Somehow it seems that since my boss talked to me about my work performance, I felt more motivated and proactive in my work. At least I know what the expectations are now and I am not feeling that lost anymore. I can feel myself that I am performing a lot better than before.

Recently been going for many external meetings with my boss and learnt a lot from her. She presented herself very well and would take every opportunity available to promote our initiatives. Yet she doesn't sound aggressively pushy. Learnt a lot of positive management and leadership skills from her.

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Yeah, my birthday leave has been approved!! Think this year is a great birthday year for me, the big event doesn't clash with my birthday week!!! =D so happy...!!! =D

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Meeting with ZJ they all tomorrow after my golf lesson!! Woohooo..!! can't wait to see them!!

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Went for a hike at the bukit timah nature reserve with my tjc wushu frens last sunday - fun but super tiring..my calves ached for almost 4 days!!

But din take many photos - still not good enough to play around with the manual mode..

We have reached the summit..!! and I've left my water bottle at the summit hut... (T__T)

Apparently we saw some of the regular hikers walk backwards as they walked down the steep slope. We followed them and realised that it was much easier to walk backwards down the slope..!!

Went to the driving range to have my own practice.. this time hit 240 balls ..and majority of them were bad shots.. =(

somehow i was very affected by such comment,"you can't be taught." I was useless and can get hurt very easily by such comment, so I kinda teared and scared AG..I just hate this such comment..i dun think myself to be stupid, i'm just slow in my learning..aiya..think i've hit too many balls in one session..240 balls cost me a total of $18..sigh...was kinda discouraged cos my performance is not consistent at all..

quite useless of me to tear for such a comment..but i seriously hate to be regarded as useless, in any form or way - it just gets on my nerve.

i'm not stupid!

Super bored now. worked till 8, then hit the office gym..and have nothing to look forward..stone stone stone..

think i'm very used to the hectic life..then now AG has golf to focus on, so think meeting me after work is his secondary stuff in his time now..but i can't tell him too and also dun wanna to initiate to meet up for dinner..so now during the holiday, i need to find stuff to do now..

i'm so bored tat i feel like crying..haiz..shall fill my time with studies.. =(

Been crazy past 2 days for me - it's like fighting for war first day when I went back to work. And tuesday's afternoon was data and more data calculation.

Got back my results today. I've passed all!! Especially the one which I thought that I need to retake and I manage to pass it by 10 marks! Phew....now I can fully look forward to the bintan trip!! =D

yeah! Can start exercising!! Been putting on weight..terrible me..

Golf this Saturday..can't wait to excel in it..whahaha!!
Hmm..but actually why do I wanna take up golf? Hmm..the first source of motivation is that I can play with AG, not that he has no accompany to play with, but think so that in case he has no one to play with, I can play with him..hmmm..actually i only know I decide to take up because of him..secondly just take it lah, no harm- may be a good networking sport for career development..but I'm not ready to get any golf club for myself..super ex lah..I just try to excel using the golf borrowed from the driving range.

Oki gonna sleep now..

Dun know why I dun feel any happiness to know that my exam is over..think I've the feeling that I need to retake one paper cos I was stubborn enough to refuse to buy the "ten year series" to study for the mcq questions..

Was looking through the nus-duke medical sch website and after looking the admission requirements, realise that I dun think I've the chance to go in..3 to 5 recommendation letters and to be original, which means no sch testimonials, etc..I can't get my boss to write or acknowledge it cos it's not engineering-related programme..

Then somehow the more I thought of this and told this to AG, I can't help myself from crying. Suddenly I just think back of why can't I manage my stress in sch better during that time and had more effective ways to study for the A levels..and now I'm regretting it very much..and now ive to go through this admin process which i've no confidence that even if I might have the letters done and still can't get in..

Suddenly that great sense of regret just engulfs me.

Went to check my office email earlier on. Just realised i've made a bad mistake and my hypothesis is right - never never check your work email during your leave - totally regret it. Now i am really regretting it and I dun feel like going back to work after the leave.

