First day of exam...is OVER...!!!

phew...off with Environmental hydraulics...finally...!

Had quite a terrible night before the day of the exam..test anxiety...hhaa..

well, next to go - human resources management...
memorising..memorising...

o_O

think gotten too tired, and the journey's long, din manage to attend today's human anatomy lecture... =p
but i'm really glad that i've a great classmate -WM. She's been very helpful and generous. would help me sign attendance when i can't attend due to school committment..haha..oops.. =p

recently been having numerous self-talk..tink i dun wanna talk to anyone, dun wanna disturb anyone..from their studies..blab blab blab.... (-_-)

arg..!! din know that "The Pillowman" is out..! Happened to come across its advertisemnt over the TV..arg..should have watched that channel more often..and now the tickets are almost sold out..and i can't simply go for next sat's martinee. surface water quality exam after the next week. ARG..!
Sigh, juz got to wait for next time...

sometimes i dun know why i start going for all these shows.....

sigh..probably tink i've to arrange some activities for myself, instead of stucking myself at home, thinking of stuff which can never be happening..haa..

and somehow, for an instant, i dun know what's going on with my life..it's been a year..how time flies..

ha..sigh..ya..

AH... WELLLLL..........

oki, shall stop here for today..or i start rattering pessimistic stuff over here, and start complaining...

**********************************************

a lighter tone for now..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, YS...!!!! hahaa...(dun know whether u r reading it,but anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY...!!!)

=D

**********************************************

"Hero" and "Ugly Betty" are nice..The opening episode for "Hero" displays smooth transition of the introduction of each character. Suspense is built up at a comfortable and smooth pace..nice.. =)

Been reading this book's "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho..

Find this paragraph pretty inspiring and optimistic:

'"No,"the alchemist answered. "What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'

"Every search begins with the beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."'

think i'm too stressed up recently..been reading this book for some spiritual inspiration and some formulae-getaways..spending my sleeps in the living room..and dreaming of hydraulics formulae at nights..dreaming of talking soft-toys...having the same nightmare...!

ARG...!

two more days to my very first paper - environmental hydraulics....

AH.............!!!

Getting kinda nervous...!!

anyway ... i've decided to watch this threatrial performance "First Intimate Contact" <<第一次亲密接触>>.. basically, it's a monologue (in mandrian) performed sololy by our Singapore Radio Station Yes933 FM's DJ - Dennis Chou..

According to Wikipedia.com, a monologue is "is a speech made by one person speaking his or her thoughts aloud or directly addressing a reader, audience, or character".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monologue:

"In a monologue in a play or film, the speaking actor need not be alone on the stage or scene; however, none of the supporting cast (in theatre or film) speaks.

There are two basic types of monologues in drama:

1) Exterior monologue: This is where the actor speaks to another person who is not in the performance space or to the audience.

2) Interior monologue: This is where the actor speaks as if to himself or herself. It is introspective and reveals the inner motives to the audience. This is also a common device in stream of consciousness writings. Frequently in modern theatre, the actor may deliver the monologue in an "aside" (or a sequence of asides).

Where the character delivering the monologue is alone on stage it may also be described as a 'soliloquy'. Writers such as Shakespeare used the soliloquy to great effect in order to express some of the personal thoughts and emotions of characters without specifically resorting to third-person narration.

It is a dramatic convention that soliloquies and asides cannot be heard or noticed by the other characters, even if they are delivered in their plain view.
A written monologue may contain stage directions for the performer, and might be preceded by information about the monologue's setting. (For example, Samuel Beckett's monologue, Krapp's Last Tape).

The monologue was a significant feature of French classical drama; the monologues of Racine have been highly prized by French actresses, including Rachel and Sarah Bernhardt.
The dramatic monologue is a poetic form not to be confused with the monologue in drama. It was brought to a high standard by Robert Browning. The form is such wherein the poet writes from a speaker's point of view in the form of an address to a listener who does not respond in the poem. The speaker in the poem generally talks about a subject, but inadvertently reveals something about their character. It gives the poet an opportunity to present his subject in direct 'conversation' with the reader (e.g. Browning's Porphyria's Lover) or places the reader as a 'character' to whom the monologist speaks (e.g. the same poet's Mr. Sludge the Medium or My Last Duchess). Such poetry combines the dramatic impact of the stage monologue with the potential of more elaborate and suggestive use of language; on the printed page, where the words can be re-read and pondered, there is the potential to evoke more complex layers of intent and meaning. "

"First Intimate Contact" is based on an adaptation from an internet novelist Cai Zhi Heng's "FIrst Intimate Contact"..

Synopsis:

Usually shy and reserved when it comes to love and relationships, ‘Pizi Cai’ meets a mysterious and intriguing young girl nicknamed ‘Flying Dance’ on the Internet.What started out as something just for fun developed into frequent late-night online chats, and eventually a decision to finally meet up personally.Will this first meeting turn out to be a pleasant surprise, an everlasting regret, or perhaps…?

heard that the comments from past performance of this title were positive..

hmmm..but it seems to me that the story line and its themes are very ordinary, and kinda dull...(haa..cos i dun really like theme of romance..)

but what makes me wanna take the risk to spend my hard-earned $28 on this show, is that this is a monologue. and i'm very interested to know how it's being presented...and also, since it's going to be shown from 19th to 22nd Dec, so i could go watch..! haa....

so, most likely will be getting the ticket after this thursday's paper..and there'll be 20% early bird discount if i were to purchase it within this week...!!

But not going to let my parents know about it..one, they'll think it's a waste of money..second, my mum'll think tat i'll be watching with some guy anonymous to her (which is like...no...i'll be most likely watching it alone..)...third, they'll hardly believe that i'll like such activity...

i love to watch threatrical dramas..and such influence has to be credited to Arthur Miller's "The Crucible" which i studied for English Literature (but this is an American literature, if i'm not wrong) in my sec sch days..

Love Arthur Miller's threatrical works..One of his famous works are "Death of a Salesman"..

But what i'm more interested in his threatrical works are "The Crucible" and "After the Fall"..

"After the Fall" was a coincidence..i read this play during my first three months in TPJC's library..and i simply love of how the play was presented...the plot was taken place in the protagonist's mind..and how the characters related to the protagonist were positioned in his "mind" was brillantly designed and presented...however, this play was not a very popular one, partly due to the unconventional stage settings...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/After_the_Fall_%28play%29

i really hope this play will be presented again....

So anyone has any news of Arthur Miller's plays which are going to be shown locally, do inform me....!!!!

or if there's any more monologue, do inform me too..!!!

THANK YOU..!!! MERCI MERCI MERCI...!!!!

