tink i'm suffering from mild depression..having been tinking positively negative about myself..paranoid over everything..
probably i have no idea how to handle my sad emotions..can't find anyone to talk about my problems, my worries..in fact, tink it's that i dun wan to find cos i dun wan others to feel the same as me after hearing from mine..maybe, u will ask me to look for dennis..hahaaa...na, dun bother..he has his problems now..n also, i know wat i'll be hearing from him..haha..so na..
still this place will be an almost ideal place for me to vent out..
again, i need to say this - dun have take everything i say here to heart.
realise i can't tell people tat i'm a teochew. why?tink i'll be condemned n mocked. i can't speak, i can't understand a word, n i dun know anything about being a teochew. food tat my family cooks, they juz dun look teochew-style. great, i'm deemed to be a cantonese cos i speak the language. i speak the language not cos i'm a cantonese, but cos i'm fr hong kong. all people from hongkong speak cantonese, no matter who they are - teochew, hainanese etc..
well, ok fine. i'm not a teochew.
tink have overworked myself..need a break probably. but even if i'm free, i've no idea what to do. ok, then it'll be best if the situation remains like this. at least i know i can get myself so busy until i forget my own worries. tink this should be the way for me to handle the emotional inbalance in me.
tis's a problem of a cancerian - emotions analogous to the fluid mechanics' moody diagram.
initially i thought i'm feeling better. probably i was wrong. or maybe due to wat happened this evening. i was being 'reprimanded' by dennis for me being silly naive n sheltered. but it's not his fault..i am one such person. tat's why he's so worked up. i'm sorry.
tink i need a conversation with God.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Everything's fine again... =)
25th Sept.. 3rd year anniversary for dennis n me.. hee =)
Well, everything becomes fine again. think it's really due to the effects of PMS, i've subsided from the mild depression. I met Dennis today n it've been a great day.. =) maybe it's only when i get to see him, then i feel much better..hee..
Anyway, Dennis had a small talk with me juz now. He've read my that super duper depressing blog n had a bit of chat with me. Hmm..not really a bit la, but it's juz tat he helped me clear my doubts n worries. Well, feeling much better now..i almost cried when he said to me that it's me whom he likes.. T_T i'm so touched...
But still, i will try to slim down..haha..still will try my best to be a good gf to him..but i will not over-stress myself ba..hhaa..
Somehow, i know why i like Dennis so much. I like the communication bridge which has been built between both of us. Though there are times when i hardly express my views, he will make the effort to clear as much worries n doubts as possible. =) however, i believe this bridge can be enhanced. Cos i think i still find myself hard to express my true feelings n thoughts with courage. So i wan to try to change this..hahaa...
Anyway, dun worry, people. I have felt much better. Thanks to u, Zhijia n this unknown friend...!! Thanks, Zhijia, for consoling me =) hhaaa...dun worry, still have not forgotten to thank u, zhijia! haa.. =p
So hee...i'm back to my usual self. My PMS is gone, so does my this mild depression.. =D
Well, everything becomes fine again. think it's really due to the effects of PMS, i've subsided from the mild depression. I met Dennis today n it've been a great day.. =) maybe it's only when i get to see him, then i feel much better..hee..
Anyway, Dennis had a small talk with me juz now. He've read my that super duper depressing blog n had a bit of chat with me. Hmm..not really a bit la, but it's juz tat he helped me clear my doubts n worries. Well, feeling much better now..i almost cried when he said to me that it's me whom he likes.. T_T i'm so touched...
But still, i will try to slim down..haha..still will try my best to be a good gf to him..but i will not over-stress myself ba..hhaa..
Somehow, i know why i like Dennis so much. I like the communication bridge which has been built between both of us. Though there are times when i hardly express my views, he will make the effort to clear as much worries n doubts as possible. =) however, i believe this bridge can be enhanced. Cos i think i still find myself hard to express my true feelings n thoughts with courage. So i wan to try to change this..hahaa...
Anyway, dun worry, people. I have felt much better. Thanks to u, Zhijia n this unknown friend...!! Thanks, Zhijia, for consoling me =) hhaaa...dun worry, still have not forgotten to thank u, zhijia! haa.. =p
So hee...i'm back to my usual self. My PMS is gone, so does my this mild depression.. =D
Anyway today's the 3rd year anniversary for dennis n me =)
Although there are many times i've been finding hard n half-hearted in reaching dennis's expectations of his ideal gf, I've been very glad that i get to know him n be with him as his gf. I like his intelligence n the way he talks. I like a lot of things about him.
Sometimes, i realise that's the sacrifice i've to make. He's smart n i have to catch up with his intelligence. I know i do not fit a lot of reqiurements of his ideal gf. I try to make myself fit in as much as possible. There are times i feel very half-hearted, but i know it'll be good for my future too. Well...i dun know la....
I only know i have to treasure him until the day he finds another better than me. Cos when that day comes, i will juz step back n allow the lady who is much better than me in all aspects, to walk into his life, to help in his future career.
Although there are many times i've been finding hard n half-hearted in reaching dennis's expectations of his ideal gf, I've been very glad that i get to know him n be with him as his gf. I like his intelligence n the way he talks. I like a lot of things about him.
Sometimes, i realise that's the sacrifice i've to make. He's smart n i have to catch up with his intelligence. I know i do not fit a lot of reqiurements of his ideal gf. I try to make myself fit in as much as possible. There are times i feel very half-hearted, but i know it'll be good for my future too. Well...i dun know la....
I only know i have to treasure him until the day he finds another better than me. Cos when that day comes, i will juz step back n allow the lady who is much better than me in all aspects, to walk into his life, to help in his future career.
think i've kinda suffered from mild depression..
having thinking in a pessismistic angle. Somehow or rather, i can't stop myself from thinking in this way. Maybe i've overworked myself, maybe i've not been having a proper meal, maybe my PMS has come to haunt upon me..hahaa..
anyway this blog for today will be a depressing one. Juz take it tat i'm crapping away..i juz need to find a channel for me to vent out my depressing thoughts. Later tat, i'll be fine =)
Probably i've been yearning for perfection recently. Trying to fulfill all my responsibilites. As a corp officer, i've failed to be one. As for my other duties, i'm still trying to do my best. Everyday, i dun see myself having a personal time for myself. Tuitions, school work, n trying to find as much time as possible to spend with my loved ones - tat's all i've done. However, i'm glad to do all these. But probably, i'm getting kinda mentally tired..probablly i need a break.
Been trying to reach dennis's expectations of a gf..cos i know myself very well tat i do not possess a lot of his requirements, i try my best to change..probably, i'm very worried that if i can't be within his expectations, i will lose him to other better ladies sooner or rather. I know i'm not good in expressing myself verbally n i'm not good in conversing with his parent. I know i do not have a good body shape n i'm kinda displeased with my external appearances. n as a result, many times, due to my lack of self-confidence, think i've caused frustrations to him. As for body shape, i always find it hard to be motivated to exercise. As a result, i decide to eat very little for my lunch - probably due to tis, it's been attributed to my mild depression. Probably, you will be shocked to hear me saying this - very often, especially recently, i've been having thoughts of going for plastic surgery, to make myself look better. Dennis does say that going for such surgery do not make one lady natural..but well, probably i've started having such conception of guys - they look for external appearance as top priority, internal beauty a secondary factor. I try to be more confident about myself, but again, my inability to express verbally has become a big hindrance to my confidence these few months. I start to worry if i dun hurry learn to express verbally well, when dennis goes to study law, he will meet ladies who can express themselves much better than me. and they can converse much better than me. Once they have interests in dennis n know that they can be even better than me,in terms of looks n confidence, they sure can kick me out. Well, i have this feeling such incident will happen in the future, cos his status in the future will be wat a lot of ladies are looking for.