=(

Had an hour long of jog - felt so much happier and relaxed after the jog. Fantastic.

Got bored of studying now and went to Facebook and started a novel activity - old classmates hunting. Hunting for my primary sch classmates whom i used to have crush on, and one whom i met in tpjc for the past 3 mths and never talked to him much cos i felt too shy to talk to him (he's a smart chap - got in vj after tat). whahahaha!!! well, din add them all though, too shy to do that, but anyway these little crush stuff are histories, so i juz say it here.

But it's really interesting to look at their current looks - still as charming. WHAHAHAHA!!

Ok, shall stop this.

can't wait for my exam to end and i had a good Saturday evening and whole of Sunday to enjoy before I toil in office. Din want to check the office email during this period, scare tat i'll be distracted. But i know it's gonna pile up like nobody business.

i need a good break and need to do things which i've been wanting to do. Frens gathering, photography and golf, yes!!! yes, i'm taking golf lessons with a colleague..hmm..dun mind learning golf, can play with AG and hit the golf course with him. And hopefully i'll be good. hahaa..

I'm bored of studying now. First exam on tuesday and my classmates have been sending mass emails for the past 2 weeks which keep informing that some answers to questions are wrong, blab blab blab,..to and fro...and i'm totally annoyed with the frenzy. anyway i just focus on my study.

i'm feeling very moody now. think it's the biological hormonal fluctuation. Anyway can't help myself from minutely tearing periodically while memorizing my stuff. And i dun dare to call or text AG cos later i scare he'll think i'm a crazy or needy girl. so i'm controlling myself and handle this alone myself by blogging here. Many times this really helps me regain my sanity.

Ok, gonna go jogging now. Am really very frustrated now when i'm feeling oh so chubby now.. =(

had a weird nightmare last night. this is really bad. and right now, i'm talking rubbish to myself.

Here I am, typing all sorts of rubbish right now, whichever comes out of my mind.

My mum is very happy with where I am right now, including my brother. But probably it's true of what my 1st bro describes me - I'm just like my 2nd bro -stubborn and loves to defy. I guess it can be true of me, and probably that's why I can't get along well with my 2nd bro.

So I really need to bite my teeth through and step out of it. And by the way, so what if I'm going to be in discomfort zone? That's what I always like to get myself in. But p.s., such does not apply to relationships - I hate insecurity in a relationship.

Self-identity. Who am I? What makes me me? What's my calling? Since the day I know God, I constantly feel his presence and periodically He seems to be always telling me something.

Life is never smooth-sailing and yet from what I recall from the whole of my 24+ years of life, I've met fabulous and helpful people more than I've met the nasty ones. Ok, those few teachers in my mind right now belong to the fabulous people.

Hmm..ok, what's my main point?

Suddenly I miss everyone. I feel isolated from the outside world right now. whahha..

Suddenly I have the urge to cook. Hhaa...can't wait to make vietnanese spring rolls! Cheese cake!! and dumplings!!! All for AG! =p He's nice, he dares to eat whatever I cook, even though I do not decorate the dish nicely..whaha..

Ok, tat's all for my rubbish..

Moody now :(

Can't study anymore..drained and unmotivated to memorize..

First day of my leave and I've started my intensive study. And also jogging. Went to facebook and look at my photos in uni, gosh, the dame blouse yet I'm looking different on it now. Put on weight and I am starting on my intensive training again. I really want to wear a skirt and look nice on it...

The first day of my leave wasn't a smooth one. Seemed to be bothered by something and my study. Anyway guess it's the intuition which starts hinting me something. But why feeling so bothered?
Anyway a lot of blur incidents happened to me.

Have a lot of things I wanna do during the June holiday! And this year the company event doesn't clash with my birthday, I'm totally thrilled!

Dun know is it Tat I've turning 25 this year, or went through 'depression' in the past, I tend to be a loner, spending time reflecting about many things in my past and current life. Is this my mid-20s crisis?

Going to have a few friends gathering - my jc wushu, NTU and ZJ they all! Excited to meet up with all of them.
KH is going to leave Singapore for his pilot training programme. Feel happy for him cos he is fulfilling his dream.