=D

Finally, all end well..!! hahha...all my tuition works had finally stopped...yeah..................!!!!

haa..feel happy when two of my students asked me whether i could teach their siblings next year...hhaa..

but will be increasing my tuition rate next year...think i could only take 2 students, for the maximum...next year'll be a even more hectic year for me, and my responsibilities at home will be even carrying more weights next year...why..? hmm..hee..sorry, not convenient to reveal over here..

tink i'll continue to teach tuition..dun wan to rely upon my parents for my miscellaneous spenditures..and definitely work as much as possible now..

but gonna miss all my three students -CX, JY and WC..
All of them have been under my guidance for two years..and i've seen them grown..and definitely this batch has been very interactive, as in that they are pretty comfortable with me teaching them..think partly cos i hardly give them any homework..hahaha.. =p

but one big common thing which i see in them is - i see potientials in all of them..i feel they can have great life accomplishments in the future..hahahhahaha...

=p

oki, going back to my studies now..

feeling very bored..of all the studies..

realised that there are so many things to read up..environmental hydraulics, surface water quality...human anatomy.... (T_T)

maybe gotten kinda affected by the test results...sometimes really feel like giving up...

sigh......................................................................

sometimes get really affected by what kind of job i'll be able to get...the only job which i dun wan to get currently is as a teacher...not at this time..dun wan to be tied down by the responsibilities of education so soon...

u may say..as a tcm practioner..hmm..tat'll be like 7 yrs plus later? besides tat, i'm not intending to open a clinic immediately after my tcm degree graduation..i wanna work as a volunteer in my sch's hospital first, to accumulate more medical experiences...

sigh...................................................

i'm really bored....bored of all the stupid notes......i miss literature...at least i could read the subject like a story book...and say the quotes like a drama actress...hahaa..

and i'm bored of hearing my parents keep telling me tat i must know how to do this, how to do tat..so that in the future i will not have many problems with my husband..but what's the whole point now?!.....how to have a husband when i'm not even attached...?! of course, you may say juz in case..to prepare myself...

ahhhh...craps la.........

sigh...but i'm really bored now.....

play sim city4 as a form of my resting period...i even watched a quarter of "Forrest Gump" movie...haha..i love the first part of the movie..love the opening music...love the filmography...love how the plot's carried out...love the oldies which have been selected for different scenes...n i realise what could be the possible reasons of putting the scene to be in Alabama...if i'm not wrong, it's one town where there used to have quite a serious racial discrimination...the history's somewhat related to what i've studied before in "To Kill a Mockingbird"...

but i'm really really very bored noww.......................................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........

i dislike studying for the sake of examinations...if it's for tests, i could still accept it partially..hhaa....

sian sian sian sian sian sian sian....

can't wait for exams to be over...but then again...got nothing much to do after exams..besides going to sch for lab....
still deciding whether i should go for a volunteer camp...

ah....crap crap crap crap crap.............. (-_-)

tada...!! this is the teddy bear which one of my students gave to me as a farewell gift..

got a surprise when her younger sister passed this to me..hahaa..like my this student a lot..though she's a Normal Academic student, she's a very cheerful and cute personality. She's hardworking too, basically she has a positive learning attitude..which reflects a totally different perspective of what a NA student acts like.

Love this teddy bear a lot...though it feels a little funny to have received such gift at an age like this..but still.. =) found it very sweet..!!

hhaa..so...though i was still very sick at that time, still wanna took a few shots of the bear with my hamtaro...haha.. =p

This is the nerd version of the teddy bear..looks a bit like me..eyes small small..look nerd nerd..but still look so cute..

hahhahaa..ok..i hear vomiting...

together...we shall look far..........................

The Nerd and the Cute
hahaha...

Tada..!!

oki, some lame photos of them...
This'll happen when i study too much...

This'll happen when desperation calls....get a book stacked on top of my head..hoping the info will automatically go into my brain..

Look at Hamtaro's face...she's so happy when the book's stacked onto her...

haha..this's what happen when i fall sick...

*********************************************************

Oki, forget about my blabbering last night...really depressed over the results...it's my last year and i'm still not doing fine...

maybe i keep feeling i'm getting old soon....so get very worried about the future...worry this worry that..as if i'm going to die in a few days' time.. =p

but maybe a different life stage is going to take place soon..and i'm getting nervous about how the future will be like...

i even get worried whether i can get married or something like that...!! hahhaha..me quite dumb la... =p na....i'm jus being paranoid...

hopefully the examinations will go smoothly for me...and really hope i can create some miracles or something like tat...

i'm not very scared about my human anatomy, in fact...think tat kinda bio-phobia's been overcome..adopting one or two supermemory techniques kinda work for me..i can still remember what i've memorised a few days ago..!

if only i would have known how to master such skills in JC, maybe there's still hope for me to do well in my 'A' levels results...and maybe still hold hopes of getting into the medical faculty..and maybe i'll not be so inferior of myself...

Think i'm a late-bloomer....always slow in grabbing things well at first...

Probably tat's why i know i'm a late bloomer, i've been very worried that the society waits for no late bloomer and i've to take longer time than anyone...

*****************************************************

Get to know something...sigh...

人心难测啊。。。。

tink i'm feeling better...

and yup, thank u for the encouragement...

tink i'm very easily cheered up...

but then again...still kinda worried...no matter what...

probably i really have to be very patient..
true winner is always the last to laugh...hope i am...

being da chang jin is tough...have to go through a lot of hardships...

and i'm told that my life's to go through a lot of hardships, juz to achieve success...
do i have to.......??? why can't i juz have some smooth-sailing paths....?

sigh...juz have to try my best at the time being..as i'm told, dun worry so much now..worry after tat...

trying to upload some photos here...but dun know what's wrong with the technical stuff...wanna show u all something which i was given as a gift by one of my students.......

Gotten my second environmental hydraulics test results this afternoon...din manage to pass the paper when i thought i could pass it off....

very depressed...i already had a gut feeling that i did not manage to pass the second surface water quality test as well (tat paper's kinda out of my expectation)...sigh...

suddenly feel very useless of myself...can't do anything well at all...

that test, according to the lecturer, was done well overall...
again...i'm the odd one out...
still remembered the 'A' Level results for my biology, i was the one of the few in the cohot to get a C, whereas majority's gotten a A...

i feel very terrible..examinations in one week's time..sulked the whole journey home juz now..

feeling very terrible...

sometimes, i really feel i've made the right choice of making the incident to happen..look at my grades...look at myself...not suitable at all...

i tink i shall not dream anymore positive things...i see no point in dreaming when these things are so far away from me..

anyway my cold's getting better...think that's how i got to rest before embarking for the examinations...

gotten very sick..though my nose's marathon's stopped..

feeling very drowsy and giddy the whole day, especially after lunch..ended up postponing my tuition work to tomorrow..need to force myself to teach tomorrow, by hook or by crook...

till now, still feeling very giddy as if i'm going to faint anytime.. =( though have taken quite a long nap...
and my mum started her nagging...nagged that i din get enough rest and eat enough...

i decide to quit my TCM student union position as an assistant welfare officer..my welfare officer called juz now to tell me that there's a chalet bbq tmr, and both of us are to be in-charge of it. which means i have to go tmr..
my examinations are coming very soon..no way i can compromise anymore..so i told her straight that i can't help her for tmr's event..
too many things at hand, and i see no point in holding this position when i cannot fulfill this responsibility efficiently..will only make me look even more irresponsible..

shall hand in my resignation letter later, when i go for my tcm lesson.

i really cannot take it anymore.....

caught a nasty terrible running nose...

feeling very drowsy the whole day..affecting my study's performance... (T_T)

hope can get well by tomorrow..
still have a tuition work to teach tmr and tcm lesson to attend tmr...

