circumstances and ever-changing self-belief and mis-trust bring one to the dark side.

Forced circumstances have drawn me to the darker side.

But dun fret, I'm still holding my faith.

As what I've learnt from my religious lessons in SAC - Forgive and Forget.

Liberated.. =)

Liberated.

From the death of boredom..

=) Nice.

Utterly bored during these 2 days. Watson store was utterly miserably boring. The products which i was asked to sell were almost overshadowed by their competitor products.

-_- terrible.

As a result, i was miserably demoralised. Keeping mum for almost 8 hrs.

I've great tolerance for silence. =]

But of course, he came to visit me. N i was quite affected by some stuff.

Not his fault.

Greed clouds my rationality and trust.

-_- Detest Greed my accompliance.

Anyway saw an old classmate in Watson while i was working. It's Bernard - my classmate who was in the same class as me in TPJC for the first 3 months..!! Goodness me..he's now working as a policeman..!!! ahh..i was very surprised and i was almost staring at him..haa..he caught my eyes but din seem to recognise me.. -_- stupid..anyway he's still as good-looking as ever..whahhaa...well, can say tat frankly over here since he does not have any means of telecommunication from me..if he knows this, i can tell that he will freak out..!! haha..cos i strongly believe n know that i'm not his type of girl. Anyway i'm not very physically appealing, so hhaa..yup..shall not make any further comment. Or else i'll feel depressed about myself again..

Sigh..also, it seems that i'm still not confirmed that i'm going for ndp duty..crap..

Many times, i really detest the sensation of uncertainty and insecurity.

It's suffocating to my emotions.

bored...but busy..

i'm bored..

At the same time, I'm busy too...

Din really have a good rest today..sigh..woke up late in the morning, then ended up cancelling the jogging session with HM..hha..can't go orchard today, ended up have to wake up early to go to the agency just to get one silly time sheet.. -_- SIANN...

Just gotten my tuition work pay..yet, i've to use it to pay for my phone bills.. -_-

SIAN...

Next, i've to start to purchasing a present for one of my frens..arg...might have to spend quite an amount on it.. T_T

Heart-Ache...

Working again as the 'Colgate girl' later in the day..in Parkway again..but this time, in Watson..haha..

Phew...

Then again, SIAN ahh...

Will be super bored later at work. Nothing to look forward after work. He might not be visiting me, and thus, not much motivation. Not just that, later in the day, there's SYF first aid coverage...and cos of work, i can't go...!!!

T_T arg....HEART-BREAKING...!!! *crack crack crack*

Have submitted my resignation letter..my mind is set and has been set.

Have to move on now...

Feeling very sian now..real sian..REAL REAL SIAN..

Slog for so long..yet my earnings are almost equivalent to his. =(
well, wat can i do? his results are there, so can negotiate for higher wage.

Sigh, reality... =(

Envy my fren who can work for his passion...always been busy but always have the chance to get close to his passion..

Really envy him...

School's starting in a few weeks' time, and i dun really look forward to it. Thank goodness, no more lab..i detest lab..detest the cold environment..besides, i'm studying this course for the sake of getting a degree. Passion? Na..not much. Unless they are willing to send me to New Zealand or other European countries to study about water..hhaa...

Hope i can get a class slot to study French...wanna go Paris one day, sit in a road-side cafe, drink coffee, and juz slack there like nobody's business.....and when i go from place to place, i can ride my bicycle, enjoying the cool breeze, the scenery and smell the flowers when i ride past them...

wWoooowOWw...i wan this kind of life.... ^^

Ok,i'm night-dreaming now... -_-

Cosy Bayy...

Went to Cosy Bay with my 4 good good frens..!!! ahaa..had a lot of fun there..the food is nice and the scenery near the Kallang river is simply glamorous...!! We also had lots of fun taking photos..especially corny funny photos..haha..will post them on friendster...!! haha..

Got a bouquet of flowers, a t-shirt and an elephant soft toy from them..love the soft toy especially..and we call it "Kolopok" (Prawn crackers in Hokkien). haha...cos it has ears which are so big and look like kolopok..!! Real cute..!!!

The night scenery is really fabulous and the breeze is simply cooling. Just feel like recommending this to him so that we can go there...hhaa..but well, i know it's impossible to go there with him. Traveling time matters and the mood is really romantic and he will not want to go there...hhaa..yup, tat's him..a practical him....

Got letters from all of them..and the messages inside are simply sweet..!! Will keep them well, definitely..hhaa..and well, i've gotten them a letter each too..haha..read and misunderstood my fren's instructions..haha..and ended up writing letters for everyone..!! haha...me blur liao..haha..

WoooOO..really can't wait for the photos we took in Cosy Bay, especially those on the bridge...

haha.. >_<

And oh ya..before i forget...!! I was told by my collegeaues and one of the kindergarten teachers that i was on TV on the day of Protex's press conference - the one where i work to educate kids on hand hygiene. I was on TV..!! haa..but too bad, i din have a chance to record. haha..

Clean Hands, Good Health..