Dream. Somehow I find myself stuck.

Sometimes I really wish there's a time machine to bring me back to my jc times. Maybe I'll handle the academic stress better and study more effectively. Sigh. I feel upset.

The past 2 days have been very hot.. :(

it came to confirm my hypothesis that presentation style and its aesthetic are very important to a learner's adsorption capability.
I dozed off during a colleague's presentation..too wordy..... (O.O) it's an underestimation of ppt slides.
Will put this comment in the course feedback form.

Starting to feel the strong urge but I need to hold........

A good Saturday for me. Was highly motivated and I rated myself to be highly efficient in my study. A senior of mine has activated my "fight" mode. Prior to that I kinda forgot about my source of motivation and decision to take up this course.

guess what? I can go overseas trip with my friends!! Ha..going to plan a weekend trip to Bintan to go with ZJ they all!! Was disappointed that HM can't go..but we hope she'll travel overseas with us in the future. I can't believe that my parents no longer reject! Ha..but well if travelling with AG that'll be a different story for my parents..hee hee..

Can't wait for my leave..and can't wait for June sch holiday..I've added new plans to my holiday plan!

Couldn't get to sleep. Dun know why.. Been thinking a lot and constantly feeling that sense of aimless direction..

Been thinking a lot..

I need to have faith in God - that whatever decision I will make or have made will do me well..

Had a chat with a classmate who is around my age - gave the same advice.

Within the week I heard the same advice over and over again. Are those hints from God?

Realise that how much I've changed over time - I found my confidence, set my dream and I lost them overnight. I have been trying hard to retrieve them..

What's my calling? Will it take me through?

Tired. Shall get to bed now.

Had a chat session with some of my coursemates during a workshop which I've attended recently.

Kinda confirmed my thoughts.

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Just finished work for the morning. So tired..cos was trying to complete my tcm assignment the day before..but thanks goodness, the work ended in the early afternoon and I had sufficient time to complete it..phew..

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Exams in 2 weeks' time...can't wait for the leave!! =p

What I wanna do after exams...hmm..go for a few local photography trips..shop for more clothes...exercise more intensively...revise my tcm work...and last but not least, friends' gathering!!

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A very tiring Thursday for me..can't work efficiently the whole day and I kept dozing off for the first half of the lecture..

Somehow it seems that many people have the wrong perception of where I'm working currently. Many thought that it is very relaxing but they are wrong! There are numerous things to do, just that all these efforts are not visible to the public..

Anyway was chatting to a classmate who was around my age during the break when I decided to go home to finish up my work. He gave mr a few advices/reminders..

Had a little chat with my boss after work - glad she told me truthfully about my work performance. Had a feeling of why she was telling me. But anyway, I know myself that i've disappointed her in some ways or another. Well at least I know pretty clearly of her expectations of me and the areas of improvement I need to work on.

After self-reflection, I feel that I'm too not confident of myself.

Sigh.

Time passes fast during the weekends..it's Sunday today..

Just managed to have a small catch-up with an uni fren of mine..changed his job and is now following his heart and passion. Glad to hear that and he seems to be very happy. And of course I'm impressed with him. An overseas scholar with a relatively good pay for the start, he gave up the chase which tend to tie many of us up.

Way to go, my friend!

Finished my clinical attachment..tucked myself cosy at Starbucks cafe, feeling undisturbed. Been so long since I can sit alone and have quiet moments to myself. Good break.

Clinical attachment is fun and fulfilling - get to learn a lot of stuff..learning from different teachers, and each of them seems to have different gourps of patients. So cool!

exams exams exams..and yeah! my boss has approved my time-off and leave for my exams!!! I've to say I've a good boss. Hee hee.. =p

Boohoohoo..so sad..gonna cancel my half day time off tmr..need to attend an important meeting in the afternoon..hopefully my boss will approve my proposed time off date..

Love attending my TCM lessons..my classmates are very fun loving, humourous batch, But all of us are very attentive students..hee..

