Back to work today after taking my birthday leave yesterday...and gosh..super lots of things to handle..

and can't believe i'll need to work till 10pm..just to rush the preparation for my director's board meeting tomorrow morning...

sigh....

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kinda decide to stay in my comfort zone for a year more ..feel i should make more achievements in the meantime..

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can't believe i've worked in my company for a year plus a few more days..

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Starting my tcm this thursday..and my oh my...i'm already in my 3rd...

the past 2 yrs have been a long walk for me...in my 3rd yr now..so 4 more yrs to go!

JIAYOU....!!!!

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AG lent me his D70 to try out, before i can decide on which camera to get...should be getting soon................

hhaa...think shall wait for the next IT fair =p

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Oh ya! finally i bought myself a new lady bag..!!!! hahaha..finally.......otherwise i'll need to wait till dec to start maintaining my wardrobe logistic..

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sch's starting soon and i realise that i've not started some of my holiday activities which i've planned for myself...have not attended a CPR course by the spore medical association (it's time for me to refresh my cert)...have not visited singapore homes for the disabled (feel like taking some photos there; not sure if i'm allowed to do so..)....have not visited arts museum...have not cooked anything...!!!!!

and oh..i've finally managed to find rice paper...!!! and i realise that i do not need to go to the little india to get..!! hahhaa...bought a packet from a shop near AG's house...hahah..and yeah..!!! can start making vietnamese spring rolls..!! AG loves them, and so do i (ever since returned from vietnam..haha..)

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i can't wait for next week..have applied for my time-off...so long weekend again..hee hee...must try to enjoy..so please dun come and "kajiat" me... =p

can use the time to study for my this sem's modules...

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only din get to see AG for a day..and i start missing him....

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Photos..!!! SIWW..!!

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Thank you, everyone, for all the wishes through smses, and facebook msgs...thank you thank you.. =)

was reading the long list of wishes from facebook..made me really glad.. =)

and also, AG's been wishing me "happy birthday" from each call we made on that day.. =)

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yesterday's been a busy day..went to attend the plenary forum with my delegate in the morning...then a separate lunch session..

and oh ya! i saw one guy from NTU who looked very familiar...he looked like the guy whom i've seen in one NTU-Red Cross activity..
Din know that he's involved in siww too..

and tada..! the water lecture by Prof lettinga..! was very excited initially, happily listening to the familiar terms..and the familiar images (i know which literature review comes from cos i have it during my fyp period..) ..but still dozed off in the middle portion.. =p took a few pictures of him..shall post them when i'm more free...

then was called back by my boss to go back office...urgent matter to attend to... =(

in the evening, one of my colleague who is a liaison officer to my delegate's colleague also joined in the dinner with the delegates and his other colleagues...

dinner in pan pacific hotel's rang mahal restuarant..it's an indian restuarant with very great ambience..the food was fantastic, and so was the white wine..good wine..love the subtle sweetness with that cistric taste..

the whole dinner was very very long...about 2 to 3hrs...and my delegate loves to drink wine a lot..think he's asked for about 4 to 5 bottles...i think so...

both my colleague and i were pretty nervous and started to get a little uncomfortable..

then again, it's good experience to interact with these delegates, especially mine, with very different personalities...a lot of good leadership points to pick up from my delegate..

and oh ya..it's only until dinner when i noticed that he's a little resemblance to john travolta..hahahahah...

and so much so for my birthday...and dun know what's wrong with me..at the end of the whole day, i was on the verge of tears as i went home...i dun like the way my birthday's celebrated..i love the dinner - the food was great..but they're afterall related to work..i juz dun like it..and i hate the fact that every year, my birthday's always interrupted with non personal-related matters..

and my birthday ended with me crying when i spoke to AG once i reached home..think i was really very upset and tried to cover up my little desire the whole day..cos all i wish for my birthday was a good rest and his accompany on that day..