Realise it's not selling colgate nor teaching kids about brushing teeth..hhaa..

It's all about washing hands...!! ^^

haha..Initially the staff from the company thought that i was those who can't work well. haha..but they are wrong..!! well, they have judged ppl by their covers!! basically, they saw the sian sian look of me - the just-wake-up-not-long-ago look.hhaa..

Anyway I was in charge of a particular station which requires some interactions with the nursery or kindergarten kids. And well, I managed to get them really and fully enjoying themselves in the interaction activity. They were so hyper-excited..!! Their excitement was fully contagious..!! I was so motivated by their enthuasiam that I almost forgot that i am 21 yrs old now..!! haa..It was real fun with the kids..!!

However, those kids can be quite scary too. They can fight over things, including girls.. o_O i was kinda devastated..haa..

The press was here today to attend the press conference. Cameras were almost everywhere n i kinda detest it. Well, the one told me that he saw a little of me on tv..haha..but i din get to watch the news myself. but well, me can't be bothered, cos i scare of looking at myself on national tv. haa..

Noticed how the roadshow was done. Kinda last-minute thingy. And from this event, I learn that last-minute stuff has to be avoided as much as possible. I even heard from one staff that she was staying in tampines mall setting up the booth till 5 am. o_O goodness me..!! If I were the leader, I'll try not to ask them to work so late. Late-night work is bad for health, in a long-term investment.

Cos of last-minute, the person in-charge seemed to be having bad headache. I have learnt something again. Avoid as many last-minute stuff as possible. Cos i dislike getting headaches juz for the sake of last-mintue planning.

In overall, many staff from this comapny praised me for doing an excellent job in getting the kids to participate fully. haha..they even said that i'm good at handling kids..!!! haha...

But well, i can handle kids when they are nice and orderly. When chaos come, nothing can stop the kids....

hahaa...

Clean Hands, Good Health..

Realise it's not selling colgate nor teaching kids about brushing teeth..hhaa..

It's all about washing hands...!! ^^

haha..Initially the staff from the company thought that i was those who can't work well. haha..but they are wrong..!! well, they have judged ppl by their covers!! basically, they saw the sian sian look of me - the just-wake-up-not-long-ago look.hhaa..

Anyway I was in charge of a particular station which requires some interactions with the nursery or kindergarten kids. And well, I managed to get them really and fully enjoying themselves in the interaction activity. They were so hyper-excited..!! Their excitement was fully contagious..!! I was so motivated by their enthuasiam that I almost forgot that i am 21 yrs old now..!! haa..It was real fun with the kids..!!

However, those kids can be quite scary too. They can fight over things, including girls.. o_O i was kinda devastated..haa..

The press was here today to attend the press conference. Cameras were almost everywhere n i kinda detest it. Well, the one told me that he saw a little of me on tv..haha..but i din get to watch the news myself. but well, me can't be bothered, cos i scare of looking at myself on national tv. haa..

Noticed how the roadshow was done. Kinda last-minute thingy. And from this event, I learn that last-minute stuff has to be avoided as much as possible. I even heard from one staff that she was staying in tampines mall setting up the booth till 5 am. o_O goodness me..!! If I were the leader, I'll try not to ask them to work so late. Late-night work is bad for health, in a long-term investment.

Cos of last-minute, the person in-charge seemed to be having bad headache. I have learnt something again. Avoid as many last-minute stuff as possible. Cos i dislike getting headaches juz for the sake of last-mintue planning.

In overall, many staff from this comapny praised me for doing an excellent job in getting the kids to participate fully. haha..they even said that i'm good at handling kids..!!! haha...

But well, i can handle kids when they are nice and orderly. When chaos come, nothing can stop the kids....

hahaa...

Another post on the same day..hhaa..

Juz writing this now..haha..in the weeee hrs of the night..hhaa..

It've 3yrs n 9 mths ever since i am attached to him - the one...

Time flies real fast and the relationship is still going strong. =) i am glad.

I know very clearly why i like him in the first place and all this while. I am told by my buddy that i am quite a technical person. But to me, this technical personality in me is always the angel to treasure this relationship well.

As the time grows, i grow, he grows. My personalities have changed greatly ever since the release of my 'A' level results. My eyes are more open to the reality and my heart detests the sight. My perceptions change with the reality and my hands can't mould them back. Depression and paranoid often seep into the drain of my heart and drown the chambers of heart. Rescuitation is required constantly to revive it from cardiac arrest.

At some occasions, a by-pass operation is required to clear the hard-core cholesterol-filled cardiac arteries.

The surgeons of the operation - my frens, my family and most importantly him - the one.

* =) cool..someone is going to puke again...

Got a Hamtaro miniature toy from my that one..!! yeah..me so happy..!! another 21st birthday present..!! a Hamtaro toy..!! haha.. ^^

*anyway announcement to be made here. my that one wishes to be called 'THE ONE'..remember ppl, especially one particular fren of mine, pls call him 'THE ONE'...

hhaa..

