ooooOoOo..very eventful today..
ahahaha..

my Integrated Design group mates - YS, YJ, V and HM went to my house for project meeting. First time ever my friends came to my house.hahha... =p
but probably i am not used to play host at home, so tink i sound kinda a little serious and din really know how to play a good host.. =p
(0_O) and a lot LOT LOT of calculation and factors to take into consideration etc etc blab blab blab... (x_O)

followed up attending the mid-autumn festival celebration held in the tcm sch..haha..din have to sing solo tonight..hahaha..have some last minute change. =p

and i can't believe myself. i am the backstage manager for the second part of the celebration. partly cos the first part managed by my Welfare Officer was kinda disorganised to me, resulting a lot of undesirable delays in between the prize-giving ceremony. so hmm....probably i feel i could help them out, in getting everything in order, so offered to help out by taking charge in managing the second part of the celebration.

i dun know where i got that courage to tell the Welfare Officer straight that I want to take charge (even told her that the first part was a mess). i just know the backstage needs a lot of tidy-up, since i have observed a number of production teams on how they manage the backstage and programmes. but hhaa..i feel there's still rooms of improvement, though i personally feel i have done pretty well tonight, as a first-timer. =p

haha..and had gotten one of my classmates to help me out in the stage management. =p thanked him numerous time cos the request for his help was last-minute, so i kinda feel bad to ask him help me in the managing the stage equipments. but definitely he's of a great help.

and well, finally got to check out who are those classmates who are about my age..haha..basically these classmates had freshly graduated from NUS or NTU, so tat makes me the only full-time undergraduate.

even played with the Welfare Officer's young daughter. She's very cute..! haha..so showed her my "break the rubber band" magic trick. hahhaa..i know it's super childish, but well, the girl was amazed. hahhaa..but she's really very cute..n i dun have to feel so tense up too. =p

but walking around with my high-heeled shoes was very tiring. tripped over a flight of stairs (thank goodness, i din fall) ...and had a cramp on my right toes when the show was about to end.. (T_T)

oh Ya..! i even saw my SAC junior, whom i used to teach her A.maths and Chemistry. met her at the backstage, and she put up a violin performance. and happily surprisingly, she's taking the same course as me..! though she's now one year academically senior of me. hahaha.. =p

being the backstage manager for the first time was a great experience. it's been a long time since i managed and lead. and it feels really cool to manage and lead once more... =)

all these, i feel, had to be foundamentally credited to my dad, my st john's seniors(especially rachel) and officers (the ALTC 2000's sgts and officers) and the quiet observations of past backstage management of different events..if i had not trained by them in the tough way, i dun tink i could have this gut to implement what i've done tonight. =p

the whole event ended well..! thank goodness..!! PHEW..! XD

OoO..! finally tat's the end of my day today..! ooO..need to have "settling time" after the whole backstage stuff..!

though..arg..still got to go sch for fyp later in the afternoon.. (T_T)

responsiblity kills.

utterly fed up with the mid-autumn festival rehearsal. utterly fed up that i want to complain to others..but sigh..na..i think i must know where i am standing now, and it could be a signal directing to me, telling me something.
but ya, it's okay..juz cry over a few days or whatsoever, i should be fine..cos i'm responsible for all these consequences.

ok, me gone bonker.

things don't seem to be going on smoothly for me. i keep thinking about it, and all i could say, i have to take the full responsibility for whatever i have done.

many times, i really wish i could go back time.
and change things.

the only one thing which i will want to change - i never met that person at all in my whole entire life. even if it's for my next life, or whatever crap.

sigh, never mind. things've been reached to such stage and my life's been changed drastically. i have to take full responsibility for it.

a more relaxing day for me, after the o830 surface water quality test... phew...en fin...

but paid 23 bucks for the journey from home to sch.. (T_T)

got kinda called up by HB whether HM n i could come to the lab in the afternoon, and we rejected him =p
partly cos both of us were extremely tired..especially me.

a new lecturer took over the environmental hydraulics lecture, and goodness me, he's very very boring....i slept through the whole lecture. highly likely i will skip his lectures, unless there are some parts of the lecture notes which i dun understand..

got bumped into a prudential financial planner. (T_T) trying to promote the student saving plan which the company offers. not very attractive to me though, but well, most likely will be getting him in the future, to be my personal financial advisor into those investment areas or sth like tat. then again, i got to take a lot of factors into consideration. i'm not in a rush, but i have this feeling that the advisor seems to be in a rush, but well, could understand his feelings. haa..oh well..

getting sick of drinking herbal medicine prepared by my mum. i know it's meant well for me, but i am really sick of medicine. i detest the sight of medicine. everytime when i notice packets of medication tablets or solution in the kitchen, i juz dislike them. it makes me feel that someone in my family is ill. and the medicine which is prepared for me tastes horrible..sometimes i jus feel like puking after drinking it. but sigh, well, it's meant for my own good. i need to drink it.

many times, taking medication, even if it's for health maintenance, makes me feel sick.

sigh. =(

been very stressful.. (T_T)

my environmental hrdraulics test's not very smooth-sailing for me. made a very careless, probably cos i'm not calm enough to handle the atmosphere. been very pissed off with myself.

later in the morning's surface water quality test n i am very worried. sigh..

being part of the tcm student union committee is tiring - mentally tiring. probably i've been very tired, so always find the meeting to be very mentally torturing. everything's such rush and stress..all of the sudden, i juz feel like quitting.

my fyp experiment's been met with some technical problems. and HB will be flying off for a conference this friday.. (T_T) i am very nervous, to be left alone with HM, to handle the apparatus. i hope can call him overseas sia...lol... =p

and i got to key in tat data, got to email this fellow...got to do this...got to do that.....sigh...

so many things to do...so many things which seem to require my attention..i am very tired..

probably i've been very stressed. whatever little stuff which triggers the weakest portion of me, i will just cry. i never cried over such trifle stuff in the past. have no idea what's the matter with me all these while..cried over a stupid mini cartoon mtv featuring a sad version of "will you love me tomorrow?".. all thanks to my buddy...sent me this mtv..made me cry over such stupid thing. but at least i know, this song's a ban for ktv session..hahahha...but aiya, my buddy din know that i am tat crybaby nowadays.. lol..ok..anyway....

recently heard another song which makes me cry over it again...(ARG) ok, it's "本来" by 同恩. nice lyrics, n it's going to be a ban for ktv session again..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTIcc5Ycn1U

ok, got to go..gonna go back to my studies..sigh..

sat's ktv session with Jac they all..! yes..! i wanna sing..!! maybe can even practise for sun's mid-autumn celebration..whahha..

ok, gonna jiayou..!

gotten myself really busy...

got myself to be the Assistant Welfare Officer of the Student Union...arg..

attended the second meeting this afternoon, n realised the discussion, i could say, was kinda disorganised, in my perspective. probably cos i'm pretty an organised person when it comes to handling with meetings and discussions, i could not really tolerate a mixture of different input of information. but then again, this is how working life could be at times, so i juz need to adapt to it.

but i realise one thing about my Welfare Officer - she is fierce...
which seems to contradict with the typical image of how welfare officer is supposed to...haahhaa...

had a bad headache, after attending today's meeting. disorganisation induces headaches of organised men...lol

anyway 23rd sept is going to be a real big-time busy day for me..in the day, YS they all will be coming to my house for the Integrated Design project meeting..haha...and it's the first time when i actually invite my friends to come to my house, especially HM who has never been to my house since sec 1. hahahahaha..
ok, back to the topic...after the meeting, i still need to rush to the college for its mid-autumn festival celebration in the early evening...