Somehow or rather, i realise perfections only bring sadness; it only brings inferiority. Learning to accept the existence of human flaws lead to happiness ; it brings satisfaction. but how many people will think of this? Minority, probably none. I try to yearn for perfection, hoping things will be better. However, in the midst of the search, I still can't escape from the fact that this is the reality. I have to accept it.
I only know I've found myself half-hearted in trying to change myself. i'm scared i will lose myself - individuality. I hate the fact that people look for external factors. I hate the fact that i have to accept it. i'm starting to feel confused over humanity. So contradictory that i start to have extreme thoughts n yearn to go for extreme measures - exercise n also at the same time, i shan't not take my lunch ( cos that's the only chance i'll not be stopped). Dennis will be mad over me taking such measures, but i guess i will go my way.
Alright, think i've finished rattering all these depressing thoughts. Probably, like wat dennis says, i'm saying all these for self-pity.
Probably i am.
having thinking in a pessismistic angle. Somehow or rather, i can't stop myself from thinking in this way. Maybe i've overworked myself, maybe i've not been having a proper meal, maybe my PMS has come to haunt upon me..hahaa..
anyway this blog for today will be a depressing one. Juz take it tat i'm crapping away..i juz need to find a channel for me to vent out my depressing thoughts. Later tat, i'll be fine =)
Probably i've been yearning for perfection recently. Trying to fulfill all my responsibilites. As a corp officer, i've failed to be one. As for my other duties, i'm still trying to do my best. Everyday, i dun see myself having a personal time for myself. Tuitions, school work, n trying to find as much time as possible to spend with my loved ones - tat's all i've done. However, i'm glad to do all these. But probably, i'm getting kinda mentally tired..probablly i need a break.
Been trying to reach dennis's expectations of a gf..cos i know myself very well tat i do not possess a lot of his requirements, i try my best to change..probably, i'm very worried that if i can't be within his expectations, i will lose him to other better ladies sooner or rather. I know i'm not good in expressing myself verbally n i'm not good in conversing with his parent. I know i do not have a good body shape n i'm kinda displeased with my external appearances. n as a result, many times, due to my lack of self-confidence, think i've caused frustrations to him. As for body shape, i always find it hard to be motivated to exercise. As a result, i decide to eat very little for my lunch - probably due to tis, it's been attributed to my mild depression. Probably, you will be shocked to hear me saying this - very often, especially recently, i've been having thoughts of going for plastic surgery, to make myself look better. Dennis does say that going for such surgery do not make one lady natural..but well, probably i've started having such conception of guys - they look for external appearance as top priority, internal beauty a secondary factor. I try to be more confident about myself, but again, my inability to express verbally has become a big hindrance to my confidence these few months. I start to worry if i dun hurry learn to express verbally well, when dennis goes to study law, he will meet ladies who can express themselves much better than me. and they can converse much better than me. Once they have interests in dennis n know that they can be even better than me,in terms of looks n confidence, they sure can kick me out. Well, i have this feeling such incident will happen in the future, cos his status in the future will be wat a lot of ladies are looking for.
Somehow or rather, i realise perfections only bring sadness; it only brings inferiority. Learning to accept the existence of human flaws lead to happiness ; it brings satisfaction. but how many people will think of this? Minority, probably none. I try to yearn for perfection, hoping things will be better. However, in the midst of the search, I still can't escape from the fact that this is the reality. I have to accept it.
I only know I've found myself half-hearted in trying to change myself. i'm scared i will lose myself - individuality. I hate the fact that people look for external factors. I hate the fact that i have to accept it. i'm starting to feel confused over humanity. So contradictory that i start to have extreme thoughts n yearn to go for extreme measures - exercise n also at the same time, i shan't not take my lunch ( cos that's the only chance i'll not be stopped). Dennis will be mad over me taking such measures, but i guess i will go my way.
Alright, think i've finished rattering all these depressing thoughts. Probably, like wat dennis says, i'm saying all these for self-pity.
Probably i am.
Friday, September 23, 2005
pissed off...
very pissed off...very disappointed... T_T
early in the morning, i travelled so far to school n yet i can't enter the lecture room. i have no idea why but anyway, i'm very pissed off. I only had 4 hours of sleep last night! n yet i can't attend the stupid dumb dumb lecture... =(
then later in the evening, i thought i can get to meet dennis, but well, in the end, it's cancelled. Initially, i was very excited to meet him after my tuition, thinking that i finally can get to meet him for dinner..But well, things cropped up, he had work to do n i can't meet him...sigh...i dun know la..i only know i'm very disappointed cos i've actually cancelled my visit to SAC n me going to attend a meeting held by the Red Cross's Adult Volunteer Division's Detachment 9. sigh...well, maybe i am not able to handle my disappointment - though i felt better after going to Times bookshop, I still cried in the end when I came back..sigh...but well, it's not his fault too.....
Recently, probably due to his work, he has not been taking interest in my personal stuff. i tried to tell him about my day in Red Cross house on the Mid-Autumn festival celebrations, n he seemed to be thinking about his work... T_T well, it's not his fault la..i know he's been kinda stressed over work, n has been thinking hard.. sigh, i juz have to make do with it..maybe i'm like this too...
Anway, forget about dennis thingy. i've joined the Detachment 9 group in Red Cross's Adult Volunteer Division. The whole organisation concept is very interesting, yet seems disorganised in some way or rather. Basically, the members volunteer to form groups of common interests, n they volunteer to organise activities. Currently, i am still not familiar with the people in this group but i've seen and talked to its leader. Pretty alright. But i have to be more initiative cos they really seem to be what we call a 'voluntary organisation'. heee...but well, i believe this is wat i'm looking for. n i hope i can learn a lot in this group.. =)
early in the morning, i travelled so far to school n yet i can't enter the lecture room. i have no idea why but anyway, i'm very pissed off. I only had 4 hours of sleep last night! n yet i can't attend the stupid dumb dumb lecture... =(
then later in the evening, i thought i can get to meet dennis, but well, in the end, it's cancelled. Initially, i was very excited to meet him after my tuition, thinking that i finally can get to meet him for dinner..But well, things cropped up, he had work to do n i can't meet him...sigh...i dun know la..i only know i'm very disappointed cos i've actually cancelled my visit to SAC n me going to attend a meeting held by the Red Cross's Adult Volunteer Division's Detachment 9. sigh...well, maybe i am not able to handle my disappointment - though i felt better after going to Times bookshop, I still cried in the end when I came back..sigh...but well, it's not his fault too.....
Recently, probably due to his work, he has not been taking interest in my personal stuff. i tried to tell him about my day in Red Cross house on the Mid-Autumn festival celebrations, n he seemed to be thinking about his work... T_T well, it's not his fault la..i know he's been kinda stressed over work, n has been thinking hard.. sigh, i juz have to make do with it..maybe i'm like this too...