Anyway of course, yesterday lip yung went to visit me at the Giant store and treated me 'Scoop' ice-cream cone..!! yeah..!!! me so happy..!!! Another 21st birthday present..!! An ice-cream..!!! ^^ but the ice-cream girl was kinda biased...she scooped more for him though it's supposed to be me having the 21st birthdat treat.. -_- haha..

Today's last day in Giant selling Colgate..yeah..!! me so happy..!! Few eventful things happened...

1st most eventful one was that one member from the Giant staff came forward to me and asked for my number. I did give it to him so as to save his face from any public embarrassment, but the next day, i msg him very frankly that i do not wish to know him further anymore. I know i'm very mean. In fact, this is my first time to be so mean to a guy. but well, i feel he deserves it cos he's done things which totally disgust and freak me out.

i dislike being freaked out. i'll be in subtle panic attack.

Next few eventful things were that a few of my frens came visit me. hhaa..basically was to pass me some stuff etc..hha..anyway at least their brief appearances kills my boring days. haa..

The best achievement i ever get from working in Giant was that within 5 working hrs, i could sell 76 Total 12 toothpaste and 13 360-degree toothbrush..!! haha..i was real proud of myself. haha..

But feel pretty sad that i have to work in the same store for 3 weekends. Left me with reducing challenges. haha..sorry, i love challenges in my work. But please, never to my relationship with 'THE ONE'..haha.. =p

Dislike fighting with other ladies over him. It hasn't happen yet. but i know i'll dislike. All along, i've low confidence in myself.

oh ya..almost forget..me have gotten a t-shirt from my scout fren, it's the camp t-shirt and the design on the back of the shirt is very nice..!!! considering to wear to school one of the days..haha..

Also, me gotten a handphone pouch from him..haha..juzt nice when i have lost my handphone pouch during the scout camp.hee..kinda girlish though..but well, since it's from him, i juz use it. =)

But still thanks for all the presents and the wishes...all these have made my day. It's not glamourous but i enjoyed its simplicity..

=)

^^ i'm 21 le..

i'm 21 le...haha..thank u everyone for all ur wishes..!!

Anyway let me first talk about yesterday's thingy. hee..went to my fren's scout camp to help him in his district's first aid assessment. hmm..did lotsa waiting cos of the delay in the camp's programs. But was a little disappointed tat i can't give the junior scouts a de-brief on their first aid skills, cos i feel the need to let them learn from their mistakes. however, i am kinda guilty that i think i've been kinda harsh on my fren's juniors. Really a bit guilty n i dun have the chance n courage to tell him my guilt..hope he doesn't mind.. o_O i have to learn to be less harsh, i guess..

Leaving the camp mentally and emotionally tired, i ended up my eve of 21st birthday with dozing off in bed unknowingly..anyway, zhijia was the first one to call me at midnight sharp..haha..followed by him..haha..but cos i dozed off last night, din manage to talk to him..kinda guilty..

Well, my 21st birthday started off with my tuition work, then went to meet him. Initially during the meet-up with him, i was kinda disappointed cos he told me that we might have to go home early and tat he doesn't seem to be very excited in celebrating my birthday. Well, i can understand la, he din sleep early last night, so ended up waking up late and tired. But in the end, i still get to go home slightly later. The whole day was basically short.

In overall, the day was pretty okay but i was really glad that many ppl msg me to wish me a happy birthday n there are unexpected ppl whom i have received message from..really glad..but a bit disappointed tat my buddy seems to not know that my birthday is today. But well, aiya, it's okay to me..cos he's in BMT now, so will tend to forget..

Regarding presents i've received, not many though..but i was already happy le..cos i hardly receive presents from friends. The very first presents i've received was from one of my frens who went for Cambodia's medical aid and had bought some local stuff from there. Pretty interesting gifts. hee..next was a birthday cake bought by my SAC juniors, third was tat i first received red packets from my parents. Forth, was a pure gold key-shaped pendant with a heart shape attached, given from him.

Though all these are not within my wanted list, i am already very glad that i still get to receive presents. ^-^

In fact, the most valuable gifts are the birthday wishes i've received from most of my frens. Two frens who are in overseas now, will still remember my birthday and message me. I am really touched. Also, my tat one will still remember my birthday..cos i've been thinking he's kinda forgotten about it due to the fact that he's been preoccupied with his project...

Anyway, here's my wanted list, since my birthday's over le..hhaa

1) To get a few classical literature books eg. "Pride and Prejudge" by Jane Auston, "Les Miserable", "Little Prince", "Protrait of a Lady" etc..

2) A biography of my favourite artist - Leonardo da Vinci. Regarding his life, his art pieces, his achievements.

3) A Siberian Husky puppy

4) To have my ears pierced

5) A necklace (cos i'm always wearing the same old one)

6) A medical book on advanced first aid and probably nursing.

7) To slim down (cos i need to compete with the ladies in FASS n in the law faculty..ok..crap i'm talking..)