it's really a test of time management and everyone's understanding towards my busy schedule. =p

in fact, during the lesson just now, the thought of having so many things to attend to within a day really makes me wanna cry to vent out the confusion in me..

if i could get through these smoothly, i think i should really praise myself that i am a wonderwoman..hahhaha..

being in this leadership position is gonna be challenging for me, i feel. it's not like the type of leadership i have been leading throughout my cadet and officer life. i am not going to manage a group of teenagers with those innocent thoughts, or people of the same age as me. I am managing my inter-personal relationship with people of wide range of age, from different working backgrounds, from different education backgrounds etc. furthermore, i am considered to be the youngest person in this class, and whatever suggestions i raise may not suit with the older generation.

but definitely it's another level of leadership which i am going to experience. looking forward to the new experience, and right now, i am already experiencing the pressure of it, though this position is relatively a small one.. =p

i still consider myself to be pretty passive lady, though some of u may not agree with this statement. hahaha..but well, i am a w-o-l-s person, i need some warm-up time..hahaha..

for those who know me long enough, i believe they will agree with my latter statement. =p

professional communication's second assignment is taking its first baby step...! me feeling so excited, yet nervous..cos i can do presentations again..!!! =D i miss presentations lots...!!! i miss talking in front of many people..
i need such items to ensure the verbal sanity in me. =p

i wanna presentations...lots of lots of presentations..
i wanna reach to the level of presentations which i do not need to do any rehearsal at all. cool ah?

hahah..but that's one of my life objectives.

met a few people today in sch..

weiming..n a guy from tjc n sjab...n ting kuang when i was on my way for tcm lessons.

haha..and guess what ting kuang (my jc classmate) said to me when he saw? hahaha..
he said my hair is very nice and long...! LOL...

first time heard such compliment from a guy..! (^^) but i hope he really means true..

n oh ya, got selected by huang shi fu to be the class representative for the school's student union.. a bit nervous.. =p

but the way he selected people for this position was kinda amusing to me. he scanned through our faces, and he noticed me. he asked me whether i was willing to take up this position. but before i could say anything, he already told my class chairperson to note down my name. and the way he told my chairperson was as if he's taken his choice for a puppy dog, or as if he wanna buy this veggie...

ahahha..

anyway, intro one mtv.. it's "记得" by zhang hui mei..it's an extended version..the lyrics are well-written, and very touching. i kinda cried while watching the whole mtv video..dun think i wanna sing for ktv, have this feeling i'll cry over the mike..partly cos i was once in a relationship before, so could understand the feelings of the lyrics..

here's it..!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljwMweaTd8o&mode=related&search=

i need to focus focus focus...

met dennis in the evening. i was pretty surprised..and hahaa..feeling nervous to have met him when i least expect. i ended up keep giggling away..cos i was very nervous at that time...!!!! but as for him, he was pretty cool and calm. not like me..almost totally speechless.

had a short chat with him (cos i was very nervous and almost speechless). he looked quite different, partly due to his hairstyle. He din have his hair, and i almost thought that he really has the same hairstyle like wang lihong (he used to tell me that he wanna have tat hairstyle). haha..but this time, i'm really convinced that he's really busy, so busy that he can't have time to cut. =p

but haha..DLY is again, feeling the awkwardness. hahaahah..which i dun understand why. hahhaa..

but (T_T) of all days...i met him when i wore my that nerdy black framed glasses. i hardly wear tat glasses since my school re-opens for a new semester. and ARGh...the last time when i met him by coincidence, it's also when i wore this pair, and was in shorts (tat's when i came back from my company's netball game). This time, when i am not at the best look, i meet him, again.

(T_T) i feel so ...... pai seh.

but then again, it's really nice and happy to meet him again. =)

though i feel i'm still not well-dressed. (with that nerdy specs of mine). (T_T) =p

i really hope everything'll go well and positive for me, including in the future...

a productive 3-hr tuition lesson with my student, followed by a gathering with zj they all..

it's been so long since i last met them..!!! n sindy seems to have lost a bit more weight again..! n definitely she is also starting to dress up to more feminine and mature..! =D

i think all of us are starting to dress in this way. but i am still not confident to wear dress or skirt yet..must work on my lower body more...and oh ya, just realise i need to work on my arms as well...probably it's been a super long time since i've toned my arms.. (T_T) long time din do push up le.. (T_T)

sian...so many areas to improve...

but one thing for sure, i realise i love to wear high-heeled shoes..hahaha..first, make me feel taller..2nd, makes my legs look longer...3rd, allows me to walk confidently and keep my back upright..and also, makes me look more feminine even if i wear jeans to match with them.

hahaa..

and oh ya, put on some simple make up today..feel a little weird..but it's so simple that zj they all din really notice that i put make up on..hahahahaha...cos i scare people will look at me while walking along the streets..

went Thai Express to have dinner with them. the meal was great, and it's really a catching up session with them..long time din talk to them..n hahaha..they started to ask me stuff about tcm...arg..me feel so stressed up..cos there are many things which i've not learnt and been taught yet..how can i be Da Chang Jin..?! hahahaha... =p

after dinner, visited Gloria Jean's Cafe. managed to grab sofa seats, and it's really relaxing to juz sit there and slack....

will upload photos next time over here..hahaha..

=========================================

read through the notes for my General Elective - "Mind over Stress".

Realise that all along, i've been experiencing a lot of signs and symptoms which have been stated in the notes. all the negative thinking, social phobia, depression (mild one,i think)...

trying to keep myself as optimistic as possible. and of course, stay focused..!

I'm in the making of Da Chang Jin.

but

where's my Ming Da Ren??!!!!

WHAHAHAHAHHA.. so crappy la... =p

ok, enough of my craps.

gonna go prepare my Integrated Design stuff, for tmr's meeting.. =p

Woke up in the morning, feeling very terrible..probably i think too much le. i've been very pessimistic (arg..forgotten how to spell this word).

seriously, i think i've thought too much. as a result, very often, i feel i make a lot of mistakes throughout.

i feel it's time for me to stop thinking negatively. i dun wan any of my friendship to deteriorate, juz cos of me saying and thinking of negativity.

Just tell mansze if she started to think too much.

Cos she treasures the relationships with her friends, especially with dennis. She still hopes to be able to talk with him anything under the sun, regardless of being happy or sad. Tat's what the best of friends are for, rite?

Ok, gonna go..! need to go teach le..!

jiayou jiayou mansze..!

went to turf city to have dinner..!

hahha..Lobster..!!! yum yum...i love it lotsa..will show u all the photos which i took there..
hahaha

FYP meeting with the rest of my classmates who are also workin under the same prof as me..get to know a few pubs...hahha..

Here's one of my favourites:
http://www.equinoxcomplex.com/cityspace/index.html
heard it's a jazz pub..n i love jazz..!!
and it's pretty quiet, and not as crowded as Oosh in Dempsey Rd.
Which i am very glad that City Space is so near and convenient to get there...
hahaa..
but the attire is smart casual...hMmm..most highly likely will wanna go there when i start working..
a good place to have quiet time..

haha..

but hmm...now i'm trying to start accepting the reality (though i'm not 100% confirmed about my thoughts). but from my own perspective, i feel i have to wake up from hopes. about what? i think right now, only DLY they all probably know what is the reality i'm referring to.