Exams in a month's time..hopefully will be a peaceful working week during my absence..

Monday blue.

Exams are in a month's time..nervous nervous..

And I miss school all of the sudden..the freedom of time which I can have..

Can't wait for my half day time-of on Friday..

Think I'll have the chance to Japan this or next year..to visit my brother..hee hee..hopefully will get granted..

Suddenly I wanna go overseas to study or work..to experience a different lifestyle..but oh well..

2 threatre performances and 1 movie date.

AG got free tickets to watch "Iron Man 2" at Vivocity!! On top of that, each of us got free popcorn and pepsi! wow!! and the organiser who booked the whole movie threatre had surprises for some of us - Iron Man comic books for 10 lucky viewers! ah..i wasn't lucky to get that book.. =p

The show is pretty good - I love it! =)

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Watched "Animal Farm" last Sunday with some of my colleagues and AG - pretty not too bad, they have incorporated some local context into the play. Haha..interesting.

And I went for the Lisa Ono concert yesterday!! It was great!! Her voice singing live is fantastic!! I love it!! It was so soothing and comforting ....!!! And I got a solitary seat and I was not disturbed with people next to me..hahhaa..

And she sang "Moon River"..!!! Oh my..!! that's a delightful surprise!! i was so happy that I almost teared!!! hahah..it's my favourite jazz song and she sang it so well!!!

Encore twice and many of them stood up, haha..including me (i was surprised with myself)...and she sang 3 songs during the 2 encore sessions!! I love it love it love it!!! =D

Things are on a slow pace now..

And this thursday's no lesson!! Yeah!!!

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after some thoughts it's decided - stick to original plan.

Photos uploaded! =D Enjoy!

Finally the musical performance is over and I can start attending my lessons on a regular basis!

Relatively eventful week..remember the Thai guy which I was saying over the facebook, the guy whom I met in kl while taking of the petronas towers at night? I've sent the photos to him and din mention anything to do follow-up..wat happened was that he actually wrote me an email of admiration towards me..I was like whahahahaha!! And super shocked too cos what he wrote in the letter..super scary..

Hmm..forwarded the email to AG and he laughed his head off. Cos the English is really terrible and we came to a conclusion that he must have used google translator to do the translation from Thai to Eng.

Gotten the letter of confirmation after my 2 years of contract..and i was taken back by the raise..gosh..

Internet at home is down and I gonna use my phone to blog..recently heard the new album by Olivia ong, like this song 'you and me' composed by dick lee..well can't deny his talent cos the music kinda suits her voice range..but then it seems to me that the music record is trying to transform her from a bossa nova singer to a commercialised singer..isn't a good sight to me..

But what about corrinne may? She's great voice and she composes and sings her songs..an excellent local singer who has been neglected locally..her songs have always touched my heart and many of them are healing songs..

Yoz..people..I'm back from kl..ok in fact been back since thurs..but was too tired to blog anything..

Will share more about my kl trip on my upcoming post..

Went for dinner with AG and 2 of his close friends just now..dun know why, I felt super stressed up and I kept quiet most of the time, listening to them talk..dun know I think I'm ver afraid that they will find me stupid if I were to make many comments..I dun know a lot of stuff and I love to listen..but I'm very scared that they will comment to AG or think to themselves of why AG will have such stupid gf..

And such thoughts frighten me a lot and I dun dare to express much..high ego I have and also low self-esteem in me..

But kinda told AG that probably next time I'll not go with him to attend their gathering..I have this feeling that they find me super quiet and boring... :( not sure if this is a right move but AG tells me that it's alright that I dun wanna go..

Seriously I've no idea why I can't talk in front of them..I can talk to AG, can talk to DLY, QL, LA, Ber,etc with ease..but just can't talk to AG's frens..sigh..... :(

sometimes I do question my own intelligence - am I stupid or smart? Or just trying to act smart when I'm actually dumb and ignorant?

In the airport now with my director..waiting to board the plane..quite nervous..

Hopefully I can go out after work then can start buying souvenirs and the stuff that I need there..haha..