8) To be able to help out more in the first aid aspects in SJAB n Red Cross

9) To be able to be enrolled in Singapore's Children Society

10) A bicycle ( Love cycling from one place to another, while admiring the scenery n enjoying the breeze)

11) A professional camera (still have to read up more on selecting a good one)

12) "ER" drama series CD package

13) "Forrest Gump" movie disc (non-priated)

14) "Braveheart" movie disc (non-priated)

15) To be a KK hospital volunteer to the terminally ill kids

16) Birthday wishes from my friends

17) A bag (not handbag)

18) To get the books titled "Rules of Management" and "Rules of Life"

19) To gain more medical knowledge

20) To improve my drawing and painting skills

hmm..okay..haha..think tat's all..haha.. =P

camp finally ended...

Camp finally ended..really miss my bed and my shower room soooo muccchhh..

hahaa..

The camp has been pretty tiring to me. Physically and mentally. but i know that this will be my last camp i have with the girls. Sad? hmm..a little. Probably because i just have this strong feeling that it's time for me to really move on in life...it's time for the new batch of leaders to lead the girls.

but i've learnt much from the camp though it's only 3 days 2 nights. Once again, i see more situations on leadership and definitely enjoyed some personal leadership experiences. but somehow i realise myself to be more demanding on my NCOs. Maybe i've been too cadets-orientated and been overly strict and insensitive on my NCOs' welfare...sigh..

But one thing which makes me happy was that i could persuade one of my sec 1 cadets to be more outgoing and sociable. The results may be insignificant but i could see her putting in efforts in trying to socialise more with her friends. She is a very shy lady and i was glad that she could actually talk to me about how she felt and why she was feeling negatively. hmm..probably cos she feels that i could seem to read what she's actually thinking, so more willing to speak up..heehee..

Will be working for Colgate next week. Again..hahaaa..will be working in tampines mall, as an oral health educator for the kids. hee..me so excited...haahaa..

-.-

hmm..kinda disappointed today..

probably the day which i have been thinking to be joyful is forgotten, listed in the last-to-remember agenda in one..

anyway away from this disappointment for the time being.

Kinda envy one of my frens. He has gotten his ideal job which corresponds with his interest and passion. Sigh..so good..cos i know i can't gotten to where i want to be in anymore. I've kinda given up hope.

Too bad.

The world has been all along that cruel and realistic.

feeling kinda bothered today..dun know why..

hmm..somehow i juz wanna move on as soon as possible..somehow i'm kinda sick and tired of some parts and parcels of my life.

I know i wan move on, and i have to move on...

Or maybe i really have grown up..

well, obviously, it has to be in terms of mental and emotion aspects.

Din grow much at all throughout these few years..

Besides that i have grown ONE (1) cm taller.. -_-

anyway yup..seen and hear more..more conscious about my own actions. And at times, kinda dislike myself possessing the reality of human nature.

I wanna move away from the darkness of human nature.

Have to get out of that tunnel.

SOON.


or maybe not.

i still have a long way to go in life, and things will be tougher for me to get out.

Sigh.

Really hope Singapore Children's Society replies me soon.

Start liking to hang out with kids sometimes.

cos they can be the sweetest of all, the most innocent of all,
but can be the most devastating of all.

tired.... T_T

my toes are super tired today..

started my work today as a toothpaste and toothbrush promoter..wore my newly bought high heels shoes...n gotten myself blisters on both toes...!!! T_T

PAIN...TIRED........!!!!

but working as promoter is pretty nice experience..haha..

hmm..wat else should i say..? ogh ya..!!!

Notice today a lot of mixed race couples - Asian ladies n European men...Kinda realised that many asian ladies are not very physically attractive n yet Eurpoean men would like them..!! Somehow or rather, maybe i should be attached to european men too..whahaha..!!! -.-

Dun worry, my feelings for my that one still holds strong n DEEPp...

*hahaa..one of my fren will puke..haha..*

sigh...expected... =(

Gotten back my results...

This time, i'm not as lucky as the previous time..The subjects which i'm worried most, really are within my expectations..

Of course i've passed all...but i'm not happy with the results this time...

but i've to accept it..i've neglected my studies a lot least semester. Such results have to be expected, given that i only use one month's time, to catch up all these subjects..

Expected..i've to face the music...

Anyway this coming semester, i've decided to foscus more on my studies. SAC stuff, i will put it across during that whole semester, as it's the main cause of my results...So, in the upcoming semester, i've to juggle well with NDP first aid coverage, my tuition works and my studies...

My over-confidence leads to my downfall...
Again...

I HAVE TO WORK HARD...AND WORK SMART...!!!

KANBATTE...MANSZE SAN...!!!

Bad day..

I'm having a bad day...

Again...

I was supposed to help out in Red Cross's first aid coverage duty. But when i went to the Hq, i realised that the ambulance had left without me..!! i was punctual for the reporting time..but...they juz left...

This duty was a last-minute one and i had offered to help..At that point in time, i feel that st.john, especially my zone's people, are more efficient in handling such last-min duty..sigh...

At that point in time...i was real helpless and felt extremely abandoned.

At that time, i had a great urge to cry...

So, in order to prevent my parents of developing a bad impression of Red Cross, i ended up roaming around. Dennis was busy with his own stuff...