Yup, i just have to stay focused now..! too many things are waiting for me to fulfil and improve.

and hahaa..I've gotten the full "Secret" OST album from S.O...!!! hahaha..and haha..,at the same time, by coincidence, gotten a disc on a Jap rock band "X-Japan" from him too..!! nice tracks..!! and hhaa..S.O. can really be a mtv director..! hahahhaa..but such discussion on mtv plots with him is definitely a good temporary removal from studies, and i dun feel tat stressed up..at least i feel i'm not talking crappy and lame stuff. =p

can't wait for holidays to come. i need to exercise.

ok, another plan to be completed by end of this year:
To exercise and tone up my body, especially my lower body. i wanna look good in office wear for next year's fyp presentation, as well as job interviews. =p
if my buddy can slim down significantly within his bmt months, why can't i,rite?
Ya, rite.

been very busy and tired.

been trying to doing some pyscho-ing onto myself. i dun know la...some bad feelings are coming up onto me again..bad feelings..so bad tat many times, i just have the urge to cry. but like all of u have been trying to drill things into my head - life goes on......

sigh...

i can't recall any happy things now...so can't blog any happy stuff now..

surface water quality and environmental hydraulics modules are starting to get harder and their tests are around the corner...my final year project is starting to have more tests to be done daily...Integrated Design starts to have many design planning, research, calculations and considerations...human anatomy knowledge is starting to pile up...

once again, i'm starting to question my own self-worth...and i start to do many self-reflections, but at many times i just couldn't get the answer.

and i am starting to become forgetful...but of all things, i can't make myself forget something which i wish to forget at times. strange, rite?

just all these are enough

i only know my life's like a mess with me trying to put them in order and calmness.

all cos of one decision which i have made, which seems to change my life completely different.

i'm starting to detest it, but i have to live with it, and bear with it.
it's a responsibilty which i have to carry for life.

What i can do now, is to improve myself to be more firm in saying "no" to certain things, and be more firm in what i actually want in a guy and in a relationship.

i dun want to make a second such mistake (to have my beliefs be shaken loosely by a third party).
Such mistake, such lesson, is too much to bear for the second time.

feeling sick of myself blogging all my moaning n complaints.

haa..

ok, try to blog more happier stuff.

starting to get irritated with myself complaining and complaining...

haa.. =p

been very tired these few days..

my mum's been feeding me with all sorts of chinese herbs...they work in the morning, but not at night. =p hahah..think the medicinal effect dies off at the end of the day..

and my research student commented that i've very bad mathematical brain..ARG..!! hahahaha...cos i've been taking real long time to calculate and figure out the numbers...hahaha..i can't believe it.. =p

starting to feel the stress level picking up...and Fatigue is getting a hold on me. suffered from acute headaches and all the crappy stuff...my tuition works've not been very smooth-going for me. been so tired in the day, that i had to end my first tuition session an hour earlier...and at the later session of another tuition, i actually lost the ability to think properly and mathematically. it's really bad, and they are going to have their prelims soon...and i can't teach them efficiently.

sigh..sian.

but well, since i've chosen to walk the path in this way, i just have to press on. at least it gets my mind off from being reminded of certain stuff. shan't not mentioned here what they are.

lucky thing, going to meet up with zj they all soon. feeling really excited to meet them.. =D

ok, shall try to end a happy note for today's post.

today's Sindy's birthday..!!! XD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, SINDY...!!!!! =)

Hee..

had a terrible nightmare last night. cried myself to wake up in the morning, ended up almost half of my day to be very emotionally tolerating..
probably this nightmare's just a preliminary practice for me to handle with any foreseen future. i hate that feeling.
i hate the feeling whenever unhappy predictions i have made and they have seemed to come true most of the time..
probably it's the human nature which i have often predicted correctly most of the time.
and i really dislike this kind of "i could feel the omen" feeling....

anyway tried to get myself back to focus to studies the whole day.

getting to feel the stress level when my students are going to take their "O" levels prelims and i am going to have tests. furthermore, contents for environmental hydraulics and surface water quality are starting to get kinda challenging. mathematics which are taught and learnt during year one are applied. (T_T) have to revise...!!!!

integrated design module is starting to get fired up. i wanna go Cambodia, if my project team were to be one of the best. I wanna go cambodia..wanna go take a look at the real project which my module lecturer has participated in. hmm..well, at least it gets me more motivated and let me forget about the nightmare.

human anatomy lecture tmr...arg......i love the lecturer and the lecture, but it's getting real challenging to remember all many medical terms.

bought a packet of jelly beans to rescue my periodic starvation. it really works, at least my stomach never groans badly in the tutorial/lecture room, especially when the lecture environment is super quiet. and i actually ate nothing but a few jelly beans to survive myself throughout the whole day.
haha..good good...i can't wait myself to slim down further.

the day went on as usual. and today's lecture by huang shi fu was super bored.. (T_T) Dozed off in the end.
First, cos i'm fatigue. Second, cos i'm bored.

Decided not to go for the interview session for one of the overseas volunteer trip. Looked through the video clip for last year's trip..Not really interest me a lot, probably cos the living conditions being protrayed seems to be comparatively good, compared to the one which Chia Se team went last year. From the video clip, the kids still have a very clean and big room to study. With proper clean uniforms, with big and clean chairs and tables, unlike the kids in Kim Bai.

So, even if i were to go for the interview, i dun think i could convince the interview committee that i am passionate of being involved in next year's trip.

hahahh.. =p

need to start to get my plans implemented as soon as possible. i am starting to feel fat.. (T_T)

sigh, it's tough to be a lady in today's world.

ok, me got to go...have many things to do...

sian ah.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahah..been listening to the "Secret" movie OST the whole day. ahha...find the tracks super nice......!!!!

Hmm..been listening to the movie "Secret" OST via S.O.'s website for almost the whole day.....studied a great deal of human anatomy...and also thought through things a lot...

watched the taiwan serial drama "Angel Lover" too..and i think i saw myself in a few characters..hha..have kinda sorted out my thoughts too..

and definitely, many of my friends have been trying to talk sense and reality into my head.

Hmmm....maybe i really have to just put it away. The past has happened and ya...

Shall not talked so much over this in my blog anymore. Cos i feel saying so much doesn't change things and will only make things worse.

Shall juz keep to myself. It'll be better, i guess.

yup...

anyway, school has been having many overseas voluntary work events. Very tempted to go....will go check it out, and hope the event/s doesn't/dun clash with any of my other stuff.
Hope i can go...wanna go overseas again for such purpose...

and also at least i could get out of this place, for a while...free of problems and be myself out there...

and yup, i have made a few plans for my upcoming years..hee..so these are my few plans...

(1) take up sign language course from the Sinapore Association for the Deaf.
(2) take up basic french language course.
(3) take up sketching course from the Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts
(4) visit as many art exhibitions as possible.
(5) attend as many musicals and threatre dramas as possible (of course attend those which i am interested)
(6) join the Welfare Services Club and help out as a volunteer to interact with the intellectually disabled people
(7) Read up more on communication skills
(8) find the original mansze - the one whom i knew her in SACSS.
(9) Slim down...although i have the urge of going for plastic surgery, juz like the "200 pounds beauty"..hahaha..

Yup, think tat's all for now first..hahaha.. =p
All these will occupy myself for quite some time...hahaa...

sigh...initially get to write something...a long paragraph...

but somehow or rather, din manage to upload and my tat draft is gone..

have so many things to say..

but well, probably it's fate...

whatever i want to say now, will not be read. will not be seen.

Probably God is telling me something..

Sometimes i wish He will appear in my dreams and tell me what i am supposed to do, how i am supposed to let go.

Probably He's been trying to tell me something. Probably i may have noticed it. Probably i find it too hard and fast to swallow.
i choose to ignore. cos it'll only make me feel worse.