(T_T)

gonna go now...too tired to write more, n definitely not much mood to think of things...

*had a nightmare again..and it's telling me the same few things again...sigh...i really dun know how true was the nightmare..n i reallu have no guts to ask, cos sometimes truth hurts..so i guess i juz wanna keep myself in the dark..*

fatigue...

human anatomy's getting harder...my prof's words're getting more and more confused..and i'm starting to find difficulties in catching up..furthermore, it seems that some of my classmates have studied through, which tat makes me even more stressed up..

so many medical terms..!! especially all the neurons..all the axons...all the different nervous system medical terms... (T_T)

need to get myself focus now...

sometimes i feel weird whenever i log in msn..realise i'm always taking the initiative..feel a bit thick-skinned..but hmm..a bit confused at times la...aiya..dun know how to describe how i feel about this too...

still, no wonder what, i gotta make myself focus on my upcoming exams... exam sitting arrangements are out, and tat makes me very nervous, cos it implies tat exams are coming very very SOON....

=s

very scared....

oki, gonna go back to appreciate the art of human body structure...





*Many times, when i am studying human anatomy, i am amazed with how complicating yet organised a simple human body is...probably tis's the reason of why Leonardo da Vinci was fascinated by the human body structure..*

*i still wanna go Andoung, Cambodia...*

*Old Mantou's heart smiled and laughed.
My facial muscles are the one performing this function while my heart does the talking and listening.*

din do very well for my integrated design presentation..
basically gotten myself freaked out..n my face turned green with nervousness..
but partly cos i din eat the whole day, and sleep late last night..

=p

i dun tink i can go on extreme diet..like not eating the whole day..got myself hungry and worst of all, my face'll turn green, which is very very unhealthy..

sometimes i start to feel why i have to go through all these..juz to get myself slim down..often i envy those ladies who can eat all they want n yet won't get fat..
and definitely i cannot waste food by not finishing whatever is given to me, juz cos i wanna lose weight..to me, it'll be like not appreciating the food, and the blessing which i am given.

but definitely i am very disappointed with myself, cos i know i can do better than today's performance...

thank goodness, my tuition's cancelled today..gotten a very bad headache after the whole presentation.... (T_T)
i hate headaches...n definitely i hate taking medicine..even if it's chinese medical pills... =(
taking medicine makes me feel sick.

wanna go for the study visit to cambodia which my integrated design prof had proposed to organise...can go visit the exact hygiene centre which my sch had built for the Cambodian's Andoung people.!! i only hope that the travelling dates will not clash with my TCM exams.. =s
please please, let me go..!!!

but funny thing is ...my parents never object to me going for this trip..hahaha...surprisingly..!!haha..so happy..probably they feel i've taken care of myself well in vietnam trip (though i gotten a bad cough..n i can't eat the delicious big vietnamese spring roll..!)

but really hope i can go...

definitely through this project, i learn that working experiences are very important if were to do a successful project as such..a lot of parameters to consider and it's very difficult to do this, do that..calculate this...calculate that...
so this means that one of my dreams need to wait...

definitely learnt a lot about myself in this project...my bad points especially... =p
still find it's been a fruitful experience when i really get to work together with YS they all..

started to get a little worried about my future..a little scared tat i'll get a second lower or third class honour..my sch's been a very competitive one..
wanna get a job which allows me to interact with people, do presentations..and travel overseas to meet different people...with high salary..n i can travel...n i can get to train myself to talk more and well...

probably sometimes, i find the life here's been a bore..no big special national occasion (let's not say National day)..and the pace here is fast...

so when i am going back hong kong for my graduation trip, i wanna go see those peaceful protests there..something like the protests carried out in the Queen Pearl Harbour (i think tat's the name of tat harbour =p )....



Juz some inner thoughts...

*sometimes i really wish i could own a siberian husky for myself..but i need to wait...wait to get a high-salary job, so that i can get a apartment for myself, and use my own money and ability to get my first siberian husky..i even have thought of the name for the husky.. (^^) it's a name which i find most suitable for my husky..

_ _ _ _ _ _ (go figure..haha..)

tat's the name...meaning that this husky's a gift from God and he'll protect me always.. =)

really can't wait for this day to come..cos i wanna tell u all what his name is about..!!*


*i really wanna go cambodia........*

feeling very nervous now..

later will be having integrated design presentation..feeling a little un-prepared cos of my presentation timing's still a little rush...

hope can do well still...

hydraulics test later too..
arg..

n i got to rush for a tuition work immediately after presentation in the evening..3 hours of lesson later..!! (T_T) dun know whether i can stand the fatigue...

raining now..simply love rainy days..

dun know why..i've been thinking about the old stuff again...
thinking whether i'll be attached again... (hahaha...)
i'm told i'll be married late...but then..
i look at myself in the mirror...i feel i have no requisite of getting attached at all..

somehow or rather, i juz feel...(besides family n friends)...everyone wants to experience the feeling of loving someone and being loved by the same someone..

out of loneliness? out of wanting to forget the old love? out of money?

different excuses...

oh well..i juz live my life now...



//Juz some blabberings of my personal reflections....//

*somehow i realise i have many bad points after the incident. are these bad points already instilled in me? or they juz evolve and develop to make a new me? or could it due to me having too many things at hand now, causing erosion of the old self?*

*i can't wait to take up a drawing course after i've found a job...i realise i can't describe things very well verbally..i only know how to ask questions to find out more about the others, and listen to their stories...but i dun know how to make them be interested in finding out more about me..
so probably the only mean of communication from me to you is through my drawings, and slowly through sign language...*

*i realise something new about life.
A listener listens to others, but hopes to be listened.*

*probably tat's how life works..and probably why people want to get a "neutral" job...
A counsellor listens to the others' problems, but sometimes he/she hopes to be listened.
A marriage counsellor saves others' marriages, but hopes her/his marriage to be saved.
A nurse takes care of others, but hopes to be taken care of.
so getting a "neutral" job is probably a best way to have a balanced life..no contradiction at all.."

ok, tat's all i wanna reflect for tonight's rainy day..

finally feeling sleepy now..ha..!

read this in my school's newsletter...

"NTU kids are smarter, but NUS kids are more confident.