At that time, the more i felt being abandoned...the more i felt like tearing...

Anyway i spent an hr travelling from red cross hq to bedok interchange..then took a bus to tampines..cool rite? Initially, i thought i could have a lonely miserable dinner in macdonald (the place where i love to hang out)...but it was too crowded and i can't find any seats..!! so i went kfc..again, too many ppl...after walking around TM and CS, i finally found a place to eat - few people, n looks peaceful. The Hans restaurant. Sp ended up taking my own sweet time, having a solo dinner there...

The milk tea there tasted too sweet...din end my dinner well.. =(

Today, dennis told me that i will not have the chance to practise first aid on people cos i look like a kid.

I start to question my self-worth.

i start to see myself having less than 50% self-worth. cos i can't find myself being very worthy in his eyes...

True enough, i am aware of myself that i do not have a stern n fierce face. i look like i can be pushed around by people. sigh...i'm depressed...

Sigh..dun know what's wrong with the world recently..seems like many people're having a bad day...

bought a new PC...!!!! ^^

bought a new PC today..!!! waiting for its arrival this coming fri...yeah..!! me so happy..!!!

realy glad that dennis accompanied me to suntec city to help me in the selection and purchase of PC..in fact, i'm more to touched...for yesterday and today, he's been accompanying me and assisting me in the decipher of the technical informations..not just that, he doesn't like to mingle in crowded places but he still tried his best to be my computer consultant..think he doesn't really want to travel so far and squeeze with the crowd, but i could see his effort in tolerating his detest and helping me as much as possible in purchasing a computer of satisfactory specifications with a reasonable price..

REally grateful to his help...thank u.. =)

hmm..well, to express my gratitude, i treated him a bowl of ban mian for dinner yesterday (cos i din bring so much money)..haha..

As for today, he even helped me bargain with the salesman of getting a free delivery!! Sometimes, in fact very often, i am really impressed with his negotiation skills and the way he speaks...hhaa..tat's why right from the start when i knew him as the tj wushu's chairman, i admire and like his this leadership quality.. ^^

ANyway, for what he's done for me these two days, i've been very very grateful to him... =)

but he probably does not know how grateful i am to his efforts... =)

Good day to start..disappointing day to end.. -_-

Good day to start..

Went to zhijia's house to play..had a gathering wif my four good good frens - zhijia, huamin, jacinta and sindy..!! and also zhijia's pet dog Cookie...Cookie is real cute dog. everyone was basically queuing up to take photos with him..hahaa..he is very energetic but he likes to lick ppl (which i notice) hahaa..but when he sleeps, he looks simply angelic..hhaa...very sweet..hhaaa..

had a great day gathering wif them..feels like a long time i have not seen them, though i've met up with them the previous week..hahaa..in fact, i dun feel like going home juz now cos it seems that everyone still has many things to talk about..hahaa....like this kind of gathering - lazy lazy feel but get to talk and laugh..hahaa..

Disappointing day to end..

sigh..it's not about the gathering thingy, but it's about him..after all, i still have to depend on myself. i have to be even more independent, despite my worries. I have to learn to do things more independently, even though i know i'm not inclined to particular areas..

hail the fishing goddess of liberty..

had a great day today..

i went for fishing with my buddy n his buddy..!! n it's my first time fishing..!!!

it was simply great..in the taxi, on our way to the jetty, i was joking that i will free the fish after catching them. They are so grateful to me that they will give me a honourable title of their marine world - "The Goddess of Liberty"..!!! Inevitably, everyone in the taxi, including the taxi driver, was basically laughing for my sillyness. I was almost sent to hougang...cos of my unique title being entitled to me. Obviously, they are all jealous..whahahaaahaahahahaa..

well, haha..anyway, i tried to fish for fish for several hours and only managed to catch fih of about 15..(hmm..i guess?haa..) first time to hold the fishing rod and mingle in the bedok jetty's sea for fishes. When i caught my very first fish, i was simply thrilled..!! obvioucsly, i shrieked for joy as if i had caught a real big fish ( but obviously, i din) hahaa...still it was a wonderful experience..

i do live to my title though. While i was fishing them up, a few fishes were 'liberated' ( they escape on their own) ..haa..when i tried to sing a song to them, i really do catch some fish, and also, my frens were successful on their catch, n most of the time, they did much better than i..haha...well, the song sung by the Fishing Goddess of Liberty does work after all...whahhaa...

At the end of the session, my back of my legs were terribly burnt..somehow, i juz feel like i'm a bbq crab, really to be consumed..goodness me, and my buddy din tell me at all..ggaaa..but also, i was totally absorbed in my fishing mission and had hogged my buddy's fishing rod most of the time..why? cos i can't catch fish more efficiently than both of them do..haha..

Really have a great fishing today, and my mum deep-fried my catch and it was absolutely delicious!! hahaa..really enjoyed fishing..haha..but it's a pity that dennis can't witness my first fishy catch of my life..

well, anyway i know in the fishes' heart, there lies the Goddess of Liberty. And if u all were to go diving and find a statue which looks like me, that's the right one u're looking. It's not ur imagination, nor ur illusion. It is me, the Fishing Goddess of Liberty....