Been hearing the "Secret" movie OST track 15 from S.O. site..it's very nice...it plays with the melachonly of sadness, and grief.

till now, i still couldn't get to sleep.
ya..again..

anyway made a few plans for my upcoming years...but definitely getting attached is a total out of my plan. i know myself.

share my plans with all of u next time...

definitely i am giving up tuition works next year..
i wanna do other things. though i'll not be as well paid as now.
share with u all tmr ba...

Hmmm...blogging for the sake of making this blog a light-heartened one....

hahaha..

hmm..basically my day today was pretty enjoyable..hmm..but i think i'll enjoy tomorrow more. human anatomy lecture tomorrow..! yeah...

i miss wearing high-heeled shoes..maybe will try wearing them tomorrow..

haha..so crappy...

=p

ok, hope this's a more delightful one.. =p

was feeling better in the day...not much depressed...

one of my student told me something which kinda amused me for almost a day..

well.....

hahhaa..she told me that i look like a dancer, one who performs modern dance...

MUHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHA....!!!

My first reaction was shocked, surprised and very amused...it's the first time when someone gives me such a comment..hahhaa...first time having someone saying that i look like a dancer..hahahahhahahaa....

and definitely her comment lightened up my day..though i dun really agree with her remark...cos i dun carry the qualities of a dancer...hahaa..

but wait...what kind of modern dance? artistic form of modern dance...or those logically comprehensive form of modern dance...? heee... =p

but i only like one dance.

Waltz.

i love waltz (do i say it correctly?). slow, steady and graceful.
my favourite.
and i like such elements to be injected in a relationship of mine. slow and steady, never get tired easily.

anyway, i'm not cut out for a relationship, so na...not to dwell on this topic for too long...

ok, back to the main topic.

caught a bad cold. sneezing non-stop during huang shi fu's lesson today. yet i bought a cup of iced mocha from coffeebean.
hhaa..but i feel happier after treating myself a cup of mocha.

well, ok, tat's the end of my happy day.

Depression and Contradiction juz subconsciously crawl and cling to me when night falls.

i'm starting to get used to it. and i'm starting to feel there's a level of professionism in me.
in the day, i smile, i laugh, i joke with my friends around me.
in the night, i am
just myself. Always talking to God, seeking for His guidance and companion..

i feel i am starting see my life as a profession. when i am not alone, i put in the best effort to smile and joke, so as to cheer others up. if possible, i want to make my presence an optimistic impact upon people around me. in fact, i like it this way.

probably an evolution of a new mood species starts to take its form.

today's dennis's birthday.

hope he has enjoyed his day today.

*************************************

as for me, i tried to pass the day as light-heartening as possible. but it seemed to fail...been very fatigue and un-motivated the whole day, and i was surprised when DLY told me that i was in a good mood today - "smile like a kid"..

hhaa..

but ok la, at least i realised that i could hide my feelings better now. at least even when i laughed and smiled, it didn't reveal any of my saddness.

i juz wish that i've selective short term memory, only remember the happy things. i juz wish that i've selective thinking, only think of the necessary things which are important at the moment.

been having very negative thoughts recently, and it's very tiring to think...thoughts of why my this relationship failed...keep thinking that it's all my problems..keeping thinking that i failed cos that i dun have the socially acceptable external appearance..that i am not smart like the other ladies..that i can't talk well..that i dun know this, dun know that..that i am not interesting enough to have a relationship maintained for long..

it's really very tiring...sometimes i am thinking is that i have not kept myself busy enough...thinking whether i should keep myself busier to the extent which makes myself faint out of extreme fatigue.

sometimes i really wonder what God wants me to do..
before the whole breakup, i am already feeling aura of omens..signs of omens...the handphone which he gave me was spoiled..the last piece of cross-stitch which i sewed for him was not completed with the rest of 3 letters...etc etc...

sometimes i really wonder how others can get past with their breakup...and many can even get attached to another after a few weeks of breakups..it's a scary sight to me..

i still try to take dennis as a very good friend of mine..and i hope he does too...

sigh...i dun know..maybe i am losing touch with his life...cos even if i asked, i hardly get an enthusiastic reply...

ARG...anyway.....take me crapping away...i need a space to vent out....

ok, me shall stop here. completely no mood to study....

ARGHHh...anyway juz take me crapping away...take it as my usual outbreak of periodic depression..

窗外。
坐着。
望着。
人潮。

她喝着手紧握着她最爱的Starbucks Mocha。

下雨了。
仍坐着。
仍望着。
人潮呢？
都散了。

她仍喝着mocha，仍望着窗外的变化。

咖啡厅多了人潮。
咖啡厅多了热闹。
咖啡厅多了温暖。

但少了一份孤独。

可能是多了混乱，
可能是多了分心，
可能是多了遗忘，

她手紧握着的mocha，被她的混乱倒翻了。

纸巾，
手帕，
海绵。

“就别再执着。”
是那咖啡厅的店员。

眼，泛红了。

雨停了。
人散了。
她？
仍坐着。
仍望着。

仍紧握那个杯子。

同一样的杯子，
多了一份空虚。

been not myself recently.
hmm.
in fact, ever since the breakup, i've never been myself, unless i'm in vietnam with the Chia Se team.

but it's a path which i've chosen to take, as a form of self-punishment.

too many reasons. too many factors. it's not convenient to list down here either.

still feeling moody though. probably i really have no idea of how to handle it. to me, keeping myself "occupied to the neck" (as mentioned by my buddy) is my way of solving problems.

anyway glad that i din doze off during those important lectures. for those non-important lectures like HR management, i juz choose to switch off. maybe will even consider of skipping it. =p

lab sessions're getting tiring and more frequent...but it's pretty fun la, cos HB often makes jokes and treat me n HM cakes, coffee, and cakes...and coffee...n cakes..but no durian fruit (he ate it himself). =p
and he's been treating us like younger sisters...hahaha..treat us sweets etc etc...probably me n HM have been pretty cheerful n jumpy..hahahhhahaa..
but he's another workaholic...so ended up making us feel kinda stressed, right from the commencement of school.
but well, then again he's patient guy, and we are still glad to have him guiding us along. hee..

starting to dislike sleeping time. nightmares of myself being abandoned and left alone. tears to put me to sleep.
but yet, i wake up, feeling refreshed.

went TTSH for a medical seminar with my z3 ppl...

pretty informative seminar and it seems to have been a long time since i met the z3 ppl...hahaa..

anyway saw a friend there, together with the rest of my src detachment ppl..and i can't believe my this friend msg me sth which was pretty hurting to me..sigh..but anyway forget it, i dun want to think about it..it juz kinda disappointing and hurting..

after the whole seminar, went bk with them, and was kena teased by SO and EC.. (-_-") i was teased until i had nothing to say but to keep laughing away..hahaha..but well, it did make me forget about unhappy stuff for a moment..

haha..oH ya..noticed sth which reminds me of dennis's ex-hairstyle..hahaha..

finally got a chance to have dinner with my family. it's been 2 weeks since i last had dinner with them.

school tomorrow..! got to go school early juz to put some stuff into an oven... (T_T) and got to rush to lab after lectures...sigh...and i could only end my school at around 9 in the night...

initially was very excited to go school tmr, cos finally can get to see the rest of my lecture kakis...but thinking of going to lab more often, i'm not very keen..

probably i've high expectations of myself for this final year project. i wanna to involve more in the design planning of the project, and i am feeling very distant from the project. and i am getting the chemical terms and calculation wrong recently, which i am very pissed with my own performance. cos it doesn't reflect well on my own ability..!

anyway heard some news about SAC from an officer, after the seminar. Was a little worried for the girls, cos it seems to me that they're not very well-supported. but i can't go back to help. i've too many things at hand now, and i can't squeeze anymore time for them le..

my colleagues called me up on friday. they tried to pull a trick on me and i fell into their trick. omg..haaha
but hearing the voice from one of colleagues who sat behind me, i almost wanna cried..hahhhha..

going to be very moody lately until something has passed. so do bear with me.. =p

but maybe i would say, at least i have things to be occupied to the extent which i hope will numb me totally...

one thing i know, i've developing a habit of saying "so tired", "i'm very tired" or "very tired. i want to sleep".

haha..

been very tired..n un-motivated...

my final year project doesn't seem to be very smooth-sailing for me personally...n i dislike my own performance.. =(

feel terrible right now...

probably i am feeling exhausted too...so exhausted and terrible that i've no mood to narrate the happy things..