Anway, forget about dennis thingy. i've joined the Detachment 9 group in Red Cross's Adult Volunteer Division. The whole organisation concept is very interesting, yet seems disorganised in some way or rather. Basically, the members volunteer to form groups of common interests, n they volunteer to organise activities. Currently, i am still not familiar with the people in this group but i've seen and talked to its leader. Pretty alright. But i have to be more initiative cos they really seem to be what we call a 'voluntary organisation'. heee...but well, i believe this is wat i'm looking for. n i hope i can learn a lot in this group.. =)
Friday, September 02, 2005
ok..here i am, having some time to write..haa..
still waiting for my first aid cert from the red cross. hopefully can get it soon, starting to realise how long 4 weeks it can be. then after that, i can start doing public duty in red cross..yeah!!
started to have a feeling of quitting as a corp staff officer..i dun know why suddenly have this idea..maybe kinda sick of it and start to ponder upon some interesting things about uniformed groups. In fact, i have this idea when i joined NCOC a few months ago.
It is interesting about this thing of human mind. In a non-profit organisation cum uniformed group, cadets with lower ranks listen and obey to those of senior ranks. well, of course u can say, this is obvious...but the thing i'm trying to say is, what is the factor which can make the cadets listen to NCOs or officers? is it due to the fear in the rank difference? is it due to the fearsome authority and power the rank can bring to? or is it due to the environment?
Somehow or rather, I start to think: what if one day these cadets do not want to listen to the higher ranks? they rebel. They refuse to listen to instructions cos these instructions have no benefits to them, especially in the situation of military punishments. It's easy to solve if it were to target at an "out-cast". But what if it's the whole group who rebel? How are the higher ranks going to handle? by rules of punishments? But if what they are prepared for the risks predicted and aim to rebel? I do think of this situation and I cannot think of any solutions to this designated problem. Fear only succumbs me.
People seems to fear the created invisible fearsome. Ranks are a form of symbolism of higher power and authority. Ranks are created and thus are expected to be respected. I have no idea what's human thinking of. Truly, humans are simply the most sophiscated and contradictory animals. Well, probably because they think.
Still don't understand what i am trying to say? it's okay cos i have not figured out the answer to my own question. HA!
still waiting for my first aid cert from the red cross. hopefully can get it soon, starting to realise how long 4 weeks it can be. then after that, i can start doing public duty in red cross..yeah!!
started to have a feeling of quitting as a corp staff officer..i dun know why suddenly have this idea..maybe kinda sick of it and start to ponder upon some interesting things about uniformed groups. In fact, i have this idea when i joined NCOC a few months ago.
It is interesting about this thing of human mind. In a non-profit organisation cum uniformed group, cadets with lower ranks listen and obey to those of senior ranks. well, of course u can say, this is obvious...but the thing i'm trying to say is, what is the factor which can make the cadets listen to NCOs or officers? is it due to the fear in the rank difference? is it due to the fearsome authority and power the rank can bring to? or is it due to the environment?
Somehow or rather, I start to think: what if one day these cadets do not want to listen to the higher ranks? they rebel. They refuse to listen to instructions cos these instructions have no benefits to them, especially in the situation of military punishments. It's easy to solve if it were to target at an "out-cast". But what if it's the whole group who rebel? How are the higher ranks going to handle? by rules of punishments? But if what they are prepared for the risks predicted and aim to rebel? I do think of this situation and I cannot think of any solutions to this designated problem. Fear only succumbs me.
People seems to fear the created invisible fearsome. Ranks are a form of symbolism of higher power and authority. Ranks are created and thus are expected to be respected. I have no idea what's human thinking of. Truly, humans are simply the most sophiscated and contradictory animals. Well, probably because they think.
Still don't understand what i am trying to say? it's okay cos i have not figured out the answer to my own question. HA!
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
busy
super busy these few weeks...completely have no time to go online until now...where i am in school library waiting for my stuff to upload..hahaa..
on 15th aug, it's dennis's birthday and it have been a great one. He is very very very happy with my present i bought for him. hee..guess what is it? haha..it's a Mazda RX-7 24:1 model.. ^_^ he likes it real much and he displays it on his study-table. ^_^
i've completed my red cross first aid standard first aid course and it have been great. i've learnt real lot from the instructor. think cos he's a staff nurse, tat's why he has lots of experiences to share with us. well, but the interesting thing is that he does not look like a nurse to me, cos of his dress code. haha..but well, anyway, i've scored pretty well for the first aid test. hee..i've gotten 29 out of 30 marks..haha...not bad right? in fact, i should have gotten full marks for it if not for my carelessness..haha.. =p i sound cocky here.. well, anyway i've done pretty well for my CPR practicals. ^^
anyway i got to stop writing here...more things coming up here...
on 15th aug, it's dennis's birthday and it have been a great one. He is very very very happy with my present i bought for him. hee..guess what is it? haha..it's a Mazda RX-7 24:1 model.. ^_^ he likes it real much and he displays it on his study-table. ^_^
i've completed my red cross first aid standard first aid course and it have been great. i've learnt real lot from the instructor. think cos he's a staff nurse, tat's why he has lots of experiences to share with us. well, but the interesting thing is that he does not look like a nurse to me, cos of his dress code. haha..but well, anyway, i've scored pretty well for the first aid test. hee..i've gotten 29 out of 30 marks..haha...not bad right? in fact, i should have gotten full marks for it if not for my carelessness..haha.. =p i sound cocky here.. well, anyway i've done pretty well for my CPR practicals. ^^
anyway i got to stop writing here...more things coming up here...
Thursday, August 11, 2005
hmm..dun know what's wrong with dennis..he's not been in a very good mood ever since on national day..sigh..
n he's not telling me anything..
initially, i thought it's okay for me to not know what's his frustrations, cos i would think i have to respect his privacy. But recently he seemed to be feeling more frustrated and i have no idea how to handle my unbalanced emotions. i tried to ask him, but he'll not tell me anything..sigh..dun know la..maybe i'm juz thinking too much now..
but well, i'm trying to take things in my own stride, trying to respect his privacy..and at the same time, i'm trying to struggle with the pessimistic thoughts n my unbalanced emotions. Maybe i have been too busy with st john n tuition stuff, seem to be neglecting him n as a result, i end up myself not knowing how he's been..it's all my fault..sigh..so maybe if he's hiding anything from me, i can't say anything cos i've not been putting much attention on him..it's not within my control, by that time...
sigh..finding hard to balance my stuff now..initially i thought i can do it, but i realise that i have overlooked one factor - human emotions. haha..of all things, as a cancerian especially, i miss out this portion..well, watever.....
arg.....not juz that, i realise that ENE is a pretty competitive school. Almost everyone is very hardworking n they are really 'chiong'....omg..i really start to doubt my ability to obtain my first class honours now...but well, only like this, i will have a stronger will to fight fight fight...!!
anyway, start moving on to red cross now..NDP is over now n i'm moving on...dun know how my future will be like...well, maybe i will still face many obstructions..i have to remain stubborn now... T_T
n he's not telling me anything..
initially, i thought it's okay for me to not know what's his frustrations, cos i would think i have to respect his privacy. But recently he seemed to be feeling more frustrated and i have no idea how to handle my unbalanced emotions. i tried to ask him, but he'll not tell me anything..sigh..dun know la..maybe i'm juz thinking too much now..
but well, i'm trying to take things in my own stride, trying to respect his privacy..and at the same time, i'm trying to struggle with the pessimistic thoughts n my unbalanced emotions. Maybe i have been too busy with st john n tuition stuff, seem to be neglecting him n as a result, i end up myself not knowing how he's been..it's all my fault..sigh..so maybe if he's hiding anything from me, i can't say anything cos i've not been putting much attention on him..it's not within my control, by that time...