Playing with my iPhone now..so bored of waiting... :p

wonder what does kl look like?? Is it Tat dangerous? Ha..

People please pray for my safety.. :p

Feeeling so nervous now....just finished packing and gosh..a lot of things to bring there..can't wait to have a lighter load when I come back..really nervous...

Suddenly I wish AG will be there with me in KL..he's more experienced than me..I'm like a mountain tortoise,like what AG teases me..haaa.. :p

I suddenly miss AG and my family...

Gotten my contact lens!! hahah..

was trying yesterday and dear me..it's so difficult to put them onto my eyes the first time!! the eyes will have this involuntary reaction to the lens..and I tried for about 30 to 45 mins trying to both lens..hahaha..and guess what?! they really do make my eyes bigger!!! hahahh..

shall put them on for the musical and when i meet ZJ they all...!! but dun know whether i look nice with contact lens.. =(

Leaving for official trip in 3 days' time..starting to feel very nervous..cos I gonna be very independent this time..have done Internet research to find places to head to at night and some precaution notes..think shall travel by taxi, not sure if my director wanna join me..if not I wanna go myself alone, to take some photos and buy stuff!

Nervous that I'm going overseas, scared that I might not be able to come back safely if I were to go to places alone,, excited that I'll be managing myself without friends and parents...arg a mixture of feelings..

Bringing my new toy overseas..going to take many night scenes there..and ha..will try to update photos when I'm there!

Think my parents are worried for me - my dad keeps asking me if I wanna bring this protection charm, that charm..not to go to dark alleys etc..it's their first time that their daughter will be traveling without ppl whom she is very familiar with..

Excited..nervous...excited..nervous...!!!!!

Have broken my frameless specs on thurs night, while i was trying to wipe the right len.. gosh, so clumsy of me..

anyway went to a shop today and got it repaired! haha..guess what?! i've gotten 2 pairs of monthly freshkon comestic contact lens..haha..yesh, those lens which can make my eyes look bigger..whahahaha!!

it's for the musical performance..haha..and also to take the chance to get contact lens! =D

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my classmate received a warning letter. The school has now taken a very serious stand towards our attendance. to fulfill at least 75% attendance or else you can't sit in for the examinations. Gosh. And my classmate's attendance is near the borderline towards the danger zone.

Gosh. This is scary and can be very stressful. For the past few tuesdays, i've been skipping classes for the musical's practices. =(

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A good night out with AG. Enjoyed his accompany a lot. He makes me smile a lot and laugh a lot. =)

Happened to listen to this song "Smile" by Uncle Karcker. Happy song with lovely lyrics. =)

Finally!! I can go overseas to take a breather!! =D

well..though it's going to be an official trip, i know i can finally fly!!! haha..can't wait..

but this time, going to be much on my own now..i'll be staying in a room, and woooo...nervous nervous nervous....

can't wait, man..it's been 4 yrs since my last overseas trip. Gosh. Time flies.

Chia Se gathering on sunday at arts house's viet lang restaurant - pretty high end one. And haha..compared to the previous gathering, this one considers to have the highest attendance. haha..

everyone seems to look the same - not much change.

hhaha..supposed to have a round 2 - which was going to timber to have a drink but realised that it was closed on sundays. So ended up at Coffee Bean drinking coffee.

Good catchup. Felt great to connect with them. =)

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Another round of dance practice today. Finally I managed to remember almost all the dance steps except that one particular part when there is a transition from team to me to dance solo..

not used to dancing alone..so oh ya..need to start practising more to get used to it. so wasn't very good during the practice in the dance studio.

anyway trying to perfectise my dance steps once i reached home. Felt strongly I did not want to believe that I can't do it. And well, I believe I have kinda gotten the steps and the tempo right. Shall try in front of the studio mirror next week and let the dance coach see. I think I've gotten the right rhythm and strength for each part..

need to start finding clothes and shoes for modern hip hop dance..yeah! shopping! hahhaa..

and oh ya..have finally chosen a song to sing. haha..,guess what? haha..dun tink you all may guess it right. going to sing Olivia Ong's "So Nice". hhaa.. =p hopefully can sing welll.....very nervous...