PHOTOs..!!! =D

these are the roses which i made for my female colleagues. stayed up till very late...wrote them individual letters to most of my colleagues, including my bosses. hahaa...

Welcome to my desk..! hahhaa..messy rite? i've worse..

for self-motivation purposes. hahaha..

the cups which had been together with me since the start of my attachment.
i decorated this. first, to motivate myself. second, to prevent the office assistant to clear my cup while i was away for toilet break. u see this girl who is holding a flower, rite? haha..yes, that's me! XD

i pasted this at my desk, for self-motivation.

hmm..haha..Yes, pasted some tcm stuff. so when i'm bored, i can look at it "secretly".. =p
another self-motivation stuff..hahha...yup, this girl is me..! hahhaa.. =D

but at the end of my attachment, i've forgotten to take it off.. i'll miss it... hahaha..

ok, this is the potted plant which has been standing quietly beside my desk. it may be silent, it gives me the strength to go on...hahhahaa...ok, this is so crappy..


dim sum buffet treated by my Deputy Director of my attached division..!
i ate a lot there...my colleagues were stunned..hahaha..
last day of my attachment. went to WaterHub for another buffet lunch. this is my colleague's car..! he bought this car, mainly cos his wife loves this kind of car. so sweet..!
me in the beetle car..hahaha..

my supervisor and me..!
the director of my attached department and me....ahaha..he's a very cute boss..hahaha..

C, J and me..! the 3 youngest girls in the department..! hahahhaha..!
ok, this is the bear which is bought for J's birthday..,expensive bear...and his name is called "Jash".

So, say "hello" to him..!

"HELLOooOOO..!!"

card bought by my colleagues for my last day there..! it's very big..! so big that i actually hugged the card when i received it..! XD
ok, these are the photos..

will update on my happenings more tmr..

very tired now..

bye bye..

In office now..haa..slacking away...

today's my last day of work.. good good..

but din manage to get enough sleep, slept only for about 2 hours. Were busy making presents and writing some letters to my colleagues.

Really tired now..

Later still need to attend the 3 hours basic tcm theory lesson.. (T_T)

busy the whole sunday.

my mum made pizzas for breakfast cum lunch today.. yum yum..wanna learn next time..hahaa..

2 tuition lessons...both of my these 2 students are pretty motivated and i am glad..A1 or A2 for A maths and physics...and the indonesian chinese student wanna learn chinese very much (he used to dislike it a lot). feel very glad for them though i think the effort of motivations are not from me. but well, they are motivated, i am glad, cos it means my teaching will be easier..

gathering with ZJ they all..glad to see all of them and had a wonderful catching up session. they asked me for the reasons of me being so packed up with things...hhaa..my buddy did ask the same question..hmm..din really tell ZJ the full reasons due to the lack of atmosphere..hahahaha..

but ya la, keep myself super busy cos i am fighting to fulfill my dream, and also to avoid myself from thinking and reminding all the things which i dun wan to think about..make myself rush from place to place, tire myself out totally, making myself think only of what to eat for lunch, how much time to travel from here to there....making myself forget all the dates and days..then i'll not be reminded of certain things or events...haa, that's how i wanna choose my way to face the reality, or some say avoiding my own problems.

anyway intending to make cheese cakes soon...learnt it from ZJ..and i'm glad that cheese cakes do not need to be baked in ovens (which i am glad)...

still have not prepared presents to give to my colleagues...intending to write letters for each of them (abt 20 of them)..but still have not done any...wanna make stylofoam roses for the female colleagues, but have not done them yet...

leaving on tue, but all these are not done yet....

tuition tmr after lab..again have to rush..sigh..dun really wanna teach tomorrow, but since my this student sounds desperate to need my help in her A maths' particles mechanics, i have to force myself to work till 10plus again tmr...

and it's only until wed then i think i could have dinner with my family...

it's been more than a week since i had dinner with them..and i practically had no time to help my brother with his studies, which he is struggling..and i dun have anymore energy to guide him along in his growing up period..

i used to be able to help my cadets to get through some of their growing up problems, but i can't even help my brother to get through all these things...

sometimes, i really get so tired that i wish to cry on someone's shoulders..but probably now this figure could only be God. Cos He is the only one now who can be constantly listening to me and knowing all my problems and depressions..

but this is the life which i have chosen to live and lead. i juz need to get used to it.

tired tired tired..

dozed off for today's first session human anatomy..too tired le..can't focus..

this is crazy..my human anatomy lecturer needs to go overseas for work, and there're super lots of make-up lesson. starting from tomorrow..which means i gotta rush from school after my fyp lab to attend the human anatomy lesson..

this is nuts...got to study the whole of human anatomy by this semester..squeeze everything within three months..

this is nuts...this is crazy...this is tiring..

but i've chosen to go through this path..and i have to take the responsibility to take this path and carry on..

now, my human anatomy lessons are going to be on the evenings of tue, thurs, fri and sat, plus afternoon session on saturdays...3 hrs per lecture...

dun know whether i can handle...

but still, i am determined to prove to everyone that i can do it..!!

read the cow fortune for next year, pretty a very good year, which i am glad... =)

gotta go..very tired...and i've not revised today's lecture yet, and tomorrow's gotta rush..so probably skipping my dinner again..

haha..Yeah..can lose weight...must lose the fats of my lower body..hahahhhahaa..!!!

i say i gotta go..

yet i am still blogging away..

this is so lame.. (-___-)

busy day...

suuper busy day..

tiring..

reached home at around 11 plus, after tuition with my student (the one who was angry with me for being late =p). really tired...but definitely glad that the tuition passed very quickly...haha..

thank goodness, my this student is no longer angry with me. haha..but definitely have to tried my utmost best to wake up early on sat for her lesson..
but my this student's like very stressed up...told me that she cried quite badly last night, cos she could not solve a few mathematical questions, and was very worried that her teacher would call up her parents, saying that she had not completed her work..
feel very heartache for her..at this age, she is already struggling with the stress level, and i can't really help her a lot..can't really motivate her much as a teacher.

recently been having sleeping problems..think i actually went to the living room to sleep on the sofa, instead of my own bed..probably the phobia is playing its trick..
the phobia of not being able to memorise all the medical knowledge and the philosophical theory of tcm..
cos i could not manage to handle bio during my jc years, and could still remember the stress level very vividly...

anyway excited for tomorrow's lunch...my DD is going to treat me for a tim sum buffet..!!! haha..and of course, the rest of my colleagues are coming along..but they have to pay on their own..hahhaa..
yeah..tim sum tim sum...
i got so happy and excited yesterday that i forgot to bring my tcm textbook from office to school...

hhaa...have many things in mind, of what to eat...siew mai...zhu chang fen...feng chao...egg tart...prawn dumplings....

not going to disappoint my DD for tomorrow's lunch..will make sure that he pay worthy for this treat..hahaha

taking the videocam, to take photos..hhaa..my tables..my colleagues...the pantry..including the toilet which i often frequent...maybe the stall owners whom i always buy lunch from them...n haha..the security guards..

hhahaa...ok, will show all of you on the last day of my work..

hahhaa..

ok, got to go.

another busy day for me.
AGAIN..!!