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met up with AG today for dinner in sushi tei..and i love the dinner and his accompany..and this one, i really enjoyed the dinner..

i was really glad that AG asked me out for dinner today...

it's okay that i do not receive any gift from him..he din bring me to that fanciful restaurant which was initially arranged..however to me, the greatest birthday gift which i can receive from him was his accompany which makes me feel very comfortable.

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Oki, shall go play my sims3...

Quiet morning..felt very focused trying to clear my emails..

Opening ceremony in the evening and there i met my delegate..
it's really a steep getting-to-know curve..
and i should have trusted my intuition and went with him to yesterday's event in Jewel Box..he kinda hinted to me that he kinda minds about me not going at the last-minute..he also told me that i need to be agressive, and if possible, go to every event with him, cos i can expand my network by meeting all the big-shots around him..

but i wasn't feeling much affected by what he said..in fact, it encouraged me to perform better..at least i feel he's honest with me and he's teaching me..

learnt a lot about the business culture difference from him..and he has such large network..my gosh...i can't believe that he used to be a scientist, and now a VP..gosh..

anyway going to a dinner with him and his business partners from AWWA..can't believe he's skipping the opening ceremony of the changi WRP..hahhaa..

and can't believe i'm going for dinner with these american delegates on my birthday...hope it's gonna be a good one..i must open up more and enjoy..!!

Feel like an unconventional job interview ... but can't be bother la..if i really get a job opportunity from this delegate..i will surely treat everyone a dinner...hahhaha...

but can't wait to attend the water lecture presented by prof lettinga..!! cos my delegate will be attending the lecture too..i've studied his literature and my fyp was about his anaerobic treatment..!! wooo woo..!! gonna read about his literature again later..and this year, he's the LKY water prize award recipient..cool cool...!!

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oki, happy birthday to mantou..hope she'll have more time for herself and for her loved ones..

Been spending a lot of money...think i've spent my one month of salary..taxis..clothes...

sigh.

first time running in city link with my heels on, dashing from city hall mrt station all the way to suntec convention hall so that i can catch the last min to do the registration for my delegate..

dun know why..running on heels are a lot harder than running on track shoes..i panted more and kept coughing for air after the run..this is bad...

wasn't in a very good mood today. went to g2000 in tamp one to shop for clothes and finally i am eligible to get my g2000 membership card...yeah......

sigh...something has been going in my head..and i can feel the intuition is strong..but i guess i need to look around first..i feel there's an urge to get out of the 'comfort zone' and venture out..

i'm starting to feel tired of this zone...and i can't feel happy and confident at all...

A Saturday

a lot of things happened on a saturday...

on my way to my dancing lesson (not the salsa one though)..received a call from work..was told that my initially assigned delegate can't make it for the convention, so last min was assigned to be LO to another delegate..this time he's from new york..

and gosh..he's arriving singapore in the afternoon..!!! arg...

so after lesson, rushed to my dental appointment..the treatment was not as scary and painful as i thought of...but my that injuried side was numb over 2 hrs..next week's my second appointment..

lucky thing, when i reached the airport, my teeth were not as numb as before..

was such in a rush that i din have the time to read so much about him and his company..and only thinking that today's saturday and he's an american..so need not to wear to be so formal..and the flight was earlier than pre-arranged..so ended up grabbing a cab...

saw some of my colleagues in the airport and realised that they were all in office wear..thought i was in dead situation, that my attire may not be appropriate...somemore when they received their japanese delegates, these delegates were also wearing office attire..,.gosh..!!!

the more i felt very anxious...and kept thinking of what excuses i can give to the delegate of my dress code..

but lucky thing...hahaha...the delegate wore jeans too..!!!! =D phew.... =p =p

and notice that this delegate will be going to many events...golf...opening ceremony...water prize dinner...dinner by the bay...gosh....

especially golf..i need to wake up in the wee hours of the morning.. T___T

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I kinda miss AG... =(

the closer my birthday is nearing..the more i feel like crying..

i can't enjoy myself on my very own birthday.. =(

and i'm feeling aged..to try to chew my food on the healthy side of my teeth..while at the same time, trying my best to chew real slow...

basically i'm not enjoying my food happily..and i'm not enjoying my work as a result..

and sat i can't eat well...no more good dinner treat for me...

i'm happy with all the birthday wishes, cos at least those try to keep me in good spirit..

but the more i think , the more i wanna cry..cos it seems that every year my birthday has never seemed to be a good proper rest, or full enjoyment..always clashes with camps, work..and i only know i'll never have a good birthday cos it will always clash with the big event..

yes, it's a self-pity..

but i'm really sick and tired of not enjoying my this unique day fully...