...SMU kids think they are smart, therefore that makes them the most confident."


hahahhaa...it seems that confidence and intelligence don't seem to come hand in hand...hahahhahaa...

terrible headache yesterday since morning...din really bother to find out what's wrong with me..haa..only feel restless and not motivated at all..self-diagnoised myself this morning that it could be due to my liver not functionally at its optimum..took some chinese medicine pills..tink kinda work..haha..
but still will not do any diagnosis or medical prescription for my friends yet..first, not allowed legally and morally..secondly, not confident enough as i only had the theory, not the practical experiences..

anyway ......

integrated design presentation's a challenge..have to squeeze a few pages of design proposals into 4 mins..and that includes introduction...definitely a challenge for YS, YJ, HM n Val...all need to squeeze the presentation slides...

more workload given by HB (my FYP research student)... (T_T)

totally no time to study for my human anatomy... (T_T) getting very worried...sometimes the thought of having not much time to study makes me wanna cry...i wanna score a distinction for it..get my basic foundation strong..

as what i've predicted, my health condition is better now...as promised to myself, i never cry anymore...and focus on my health...and my health is better now..haa..

but definitely must make myself go jogging daily durin the study break and after exams..could feel myself putting on weight...

AHH...been doing my presentation slides since 10 pm... (T_T)
wanna do it well..and wanna start it off well since i'm the first speaker..and definitely wanna do it well, to let the guys know that girls can present well and better than them..and also let the poly students know that jc students are not just nerds...

whahaa...i start to crap liao..



*made chinese tea (those mini chinese tea cups) for my family juz now...feel so stressed cos my grandparents would be drinking the tea i made..

everyone drank their first cup...
without saying anything...

arg..

I felt so nervous and insecure that i simply shouted, "the tea tastes so great!"...

and guess what're their responses?

they followed suit...complimenting that the tea which i made for them was excellent..

whahaha... =p can't believe i can be tat thick-skinned...*

dedications...

Got to listen to Corrine May's songs, especially from her debute album "Safe in a Crazy World"...

Super nice..and her voice has a very soothing comfort..the lyrics which she writes were real with a tingering comfort of humanity.

Have uploaded her songs over here..hope you all enjoy listening..! and i would like to dedicate these songs to the following people...

Corrinne May's website:
http://www.corrinnemay.com/safe/flash/index2.htm

To God: "Safe in a Crazy World"
God, thank you for always being there for me..
God, thank you for all the people whom you have brought to me..thank you for letting me learn so many things...
God, thank you for allowing me to spend those memorable 4 years with someone whom i really like a lot...though now i've already chosen to let that someone go...
God, thank you for allowing me to be that someone's angel for those 4 years...though i know i may no longer am now...
God, still thank you... =)

To Dennis (dun know whether he'll still be reading my blog): "Fly Away"
though i am aware of where i stand in your life now, the chorus of this song is what i still wanna say to you..though i know you have moved on in your life...
But thank you for still be willing to talk to me and sharing with me some of ur stuff in life...
thank you for tolerating me with all my "how are you?" and other mundane questions during your busy times..
Hope you like this song..
Stay in contact always, no matter how busy you can get..!
Jiayou Jiayou Jiayou..!! Wo yong yuan dou hui zhi chi ni..!
May God bless you always and everyday... =)

To all my friends(i mean all!!!) here:
"Everything in its Time"
Thank you for always listening quietly to my blogs..all my frustrations...all my mournings...
Thank you for accepting me of who i am now, and understanding all my changes in life...
Thank you for allowing me to learn about life from you...
Thank you...
May God bless you all everyday... =)

*********************************************************

i am pretty quiet recently..as said by DLY...

ya..i dun like to talk much nowadays...

searching for inner peace...

walked past the "Kids World 2007" recruitment booth for these past few days...used to have that strong urge to join..but for now, totally cold towards it...

for that instant, i tink i've gotten tired of going for such events...

"Rest in peace, old mantou...."

been super busy recently....

busy with the integrated design..and my surface water quality test was a total tragedy. din really have enough time to study cos all the projects and my tcm stuff...

everything's wanting a piece of me...

and Lala had an accident yesterday - a major concussion. she forgot everything and i got to install new memories into her... (T_T)

all my info n pics are gone.....but thank goodness i have not started on my final year project final report..or else i will cry out a river...

whhaa...

but definitely i freaked out yesterday morning...called my bro desperately for help even though i know he's in the low-telecommunication reception room..haha.. =p
but luckily he came back in time to help treat Lala..
n i'm so happy that Lala has microsoft office 2007 again..!! yeah..!!

n today doesn't seem to be good day for someone too..but hmm..probably i'm really lousy at making people laugh when they r angry or sad...i only know how to sit n listen silently...but so what if i can do tat when i'm not allowed to do tat? but well...a little hurt when i saw one phrase..but then again, i believe tat's juz said out of extreme frustration...so could understand tat la...

very tired now le...
though i wanna write more suff now..

but it seems that i've not much of a mood to continue writing...

i wanna get this book........hopefully as a christmas present for myself...

wonder kinokuniya will have this book...

and yes, this is the jap drama "one litres of tears" which WL, M they had been talking about ever since their return from the Chia Se project..

and i really have to agree with them..

it's really very nice and very touching...

like what they said,"you'll really cry one litre of tears.."

haaa...

Synopsis: (adapted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1_Litre_of_Tears)

This drama is based on the real-life struggles of a 15-year-old girl named Aya who suffered from an incurable disease, but lived life to the fullest until her death at 25. The script is based on the diary Aya kept writing until she could no longer hold a pen. The book that later followed entitled "One Litre of Tears" has sold over 1.1 million copies in Japan alone. Aya Kitō proved her courage and positive attitude towards an uncertain future when suffering such an illness, spinocerebellar ataxia. The drama spans a decade, during which she graduates from school while her conditions worsen.
The story begins as Aya prepares for the new semester. Despite being happy, she suffers from slight physical problems, which only her mother seems to notice. However, one day, she falls unconsciously on the floor.
After she is sent to the hospital, she is shortly diagnosed with the disease. Despite the fact that she is diagnosed with the terminal illness, she does not lose the will to survive.
She still makes friends with others, including her first love, Yuji. She later develops an interest in Haruto. Although somewhat cold, Haruto was still kind to her. Meanwhile, her health continues to deteriorate.
Knowing that she will not survive for long, she returns a gift to Haruto, who discovers the fact when he reads the love letter that Aya gave him.
In the last episode, she dies peacefully, and her parents mourn her.

Hmm..personally i find this a very good show...
despite its short 11 episodes, the development of each character is gradual and distinguished..the actors and actresses' performances are excellent and genuine. and i like the scene which Aya passed away..