Hail..Hail..HAIL the Goddess of Liberty..!! Free all the fishes from their suffering..!! LIberation's the best way in the world..

whahahahahahaa..hhahaaaa..laugh all u wan..i'm basically craping about the title thingy..hhaa..

haha..i've mini phobia..

haha..had a funny incident today..can't believe i will do that..

hhaa..

Saw my tjc's school mate today in Eunos station. in fact, i don't know his name at all. Just get to know him from a friend of mine. hhaa..one year older than me, think he's from tj's drama club, but still he's a hi-bye friend.

haa..anyway i did see him in Eunos, but i din say 'hi' to him. Instead, i quickly found a seat and looked down at my bag..at my handphone..I know he saw me, and he actually stood almost in front of me, and of course, he din say 'hi' to me either..hhaa..anyway i tried all my best not to look in his direction..dun know why too..i'm kinda nervous whenever i saw him. One, it could be because he's quite good looking. Second, i have this feeling that i'm scared of good-looking guys. i will tend to escape from them as much as possible..hhaa..

anyway he was standing there for a long period of time..there were seats around initially but he din grab one. Think he's trying his luck to catch my attention. haa..then later he still found a seat which is a few seats away from me..later, he actually sticked out his head and looked into my direction..catching my attention, i guess...

Later think at dover station (cos i'm already too nervous to notice anything), he stood up from his seat and again stood almost in front of me. Again, i stood down and talked to my buddy..At that time, i was completely nervous. i can't even speak english properly..!!! argg...!!

Later and later, when the train's reaching jurong east station, he actually talked to a lady who was sitting next to me cos she had dropped something and was not aware. at that time, i did notice him, but it was a quick glance and quickly talked to my buddy again...phew, that's a real close one..

Well, u may say that i'm thinking too much la..but i juz have this strong feeling that he tried to catch my attention...haha..anyway he alighted at jurong east station and i finally had a great relief!!!

haha...really had a super nervous mrt experience..hahaa..i scare he will come talk to me, then ask for my number ( i believe for courtesy's sake)..then then...i dun know liao..hahaa..

but i know myself for sure, i've a mini phobia for good-looking guys.

haa...

hmm.

getting started on preparing for plan B le.

Today's my first time when i took photo with the whole corp SAC..somehow, it left a funny tinge on me.

This photo is my first time taking with them, and it is highly likely my last time with them.

At the thought of it, i realise that it kinda aches to leave them. All through these years, i've seen many of my juniors grown up - from innocent girls to more mature and very often more beautiful ladies with confidence..think i will really miss the days when their innocent ways cheered me up and drove many of my stress away...

this sun's finally my last attachment as a CPR trainee. Really hope i can still have more chances to teach the public or cadets about CPR before i leave..i enjoy teaching first aid and CPR..but of course, i've limited knowledge and experiences which obstruct my development in such area.

Probably this could be one of the reasons i want to leave.

Dislike the feeling of having limited first aid knowledge and experiences.

Things seem to be changing around me. But well, we just have to move on in life.

One of my friends will be leaving for Mount Merapi medical aid very soon. Kinda worried though. Really hope everything'll be fine over there. I'll pray hard to Him.

Dun know what's wrong with me recently.
Seem to be a little depressed over many things.
Including him.

Guess I need another good badminton game.

had a great badminton game today..wilson's pretty good..his ball was fast and swift..lip yung and i found difficulties to pull the score close..hahaa, but well, overall, it was great..!! somehow or rather, after playing the game, i felt i had slimmed down...hhahaaa..!!! had an urge of eating fast food for dinner, but well, dennis stopped me...lucky thing...hahaa..

anyway i'm still feeling terrible over the st john stuffy. Still feeling tired though..sighh...

not just that, had a mini argument with my parents over me taking up the Big Walk duty..they're basically treating me like a kid..!!! scare that there's a peeping tom..scare intruders of the hq are rapist...goodness me..!!! the most unreasonable excuses i've ever heard...!!! As a result, i ended up telling my friend that i'm not going...sigh... T_T i really feel like crying...i really wanna go badly..real bad...sigh...

my parents had announced to me that they WILL NOT allow me to go on any overseas medical coverage aids.. =( i'm really really very depressed over this...!!! somehow they just dun understand me..!!! anyway can't be bothered le..dun feel talking about this..pissed...hahaa.. =p

the more i feel that my dream of getting into medical line is getting even further..

anyway had a temporary job to be a .... guess wat? A TOOTHPASTE PROMOTER...!!! hahaha..cool right? hahaa..initially i went there for a starhub jog, but well, they've no more vacancies, so they offered me this..hahaa..me kinda excited...!! me going to sell toothpaste...!!! hahhaaa..!!! so during this period before i start my work, i'll take extra good care of my teeth. hahaa..why? cos i'm going to be a toothpaste promoter..!!! hahaha..kinda excited..not only that, my very good buddy might be coming to support me!! by buying a toothopaste from me..!! hahaa..also, my parents might be coming too...to take a photo of me being a toothpaste promoter..for souvenir's sake..gosh..hopefully dennis will come support me too..to cheer for me..to give me a cheer, saying "jiayou! jiayou! wo yong yuan zhi chi ni..!!" !!! hahaa..okie, that's in my dream..for this, i know him too well..hhaaa..