=(

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JAC...!!! =D

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Went to see a dentist yesterday..was told that my that tooth needs to undergo root canal therapy... =(

was very upset and traumatised after the visit...almost on the verge of tears whenever i think about it...it's going to be hurtful...and i gonna spend a sum of money on that tooth..

and meanwhile, i've been using one side of my teeth to bite..i'm getting tired of that..but whenever i try to eat on the injuried side of the teeth, i can feel the acute pain and the sudden temporary paralysis of my mouth refusing to close itself cos of the pain... T___T

and AG has to cancel off the nice dinner treat which he has intended to plan for me on this sat, cos i'll be seeing the specialist this sat to get my tooth done (only partially, i guess)...

T___T i can't eat great food...and i wanna eat food from next week's siww.... T___T

everyone, please pray for me, that i can get my tooth repaired and recovered soon so that i can be "baba" again.. (AG has been using this term "baba" to tease me ever since ZJ mentioned i looked "baba" last yr's dec..) =p

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my assignment of a liaison officer for siww has been confirmed..will be liaison officer to a business forum speaker from L.A...

nervous, excited...but i need to wake up super early on my birthday to receive him at the airport... T___T

sigh...guess it's something i need to get used of..work and work for every yr of my birthday... =(

Met up with ZJ they all yesterday in tampines one..! =) to celebrate Jacinta and my birthday! hee...

Got a birthday card, a bottle of bodylotion (lavendar scent.. =)) and $30 worth of shopping vouchers..!!! =D

hahaha..i like the vouchers..cos can use the money to shop..!! =D hee..more practical.. =p

Enjoy the chit-chat session too..!! hee..

Then met AG for dinner in East Coast.. =)

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Hee....went to Science Centre to visit the Da Vinci Museum last sun..!! heee...yeah..!!! i was very happy on that day... =)))) partly cos AG was willing to go there with me...heee hee...

the museum was pretty not too bad..but i feel it can be bigger..i feel it's not enough..!!!
But definitely looking at his drawings of anatomy...woowooo....i'm loving leonardo da vinci more...

and his engineering drawings...wooo...i'm loving him toooo...

probably that's all what i like about him since sec 2... =)))

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Went to ZJ's house last sat...!! =D to play monopoly..!! hahaha...so fun..although i lost... haha.. =p

and we took polaroid photos...!! hee..and the photos were well-taken..!! hee...!! =)

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Went to sing ktv with my 2 colleagues on friday...almost lost my voice...

but i need the voice...upcoming event - siww...arg...

Was very sick the whole day...took an one-day mc..

running nose and bad sorethroat...feeling very drowsy the whole day..

Wasn't very focused at work yesterday..haha..mainly cos i'm too excited over the performance!

haha..

been a nice evening to spend with me and myself..had a nice slice of cheesecake and a cup of cappucino in starbucks, enjoying the loneliness, listening to music and catching up with my reading...

the show's totally awesome...!!! again, it makes my money worthwhile..haahaa...

Love the opening..it has the longest silence which i and the whole audience experienced..the dancers were great, the movement, the choreography, the gracefulness with spices of assertion and body power..the clever use of the whole stage, playfully manipulating the audience's sight and perception..and the performance ends sweetly dramatic and powerful..the whole show totally awes me and it gives me another new angle and ideas..

but of course, i've to admit that there are some parts which i can't really understand what they were dancing.. =p

and after the show, did a quick late night shopping in raffles city shopping mall, before heading home..

it's been a long time since i can do all these, without any worry about my study...i'm feeling focused on the relaxing..! =D

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Also, finally the results for the module which is the hardest to study was out yesterday...! Was very relieved and happy for myself..though it's still not within my score target..been feeling so scared that i might fail this module..but haa..my result was kinda unexpected - i actually did better than what i thought based on my performance on that day..

then again, one month holiday is not totally for me to relax..but it's for me to catch up...and indeed i've been doing so..