sigh..finding hard to balance my stuff now..initially i thought i can do it, but i realise that i have overlooked one factor - human emotions. haha..of all things, as a cancerian especially, i miss out this portion..well, watever.....
arg.....not juz that, i realise that ENE is a pretty competitive school. Almost everyone is very hardworking n they are really 'chiong'....omg..i really start to doubt my ability to obtain my first class honours now...but well, only like this, i will have a stronger will to fight fight fight...!!
anyway, start moving on to red cross now..NDP is over now n i'm moving on...dun know how my future will be like...well, maybe i will still face many obstructions..i have to remain stubborn now... T_T
Monday, August 08, 2005
national day eve today, and yet i have to go school...stupid ah... T_T
well, anyway pretty good day today. Went to SJI to attend their national day parade. Cool parade..i can say it's something like a mini national day parade in padang..hahaa..
why am i doing there in a boys' school? haha..well, it's my NCOC junior - Weijie, who invited us to go there for a Elite gathering..Weijie's received the best private award and hee..guess he's kinda happy about this award thingy. Also, get to see Venod and talk to him. he's been a great host cos if without his conversation, think i will feel extra ultra awkward in a boys' school. Haaa...
Anyway, going for my last first aid duty tomorrow for national day parade in padang. Will miss the fireworks there. It've been a great experience for me cos i can see the fireworks ever so close and big presented to me! ^_^ i love the fireworks !!
Change my wallpaper le and i have no idea how to edit this stuff..dun know how to link the other blog address...arggg...zhijia...!! i need ur help with this...!!! HELP...!!! Xp
well, anyway pretty good day today. Went to SJI to attend their national day parade. Cool parade..i can say it's something like a mini national day parade in padang..hahaa..
why am i doing there in a boys' school? haha..well, it's my NCOC junior - Weijie, who invited us to go there for a Elite gathering..Weijie's received the best private award and hee..guess he's kinda happy about this award thingy. Also, get to see Venod and talk to him. he's been a great host cos if without his conversation, think i will feel extra ultra awkward in a boys' school. Haaa...
Anyway, going for my last first aid duty tomorrow for national day parade in padang. Will miss the fireworks there. It've been a great experience for me cos i can see the fireworks ever so close and big presented to me! ^_^ i love the fireworks !!
Change my wallpaper le and i have no idea how to edit this stuff..dun know how to link the other blog address...arggg...zhijia...!! i need ur help with this...!!! HELP...!!! Xp
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
this is so weird..
First day of sch..
all i can say is weird weiRD WEIRD...!!
Right from the start when I stepped into Boon Lay Interchange to wait for the bus, i noticed many, or i should say, all of the faces were very unfamiliar. i have never seen them before!
Not only this, when i reached school, again! the faces were very unfamiliar..aiyo!! At that moment in time, i really felt that i had gone to the wrong campus. haa..but still, i manage to see one of my friends, Gary...and that's all i have seen..of course, did see two or three familiar faces which were in my same batch.
Also, the canteen has been renovated into a food-court style one. Looks weird again to me..
Aiya, anyway the whole school just looks absolutely alien to me!!! T_T
Hee..but there are interesting incidents i encountered in sch. First early in the morning, i attended a lecture on environmental mircobiology which i had a mistake in my timetable which wrote "environmental chemistry". Also, this lecture only had 4 students, excluding me, attending it. I was utterly shocked! Next, my "computational method" lecturer is Dr Yang!!! oh my goodness...of all the lecturers, why must it be him to teach!! T_T well, basically, he is quite a lousy lecturer cos he can't pronounicate words well and doesn't teach well. sigh..but well, i still have to attend the lecture.......
Anyway i have signed up as a member of NTU Red Cross. Hee..kinda happy cos i finally manage to find the club! but well, i have to attend their welcome tea ceremony next week, then i can get to know what's in the club...aiyo...
Sch's starting, and i'm starting to 'chiong' my studies. This week will be my last week to attend SAC training. Sch starts and i have to really manage my time well cos of my hectic tuition work. Hee..i have 5 students, 6 tutoring subjects and 1 tuition centre. Somehow, i juz wish i am a superlady - can manage everything..cos currently, i have to go NDP public duty, and after this event, I still have to attend Red Cross's standard first aid course.....
Wooo...i really hope i can handle my time well!!!
all i can say is weird weiRD WEIRD...!!
Right from the start when I stepped into Boon Lay Interchange to wait for the bus, i noticed many, or i should say, all of the faces were very unfamiliar. i have never seen them before!
Not only this, when i reached school, again! the faces were very unfamiliar..aiyo!! At that moment in time, i really felt that i had gone to the wrong campus. haa..but still, i manage to see one of my friends, Gary...and that's all i have seen..of course, did see two or three familiar faces which were in my same batch.
Also, the canteen has been renovated into a food-court style one. Looks weird again to me..
Aiya, anyway the whole school just looks absolutely alien to me!!! T_T
Hee..but there are interesting incidents i encountered in sch. First early in the morning, i attended a lecture on environmental mircobiology which i had a mistake in my timetable which wrote "environmental chemistry". Also, this lecture only had 4 students, excluding me, attending it. I was utterly shocked! Next, my "computational method" lecturer is Dr Yang!!! oh my goodness...of all the lecturers, why must it be him to teach!! T_T well, basically, he is quite a lousy lecturer cos he can't pronounicate words well and doesn't teach well. sigh..but well, i still have to attend the lecture.......
Anyway i have signed up as a member of NTU Red Cross. Hee..kinda happy cos i finally manage to find the club! but well, i have to attend their welcome tea ceremony next week, then i can get to know what's in the club...aiyo...
Sch's starting, and i'm starting to 'chiong' my studies. This week will be my last week to attend SAC training. Sch starts and i have to really manage my time well cos of my hectic tuition work. Hee..i have 5 students, 6 tutoring subjects and 1 tuition centre. Somehow, i juz wish i am a superlady - can manage everything..cos currently, i have to go NDP public duty, and after this event, I still have to attend Red Cross's standard first aid course.....
Wooo...i really hope i can handle my time well!!!
Friday, July 22, 2005
Passing out Parade..SAC
today's SAC passing out parade...kinda sad to see the committee go..
well..this patch of NCOs have been real interesting..there are only 5 members in the committee - no more, no less, just the 5 of them..i can still remember they used to be very childish and disobedient when they first came to join the cca. Initially, this patch consisted of about 15 cadets; n since after the training camp, all except these 5 quited st.john..that was my first time i ever had face such a problem ever since when i was a vice-president of SAC st.john n later their corp staff officer. But well, they stood firm and strong there. I had seen them grown up, though the time i were with them was comparatively little. Now they have learnt to take charge, have grown much more mature..of course, they are real interesting cos one of them love to give some unique education to my juniors..well, anyway i'll not elaborate more on this..hehee >_<
and well, they are the patch who got into third place in first aid competition last year, after a few years of staying out of top 3 positions. In fact, they are the ones who give me much more hope in believing SAC's potential. and it is them who give me the real basic objective of first aid. and it is only until then i realise that i should make sure that all my cadets are well-trained in first aid so that they can offer their service to the public, and not just solely being trained to fight for the positions..