hahaa..so, zj, dun feel guilty over the starhub thingy..okie? in fact, i've to thank u..cos this agency seems to be a good one..hhee..u've introduced a good one for me..hhee.. =p =)

moving on..i'm really am..

me intending to move on in my life...this time, i'm really am..

by end of this year, i'm deciding to resign my involvement in sjab. Probably after NCOC (if i am involved)...haha..i'm getting kinda mentally tired..The first aid duties may be no longer a motivation for me to stay in st. john..i realise myself that i'm attending first aid duties with a mentality of wanting to attend to as many cases as possible, often with a desire that there will be cases to be attended to. I realise this is not what i want initially. I have a passion for first aid, but in order to practise first aid, there have to have cases, which implies people have to be injured. It's kinda a selfish thought...

Also, it's time for me to largely remove the pain which has been tying on me for these 2 years. If I really wanted to help people in medical areas, the most appropriate way is to enter the medical line. but well, there's no more hope for me now..sigh..yup..

Busy...even though it's post-exam...

Only until now, then i have the time to write again..

Been very busy after my exams..helping my students and my brother with their upcoming exams..going to gym with him..playing badminton..attending this and that.. phew..goodness me, a lot of things await me.. x_X

My negiotiation skills module is starting next week, and almost every day, i have lessons..well, of course, as you know me, i often love to be a little rebellious..and well, i'm going to skip some lessons..hhaaa..cool rite? xP

Anyway my group is starting on EID project soon..!! ARggggG..!! dun know what task awaits me..
hhaa... xP

Not only that, i have three months' time to finish on one art piece which i'm going to give to my granddad..it've been a long time i've not touched my beloved art pencils..and of course, my paints..been doing sketching all this while, and have neglected my painting skills.. X_x but since it's my granddad's birthday, i'm going to do this art piece well..haha..really hope my painting skills have not deteriorated.. =p

Not just my this self-declared art project, i need to squeeze out time to practise on my chinese calligraphy..It's getting worse, and i really have to improve on it...

Next to do on my list, i need to go back to SAC..it's time..i need to see how my juniors are getting along, and have decided to train on my upcoming leaders on their leadership and knowledge skills. It's time for me to get stressed up again...and i really hope by next year, there will be one junior to take over my job..i think i can't be with SAC for so long..i need to move on..

REally hope i can get to do more public duties, regardless from st john or red cross..i feel i'm still not very experienced in my first aid skills..sigh..

So many things within these few months.. T_T wonder if i can accomplish all these IMPOSSIBLE MISSIONS..haha..

oh ya..i have to get Anh to play badminton with me, before he returns to Vietnam..haha.. :p must catch up with this good friend of mine..hhee.. :p

and oh ya, just remember..i'm reading up on Dan Brown's "Da Vinci Code" now..haha..pretty interesting fictional ideas..which makes me even more curious about my favourite artist - Leonardo da Vinci...ehee..

Well, of course, at the same time..me reading up on Chinese literature - "San Guo Yan Yi"..hope to finish up this novel and another Chinese literature masterpiece - "Hong Lou Mong"

Phew, what a crampy 3 months' holiday for me..haha..

* OH YA..need to go zhijia's house soon, wanna see her pet dog..haha..and of course, can't wait to celebrate my 21st BIRTHDAY...!! haha.. XD

still have one last paper...

still have one last paper n i'm ending my exams soon..!!!

i can't wait for tat day...!!!

but recently, the past few papers, i 've a bad feeling that i'll not do well..in fact, i've a feeling that i'll not have any A for this semester..kinda regretted that i din focus on my studies...had spent too much time on SAC to help them in their first aid competition...sigh...

really risked and jeopardised my studies this time round...sigh... =(

i've to eliminate my this bad habit...!!!

long time i've not heard any comment from my friends, regarding my bad habits..hee..

well, glad to know that i've such terrible personality in me. in fact, i've no idea when i start to have 'cultivated' such attitude.

Lip yong told me that at times, i can be pretty straightforward, often to the extent that i've hurt the others subconsciously. For this, i really have no idea that i really make such terrible mistakes. i din know that i am so harsh in my words at times. well, probably u'll say, it's only a comment from one friend. His words may not be representative of the overall comments. Well, i did ask another friend - the reply is within my expectations - i am really too straightforward!!! =( T_T

i did think of what i've said to these two friends, which i can re-affirm that their comments are true..of course, i feel sad over hearing it, but at the same time, i'm relieved and glad that i am aware of my words. Kinda disappointed with myself initially, i can't believe myself to have 'cultivated' such attitude. Probably, my this attitude could be attributed to my subconsciousness of taking advantages of others' goodness. oh my...this is real selfish of myself... T_T

well, no point brooding over it. i've apologised to these two friends about my this terrible attitudes and hope they've forgiven and forgotten. Not only that, I've decided to change and try my best to eliminate this attitude. i just to be more conscious of my own words - think before i say anything, so that i'll not hurt my friends terribly.