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oki, gonna go...

breakfast, followed by meeting ZJ they all, and later after the gathering, meeting AG to watch "Night at the Musuem 2"..!

A Saturday fully packed with activities..before hitting to work on the Sunday morning..

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Must find a weekend to hit the Da Vinci Museum..ah... i wanna go! i wanna go!!!!

TADA~! my new pair of frameless specs~! nice nice?? heee..i like them a lot..i like the design a lot...haa..and i was quite surprised that the specs come together with a spec box of its own and a package box to go along with...

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Yeah..!! can't wait to attend tomorrow's performance..! hee..yup bought the "Cullberg Ballet" ..read the synopsis..and it seems to be pretty interesting..

Will be going there alone, but i feel it's fine..hee..cos i dun want AG to feel bored over the performance..so i din feel angry or frustrated or anything .. =p

but haha..excited for tomorrow!!! =D

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Arg..one month holiday is not enough for me...basically weekdays can't do much after work..weekends there are only four..and i might be going to be busy during the whole siww week,..though not sure which delegate am i allocated to, or if i am going to be allocated to one..haha..

gonna go work this sun..T_T but still not too bad..half day in sembawang..but it's so super far from my house la...think it's quite near to HL's house too..hhahaha...

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oh ya! met HL and his gf last night for dinner, together with AG over at Mackenzie restaurant..the food is relatively nice..and they served only rice from chicken rice..yum yum!

hhaha..and he's put on weight..!!! hahaa..he's getting chubbier..hhahaha..must be the food of love...

eeeekkkk..that's mushy...!!!!!

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Another busy day..sigh..handling with HR issue..but should be ok la..

slept immediately after dinner..slept till this morning..gosh, am i tired...

sigh..one month of holiday..suddenly feel that it's not enough for me..i wanna more rest..

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and SIGH..wanting to sign up for a salsa class and this is what they told me via email:

"Hi Man Sze,

Thanks for signing up for our salsa class :) We're so sorry to let you know that our beginner class starting on 13 Jun is only confirming guys or couples right now.

To manage the ladies:guys ratio in our classes, we cap the number of ladies signing up, and is now only confirming guys or couples for the class.

Pls let us know should you be able to sign up with a guy friend for the class. Otherwise, please let us know if you wish to be waitlisted, thank you. "

(T__T) i feel a little insulted and hurt..so only couples or a pair of guy-female frens can join?!
when i read this, i feel like crying...the more i think of this paragraph, the more i feel like crying...it's like this kind of dance only couples can dance..single females cannot dance? it's not that i'm single iterally, but AG's not joining and I wanna dance again..but i can't dance salsa juz cos i dun have a partner to sign together with me?!

*@#)*@JHEUW)(#@8#008*#*$#*$)@&$_@*_@(*#

(T__T)

Anyway decided to sign up for ladies salsa styling class from another dance school instead..hopefully they still have vacancy..

disappointed with this sch... =(

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I wanna cry again..was checking out events for Arts Fest..and realised that the play "Long Life" has been fully booked..ARGGHHHH... (T___T)

now only left a modern ballet performance by the Cullberg Ballet..sigh..but most likely will be getting this ticket and be going by myself..dun tink AG will be interested to go with me for all these events cos he doesn't want to go to art museum with me, so kinda assumed that this kind of stuff he will not want to accompany me to watch..

better get the ticket tomorrow after work..the performance is this week..!

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Another play which i feel like watching - The Reduced Shakespeare Company's ''The Complete Works of William Shakespeare'' ..Read the synopsis and it's pretty interesting..hee..

Another play which I'm waiting patiently is "The Pillowman"..watched this play before and I wanna watch it again..! Any interested party who wanna watch this play with me? Let me know..haa...