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my professional communication presentation was pretty alright. my tutor told me privately that my presentation was very good, despite of one killer slide. but basically she complimented that she likes my presentation attitude - the kind of liveliness and all the stuff...hee.. XD

however, personally i feel i've not done well enough..i was still very nervous, which tat makes me disappointed with myself..but definitely though the other groups wore formally while mine was casual formal, i think i've grabbed everyone's attention and interest with my presentation..in fact, i feel i did the best among the other 13 classmates, and tat included guys..whaha..

but then again, i feel no challenge...think business school will have more challenges, since the business students often have to do many many presentations..

=p

haa... =p and one happy thing was, she told me that my prounication was alright and she could understand what i was saying.. (^^) (^^)

another upcoming presentation will be Integrated Design...this time, i need to wear formally..which means i need to get my professional wear as soon as possible.. (T_T) but this time, going to perform much better than my professional communication..

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tink my grandparents are getting older...they dun seem to hear very well even though i thought i greet them loudly...

sometimes i think i inherit some personalties genes from my grandma..ahaa..my grandma is a woman with principles, which she holds it firmly...she doesn't like to depend on others..etc etc...lol.. =p

and my grandpa writes great chinesse calligraphy..me so proud of him.. =D

but these few days, i've been so busy with my school work, i din really get to sit down to have a good dinner meal with them..

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been thinking over many things recently...

wonder what does Love really mean....haaaa.. =p

wondering whether i'll have a marriage life like my grandparents'...my grandpa still likes to hold my grandma's hands...my grandma will always help to watch my grandpa's diet, peel prawn skins for him etc etc...and both of them still repeat their courtship story - which my grandpa loves my grandma at first sight n only likes her among the other girls, and my grandma keeps insisting tat she never liked him at all and would always ran away whenever she saw him..

whahahhaa...

sometimes it's really interesting to hear love/courtship stories from old folks...

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tomorrow's A.Maths papers.. me so nervous....!!!! =x

These are the photos taken during the mid-autumn festival...

somehow or rather, was reminded of how i celebrated in tj for mid-autumn festival..

and probably tat's why memories exist, cos they are the reflections of the past.

still stuck in school now..skipped my human anatomy lecture..trying to finish up my progress report..and DLY's irritating me with all the nagging..disliked being nagged and forced to repeat the same thing over and over again..

my tolerance's dropped, which i've observed myself for months. probably i have realised that there are things which i need to lose my tolerance and be insistent in my decision.

Met my SJAB junior on my way home yesterday..got to learn more about some things in life..

deadlines for all reports are around the corner..A.maths 'O' level will be kicking off next monday..and my tcm lessons are going to have extra lessons again....

professional communication presentation's tomorrow...a little nervous though..but will still be wearing that strength which could give me more confidence to present.

really hope my presentation'll be smooth-sailing..

A quote which i find it true..
*For those people who are really listening, they will definitely understand...*

*sian...human resource management test tomorrow...and i still got to attend my tcm student union meeting later...*

get very fatigue easily..partly cos of all the upcoming tests..upcoming exams..'O' level exams...upcoming reports deadlines to meet..

reports reports n i hate writing them... =(

gotten myself really in a nasty mood..arg..

in sch right now..writing blog..getting sick of my life sometimes..with all the busy schedules to meet..

probably still trying to get used to my current life now ba..though i keep saying tat i'm used to my life now..

sigh,.my handphone pouch is damaged... (T_T) bought it last year, after the incident..
it could be me being too sentimental or sensitive..whatever things which belongs to me are damaged in their parts, i will feel scared..as if there might be unexpected omens or God is trying to tell me something..
handphone...my kappa bag..my watch which dennis bought for me..n now my handphone pouch (which i bought it after the incident)...

now i even scare of flying back to HK..i'm scared of flying back for the wrong purpose...

too many things which God is trying to tell me in His quiet ways, and sometimes i can get very scared...

finally...

Finally..for my part of the Integrated Design project report, finished a huge portion..

Spent the whole day to do...took quite a long time, partly cos of the low morale which the report's given to me..but i've to do my part, or else it doesn't reflect very well of me as a team mate..but it's really a torture for me to write reports...it's so technical and dead...

AutoCAD software's giving me a lot of problems and till now, still i'm not managed to feed it to Lala..She's puking AutoCAD out...!! ARG...!!
but anyway, my bro's helping me to search for a remedy.

spring-cleaning of my brothers' and my room after lunch...and we created quite a havoc while spring-cleaning..Basically my brothers and I were more of having fun, laughing away while cleaning up the room..to us, spring-cleaning is a noisy and play time.. =p

feeling a little better after listening to a well-known china professor (her name is 于丹) who is giving talks on "庄子" (zhuang zi) . basically, 庄子 is an ancient renowned philosopher. According to my understanding, his core teaching of his philosophical theories is all about attitude - using our heart to understand and see the world.
And 于丹 mentioned something about knowing ourselves in 庄子's philsophy, as well as the seduction of materials and money in today's world. Her every explanation is clear and true.

can't wait to get a new handphone...with camera which allows me to transfer my photos into the computer. wanna take pictures of every little thing which i see in life, then post it over here...maybe i'll not get all so depressed or anything...
but still wanna keep my this current handphone.....

another upcoming busy week..sian.... (-_-) i hope the busy times will just stop...for me to rest...

now, i am starting to get worried about my future working life..i dun like writing reports....!!!!!!!!

(T_T)

Self pity and scepticism

still feeling nasty after the sleep.. basically i've no idea what's wrong with me..hiccups, i guess..and i'm sick of myself having such emotional hiccups, i am always finding hard to remove them..

think the inferior complexity is upsetting me again..

and i hate writing reports....!!!!! arggg.....

feel very stressed up now... =(

* "Chicago" is brillant but i've missed "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" =( musicals rock *

been extremely fatigue these few days..reports and reports..n i dislike writing them..

donated blood and my physical conditins are in hiccup conditiion again..if i dun eat, i go hungry..but if i eat, my stomach'll give me problems.. sigh..

n i'm feeling fat, n such feeling is accumulating everyday..plus some comments from KW, who is under the same FYP research student..he teased me of being fat twice.. (T_T) sigh..but i guess i am really fat..

studying in sch at night's a good ambience..but going home somehow feels empty...not tat i dislike going home alone..but it's juz tat emptiness but at the same time, seems to be a quiet time of asking a series of unanswered questons to God..

i'm really tired..sometimes i dun wanna stay in singapore..i juz want to travel around..take photos of all people who interest my eyes..

my professional communication presentation rehearsal's a disaster to me. i din do very well, and i find difficulty to express myself well..and i am getting very worried about myself...i can't talk...i feel i am a mute....

for a moment, i question myself - where am i now? who am i now? are these all God's arrangements?

Watched this jap movie "Crying out Love in the Centre of the World" just now..