...........................arg...........................

sunday's a nice one. two students cancelled their lessons, and i had some time for myself. but well, not totally for myself. had many to-do stuffs to handle.

today's lab alone with HB was pretty fine. initially i was pretty nervous cos i'll be alone with HB, and HM's not around. but luckily, still got to talk a bit, and the time passed pretty quickly. ended the session slightly earlier too.

a bit excited to have the nest semester started. cos finally can get to DLY, YS they all...then the ENE school mates also get to see the new look of me. hhaa..i would say a pretty different look of me..cos no more polo t-shirts, and a big bagpack.. =p

was talking the whole morning with my colleagues and the conversation subject was mainly about the emotional process of being pregnant and giving birth. at that point, i just have this feeling of wanting to experience the whole emotional process of being pregnant, with the husband sharing the whole "pregnant" experience, and the giving birth process. and full stop from there. WHHAHAHA..!!

but of course, this is just a thought, and that kind of short-moment desire. to me, at this present time, woman is the most beautiful when getting married and pregnant, but woman can be the ugliest when it comes to the aftermath of child-birth.

hahaha..ok, craps aside...

tink my colleague, C, noticed my that kind of excitement n "yearning", she jokingly asked me to get a boyfriend and get married, before getting to the stage of being pregnant.. hahahahahha..!

even my mum seems to see through me that i am pretty worried and paranoid of myself not being able to get married. hmm..haha..ya, i am pretty worried that i am not able to get married, cos i keep feeling that no one will want to marry a girl like me. and probably i can't see myself being a married lady, probably cos the vision of my future husband's very blur now...although i do often have the yearn to give my utmost TLC (tender loving care) to the man i like a lot, especially in the future when i am really able to complete the whole tcm course.

aiya..hhahaha..ok, stop all my silly craps and negative imaginations...

been busy and tired. recently, whenever i come home being tired, i juz have that kind of urge of wanting to cry for a moment.

for what reason? i have no idea.

probably i just feel very lonely going through this whole tcm process, and i realise that obstructions already exist.

remarks from some of my friends..say such course's no point taking it, can learn a lot from the net...questioning whether you can make it throughout...telling you that you'll be mentally drained by the time stepping into its 2nd or 3rd year..

all these...i need to face them one by one, all by myself.

a mini annoucement to make beforehand...

would prefer my friends to identify themselves..hee..reasons being? hmm..curosity..sense of security..

to me, it's alright for anyone to look at my blog. yes, my blog may look private n a little personal..having all my stupid moaning wordy words written in here. but to me, in my humble personal opinion, i am mentally and emotionally prepared of showing to my friends who i really am. i am not always happy, being so cheerful all the times (as perceived by many). here's to show the other side of me, and i am prepared of how my friends who read my blog to accept my flaws and my weaknesses.

so, haha..no need feel so pai seh (embarrassed) whether u are reading my private blog without my permission. since i have chosen the path to blog, i am prepared to have my blog be openly read, and probably be judged.

Of course, i still will not write something which is totally personal to me.

haha..but of course, if still feel that it would be best to keep confidential, i shall respect ur decision. but definitely, will keep me wondering who this friend could be.

hahaha..

OKAI..! end of my annoucement..thank you for your cutest attention..! LOL

**********************

good news first. let me show off a bit. =p

gotten my Industrial Attachment results.

HEE.. =D

I've gotten an "A-" for my attachment...!!!

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH..!!

heard from my friends that B is an average grade, and getting an "A"-related grade may not be easy, unless he/she is considered relatively outstanding..

HhAaaHHAHAHAAAA...!!!!!!!

oki, i'm very very glad...glad that my tutor has not marked me down totally. glad that my 22-weeks of being involved in so many projects put me in good stead. glad that i've attained my expectation.

but..

hmm..i've sorta marked my tutor down...and it's only until i saw my results, then i realised ...maybe i should be more lenient in evaluating my tutor...

ARG...

sigh..

another lesson learnt.

always give a lee-way for others, no matter how they treat u poorly. cos u never know that they are actually helping you, silently.

but what u all guys think? is my marking down of my tutor considered inappropriate?

hmm..anyway it's over now..i juz need to be more forgiving and less revengeful..

********************************

ZJ is back from france...! welcome back, ZJ..!!

Jac has graduated from her course..!! CONgraTS conGRAts..!!! =D (sorry, now then i give u my congratulations)

********************************

tasted the "business" of my first week, handling with work, tuition, final year project and my tcm course.

a little tiring, but i can still withstand. probably been used to rushing here and there.

my only worries now, are handling my family communication problems and my tcm course. partly cos i had difficulties handling with jc biology, so had a bit of phobia..

but then again, i adopt the mind-map technique (which is a total new study technique for me) for my tcm course..so still in the process of trial, currently showing some positive progress (which i am glad). =)

human anatomy is like woww...

all the medical terms been translated into chinese. but to me, studying the medical terms in chinese seems to be a little easier than in english..

but my first human anatomy lesson is about the spine. wonder whether spine is the first lesson for other medical-related courses too...

sad thing is - no dissection.

ok, gotta go.

later still have 3 tuitions to teach. yes, in a day.

i starting to think that i really have no life...

even organising a gathering with ZJ they all, many times they have to go along with my busy schedule..but i really feel glad and lucky that i have such understanding friends.. =)

******************************

my final year project is progressing well, and i am enjoying it pretty much (besides having myself dragged from office all the way to sch).

the research student, HB, is pretty nice. he will always joke and tries to make the lab sessions to be enjoyable. haha..and he also gives us many calculation problems for us to sorta practise..hahahhaa...

n yup yup, me n HM had gotten our very own lab coats..so cool...

will try to take a photo of us wearing lab coats n post it over here next time.. hahaha

********************************

anyway dun worry about me now. i'm pretty fine now.

all these quarrel hiccups and my tears have been a part and parcel of my life now.

*********************************

tink getting attached or married could be considered a last thing of my mind now (though i do have that feeling of wanting get married and wearing the wedding gown, after attending my colleague's wedding).

haha..tink it's a girl's thingy ba..

glad that invitations of going out one-to-one have been reduced to near zero.

but definitely, there are still gatherings which i will try my utmost best to attend. hahaa..

get very pissed off with my mum again. i wanted to go for a seminar and she doesn't want me attending it.