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Still very upset with the fact that the dance school rejected me juz cos of the unavailability of many guys...sigh..i feel so discrimminated..

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Been a hectic day to start my first comeback to work..

Was totally fatigue the whole morning, was not in a very high spirit attending the meetings..2 meetings one after another..arg..and that's how i had my morning burnt out...

afternoon, after lunch..! again busy clearing my emails..only managed to clear some..urgent work to be completed, etc..

arg. so tired.

Shopping day..

First things first, got myself a pair of about 300 bucks worth of frameless specs..gosh. but this time is wine red, which is one of my most favourite colours. very classy red, subtle but not old-fashioned..hee.. show you all once i've gotten the specs..i love the design of the frame..

and also spend a bit more, cos dun tink i'll look good in contact lens..so shall spend more on specs..

Next, before meeting AG, headed over to hmv, my standard place whenever i walk past it in city hall..to check out for any new album released by Lisa Ono, or any other jazz albums which i can try listening prior to purchase.

Voila! Found Lisa Ono's latest album "Cheek to Cheek" which was released this year March. in fact, she released another one at the same time - "Look at the rainbow"..well, budget constraint and try one album first..bought the "cheek to cheek"..and hmm..her voice is always dear and pleasant to the ears..hee..so personally i think..still not too bad..though i still feel the very first album i bought is better..hee..

think i've put on weight during this week, when i did not have any chance to exercise..anyway yes! start exercising tmr..!

took too long in g2000 after dinner..and caused AG not have the time to buy his tv..was kinda guilty about it..think next time it'll be better that i shall let him go buy his stuff first..for me, i can forgo missing the buying of clothes on that day..
i never expect myself to take so long in a clothes' shop..

arg..work tomorrow..tried to clear some emails today..
sigh..2 meetings in the morning..SIGH.

and only one month of holiday...sigh...i dun have enough time to firm up my study...!!! and june is a period when the company is starting to prepare intensively for the singapore international water week...
and as usual, clashes with my birthday..somemore this big event will be always clashing with my birthday.. (-__-) arg...they love my birthday so much that i still need to work on that day.. arg. =p

Exams have just over..

but i dun feel happy at all..
think my performance has not been satisfying..i dun tink i've performed well this time..

sigh.

well, this means i need to continue to self-study before the next sem starts in 1st week of july.

only one month of holiday.. T_T

oki, guess that's all i wanna say..not much in the mood to say "hurray! exams are over.."

Yes..! One paper down..!

Now..for the next paper..! the hardest of all...gonna bite my teeth through..

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Decided to take up the tuition offer and the mother is willing to accept the tuition fee which i've offered..

gosh..but well, i gonna take the cab to and from this tuition..can't afford to lose much time on the waiting and taking bus..

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haha..went to do this little personality test through someone's blog..haha..

the first paragraph speaks great volume of me..haha..but i dun really agree with the second paragraph...

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Source: http://www.thisismyindia.com/numerology/lifepath.html

A Life Path 7 person is a peaceful and affectionate soul, and by nature rather reserved and analytical. The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown; you will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find. Intellectual, scientific and studious, you don't accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at you own independent conclusion. This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion. You are very thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to be a meet a high standard of performance, too. You evaluate situations very quickly and with amazing accuracy. You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone; your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you are one who tends to follow the directions they seem to guide. It's easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people. You aren't one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it's for life. You really aren't a very social person, and your reserve is often taken to be aloofness. Actually, it's not that at all, but merely a cover up for your basic feeling of insecurity. You actually like being alone, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic.

In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration and because there is such a negative attitude. The negative 7 is very selfish and spoiled. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or in some way is not being fairly treated. Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.

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And for my horoscope outlook for the year 2009.. =p

General Enviornment:- Work pressure and tensions in personal life await Cancerians in 2009, especially the first quarter. As a result the Cancerian may feel suffocated and caught up in the second quarter.

Profession:- A great start in teh early part of the year may change to a tough time as the year progresses. Things might however not remain so bleak at the end of the year.