Plot summary: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Socrates_in_Love
In a small regional town in 1980s southern Japan, Sakutaro "Saku" Matsumoto and Aki Hirose, who were classmates all through junior high school, become high school students and then fall in love with one another. They share audio diaries, go on excursions together, and enjoy summer vacation. However, Aki soon finds herself suffering from leukemia and begins to weaken day by day, rendering her unable to see Saku or go outside. Saku, desperate to take Aki to Uluru (Ayer's Rock) in Australia (the "Center of the World" in the Japanese title), a place she had wished to go to, desperately tries to achieve just that. Aki dies before ever boarding the plane, and Saku is left to live out his life without her.
17 years later, as an older, sombre Saku trudges through everyday existence, the last tape of Aki's audio diary is suddenly unearthed, leading Saku back to his hometown in the south, and back into his memories of his last days with Aki.

I love the way of how they communicate with each other, by recording over tapes of what they wanna tell each other..the mode of communication is very simple yet significant. and somehow or rather it just brings back memories of how dennis n i used to communicate when both of us were in junior college and we were not allowed to meet for a period of time due to some obstruction in the beginning of our relationship. of course, not through tapes, but through emails..writing about daily stuff and encouraging each other to study hard for our 'A' levels over the emails. n till now, i still do keep those emails...juz like how Saku still keeps the cassette tapes.

hmm..dun worry..i'm not crying anymore now, i have told myself before. but ok, i cried a little over the movie.. haa..cos it's really very touching..especially the last part when Saku listens to the tape last recorded by Aki.

Definitely touching movie, though the young Saku played by the young actor is not very good-looking.. =p

Plot is pretty simple and the way of presenting the story is smooth, simple and clear.

hadn't been in a tip-top physical conditions these few days..
probably cos i've cried quite badly on the sunday night once i laid on my bed. been harbouring negative thoughts again, kept feeling that i am being kept at a far distance from him nowadays. probably he's really too busy to bother me and i feel i'm sort of pestering him..but such thoughts were only an one-sided judgement, and i dun dare to ask cos i'm scared to hear any negative truth.

but hmm..i've decided not to cry anymore. i've been in such state for months, and such state has been torturing my physical health for months. my stomach, liver organs are not functioning normally. the next thing i'm worried is my heart. i'm getting worried (or paranoid) that my emotional condition will only get my heart condition worse over time, if i dun do anything.
and studying tcm really puts me in good stead as i am becoming aware of my own health.
so i shall shift my attention to maintaining a well-balanced health.

work load for my ID project is piling up, and in a few weeks' time, exams are coming up. especially my tcm..human anatomy's super lots of things to memorise, but i dun tink the return of the jc-biophobia is back. i'm taking the tcm subjects in an optimistic way. One thing i am very sure of is - God is really amazing.

shifting my focus to my studies..no time to lose anymore..and i really have no more energy to cry anymore..

but definitely i am going to prove to everyone who reads my blog, tat i can manage my these two degrees well.

shall put those guy-girl matters aside for the time being. I just leave this to God's arrangements.

a breakthrough in my studies.

studied my basic theory of tcm throughout the whole night, till morning at 6 am, before forcing myself to wake up 3 hours later, for tuition work.

good n bad news about my three students' 'O' level prelims results..hha..hmm..tink good news first..haha..
all have shown great improvements in their physics n chemistry (all their grades jumped to B3 or A2..! yeah..one of my students even topped for chemistry practical in her class..! yeah..! and the another finally passed her A maths which she used to fail n had been struggling hard with the subject..me very happy for them.. =)

but bad news are...two of them din do well for their Amaths, the subject which i'm supposedly to to be good at..(T_T) sigh..

but well, 'O' levels exams are more important..really hope i could create more miracles in them..kanbatte..!

as for me myself, been very tired. nightmares, n all the negative thoughts..
sometimes i juz wish tat i'm mute. i juz feel lousy of myself all these while. probably i'm really tat lousy, tat's y i failed in my rship.

but well, life goes on n i juz need to press on..even if one day things dun go my way, i have to accept the arrangements made by God.

happy mid-autumn festival to u all..!

a big time mixture of feelings, cos it's also a day which i used to like it real lots.

resulting me making a lot of procedure mistakes in the lab, and i had to go back sch in the morning, juz to deal with the stupid activated sludge.. (T_T)

shall stop here. not much mood to blog now.

OHOTOss - raffles place n cathay cineleisure's kbox

our gathering in Cineleisure's kBox. As usual, the same old people (Jacinta and me) were late (SLIGHTly late). =p

our k-lunch..!! the meal was pretty filling and delicious. the food which i disliked in this set meal was the fried su-shi. =x

our presents from Sindy..!! she bought these from Vietnam..! hahaha..zj got the star, I got the dragonfly, Jacinta got the flower (she had a hard time considering whether she should take the flower or the frog). =p and HM got the frog, in the end.

=p

Our day in Raffles Place, celebrating Sindy's birthday..!

This is one of Sindy's birthday presents..! haha..she's so happy to have received our presents. and of course, we are not promoting the sleeping culture in office. =p

Zj and I in Jean Gloria's cafe...slacking..hahaha...

ooooOoOo..very eventful today..
ahahaha..

my Integrated Design group mates - YS, YJ, V and HM went to my house for project meeting. First time ever my friends came to my house.hahha... =p
but probably i am not used to play host at home, so tink i sound kinda a little serious and din really know how to play a good host.. =p
(0_O) and a lot LOT LOT of calculation and factors to take into consideration etc etc blab blab blab... (x_O)

followed up attending the mid-autumn festival celebration held in the tcm sch..haha..din have to sing solo tonight..hahaha..have some last minute change. =p

and i can't believe myself. i am the backstage manager for the second part of the celebration. partly cos the first part managed by my Welfare Officer was kinda disorganised to me, resulting a lot of undesirable delays in between the prize-giving ceremony. so hmm....probably i feel i could help them out, in getting everything in order, so offered to help out by taking charge in managing the second part of the celebration.

i dun know where i got that courage to tell the Welfare Officer straight that I want to take charge (even told her that the first part was a mess). i just know the backstage needs a lot of tidy-up, since i have observed a number of production teams on how they manage the backstage and programmes. but hhaa..i feel there's still rooms of improvement, though i personally feel i have done pretty well tonight, as a first-timer. =p

haha..and had gotten one of my classmates to help me out in the stage management. =p thanked him numerous time cos the request for his help was last-minute, so i kinda feel bad to ask him help me in the managing the stage equipments. but definitely he's of a great help.

and well, finally got to check out who are those classmates who are about my age..haha..basically these classmates had freshly graduated from NUS or NTU, so tat makes me the only full-time undergraduate.