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Been taking chinese medication to curb my mood. The stress from school (4 to 5 times a week) and the low frequency of meeting AG in a week probably have upset my mood balance. Seems that it's working. Need to start going on acupuncture on myself.

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Love this song...either sung by Wan Fang or Xiao Jing Teng.. Tears provoking song..

Been raining the whole day..feel that i'm being drugged by the rain..not myself the whole day..

Gathering with ZJ was good, even though we were all freezing in the restuarant and the gathering was relatively short.

This week is gonna be busy yet happy one..

gathering with ZJ they all tomorrow morning, going to attend my colleague's daughter's wedding (it's an indian wedding!! photography!!!), and Chia Se gathering in the evening!!

busy busy busy..

saw the video for the muscial performance...arg..dun think i've danced well...gonna practise more..haha..

and gonna sing..ahhhh...hopefully the song which i've selected will do me well...

=s

oh ya! hahah..i was featured in my company's intranet newsletter!! hahaha..it's about the presentation which i did in newater visitor centre..haha..and the photographer took photo of me pretty well, i'm very satisfied with the way i looked in the photo - i look very happy in the photo...whahahaha..

have printed out tat article to keep for souvenir..haha..

Lisa Ono is coming to town!! Woo Hoooo!! Can't believe she is really coming!! =D

Gonna get the ticket soon!

But as usual, going to attend her concert alone. AG doesn't like jazz, so he's not going with me.. but it's fine with me..no point forcing him if he doesn't like..

And i'm not the old mantou as i used to - i live for myself! gonna give myself a good treat for this year's birthday..

oki, i dun wanna think about anything..

Ahh..i can't wait..!!! this is going to be one of my best bday gift i'm getting for myself!

=D

I wish that I can have longer weekends for each week.

=(

Watched "Love Actually" again. hahaha..love this movie very much..it makes me happy.

Especially this scene by Hugh Grant. Hahaha..he's good!




Because of this, I love the song "Jump" by the Pointer Sisters. Love the song!!



And this is the remix version..love this too...

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Received some updates from QL - it seems that more and more ppl in my batch are coming in..

Hmm.

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Went to OCBC cycle with AG and my other 4 colleagues..20km of cycling distance - quite short to me..but it feels good..cycling is fun..!

haha..AG looks very cute in this photo..

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It's my last straw.

Waiting for the ripe time.

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Just finished my work and waiting for the email to be sent across to my boss for comments. Need to complete by today. And I am expecting changes, so I dun know..hopefully lesser amendments to be made..

Very exhausted, been working on it for hours.

Probably blame it on my slow processing mind. Still need to attend lessons tmr after work. Hopefully I'll not doze off due to extreme physical fatigueness.

Ok, off to bed now..

The gossip news on our famous local director's marital affair seem to be this "hot" office topic.

Hmm, he kept the secret from the media for 2 years.

Atonish everyone. Guess no one kinda expects such to happen to him - one who tries to teach good moral values and virtues via moving screen. Everyone seems to look at him as the good guy, the good husband and the good father.

And what happen to him now? A fallen man, I will have to say.

During a short gossip, I heard a colleague mentioning this,"good men are hard to find."

This striked a thought in me.

What makes a good man? How can you tell whether this man you are hanging out with or getting married to or married to is a good man?

Of how he treats his own family? How he treats your family? Or how philathropic he is?

Seems that - all these evidental behaviours of what makes a good man seem to lose their standing.

Probably it's only until when this man lies on the coffin and we look back at his history, his marriage records, we can call this man "one good man"?

Hmm, by that time, kinda too late ah?

Probably this calls out to all ladies - dun trust your man too much and start givinging him a tie, or a chain, or whatever you wanna to tie him up.

And hey this can be a good excuse for us ladies! - it's not that i wanna tie you up...but i just wanna protect the women's rights.

Ha. Men can't complain anymore about their wives or girlfriends on how much they feel tied up.