Finance: Mid year investments may get you some profits.

Family and relationships:- Problems may rise to great hieghts and test your endurance in the first quarter. The second quarter of 2009 may not continue to put pressure on you.

Sagittarius/Cancer Horoscope
The combination of the Sun in Cancer and Moon in Sagittarius blends the contradictory elements of caution, tenacity, and a need for security, with the much more outgoing Sagittarius tendency to be outgoing and independent. This pairing gives you a more sociable and progressive demeanor. You can relate to generalities and ideals, but on a more real and practical basis. You can inspire confidence in people. In your relations with others you demand absolute honesty. When you detect falsity and insincerity in your dealings with people, the sensitive and defensive side of your nature quickly appears. Petty jealousies and trite behavior repels you. You live more or less by your own set of rules, often trying to live up to some ideal or idol you have set up as a goal or inspiration. You are innately the philosopher in the way that you look at life and consider those around you. In many ways, you are a true "free spirit." While you are extremely polite and tactful, you seem to have no difficulty being firm and definite. Communication is frank, open, and no one has to wonder where you stand on an issue. Weakness or timidity is rarely a problem with this placement.

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haha..this is cool..

received a msg from my ex-tuition student, conveying the msg that her mother still wants me to teach tuition, this time, for the younger brother A-maths. this is the third time when i received her msg of her mum's request to ask me teach tuition..rejected the mother twice..

but this time, the mother seems persistent and has more confidence in me teaching tuition..

gosh..i'm very hesitant right now..one side of my hesitation is that i'm honoured that the mother is more confortable with my teaching method which highly likely produces positive results to her daughter (who was my student). the other side is that i've been very busy, trying my best to juggle everything..and weekends? i want to focus on one student, my study and AG..

next semester, going to have clinical attachment..arg..

but probably will be taking this assignment..just that this time, to save time and increase my productivity, i'm going to take a cab to and from this student's house..

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Suddenly i miss AG...and i miss myself pampering him..for the past few weeks, i've not pampered him well, been focusing on my studies and yet at the same time, my paranoid perked.

can't wait for exams to be over, and i can cook him nice food.. =p hopefully nice.. =p haa..

and he's a good cook =) guess it's the overseas training which trained him up as a good cook..in fact, i dun mind not knowing his "secret" recipes..it makes me feel that that's one which makes him whom i love and will always remember..but on the other hand, if he wants me to know his recipes and cook for him, i dun mind either, cos i can feel i'm the one who will cook for him, just right for his taste buds. =))

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oh ya! met DLY yesterday for a short coffee break in starbucks..i realise i need a break from my study..i realise i can't focus long hours now, partly cos it's a total different curriculum which i'm studying right now..

haha..anyway good catch-up session, realised that he, too, is facing the almost equivalent transition phase as me..haha..

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Feeling a lot better now, after taking a few break by getting out of my house...

Met AG last night for steamboat dinner and guitar hero..! =) Dun know why..i always feel a lot better after meeting him..

after much self-reflection and advices coming from my close friends, my paranoid gets the worst of me, maybe cos i'm worried that i can't spend time with him..and that negative thoughts and phobia juz keep coming into my mind, affecting my every emotion and communication, including my faith and trust..trying my best to destroy that self-barrier and once again build up my faith and trust in r/s..

And i need to have the faith and trust in God that He has indeed sent me a wonderful gift - AG. As what i had prayed to Him before about my worry just prior to my attachment to AG.

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Anyway 2 more days to my first paper..am not very worried about the first paper..

what i am more worried is the 2nd paper, which is this module on chinese medicine formulae..so many medication with different kind of herb combination, under different treatment efficiency..and can get real confused about each function for each medication as they can differ by just one or two chinese words... (o_O)

i know i can do it, as i was told by many...i am a tough mantou..!! i know i can do this..!! i can do this..! i will survive this round..!!!

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Oh Lord, I pray for the strength, the wisdom, the determination and the clear-mindedness, to get me through this stressful period..