Now, they are going to leave soon and i am going to face a new patch of committee with a different characteristics. A new challenge is coming towards me. Somehow or rather, i realise why i like being a corp staff officer. Every year, i am facing a different patch and i face the challenges in different angles. It really trains me up to learn to adapt flexibly to the ever-changing environment..
A new patch is leading and i have already tried to teach them whatever i know (though not all). This also means i am leaving the fate of SAC to them entirely. This means i am going back to fulfill my basic duty - a student.
well..this patch of NCOs have been real interesting..there are only 5 members in the committee - no more, no less, just the 5 of them..i can still remember they used to be very childish and disobedient when they first came to join the cca. Initially, this patch consisted of about 15 cadets; n since after the training camp, all except these 5 quited st.john..that was my first time i ever had face such a problem ever since when i was a vice-president of SAC st.john n later their corp staff officer. But well, they stood firm and strong there. I had seen them grown up, though the time i were with them was comparatively little. Now they have learnt to take charge, have grown much more mature..of course, they are real interesting cos one of them love to give some unique education to my juniors..well, anyway i'll not elaborate more on this..hehee >_<
and well, they are the patch who got into third place in first aid competition last year, after a few years of staying out of top 3 positions. In fact, they are the ones who give me much more hope in believing SAC's potential. and it is them who give me the real basic objective of first aid. and it is only until then i realise that i should make sure that all my cadets are well-trained in first aid so that they can offer their service to the public, and not just solely being trained to fight for the positions..
Now, they are going to leave soon and i am going to face a new patch of committee with a different characteristics. A new challenge is coming towards me. Somehow or rather, i realise why i like being a corp staff officer. Every year, i am facing a different patch and i face the challenges in different angles. It really trains me up to learn to adapt flexibly to the ever-changing environment..
A new patch is leading and i have already tried to teach them whatever i know (though not all). This also means i am leaving the fate of SAC to them entirely. This means i am going back to fulfill my basic duty - a student.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
real tired during this weekend .. x_x
well came back late on sat night from the NDP rehearsals. Thankfully, nothing much happened during the rehearsal ( phew ) . No extra treatment from the SAF personnels.. whhaaa... !! ^_^ peaceful time, i should say . Hee..
Went to the zoo on sunday n it had been a long time i have not stepped into the zoo..But things have changed there . The hippos are all the small ones, n so are the giraffes n the kangaroos . then later i rushed from mandai zoo to marina bay for wushu gathering... wow, really tiring.. hahaa..
oh ya, one of my indonesian fren msg me on sun morning . it was a greeting msg n from the look of it, i knew he was trying to tell me tat he had returned fr his homeland . haah.... kinda of a weird friendship i have with him..
tired now, wanna stop tying...... my hands are getting very tired liao... x_X
well came back late on sat night from the NDP rehearsals. Thankfully, nothing much happened during the rehearsal ( phew ) . No extra treatment from the SAF personnels.. whhaaa... !! ^_^ peaceful time, i should say . Hee..
Went to the zoo on sunday n it had been a long time i have not stepped into the zoo..But things have changed there . The hippos are all the small ones, n so are the giraffes n the kangaroos . then later i rushed from mandai zoo to marina bay for wushu gathering... wow, really tiring.. hahaa..
oh ya, one of my indonesian fren msg me on sun morning . it was a greeting msg n from the look of it, i knew he was trying to tell me tat he had returned fr his homeland . haah.... kinda of a weird friendship i have with him..
tired now, wanna stop tying...... my hands are getting very tired liao... x_X
Friday, July 15, 2005
a little depressed now..i also dun know why i am reacting in this way..or maybe cos it's raining outside now n i'm thinking a bit too much..well, anyway.....
somehow or rather, i can't help myself thinking that i dun fit any of dennis's requirements of his ideal lady...he likes girls with look of slightly above the average - which i dun have. He likes ladies who pose themselves to be confident - which i dun think i have the confidence which he is looking for..sigh..anyway even though i have been with him for more than 2 yrs, i cannot understand why he still insists on wanting to continue n maintain this relationship in which i am not within his requirements..haiz..he does fit into my requirements but sadly, i dun fit into his..well, i still have probably a yr's grace period =)
hmm..why am i saying that? haha..hmm..well, basically i just feel very strongly that he can n he will manage to find such lady in NUS..and of course, i know he cannot give me any promise n i dun want him to, but well, these are just my thoughts..
well, probably you will think that someone in NTU might like me n i might have interest in him..but well, think i dun wanna put hopes into that. Even if the guy were to like me, it will be juz a temporary period of time..haha..well, anyway i know not many guys will dare to accept me cos many dare not 'over-power' me. i am a lady with numerous responsibilities. A eldest sister who has to constantly set up a good example to my brothers, the only daughter who cannot let her parents down, corp officer who has to worry for naughty juniors, private tutor with 5 students at hand, a good friend to be, a person who has to constantly self-reflect in order to be good, and a person who just wanna fulfill her dream in one way or another...in summary, i am trying to be a perfect person n an all-rounder.
Just by all these responsibilities, especially my status as a leader (which i have the thirst for leadership opportunities) , think not many guys dare to come close me...whhaaa...
haiz...well, anyway i juz have to treasure the times i'm spending with dennis even though i have many things at hand..i juz have to try to cook a good mushroom omelette for him..time is short n very soon, he will be exposed to more ladies n he will find what he really wants..
HaIz....hAiZ....i'm a little depressed, but watever....
somehow or rather, i can't help myself thinking that i dun fit any of dennis's requirements of his ideal lady...he likes girls with look of slightly above the average - which i dun have. He likes ladies who pose themselves to be confident - which i dun think i have the confidence which he is looking for..sigh..anyway even though i have been with him for more than 2 yrs, i cannot understand why he still insists on wanting to continue n maintain this relationship in which i am not within his requirements..haiz..he does fit into my requirements but sadly, i dun fit into his..well, i still have probably a yr's grace period =)
hmm..why am i saying that? haha..hmm..well, basically i just feel very strongly that he can n he will manage to find such lady in NUS..and of course, i know he cannot give me any promise n i dun want him to, but well, these are just my thoughts..
well, probably you will think that someone in NTU might like me n i might have interest in him..but well, think i dun wanna put hopes into that. Even if the guy were to like me, it will be juz a temporary period of time..haha..well, anyway i know not many guys will dare to accept me cos many dare not 'over-power' me. i am a lady with numerous responsibilities. A eldest sister who has to constantly set up a good example to my brothers, the only daughter who cannot let her parents down, corp officer who has to worry for naughty juniors, private tutor with 5 students at hand, a good friend to be, a person who has to constantly self-reflect in order to be good, and a person who just wanna fulfill her dream in one way or another...in summary, i am trying to be a perfect person n an all-rounder.
Just by all these responsibilities, especially my status as a leader (which i have the thirst for leadership opportunities) , think not many guys dare to come close me...whhaaa...
haiz...well, anyway i juz have to treasure the times i'm spending with dennis even though i have many things at hand..i juz have to try to cook a good mushroom omelette for him..time is short n very soon, he will be exposed to more ladies n he will find what he really wants..
HaIz....hAiZ....i'm a little depressed, but watever....
Monday, July 11, 2005
nice..the first day for NDP public duty was pretty okay, though kinda nervous..hehe..the first NDP rehearsal was National Education show, where thousands of primary 5 students came to see the show. And okay la, my side had only 4 casualties - all minor burns due to the fireworks. Sigh..but the thing was that i can't do first aid there cos it was a bit too crowded and they had to be evacuated. Sad la...