WHY?

cos she gets to know that i was invited by a friend whom she feels she doesn't like. it's like.....what the....

i am totally pissed off. really pissed off..

it has nothing to do with me being mature. to her, every guy friend whom i know is like some enemies to her.

stupid...

i am utterly pissed.

sometimes it's really irritating to go out alone. sometimes i just hate the feeling.

but what to do?
like what i say, others' happiness is very often not my happiness.

so am i really happy now?

no. not at all.

i only know i am a prisoner now.

and i really hate this feeling.

i hate this feeling. sometimes it's really suffocating to me, and sometimes i really wish i never exist in this world.

so morale of the story - telling white lies to my parents are afterall better alternatives.

went for the tcm orientation ceremony..

stressed sia..tat's all i can say..all the directors of this and that...keep stressing to advise us to study hard, to reduce going out..all the socialising all these stuff..cos it's not going to be easy to study.

and i saw my tcm form teacher, aka tutor. hahhaa..he looks like the old hong kong movie's huang fei wong..! his features all these, are almost a carbon copy to this huang fei wong. haa...so i'm calling him "huang shi fu" in this blog in the future. still dun know what his name is. haha.. =p

anyway "huang shi fu" is very cute. the way he is trying to advise us is pretty cute. over here, i've no idea of how to describe to you all. basically, he's very cute. but he's pretty strict. cannot be late for lectures for more than 15 mins, otherwise considered skipping of lectures. no leniency all these. proper attire is to be observed, meaning that we cannot wear bermudas or slippers. attendance is to obtain more than 70% presence.

and he even told us the freshmen that he dun know how many are going to stay on, as he always sees the reduction of students to continue this course as the 7-years course goes on.

goodness me, sound like NCOC (Non-Commissioned Officer Course) or OTC (Officer Training Course) to me. it's going to be the "survival of the fittest" test again.

and definitely this course is going be a real big test of my determination and preservance. but i am taking it as my personal life challenge. i dun believe i can't go through the whole process. all along, taking medicine course has been my life dream and goal, and i've been working my way through since sec 2. i've fallen once. badly. this time, when i am given this opportunity, i am going to grab it hard and firm.
so people, watch me shine..! watch me biting my teeth real hard to go through all the hardships and watch me smiling at the end of the process.

haha..

anyway saw a red cross fellow over there. she's taking the same part-time course, and i learnt from her that the friend whom EG mentioned to me is actually my sch's double degree course. hahaa..chey....

ok, anyway i've a companion. =)

anyway saw the freshmen around...hmm...nothing fantasinating to me..no guy who is my type..hahhahaha..and many of them look middle age to me..but i do see a number of people from china..kinda stressed..cos i am going to fight with these people...hhaha..

but well, i need to fight with myself first. i need to run my own race first.

7 years...
it's really a long time..dun know what's the future like.

but one thing i know, i am going to have no life....

starting to get very bored..

work the whole day. go back home rest. parents nag at me not to chit chat so much over the msn. nag at me to rest more.
and one whole day juz gone.

really tired.

anyway finally get to watch "Angel Lover" over youtube. find the drama pretty nice..

went to the arts museum on friday. pretty a worthy visit. n i can't believe i can stay in arts museum for 2 hours. going to visit there more often. but dun tink i'll have people who will be interested in such thing. ah..anyway..

been very down. probably still bothered by my student's tat kind of reaction.

okay, shall stop here. any further of writing, i will only depressing stuff.

not a good day..

not a very good day today.

been feeling very moody.

woke up late for my first tuition lesson of the day today.
been getting to my this student's house late for several times.

this time, she was mad. and she msg me to ask me not to be late next time.
:p
i'm done for it.
and when i reached her house, she was not in an excellent mood. basically i could feel her anger or sth like that. the learning atmosphere was basically very unhappy and not conducive for learning. ended up only having tuition for an hour (she requested for it). sigh.
but i was to take the blame for it.
it's been tough on me waking up early. been late for work for the past two weeks. probably i am starting to be mentally and physically drained.
sigh.
anyway my mood's been very affected for the whole day. really feel guilty for my bad habit. and first time ever a student would get so mad at me. but i was at fault, so i have to take the responsibility and the fault.
but i would say that i've learnt my lesson. will try even harder to be more punctual next time.

sigh...so till now, still feeling very affected.

anyway tomorrow'll be my tcm orientation day. a tcm tutor called me juz now and he told me that there are 2 other students from NTU and NUS respectively. haha..but they are not from engineering course. haha..but i tink both of them are female students. dun tink these two are guys. cos i tink guys at our age will hardly take such a course. =p

kinda looking forward to the orientation tmr. heard from EG that someone whom i know through my buddy is taking this course too. but hmm..na..me not going to bother so much. juz wanna find out who are the people taking tis course, and how the age range is like. haahha..

Start to find all my students to be cuter day by day.

Msg my indonesian chinese student after my work, after remembering that he was taking his 'O' level chinese oral exams.

Me: "hihi, how's the oral exam? :s "

student: "(his comments about the exams)"

Me: "so did the chinese teachers show any weird expression?"

Student: "No I kept my eyes on them so that they do not scribble anything while im talking. They helped me with some words and at the end they were smiling i dunno...Xiao li chang dao."

when i read this msg, i could not help myself giggling (and i was in a crowded bus, gosh). find the whole msg very cute. hahhaa..cheer me up for a moment.

=)

Decided not to teach the student who loves to bargain work with me. I realise I could not manage so many at a time. i am no superwoman.

Went back to school yesterday to meet up the research student. the final year project which is a dual one (HM and i) is a research project of this student who is going to aim for a PHD. The lab is in a mess and there are so many equipments which HM and i have to learn to use. Familiar terms like PCR, the necessary bacteria, HRT, SRT etc. Gosh, have to re-learn them. in fact, i think may even go back to my JC biology to revise the things which i've learnt before.

think i am going to be real busy, busier than what i expect. may even have to go back school on the weekends. (T_T) the worst thing i could ever hear from the research student.

sian. tomorrow still have to go back school. and into the lab. o_O arg..!! the very last place which i ever want to step into. LAB..! dislike stepping into labs..! but well, since i am working with HM, so afterall stepping into labs is still an enjoyable one. haha..

starting to feel stressed over the fyp (final year project). feel like there're so many things to do.

next week my tcm course is starting. arg..! stressed..! i am getting nervous.

my DD (deputy director) intended to invite me to go for his church session. still wondering should i go. kinda interested to go since it's been quite some time when i stepped into a church and listened to a pastor talk about life.

in fact, i wonder what the difference is between a catholic and christian church session. I had attended masses in sec sch, and i love listening to the priest preaching on life lessons. and that's one portion which i've learnt alot and where it shapes me.

arg..sian..need to go school tmr..!

but Hee..excited to go the arts musuem on friday..finally can find some decent time to go look at the Louvre museum's charcoalography (spell sth like tis). of course, as usual, going there solo.

been an pretty un-eventful day today.

lesson's resumed with my indonesian chinese student. to my surprise, he speaks fluent chinese..!hhaha..basically he watched taiwan entertainment programmes for a week and picks up conservational chinese very quickly. i was pretty amazed with his tremedous improvement.

haha..and he's very cute today. he gave a feedback to me, that i actually speak pretty softly, if i were to speak to a group of 3 people or more. so he advised me that i could speak a bit louder. hahaa...was pretty surprised with his comments, cos hardly anyone tells me that i speak softly. hahaha..but i find his feedback a positive, at least i know what i could improve upon myself.

my second student of the day was very cute too. dun know whether it's intentional or what, but when he saw me wearing the pair of black-framed spects, he went to put on his spects which are the more funky than mine.

sometimes i juz simply love my 5 students.

another student of mine love to sorta pinch her cheeks and she told me that she does that to release stress. i was like laughing away..hahhaa..

the fourth student would often say me interesting things which happened to her class, and her mum treats me very nicely. Her mum would offer me pineapple tarts, a whole mooncake with a BIG ball of chocolate inside, brownies and cake which she made. hahha..

the fifth one..Hmmm..she's considered cute too...although she loves to bargain the work load with me. and i hear that she's a troublemaker in class. and hmm..ya, i would consider that's the cute portion of her. muhahhaa..!

was happily surprised that i was recommended by one of my students to help one of her friends. this seems to reflect a positive feedback to me that i am doing fine as a tuition teacher. but then, i have to reject her friend. 5 students are enough for me to handle, plus a brother at home to help. so which makes 6.

