Didn't have an excellent xmas morning to start off..went to golf course with AG and his 2 other guy friends..i have all sorts of terrible shots, my mood was highly affected by all the basic hits i couldn't achieve unlike those which i hit at the range..it was horrible..i got pissed off and i started pulling long faces throughout the whole course.

Seriously it wasn't me ..and i have to admit that i did not manage my emotions well enough..i was so affected that i couldn't hide the expressions..i felt very left alone during the entire course..i knew at that moment, i needed to be independent but i could not control myself feeling very lonely and un-motivated. it's a terrible 2 hours which i had to go through myself. 2 hours of no one motivating me, telling me that it's alright...and many times i can feel very strongly that his 2 friends were mocking or doubting me behind my back..

it was an extremely terrible feeling. i felt like crying but i had to control cos i had already expressed my frustration on my face.

all i knew that i was extremely lonely and just wished for a caring and understanding heart towards my terrible shots...but i guess i need to take this experience as a training for myself that i need to be more independent in managing my own emotions..

anyway i decide that for the time being, i shall not join them..and i guess they wouldn't want me to join in given my performance today..so i just gonna give myself time to practise more and hit the golf course myself to learn to manage the stress. once i am ready, i can just kick the guys' ass and show them that i am not that terrible as they will think of.

i really hate to lose in a un-glam manner.