Well, i met 2 tjc's people - Sam, and Rock climbing club's Timonthy (think he's call Timonthy).. anywa, dun know why, i was teased by derek, simon, halim n hansong of the 'wonderful' treatment given to my station by the SAF . Erm...i think the SAF personnel was just being nice lo...nothing's special..they just offered my team H-Two-O drinks while i think the other teams didn't get...well, anyway the show's pretty not too bad..this is my first time i have ever stood so close to watch the fireworks. The view was great!!! ^^
If i were to be given the chance to do public duty for National Day Parade, I really dun mind going. But i really wanna do n practise first aid..sigh..
kinda miss dennis....next week's worse..he has no duty n i have to teach tuition in the evening..most probably, i only can see him 2 times next week.. T_T
Well, i met 2 tjc's people - Sam, and Rock climbing club's Timonthy (think he's call Timonthy).. anywa, dun know why, i was teased by derek, simon, halim n hansong of the 'wonderful' treatment given to my station by the SAF . Erm...i think the SAF personnel was just being nice lo...nothing's special..they just offered my team H-Two-O drinks while i think the other teams didn't get...well, anyway the show's pretty not too bad..this is my first time i have ever stood so close to watch the fireworks. The view was great!!! ^^
If i were to be given the chance to do public duty for National Day Parade, I really dun mind going. But i really wanna do n practise first aid..sigh..
kinda miss dennis....next week's worse..he has no duty n i have to teach tuition in the evening..most probably, i only can see him 2 times next week.. T_T
Saturday, July 09, 2005
great..it's time..later i've to go for NDP public duty..well, kinda stressed, frankly speaking.. =p
it've been years i've not been doing public duty n this is a major one..boy, how stress i am! During these few years, i've spent too much time on coaching my juniors. Well, i hardly have the chance to go for public duty n well, i am hardly asked to go for duties..maybe i have to get them myself. But well, in order to do that, i need to socialise, which i dun really like to do that.. =p
kinda stressful, being an officer, i am assumed that i have a higher level of first aid knowledge than the cadets. sigh..really dislike this kind of stress, but well, i've to learn to deal with it....well, hopefully i can do much much better in red cross, cos i'm going in as a newbie. i dun really want the ppl in red cross to know that i'm from sj..haa..well, at least when i go for public duty in red cross in the future, i will feel more comfortable as an apprentice n a 'newbie', n later to be more confident n experienced in handling first aid cases.. =)
lately, i realise that my pronounication is going downhill n i have the tendency to repeat my sentences..aiyo..dun know what's wrong with me..well, anyway, i've decided to train myself on my pronounication n have to constantly remind myself to speak slower in better pronounication. Later, i have to build up my vocab, or else i will find difficulties in expressing myself verbally. i cannot afford myself to be at this state anymore. in order to be a better leader, i have to make sure that at least i can express my ideas to the rest clearly... =p
well, really hopefully everything will go on well later during NDP rehearsal..i dun wanna lose face..sigh..tat's what i dislike myself being an officer..
but well, i'm going to fight for public duty in red cross in the future..hahaa..
----------------- end of part 1 ----------------
something kinda strike my bad memories this afternoon during SAC's training. i was being reminded about the horrible reality of the great importance of academic results. well, i can understand why my cadets have a mentality of needing to have a good CCA results. well, that i cannot deny that there is a need, but well, there is a greater need to get good academic results. This is what i've learnt after my academic years in temasek junior college (tjc) - with good results, u can afford to choose the schools. But with poor results, ur freedom of choice will be stripped off n the schools will choose u. Good CCA results are not everything. I have gone through this stage. I have gone through the stage where i can afford to choose the school n i have gone through the stage where i have to choose something which i dislike to study n yet the school has to choose me...all i can say, it's devastating period to go through. i have to accept the reality that academic results are the most major requirement for entry into schools. i had to go to meet the admin officer for appeal into NUS..i had to see my mum who was almost in tears n was almost begging the admin officers in both local universities ( especially NUS) to accept me to enrol into the campus! n why are all these happening? this is cos of my poor 'A' level results! =(
whenever i remembered the period when i had to go through, I really dislike myself n the consequences of getting poor results..but well, currently, thankfully, my results are pretty not too bad..n my parents are really more relieved now.. =)
the more i think about this, the more i have the will to do well in school! So i wanna get first-class honours in environmental engineering!! but well, this also means that i cannot devote myself too much into sjab n red cross stuff..
well, why am i telling u all about my this past personal incident? hmm..basically, i wanna all my friends n my juniors to know that idealism has to be in same frequency as reality. yes, it is still important to be good in CCA, but most importantly, the academic results have to be 'there'...
well, this i have to remind myself constantly too... =p
it've been years i've not been doing public duty n this is a major one..boy, how stress i am! During these few years, i've spent too much time on coaching my juniors. Well, i hardly have the chance to go for public duty n well, i am hardly asked to go for duties..maybe i have to get them myself. But well, in order to do that, i need to socialise, which i dun really like to do that.. =p
kinda stressful, being an officer, i am assumed that i have a higher level of first aid knowledge than the cadets. sigh..really dislike this kind of stress, but well, i've to learn to deal with it....well, hopefully i can do much much better in red cross, cos i'm going in as a newbie. i dun really want the ppl in red cross to know that i'm from sj..haa..well, at least when i go for public duty in red cross in the future, i will feel more comfortable as an apprentice n a 'newbie', n later to be more confident n experienced in handling first aid cases.. =)
lately, i realise that my pronounication is going downhill n i have the tendency to repeat my sentences..aiyo..dun know what's wrong with me..well, anyway, i've decided to train myself on my pronounication n have to constantly remind myself to speak slower in better pronounication. Later, i have to build up my vocab, or else i will find difficulties in expressing myself verbally. i cannot afford myself to be at this state anymore. in order to be a better leader, i have to make sure that at least i can express my ideas to the rest clearly... =p
well, really hopefully everything will go on well later during NDP rehearsal..i dun wanna lose face..sigh..tat's what i dislike myself being an officer..
but well, i'm going to fight for public duty in red cross in the future..hahaa..
----------------- end of part 1 ----------------
something kinda strike my bad memories this afternoon during SAC's training. i was being reminded about the horrible reality of the great importance of academic results. well, i can understand why my cadets have a mentality of needing to have a good CCA results. well, that i cannot deny that there is a need, but well, there is a greater need to get good academic results. This is what i've learnt after my academic years in temasek junior college (tjc) - with good results, u can afford to choose the schools. But with poor results, ur freedom of choice will be stripped off n the schools will choose u. Good CCA results are not everything. I have gone through this stage. I have gone through the stage where i can afford to choose the school n i have gone through the stage where i have to choose something which i dislike to study n yet the school has to choose me...all i can say, it's devastating period to go through. i have to accept the reality that academic results are the most major requirement for entry into schools. i had to go to meet the admin officer for appeal into NUS..i had to see my mum who was almost in tears n was almost begging the admin officers in both local universities ( especially NUS) to accept me to enrol into the campus! n why are all these happening? this is cos of my poor 'A' level results! =(
whenever i remembered the period when i had to go through, I really dislike myself n the consequences of getting poor results..but well, currently, thankfully, my results are pretty not too bad..n my parents are really more relieved now.. =)
the more i think about this, the more i have the will to do well in school! So i wanna get first-class honours in environmental engineering!! but well, this also means that i cannot devote myself too much into sjab n red cross stuff..
well, why am i telling u all about my this past personal incident? hmm..basically, i wanna all my friends n my juniors to know that idealism has to be in same frequency as reality. yes, it is still important to be good in CCA, but most importantly, the academic results have to be 'there'...
well, this i have to remind myself constantly too... =p
Thursday, July 07, 2005
dun bother me
okie..this blog for today is not going to be very pleasant..juz dun bother me..
sometimes, life's really dumb..in other words, it's stupid idiot..full of rules n regulations, full of responsibilities which you have to cut yourself into bits n pieces to cater to everyone's needs..life's full of stupidity - values often become the obligations of one; values often become the emotional n mental burdens of one..n why is everyone wanting to become that stupid one? why is everyone so willing to accept burdens n obligations? well, easy to answer - this is because everyone is stupidddd...!!! including me. HA!