And where's all these faith in relationship, in marriage, we have been trying to convince/persuade the cynical/pessimistic people who don't believe in marriage?

Well, if you were to ask me, I've no idea.

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It seems to be very long time since I feel very happy in what I am doing.

Somehow I realize what are the things which keep me motivated, determined and happy.

It is still the same dream which I've been holding on since sec 2 - medical profession.. I feel happy, energetic, enjoyably challenged and motivated to learn more about medicine - TCM in this case.

Even when I can't answer to questions my friends posed to me, even when I realised I've gotten one basic concept wrong, I can feel that energy to go back home give a quick revision and motivate myself to remember.

And till now I've never regretted of taking up this course which will take me 7 years to finish and a few more hurdles to get the license.

I can feel myself - very strongly - that if one day I'm given the chance to study western medicine, I know I will agree to it immediately with no second thought.

But will there be such a chance? Well that'll be in my dream.

Somehow I feel that probably God has given this test and reminder to me - that I'll never be always in a place which I'll know what I want. I'll need to manage the loss in me. That nothing is going to be smooth sailing.

I just need to be brave and determined - hold on to my dream tightly when I'm given the 2nd chance. To be disciplined. To be brave to take the risk if necessary.

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Dear God

I pray for the strength, the faith to be given to a great friend of mine.

Dear God, I pray for the strength

Been super tired these few weeks. Feel very irritated, annoyed, frustrated.

u7p*O&E^YUJY%TC$WX%^U*&^%WCGIO*&($#WSTYHGBNKLJNHBE@#$%*(_)(*)(*%$#@!Q%$DFJKIPO*&ECWRTRTGO

ARGH!!

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I need to be patient..need to be patient...

Gave a presentation just now in the morning in the newater visitor centre..

Don't know why I dun feel happy about my presentation performance..maybe cos I was rushing the last few slides..sigh..but i feel the start and the middle part was pretty alright..everyone was pretty eager to listen and pretty attentive..

Did receive about 3 compliments from the participants..but I think I'm greedy..

I love to give presentations..but I keep feeling this pressure that if I dun do it well the first time, there will not be second time for me cos there will be people who present better than me and I feel I've no room or chance to improve more..

But you see, no point getting you up the stage when there's someone who can do better than you for their first time..

Now I start to worry about the musical..the stage is an outdoor one,to my surprise..suddenly I can feel my whole confidence dropping to the rock bottom...

The whole day was a mad rush. Goodness me.

But probably cos of the mad rush, especially in the morning. I went to the gym for jogging, and managed to jog at a faster speed than usual.

hahaa..

got so exhausted by the morning rush that i dozed off many times during the clinical attachment just now. Lucky thing today the clinic was pretty quiet today and I can get to go home early!

The same thought comes to me again.

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Been super busy these few days..almost everything is on the highest priority mode.

School too. 4 times per week. And I've little time to revise all my modules..

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Been putting on weight. Gosh..I've a tummy now.. =(

Why am I keep feeling that I've many potentials which are still hidden and untapped? Suddenly I miss my SAC days..

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AG gave a surprise for me!

Black Angus in the town for dinner! It's my most favourite restaurant! The prime steak is always good, the steak soup is heaven, and free flow of drink. What's more we can ask for?

But the main reason for me liking the restaurant, specifically the one in town, not the one in NUS Bukit Timah campus..is that it's the restaurant which AG brought me for our first-month anniversary..haha..sentimental and emotional attachment to the restaurant =)

It's a good baby step - AG came up to say hello to my parents, after a little of me coaxing ..my parents are positive and receptive to his courtesy and efforts. And he even took the initiative to drink one small cup of tea and said that he would like to come up to the house on Sunday!

=)

I really hope this will work out well...

Things seem to have straightened out between me and my parents. I dun know...I really hope things will work out well...I'm really scared if my parents rejected or disapproved or AG backed out...And it seems that it's only then when I learnt about my parents - they never say things outright, they love to give hints and expect me to be very alert and catch their hints.

There are many times when I really hope my parents can converse in English and have friends in Singapore, so that they can interact with other local parents friends to find out how they manage their child having BGR.