even played with the Welfare Officer's young daughter. She's very cute..! haha..so showed her my "break the rubber band" magic trick. hahhaa..i know it's super childish, but well, the girl was amazed. hahhaa..but she's really very cute..n i dun have to feel so tense up too. =p

but walking around with my high-heeled shoes was very tiring. tripped over a flight of stairs (thank goodness, i din fall) ...and had a cramp on my right toes when the show was about to end.. (T_T)

oh Ya..! i even saw my SAC junior, whom i used to teach her A.maths and Chemistry. met her at the backstage, and she put up a violin performance. and happily surprisingly, she's taking the same course as me..! though she's now one year academically senior of me. hahaha.. =p

being the backstage manager for the first time was a great experience. it's been a long time since i managed and lead. and it feels really cool to manage and lead once more... =)

all these, i feel, had to be foundamentally credited to my dad, my st john's seniors(especially rachel) and officers (the ALTC 2000's sgts and officers) and the quiet observations of past backstage management of different events..if i had not trained by them in the tough way, i dun tink i could have this gut to implement what i've done tonight. =p

the whole event ended well..! thank goodness..!! PHEW..! XD

OoO..! finally tat's the end of my day today..! ooO..need to have "settling time" after the whole backstage stuff..!

though..arg..still got to go sch for fyp later in the afternoon.. (T_T)

responsiblity kills.

utterly fed up with the mid-autumn festival rehearsal. utterly fed up that i want to complain to others..but sigh..na..i think i must know where i am standing now, and it could be a signal directing to me, telling me something.
but ya, it's okay..juz cry over a few days or whatsoever, i should be fine..cos i'm responsible for all these consequences.

ok, me gone bonker.

things don't seem to be going on smoothly for me. i keep thinking about it, and all i could say, i have to take the full responsibility for whatever i have done.

many times, i really wish i could go back time.
and change things.

the only one thing which i will want to change - i never met that person at all in my whole entire life. even if it's for my next life, or whatever crap.

sigh, never mind. things've been reached to such stage and my life's been changed drastically. i have to take full responsibility for it.

a more relaxing day for me, after the o830 surface water quality test... phew...en fin...

but paid 23 bucks for the journey from home to sch.. (T_T)

got kinda called up by HB whether HM n i could come to the lab in the afternoon, and we rejected him =p
partly cos both of us were extremely tired..especially me.

a new lecturer took over the environmental hydraulics lecture, and goodness me, he's very very boring....i slept through the whole lecture. highly likely i will skip his lectures, unless there are some parts of the lecture notes which i dun understand..

got bumped into a prudential financial planner. (T_T) trying to promote the student saving plan which the company offers. not very attractive to me though, but well, most likely will be getting him in the future, to be my personal financial advisor into those investment areas or sth like tat. then again, i got to take a lot of factors into consideration. i'm not in a rush, but i have this feeling that the advisor seems to be in a rush, but well, could understand his feelings. haa..oh well..

getting sick of drinking herbal medicine prepared by my mum. i know it's meant well for me, but i am really sick of medicine. i detest the sight of medicine. everytime when i notice packets of medication tablets or solution in the kitchen, i juz dislike them. it makes me feel that someone in my family is ill. and the medicine which is prepared for me tastes horrible..sometimes i jus feel like puking after drinking it. but sigh, well, it's meant for my own good. i need to drink it.

many times, taking medication, even if it's for health maintenance, makes me feel sick.

sigh. =(

been very stressful.. (T_T)

my environmental hrdraulics test's not very smooth-sailing for me. made a very careless, probably cos i'm not calm enough to handle the atmosphere. been very pissed off with myself.

later in the morning's surface water quality test n i am very worried. sigh..

being part of the tcm student union committee is tiring - mentally tiring. probably i've been very tired, so always find the meeting to be very mentally torturing. everything's such rush and stress..all of the sudden, i juz feel like quitting.

my fyp experiment's been met with some technical problems. and HB will be flying off for a conference this friday.. (T_T) i am very nervous, to be left alone with HM, to handle the apparatus. i hope can call him overseas sia...lol... =p

and i got to key in tat data, got to email this fellow...got to do this...got to do that.....sigh...

so many things to do...so many things which seem to require my attention..i am very tired..

probably i've been very stressed. whatever little stuff which triggers the weakest portion of me, i will just cry. i never cried over such trifle stuff in the past. have no idea what's the matter with me all these while..cried over a stupid mini cartoon mtv featuring a sad version of "will you love me tomorrow?".. all thanks to my buddy...sent me this mtv..made me cry over such stupid thing. but at least i know, this song's a ban for ktv session..hahahha...but aiya, my buddy din know that i am tat crybaby nowadays.. lol..ok..anyway....

recently heard another song which makes me cry over it again...(ARG) ok, it's "本来" by 同恩. nice lyrics, n it's going to be a ban for ktv session again..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTIcc5Ycn1U

ok, got to go..gonna go back to my studies..sigh..

sat's ktv session with Jac they all..! yes..! i wanna sing..!! maybe can even practise for sun's mid-autumn celebration..whahha..

ok, gonna jiayou..!

gotten myself really busy...

got myself to be the Assistant Welfare Officer of the Student Union...arg..

attended the second meeting this afternoon, n realised the discussion, i could say, was kinda disorganised, in my perspective. probably cos i'm pretty an organised person when it comes to handling with meetings and discussions, i could not really tolerate a mixture of different input of information. but then again, this is how working life could be at times, so i juz need to adapt to it.

but i realise one thing about my Welfare Officer - she is fierce...
which seems to contradict with the typical image of how welfare officer is supposed to...haahhaa...

had a bad headache, after attending today's meeting. disorganisation induces headaches of organised men...lol

anyway 23rd sept is going to be a real big-time busy day for me..in the day, YS they all will be coming to my house for the Integrated Design project meeting..haha...and it's the first time when i actually invite my friends to come to my house, especially HM who has never been to my house since sec 1. hahahahaha..
ok, back to the topic...after the meeting, i still need to rush to the college for its mid-autumn festival celebration in the early evening...

it's really a test of time management and everyone's understanding towards my busy schedule. =p

in fact, during the lesson just now, the thought of having so many things to attend to within a day really makes me wanna cry to vent out the confusion in me..

if i could get through these smoothly, i think i should really praise myself that i am a wonderwoman..hahhaha..

being in this leadership position is gonna be challenging for me, i feel. it's not like the type of leadership i have been leading throughout my cadet and officer life. i am not going to manage a group of teenagers with those innocent thoughts, or people of the same age as me. I am managing my inter-personal relationship with people of wide range of age, from different working backgrounds, from different education backgrounds etc. furthermore, i am considered to be the youngest person in this class, and whatever suggestions i raise may not suit with the older generation.

but definitely it's another level of leadership which i am going to experience. looking forward to the new experience, and right now, i am already experiencing the pressure of it, though this position is relatively a small one.. =p

i still consider myself to be pretty passive lady, though some of u may not agree with this statement. hahaha..but well, i am a w-o-l-s person, i need some warm-up time..hahaha..