Anyway this song is dedicated to the one n only one - stupid me.
Cheers to the life of stupidity!
" stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot
stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
sttttuuuupppppiiiidddddddd......!!!!"
Thank you for all your attention!
*nice song i've sung. HA!
okie, sorry if anyone dun understand what i'm singing..i kinda in a bad mood...anyway, pls pardon me if i've offended anyone..no offence..
still, stupid idiot life......
sometimes, life's really dumb..in other words, it's stupid idiot..full of rules n regulations, full of responsibilities which you have to cut yourself into bits n pieces to cater to everyone's needs..life's full of stupidity - values often become the obligations of one; values often become the emotional n mental burdens of one..n why is everyone wanting to become that stupid one? why is everyone so willing to accept burdens n obligations? well, easy to answer - this is because everyone is stupidddd...!!! including me. HA!
Anyway this song is dedicated to the one n only one - stupid me.
Cheers to the life of stupidity!
" stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot
stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot stupid idiot
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
sttttuuuupppppiiiidddddddd......!!!!"
Thank you for all your attention!
*nice song i've sung. HA!
okie, sorry if anyone dun understand what i'm singing..i kinda in a bad mood...anyway, pls pardon me if i've offended anyone..no offence..
still, stupid idiot life......
Friday, July 01, 2005
yeah...!! NDP ground familiarisation exercise has been cancelled..!!! i can go enjoy my day in sj carnival..!! ^_^ then i dun have to see the SRC ppl too..hehee..
well, dennis n i are back to normal. n guess what? after 2 yrs n 9 mths, i finally cooked something for him!! it's his favourite omelette - mushroom omelette! my first trial was terrible. I had adjusted the fuel power too great n my egg was almost roasted - almost inedible..haha..but well, my second trial was kinda a success. The egg was more well-cooked, but a bit over-cooked (tat's wat he said) n it was more edible-looking..hahaha..however, as i had added too much cream of mushroom sauce, the omelette burst a little n i was almost practically struggling with the 'fellow'. Tough guy siah...haha..n not only tat, as i could not find any decent container to contain the omelette, the display of the omelette looked 'inedible'..hhhaa..still, he likes it n i wanna make more wonderful mushroom omelette for him!! ^^
well, dennis n i are back to normal. n guess what? after 2 yrs n 9 mths, i finally cooked something for him!! it's his favourite omelette - mushroom omelette! my first trial was terrible. I had adjusted the fuel power too great n my egg was almost roasted - almost inedible..haha..but well, my second trial was kinda a success. The egg was more well-cooked, but a bit over-cooked (tat's wat he said) n it was more edible-looking..hahaha..however, as i had added too much cream of mushroom sauce, the omelette burst a little n i was almost practically struggling with the 'fellow'. Tough guy siah...haha..n not only tat, as i could not find any decent container to contain the omelette, the display of the omelette looked 'inedible'..hhhaa..still, he likes it n i wanna make more wonderful mushroom omelette for him!! ^^
Monday, June 27, 2005
solved
well, my day didn't really start pretty well..i had an argument with dennis throughout the whole evening..well, it's my fault afterall..
hmm..how should i put it across u all?well, i have not been in a good mood these few days. One reason is due to the fact that two of my precious things were destroyed within the 2 training camps which i've attended. Well, one is already repaired while the other is still under repair..this is really sickening..Next, my NDP PD may have to clash with SRC's first aid course which i've signed weeks ago..T_T Third, i've been feeling annoyed with things which are planned last-minute recently..Forth, i juz realise tat i have so many things at hand tat i almost neglected dennis..As a result, he's not happy n i'm not happy too..but well, think the situation is getting better now. Both of us are talking peacefully over the phone juz now.. ^^
well, i have to say it's my fault tat i wanna take up so many things n i know dennis only wishes me to focus on my voluntary work on one organisation. well, i've decided - most probably, when nothing goes wrong after NDP PD, i will focus my contribution on SRC..tat's why i have told my Elite platoon that this NCOC could be my first n my last...kinda miss them now..
well, anyway, back to the main issue. i realise tat i am a workaholic whereas dennis is not. Probably due to difference in our family background, i seem to priotise my family less than dennis. in fact, i should be ashamed of myself cos i value work more than my family n friends. It has been hard on him, i know, to tolerate me, a person who has a totally different interest n passion to any other girls...but well, though the solution seems to be tat he claims he will not ask me to change my schedule at the last minute, i will try my very best to accomodate to his schedule. cos i really dun wanna him to feel that sjab n red cross are my life. in fact, they are really not my life; they are only my moral n emotional support to strengthen my belief in life - helping n serving others positively. but dennis is my part n parcel of life whom i can't afford to lose....
maybe like my parents had said to me once, afterall i'm not fated to become a medical professional...
hmm..how should i put it across u all?well, i have not been in a good mood these few days. One reason is due to the fact that two of my precious things were destroyed within the 2 training camps which i've attended. Well, one is already repaired while the other is still under repair..this is really sickening..Next, my NDP PD may have to clash with SRC's first aid course which i've signed weeks ago..T_T Third, i've been feeling annoyed with things which are planned last-minute recently..Forth, i juz realise tat i have so many things at hand tat i almost neglected dennis..As a result, he's not happy n i'm not happy too..but well, think the situation is getting better now. Both of us are talking peacefully over the phone juz now.. ^^
well, i have to say it's my fault tat i wanna take up so many things n i know dennis only wishes me to focus on my voluntary work on one organisation. well, i've decided - most probably, when nothing goes wrong after NDP PD, i will focus my contribution on SRC..tat's why i have told my Elite platoon that this NCOC could be my first n my last...kinda miss them now..
well, anyway, back to the main issue. i realise tat i am a workaholic whereas dennis is not. Probably due to difference in our family background, i seem to priotise my family less than dennis. in fact, i should be ashamed of myself cos i value work more than my family n friends. It has been hard on him, i know, to tolerate me, a person who has a totally different interest n passion to any other girls...but well, though the solution seems to be tat he claims he will not ask me to change my schedule at the last minute, i will try my very best to accomodate to his schedule. cos i really dun wanna him to feel that sjab n red cross are my life. in fact, they are really not my life; they are only my moral n emotional support to strengthen my belief in life - helping n serving others positively. but dennis is my part n parcel of life whom i can't afford to lose....
maybe like my parents had said to me once, afterall i'm not fated to become a medical professional...