I am worried and nervous...worried that I might get "cheated" and in the end all dun work out after probably years of efforts and patience. I like AG and his family a lot..He makes me feel very comfortable and I enjoy every of his company..But I dun want the same thing to happen again..

Scary ah? Somehow probably ladies know this - they are depreciation items.

Anyway I just keep my faith in my prayer..and just try my best to be a dutiful middleperson.

But I'm really glad and appreciative that AG is willing to try out to get to know my parents more.

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Watched the movie "Julie and Julia". Simple but lovely plot. Finding what you really want in life, and doing what you love in life. And also having a very supportive and loving husband to support what you love to do in life.

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Feel very tempted to learn golf. AG has been picking up golf recently and from his description, really tempts me to pick up the sport. I will call it a quiet and solitudary sport. If stressed, can go there alone and keep hitting hundreds of balls into yards..hahha..

And I wanna learn horse riding. But the lessons are super expensive......... (o_o) and also not practical, who in the earth will ride a horse in the expressway now?! hahah.. oops ..

Somehow, it seems that I love to take up many things - dancing, photography, painting, golf, horse riding, etc...hahaha..

Hmm....Jack of all trades, master of none?

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Relaxing day..i think...my parents ruined my morning and the rest of the day..i went on a hunger strike and cold war with them..i'm totally pissed off with them, with the way they handle things, especially when they handle issues related with BGR.

Sometimes, i ponder that traditions are obstacles to mindset revolution. It can get really irritating and useless to developments.

Happy Tiger Chinese New Year to all of you!!

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2nd day of the Chinese New Year, din end well. Had a big quarrel with my parents =( dun like the way they handle conflicts or disagreements.. =( arg..angry with them..

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2nd day of the Chinese New Year, met up with AG for Valentine's Day ..din manage to eat in Black Angus - was closed for CNY..but well, the dinner was still great, ate in Republic of Steak - surprisingly satisfying to the taste buds..hahaa..

and finally got to visit Iluma shopping mall! haha..! Played the air hockey with AG..ghaha..and i lost all the 3 rounds... soo sad...hahaa...but it's very fun...

Enjoyed the outing with him.. =)

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First day of Chinese New Year, took a few photos..here's it! Enjoy! =)

Gathering with YS they all in holland v on friday after work!

A good gathering..haha..steamboat in crystal jade, followed by coffee session in coffee bean..

can't believe that the whole group can talk for 3 hours plus..hahaha..

A very good gathering, enjoyed it very much =)

Must credit this to YS and QL..!

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So full now...hahha...steamboat as usual..haha..

and took photos..! will post them these days..haa..

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! =D

Just finished drafting a paper to be presented for the senior management meeting...gosh..so tired..hopefully my boss dun have to do many corrections on the draft =s shall keep my fingers crossed.

Attended the 1st session of hip hop dance practice..gosh..challenging for me, man..i realise i dun have the groove.....i'm not very happy with my performance.. =(

i'm really wondering how i will look like..a nerd dancing hip hop..looks kinda hilarious..whaha..

for some reasons, many ppl raise their eyebrow when i told them i learn salsa....
think probably i look too round to be able to dance...

anyway salsa is fun..all the turning ..hhaa..the school is organising a salsa recital, i was very tempted to go, but na..need to wear dress (not those skimpy type) and i'll only think that everyone will be staring at my calves and probably they'll be wondering where on earth such calves can exist in a girl's legs.

i'm so fatigue....i still have not done my research for one module's group assignment...and i've not completed my clinical attachment report assignment and i still need to attend the attachment session later..and i still have work piling up in the office...my desk is in the mess now..

thinking about all the to-do-urgently list...i'm feeling a little panicky and stressed up.

for some reasons, i can feel a little jealousy or disappointment in me when AG cannot recall the sec sch which i come from..and when he no longer goes to my facebook to look at my photos...when he identifies my sec sch uniform design only when he looks at his colleague's facebook...

funny...

oki, gonna go sleep now..i'm totally burnt.......