I guess i really take too much advantages of my friends' goodness and tolerance. As a result, i've become less sensitive to others' feelings and eventually create a self-centred world in me.

So, to my friends who are reading this, if you realise any fault in me which u think it'll be good for me to change, do tell me so. Or else, i'll repeat the same mistake. Of course, i may not be able to accomodate to everyone's request but i try, as long as it's reasonable and beneficial for my personal character development.

I want myself to be a better person. It'll be very tiring at times, but i insist on accomplishing this 'impossible mission' throughout my whole life. i know i've been blessed with wonderful friends, and through them, i learn to know about life in a beautiful optimistic way. As a form of gratitude to God and my friends, i yearn to learn from my mistakes and be a better person.

i'm a human after all.

But to thank Him, i want to be a better person.

This, i know, is my life-long objective. =)

i've to eliminate my this bad habit...!!!

long time i've not heard any comment from my friends, regarding my bad habits..hee..

well, glad to know that i've such terrible personality in me. in fact, i've no idea when i start to have 'cultivated' such attitude.

Lip yong told me that at times, i can be pretty straightforward, often to the extent that i've hurt the others subconsciously. For this, i really have no idea that i really make such terrible mistakes. i din know that i am so harsh in my words at times. well, probably u'll say, it's only a comment from one friend. His words may not be representative of the overall comments. Well, i did ask another friend - the reply is within my expectations - i am really too straightforward!!! =( T_T

i did think of what i've said to these two friends, which i can re-affirm that their comments are true..of course, i feel sad over hearing it, but at the same time, i'm relieved and glad that i am aware of my words. Kinda disappointed with myself initially, i can't believe myself to have 'cultivated' such attitude. Probably, my this attitude could be attributed to my subconsciousness of taking advantages of others' goodness. oh my...this is real selfish of myself... T_T

well, no point brooding over it. i've apologised to these two friends about my this terrible attitudes and hope they've forgiven and forgotten. Not only that, I've decided to change and try my best to eliminate this attitude. i just to be more conscious of my own words - think before i say anything, so that i'll not hurt my friends terribly.

I guess i really take too much advantages of my friends' goodness and tolerance. As a result, i've become less sensitive to others' feelings and eventually create a self-centred world in me.

exams are around around the corner...!! T_T

i'm getting more and more stressed up...!!! T_T =(

kinda losing confidence in my microbio..dun think i've done well for the test. I realised i've mixed up a lot of the informations...sigh...maybe i'm really not cut out for memorising informations..or i think it all depends all my interest..haha..

I'm not in a very good mood again...i'm kinda affected by what he mentioned in an issue..but well, he sees it differently.

dennis's been reacting in a way which confuses me.

anyway the past days had been raining pretty heavily...i love it..nice cool weather..sigh..but too bad, i'm having examinations right now. i have no time to admire the beauty of the rainy days. =( still, the rainy days spured my studying spirits, especially on the days when it was raining utterly heavy.. ^^ i love the rain...!!!

i guess i need a good life. Good life as in, i can spend some time sitting in starbucks's sofa, drinking ice cafe latte, eating a slice of cake and watch the scenery outside the cafe. On the rainy days, I can sit there again and have a cup of hot cappucino while watching the heavy downpour and enjoying the chill which the rain brings to the cafe...

maybe i'm a loner..love doing all this alone..well, of course, i can have company. But that can only be one company - no more, no less (it can't anymore less) . The most ideal one will be my future (cos i dun have it now) pet dog Siberian Husky . I know for sure, it will respect my love for serenity and just keep quiet and lay beside me..oh..this is so romantic..hahaa..!!

But too bad, this is not France or any other eurpoean country.

Ahh.....how i wish the exams are over soon..and of course, i really hope i can do well..

a flower for me.. ^^

had a shock, had a surprise of my life..

dennis gave me a flower on sun..

it all happened in the mac when i was studying wif lip yong. Just as when i was studying, a flower stalk was placed in front of me. The first thing which came across in my mind was that it was not valentine's day and yet who wants to sell it to me? hahaa..but when i looked up, i realised it was him!! dennis!! hahaa..!! well, i was so surprised that i shouted in the restaurant..hahaa..even lip yong was kinda embarrassed..hahhaa..

anyway i really did not expect him coming and GIVING ME A FLOWER. he never gives me flowers in our 3 plus years of relationship. and suddenly a daisy flower just popped up in front on me..hahaa..me of course happy and utterly surprised.. did not expect my practical tat one giving me flower..hhee ^^

but recently, dun know what's wrong with him le..treating me very nicely..hahaa..i juz hope it's not anything pessismistic..

^^ i'm glad..

i may not be the luckiest woman in the world, but i know i'm really lucky to have him as my tat one.. ^^