Sunday, June 26, 2005
bad bad..
this is horrible, man.....i have to meet SRC ppl soon... T_T
juz realised tat i've been selected to go for NDP public duty n i have to attend a ground familiarised exercise on 2nd july at ard 123o...arghh..i wanna go for the carnival to support my NCOC junior...he's going on to the NCO Idol...!! sigh..not this matter, the ppl who are going for tat NDP event have to meet up with the SRC NDP PD ppl...!! arghh...i really hope the person-in-charge cannot recognise me on that day..!! cos i never tell him tat i am fr SJAB, i only somehow told him that i'm juz an amateur..aiyo......so horrible... T_T
well, i dun care anyway..i have signed up for SRC liao..hmmm..then not only this, i think that the whole event will actually last for about 2 mths...!! argh........!!! well, dennis is not very pleased with tat, but i really wanna grab this opportunity n learn more things. sigh...then he feels that i priotise SJAB more than him..sigh..it's not tat but it's juz tat first aid is my passion n i really dun wanna miss this opportunity..anyway think i'm going to go real busy over the next 2 mths liao... =p
omg.....i really need to pray hard hard for myself....
juz realised tat i've been selected to go for NDP public duty n i have to attend a ground familiarised exercise on 2nd july at ard 123o...arghh..i wanna go for the carnival to support my NCOC junior...he's going on to the NCO Idol...!! sigh..not this matter, the ppl who are going for tat NDP event have to meet up with the SRC NDP PD ppl...!! arghh...i really hope the person-in-charge cannot recognise me on that day..!! cos i never tell him tat i am fr SJAB, i only somehow told him that i'm juz an amateur..aiyo......so horrible... T_T
well, i dun care anyway..i have signed up for SRC liao..hmmm..then not only this, i think that the whole event will actually last for about 2 mths...!! argh........!!! well, dennis is not very pleased with tat, but i really wanna grab this opportunity n learn more things. sigh...then he feels that i priotise SJAB more than him..sigh..it's not tat but it's juz tat first aid is my passion n i really dun wanna miss this opportunity..anyway think i'm going to go real busy over the next 2 mths liao... =p
omg.....i really need to pray hard hard for myself....
hee hee..have a great day today..first thing, i woke up late in the morning cos of my SAC camp..the camp's super tiring..only had 3 hrs of sleep each camp day :p n my juniors were hard to handle..had to modify the training style cos i had received complaints from a grandparent who actually stood outside the school fr morning to night time..argh.. T_T
anyway back to today, i was late for the NCO examination course day..haha..overslept..also, i received a present from my SAC sec 2 juniors..they are really very sweet..!! i never expect a present from them at all, and it really shocked me..!! hahaa..not only, my Elite platoon n the whole course platoons sang me birthday songs n i had another surprise..then, later after the course, all my officer friends bought me a chocolate cake n again i was surprised. I was totally not prepared that they will buy me a cake to celebrate my birthday..somehow or rather, i was wondering whether i should continue staying active on zone level cos i am really very touched by their actions.. T_T
still, in overall, i have learnt from NCO as a platoon commander - i realise myself that i need to speak more, learn to pronounicate my words clearly..n probably have to get more vocab so that i can express myself better..think i've been speaking chinese too often nowadays..hhaa..
but i dun know..i juz have this feeling that i will not going for next year's NCOC though i wish to..i have signed up as a volunteer in Singapore Red Cross cos afterall SRC is where i started my first aid 'career'n it seems to promise me the things which i have been always wanting to contribute..i will be still active in SAC but i dun think i will be active on zone level..anyway things in SRC are not finalised though i have successfully gotten their membership card..well, sigh..i kinda miss NCOC, especially my Elite's people..
by the way, i have to cancel one of my students' tuition lesson..sigh..longer time to get my salary..well, watever.....somehow or rather, i'm starting to feel obligated to adjust my time schedule for Dennis..hmm..maybe i have many things at my hands and things are getting out of hands..wat actually happened was that Dennis wanted me to push forward my lesson from 10 am to 9 am cos i have to attend a last-minute lunch with his family...but i can't cos my student has not replied me till now n now he is not very pleased..not only that, he wanna me to rush down to the restaurant after the tuition..sigh..but it's not my fault at all n he last minute wanna me change or cancel my lessons...sigh..i dun know la..maybe cos he will not change his schedule for my sake,but well, he has his reasons of not able to fulfill this n i can understand....well, i juz have to tolerate..sigh..maybe i'm expecting more from him now cos he 'revives' this relationship n yet he doesn't seem to be doing it so..maybe recently i juz have feeling tat i look like more of his good good friend to him when both of us are walking on the streets..hmm..well, i know n i can understand that he is busy n tired with his NS job n i cannot expect so much committment from him..sigh..as a result, i end up committing myself more to SJAB stuff n tuition stuff..die la..have problems again..
but well, i am busy too n recently i have many things at hand which are pusing me physically to the extremes. As a result, i am too tired to message him..sigh..can't blame him la..it's my fault too..
anyway back to today, i was late for the NCO examination course day..haha..overslept..also, i received a present from my SAC sec 2 juniors..they are really very sweet..!! i never expect a present from them at all, and it really shocked me..!! hahaa..not only, my Elite platoon n the whole course platoons sang me birthday songs n i had another surprise..then, later after the course, all my officer friends bought me a chocolate cake n again i was surprised. I was totally not prepared that they will buy me a cake to celebrate my birthday..somehow or rather, i was wondering whether i should continue staying active on zone level cos i am really very touched by their actions.. T_T
still, in overall, i have learnt from NCO as a platoon commander - i realise myself that i need to speak more, learn to pronounicate my words clearly..n probably have to get more vocab so that i can express myself better..think i've been speaking chinese too often nowadays..hhaa..
but i dun know..i juz have this feeling that i will not going for next year's NCOC though i wish to..i have signed up as a volunteer in Singapore Red Cross cos afterall SRC is where i started my first aid 'career'n it seems to promise me the things which i have been always wanting to contribute..i will be still active in SAC but i dun think i will be active on zone level..anyway things in SRC are not finalised though i have successfully gotten their membership card..well, sigh..i kinda miss NCOC, especially my Elite's people..
by the way, i have to cancel one of my students' tuition lesson..sigh..longer time to get my salary..well, watever.....somehow or rather, i'm starting to feel obligated to adjust my time schedule for Dennis..hmm..maybe i have many things at my hands and things are getting out of hands..wat actually happened was that Dennis wanted me to push forward my lesson from 10 am to 9 am cos i have to attend a last-minute lunch with his family...but i can't cos my student has not replied me till now n now he is not very pleased..not only that, he wanna me to rush down to the restaurant after the tuition..sigh..but it's not my fault at all n he last minute wanna me change or cancel my lessons...sigh..i dun know la..maybe cos he will not change his schedule for my sake,but well, he has his reasons of not able to fulfill this n i can understand....well, i juz have to tolerate..sigh..maybe i'm expecting more from him now cos he 'revives' this relationship n yet he doesn't seem to be doing it so..maybe recently i juz have feeling tat i look like more of his good good friend to him when both of us are walking on the streets..hmm..well, i know n i can understand that he is busy n tired with his NS job n i cannot expect so much committment from him..sigh..as a result, i end up committing myself more to SJAB stuff n tuition stuff..die la..have problems again..
but well, i am busy too n recently i have many things at hand which are pusing me physically to the extremes. As a result, i am too tired to message him..sigh..can't blame him la..it's my fault too..
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