Things are starting to move slow for me in the office, well, because i'm leaving! hhaa..hmm..the news have brought in sudden to all of my colleagues - guess i've been really quiet in the office and they never seem to be hearing me complaining.

Hmm, I will not say I'm not pleased with my work environment there, but I feel I need a major change in my career path. I'm telling myself - if I don't try this change now, then when? By the time when the life requires me to settle for a safety rope to hold on, there may be a high tendency I need to hang on in the safety zone. But then again, who knows that the change is my safety zone? You never know unless you try.

My parents, especially my mum, haven't been supportive of my this decision..but anyway I'm a stubborn girl, i am determined to prove them wrong - i can do well in this sector, in this industry, that i can still manage my studies and work..

i am a strong mantou - i know i can do it!! YES I CAN..!!!!!!!!

WOoOO..ok, gonna wait for my colleague to be back from her vacation tmr, and I can start handing over my work to her..following that, I can go for my breakkkkkkk...!!! My long-awaited breakkkkkk...!!!!

It's done. In the progress of ending this chapter of life, and going to write a new chapter.

Yup, readers, I've accepted a new job offer, moving into a totally new and different industry. Kinda nervous about it because it feels that i'm making a milestone, bringing myself to greater heights, but on the other end, worried that it may be a wrong move. But anyway no matter what, what i have decided, i will aim for the target.

Gambatte, mantou!

Some of the snapshots which I took during Singtel & Singapore Cancer Society - Race Against Cancer 2011 event! Was given the opportunity by them to be one of the volunteer photographers..! =)

Enjoy!

Finally I had time to upload my favourites of the shots which I took during YJ's wedding..first time being a bride maid - rather tiring from morning to noon..gosh..but love the rest period in the afternoon when the bride maids had the entire room for themselves while the brothers had theirs at another room. =)

Still need to improve on my shots. Felt that my quality of the photos was not professional enough.

I really need to lose more weight and tone up my legs..my legs look so chubby..!!! :(

anyway enjoy the shots! More have been uploaded in my FB! =D

Still trying to study for my last paper..tue's paper was a tragic for me, slept through the night and morning...

Went for a meet up and feel that there will be no follow-up after today's meet up. Sigh.

Thought things are picking up but seems that I have to face the reality. Sigh sigh.

What to do? Just have to hang on there.

Exams have started..and now moving into the 2nd week of exam. Work in the morning and prepare for exams in the afternoon. Kinda exhausting...

Tmr is a presentation to a proposal evaluation panel. Stress. Plus a tough paper on tue. How good timing can that be.

Sigh.

Can't wait for my exams to be over.

Seems to receive a few calls. But still gonna cross my finger.

Well it's another round of wait.

Hope they'll call me soon...

i broke down once again, cried quietly to myself for the past 2 hrs...i'm going to rattle out my thoughts right now.

i am breaking down not because I am fatigue from studying.

i am breaking down because i am tired of my job. yes, i am saying i am tired of working.

i have not taken any decent vacation since my trip to vietnam at the end of my yr 2. since then, i worked, i studied, i worked, i studied and i worked and i studied. Even after i've completed my yr 4, i have not even taken any decent break, not even a graduation trip, and i jumped into work. and since then, work, study, work, study and work and study.

i am trapped in the parental protection scheme now. i dun have any chance to travel leisurely. why can't they give me a chance to study overseas like my brother? why can't they just let me go?

what i am really want to do? yes, away overseas for a month, away with my backpack and camera. i want to go to US for 2 weeks, explore bits and parts of US to eat and feel the culture. also to japan look for my brother and visit the little interesting places. to hong kong to eat my long-wished childhood comfort food and probably to bali since it feels like a very relaxing place to rest.

but i know i still need to work. but can't i wish for a good decent break? Please grant me this wish...

Couldn't get to sleep..I am feeling so terribly trapped. I really have enough of the time when I cannot get good rest at all, for many years. I am really feeling sick of what I'm doing. I couldn't help thinking over and over and over again.

I'm really fatigue. Can I take a break?

The desperation is building up and I am getting frustrated.

I am starting to feel extremely fatigue. I'm feeling sick of this whole world, just want to abandon the reality, break away and venture off for a month.

AG has been recently feeling annoyed with me, which is keeping on my toes..I am starting to get a litte worried..as time passes, the more i get worried, because my intuition tells me that the climate of a relationship will start to decline when it's stepping into the 3rd year...

all i can tell myself is just leave it to fate..you can't control this..and maybe i am not a good catch afterall, don't be so full of yourself.

Sometimes I think myself of being too naive and simplistic so much that I overestimate myself.

Good badminton practice. Although I'm not sure whether will be playing for the departmental games, but anyway as long as I can play badminton, it's alright for me.

Had dinner with AG just now and were talking about his friend who knows his gf for a year and is getting married next year. Asked about why the rush, and was given the answer that the gf was a good catch. Hmm, what defines good catch? so does that mean that a good catch will get married within a year?

hhaa..shall not think so much, depends on your fate.

heelllooo hello there...

well, been busy with work as usual..seems to me that this year's the busiest among my working years.

seems that there might be a change awaiting me..my division deputy director approached me to discuss for a change..i know what i want, i make the request, and gonna see how it goes. but i want to accomplish my few big things while i am still in my current work scope. i wanna make a big positive change in my work before i leave.

recently been trying to create the room for changes, but seems that it is still not working for me. i think i know what i am good at or weak in, what i want in my life, in my career. i just need to keep trying.