Through the short films and the advertisement, i learn more about the environment and how we could save the earth environmentally.
pretty cool.

Answer the call.

www.liveearth.org

Wedding dinner in Fullerton Hotel

This is the ballroom in Fullerton Hotel. Nice nice..and my colleague entered the ballroom, wearing a suit of very beautiful white wedding gown. She's very pretty ..!! haha..and can see from my table that she's kinda nervous.hhaa..

A mini gift from the newly wed couple..

Me and my colleague, J, in the Fullerton's toilet.

Know what's this?

It's a rabbit..!! My colleague's bf, ST, folded it and proved to me that it can be done, when i offered him a challenge to try folding animals out of the "napkin".
Hmm..a cradle..folded by another colleague of mine..haha..

Oki, ST trying to fold a crane out of it. cos i offered him this challenge.

OK, here's a fish, with an eye made of pink rose petal. hhaha..cool rite? done by ST.
Ok, i've lost the challenge. but it's really cool that a crane can be made out of a "napkin". But i really love the crane, it holds a great signifiance to me. hahahah...

My favourite dish of the dinner - soursop pudding..!! made from real soursop, not too sour, not too sweet. brillant..!!
Me, J, and the newly wed couple. Wishing them loving each other forever..!

**********************************

Glad that my afternoon's tuition had been cancelled and i had ample time to prepare for the dinner.

first time doing makeup. putting foundation was a breeze. but mendling with the mascara was a total challenge. able to have my right eye nicely, but not for the other. tink partly cos i can't see very clearly when i tried to put on mascara on my left eye.

luckily, managed to meet my colleagues at the control station. or else, i'll be totally tense up throughout the whole journey.

Finally got to see one of my bosses' son..!! he's so so so so cute...!!! i love the baby so much..!! but sigh, i can't get to take a photo with him. i got very nervous when i saw the baby..hahahahahhaha...

anyway the dinner was pretty alright. we got kinda bored of waiting for the food to be served and we started doing ridiculous stuff, like folding animals out of our "napkin". ST is good with folding things.

came back slightly late, and my mum was kinda having some sort of over-suspicion syndrome again. not cos of me coming home late, but partly she saw a msg on my handphone. and yes, she liked to check on my handphone and i dislike it totally. basically i really get very sick of her over-suspicion hiccups. she wants to seek for an open communication, but she displays a close communication.

Been a busy day for me. plus tiring. first time ever had to rush for two meetings.

partly cos i've not been talking much after the whole thing, i face a serious problem of expressing myself verbally. this is no good.

my mp3's batteries were announced dead after my work, and i had to bear the loneliness, especially when walking in the crowded shopping mall. women are scary. when sales like "50% off. everything must go" sloggen (arg, forget how to spell), women really make sure that everything in that place must go.

arg, really dislike shopping in a crowded mall, especially the so-called ooishi hotaido festival being held in the open space of the mall. Worst. crowd and more crowds.

tomorrow's the wedding dinner and i'm getting nervous. for what? cos i am wearing a dress..! whenever i wear a dress out, i have to bear the feelings of being paranoid, anxious, nervous..furthermore be putting on simple make-up and i have to get there alone. worst, i am even more nervous. tink i better put on my sunglasses tomorrow to cover up my anxiety.

anyway gotten all my students back. =p 5 "O" level students' fate lie in my hands. and i have to cope with my school modules, cope with my TCM course, cope with helping my brother in his studies, cope with my family...
juz hope i'll not go crazy or undergo any serious prolonged depression.

but then again, if i can finish running the whole 4.2km cross-country, i dun believe i can't be successful again.

must make sure i have to succeed this time round. dreams are waiting for me to mould a reality and show to people around me that it is true to say "when there's a will, there's a way".

i wanna be the next da chang jin. hahahhhaaa..! =p

my company's Water Carnival was held near my house - bedok reservoir.

Participated the inter-department's cross country which was about 4.2 km. first time when i had to run such relatively long distance (to me). and first time when i had to run the whole reservoir's jogging track.

felt totally good after finishing the whole route. cos i could not believe myself that i could actually finish the whole track. hmm..out of 15 female participants, i came in 8th. which added to the good news. and according to my supervisor who ran too, my placing had also helped the whole department team to get the overall women cross country championship..hee..me happy happy..

for how long i ran? i have no idea..i only know i can run the whole reservoir without stopping or walking, i am happy for myself.

been very forgetful recently. have no idea what's wrong with me. sian.

been very busy at work. spent the whole morning, going to sites. tomorrow still need to attend a meeting, which requires me to wear appropriately..immediately after that, i still need to rush for one water audit. tink have to make sure to finish my "analysis" report by tomorrow before my deputy director rushed off for his recreational games.. x_x

one of my "missing" students finally msged me. quite happy cos of the additional income. but need to get him geared up for his "O" level chinese oral. =p

still aching.

real bad..

to the extent, i feel like crying. had not collected the shares from the rest. Sometimes, i really hate handling all these money issues. money this kind of thing really kills.

tried to eat little today. stomach ended up groaning badly.

sian.

but tink i have to learn how to handle such emotion. if in the future i were to earn big money, i have to learn how to handle big loss. in the future, 75 bucks of loss may be deemed to be relatively small loss if were to earn big.

tink i have 2 less students now. they have not called me yet to start lesson. in fact i feel more relieved now, cos at least i feel i can focus more on my other 3 students.

my TCM is going to start soon. starting to feel nervous.

feeling very paranoid and stressful. but also no one to talk to. then again, i might be feeling lazy to open my mouth and talk.

work in office's been busy. suddenly i feel so involved in so many projects again..

stuck in one project. stupid. and my desk is messed up with all the documents.

Photos taken two weeks back:

Guess where these are taken? they were all taken on the HDB flats' rooftop..!! went up legally to check water tanks. hahaha..!!! cool cool..

show one more photo of me on the rooftop next time.

Been spending quite a lot.

Especially cosmetics. (T_T)
Kept all my receipts. Those which i bought during this great singapore sale season. wanna find out how much a woman can spend withing this season.

currently, to my records, i have exceeded 150 bucks. and i could see myself nearing the danger zone of 200 bucks.
i believe my spenditure is considered to be relatively low, as compared to some ladies out there.

recently juz spent a 75 bucks on a gift for my colleague. it's shared among the other colleagues. but i have to fork out everything first, cos i'm the one who is responsible to bring this colleague to "build a bear".
the clothes are super expensive....and when my colleague was choosing the clothes, i could feel myself having cold sweat..

till now, i still feel the ache.

been monitoring my spenditure pretty closely. (T_T) tink i need to eat less now. furthermore, the weddin dinner is this saturday and another few dollar notes are going to bid farewell to me..

anyway put on office wear today. hahha..everyone's so surprised ..!! hahhaha..but basically needed to attend a meeting with a petrol company, so needed to put on a proper attire. and also to test whether people really look at how u dress. and hmm..i could say it's true enough. i put on an office wear (a casual one) and they took the initiative to shake my hands. normally, during site visits when i was wearing in jeans, they normally don't shake my hands, partly i can understand that they look at me as a student.

hahaha..but well, another objective is to buy a pair of high heeled shoes. ahhaa..! but it's really torturing to wear high heeled shoes.. (T_T) my toes are aching...

ok, tink that's the end of my blog today. been very busy recently..shopping and shopping.

sian. i am bored with the routine stuff which i am busy with recently.