I'm seeking for a lifelong character development, so that it can get me ready to achieve my life goals.

i need a break no matter what. a vacation overseas. somehow i wanna travel overseas on my own, it smells independence, freedom and adventures. i might meet the most interesting people and probably dangerous people. but if i can take this kind of risk, no doubt i should be able to handle any big change i wanna make in my life.

i kinda miss my mini travel photography, be it local or overseas. i can just go wherever i feel like going, stay put as long as i wish to, without feeling any external pressure.

i have business plan in my mind, but i know my current character development is not up to the capability yet. sigh, but who is willing to take the leap of faith in giving me the chance to expand my development room?

Study for this semester is a total craze.

I am still not giving up, but keep on trying until I get it. Hhaa..not really in a mood to blog recently..been very busy with work, and work is piling but i keep feeling i need a break from work, even if it's just for a day. i did take a day time-off today, a work breakaway, and immense myself in books. Preparing for my exams which will commence in first week of june. This semester's exams spread over 2 weeks, i know i can't afford to take full-day leave for the entire 2 weeks. so need to start studying right now. Gambatte!

Wait is my recent habit and disappointment is my current constant mental feed. Sigh.

Terrible cough i am having...coughing very badly during work today and really wish I could have the money to just see a doctor get a mc and rest at home...

the whole afternoon was tough to get through..having some fainting spells, coughing badly, feeling weak and trying hard to look through the figures..it's a hard struggle..

AG was very sweet and nice..he fetched me to the toa payoh clinic where i seeked for tcm..went to see my teacher..had gone to see the western doctor earlier on on sunday, but as expected i know the doctor has no idea how to treat it, cos mine is not typical cough - phelgm, sorethroat, etc.

hopefully i can get well by friday!!! i'm going to be busy on weekend!!

Sick, I'm finally sick!

My entire body system just collapses completely. Keep coughing very badly especially when I lie on the bed..especially last night...terrible night to get through before i went to cook some ginger soup to drink..thank goodness i went to the clinic at night to get a medical cert..had extremely good rest today..

anyway shall not talk..still feeling fatigue after all the rest..

Finally things have been straightened between AG and me..haha..and the Sunday was very well-spent with him. Just by hanging out and lazing with him feels oh so good! =]

My bro is safe in Japan, safe from the terrible earthquake..I was so worried that he could not survive..first he can't swim, so assumingly the first instinct is probably worrying about not knowing how to swim..second he has never been educated in surviving all these natural disasters, so really have to play by the ear.

Let's pray for Japan's well-being.

2 weeks of wait, and still in vain. Sigh.

Today was a rather unsettling day..

Din get to talk much to AG..i mean at least he called and msged me once in a while..but i kept feeling very unsettled and uncomfortable...like there's an omen....

but anyway AG din have a good day today at work - facing some bad moments in office...while i was busy in the morning, first-time experienced media site visit and goodness me, i felt so noob, inexperienced and passive...i felt lousy about my performance today....

from time to time, somehow whenever i was left alone, i could feel myself thinking the discussion last night and the pessimistic feeling just keeps banging onto me which makes me tear...

i am feeling very afraid and unsettled...dun know i keep feeling that he's trying to avoid me in a way.......it just feels distant, scary and once again unsettling....... :'(

Having a terrible headache now after all my silent tearing in my room..

I am very exhausted from all my sobbing and negative thoughts...

I really wish AG is the one for me, but I'm scared that things will go the other way round...

I'm a girl who believes in marriage. I'm a girl who has hope and faith in her marriage. I'm a girl who wants to give all her heart and soul in her marriage, always wanting to build a photo album of lasting memories with her husband, despite of the past failed relationship/s she has. Because she knows for this man has the courage to walk through the lives together, to build happiness together, who is willing to wait with her for all good things to happen.

This is my belief in marriage. Pretty naive ah? But it's a little candle of hope she is holding it tightly and always reminding herself to have faith in God.

I am still loving AG. I feel he is great, he really makes me feel very happy and blessed, keep making me feel very strongly that he might be the one who will give me the courage to walk through the aisle of life and I can picture very strongly of all the happy times spent together in a marriage life, it's something which I have never felt before...I'm wailing to wait for him as long as I can hear and feel his assurance that he wants to walk the aisle with me...and of course as long as my expiry date is not up yet.

But as for Now I keep feeling very lousy of myself...

Once again, I'm stuck in my paranoia and self-condemnation.

The same issue of travelling overseas together before marriage is brought again, and this time, it is different - I couldn't make it happen, as such approval needs to come from my parents. I know I am already 26 this year and I am still listening to my parents..but i've no courage to get into huge conflicts with my parents again..and i keep hoping that the wait can last till i get married..but dun know why i keep feeling such wait has its limit and may not last till marriage....

I start the same behaviour again - ask AG if he wants to hang out with other girls who can go overseas with him during dating period.

I know myself that I am very lousy gf to AG...i can't go overseas now with him......I am really really very lousy to the core....

but i also want to leave the best memory to my husband...but why it just seems so far to me...and that i'll not be married..yeah, every girl wants to get married, just a matter of time and her eligibility.

I am the worst girlfriend ever :'( I can't even grant a simple wish....