for those who know me long enough, i believe they will agree with my latter statement. =p

professional communication's second assignment is taking its first baby step...! me feeling so excited, yet nervous..cos i can do presentations again..!!! =D i miss presentations lots...!!! i miss talking in front of many people..
i need such items to ensure the verbal sanity in me. =p

i wanna presentations...lots of lots of presentations..
i wanna reach to the level of presentations which i do not need to do any rehearsal at all. cool ah?

hahah..but that's one of my life objectives.

met a few people today in sch..

weiming..n a guy from tjc n sjab...n ting kuang when i was on my way for tcm lessons.

haha..and guess what ting kuang (my jc classmate) said to me when he saw? hahaha..
he said my hair is very nice and long...! LOL...

first time heard such compliment from a guy..! (^^) but i hope he really means true..

n oh ya, got selected by huang shi fu to be the class representative for the school's student union.. a bit nervous.. =p

but the way he selected people for this position was kinda amusing to me. he scanned through our faces, and he noticed me. he asked me whether i was willing to take up this position. but before i could say anything, he already told my class chairperson to note down my name. and the way he told my chairperson was as if he's taken his choice for a puppy dog, or as if he wanna buy this veggie...

ahahha..

anyway, intro one mtv.. it's "记得" by zhang hui mei..it's an extended version..the lyrics are well-written, and very touching. i kinda cried while watching the whole mtv video..dun think i wanna sing for ktv, have this feeling i'll cry over the mike..partly cos i was once in a relationship before, so could understand the feelings of the lyrics..

here's it..!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljwMweaTd8o&mode=related&search=

i need to focus focus focus...

met dennis in the evening. i was pretty surprised..and hahaa..feeling nervous to have met him when i least expect. i ended up keep giggling away..cos i was very nervous at that time...!!!! but as for him, he was pretty cool and calm. not like me..almost totally speechless.

had a short chat with him (cos i was very nervous and almost speechless). he looked quite different, partly due to his hairstyle. He din have his hair, and i almost thought that he really has the same hairstyle like wang lihong (he used to tell me that he wanna have tat hairstyle). haha..but this time, i'm really convinced that he's really busy, so busy that he can't have time to cut. =p

but haha..DLY is again, feeling the awkwardness. hahaahah..which i dun understand why. hahhaa..

but (T_T) of all days...i met him when i wore my that nerdy black framed glasses. i hardly wear tat glasses since my school re-opens for a new semester. and ARGh...the last time when i met him by coincidence, it's also when i wore this pair, and was in shorts (tat's when i came back from my company's netball game). This time, when i am not at the best look, i meet him, again.

(T_T) i feel so ...... pai seh.

but then again, it's really nice and happy to meet him again. =)

though i feel i'm still not well-dressed. (with that nerdy specs of mine). (T_T) =p

i really hope everything'll go well and positive for me, including in the future...

a productive 3-hr tuition lesson with my student, followed by a gathering with zj they all..

it's been so long since i last met them..!!! n sindy seems to have lost a bit more weight again..! n definitely she is also starting to dress up to more feminine and mature..! =D

i think all of us are starting to dress in this way. but i am still not confident to wear dress or skirt yet..must work on my lower body more...and oh ya, just realise i need to work on my arms as well...probably it's been a super long time since i've toned my arms.. (T_T) long time din do push up le.. (T_T)

sian...so many areas to improve...

but one thing for sure, i realise i love to wear high-heeled shoes..hahaha..first, make me feel taller..2nd, makes my legs look longer...3rd, allows me to walk confidently and keep my back upright..and also, makes me look more feminine even if i wear jeans to match with them.

hahaa..

and oh ya, put on some simple make up today..feel a little weird..but it's so simple that zj they all din really notice that i put make up on..hahahahaha...cos i scare people will look at me while walking along the streets..

went Thai Express to have dinner with them. the meal was great, and it's really a catching up session with them..long time din talk to them..n hahaha..they started to ask me stuff about tcm...arg..me feel so stressed up..cos there are many things which i've not learnt and been taught yet..how can i be Da Chang Jin..?! hahahaha... =p

after dinner, visited Gloria Jean's Cafe. managed to grab sofa seats, and it's really relaxing to juz sit there and slack....

will upload photos next time over here..hahaha..

=========================================

read through the notes for my General Elective - "Mind over Stress".

Realise that all along, i've been experiencing a lot of signs and symptoms which have been stated in the notes. all the negative thinking, social phobia, depression (mild one,i think)...

trying to keep myself as optimistic as possible. and of course, stay focused..!

I'm in the making of Da Chang Jin.

but

where's my Ming Da Ren??!!!!

WHAHAHAHAHHA.. so crappy la... =p

ok, enough of my craps.

gonna go prepare my Integrated Design stuff, for tmr's meeting.. =p

Woke up in the morning, feeling very terrible..probably i think too much le. i've been very pessimistic (arg..forgotten how to spell this word).

seriously, i think i've thought too much. as a result, very often, i feel i make a lot of mistakes throughout.

i feel it's time for me to stop thinking negatively. i dun wan any of my friendship to deteriorate, juz cos of me saying and thinking of negativity.

Just tell mansze if she started to think too much.

Cos she treasures the relationships with her friends, especially with dennis. She still hopes to be able to talk with him anything under the sun, regardless of being happy or sad. Tat's what the best of friends are for, rite?

Ok, gonna go..! need to go teach le..!

jiayou jiayou mansze..!

went to turf city to have dinner..!

hahha..Lobster..!!! yum yum...i love it lotsa..will show u all the photos which i took there..
hahaha

FYP meeting with the rest of my classmates who are also workin under the same prof as me..get to know a few pubs...hahha..

Here's one of my favourites:
http://www.equinoxcomplex.com/cityspace/index.html
heard it's a jazz pub..n i love jazz..!!
and it's pretty quiet, and not as crowded as Oosh in Dempsey Rd.
Which i am very glad that City Space is so near and convenient to get there...
hahaa..
but the attire is smart casual...hMmm..most highly likely will wanna go there when i start working..
a good place to have quiet time..

haha..

but hmm...now i'm trying to start accepting the reality (though i'm not 100% confirmed about my thoughts). but from my own perspective, i feel i have to wake up from hopes. about what? i think right now, only DLY they all probably know what is the reality i'm referring to.

Yup, i just have to stay focused now..! too many things are waiting for me to fulfil and improve.

and hahaa..I've gotten the full "Secret" OST album from S.O...!!! hahaha..and haha..,at the same time, by coincidence, gotten a disc on a Jap rock band "X-Japan" from him too..!! nice tracks..!! and hhaa..S.O. can really be a mtv director..! hahahhaa..but such discussion on mtv plots with him is definitely a good temporary removal from studies, and i dun feel tat stressed up..at least i feel i'm not talking crappy and lame stuff. =p

can't wait for holidays to come. i need to exercise.

ok, another plan to be completed by end of this year:
To exercise and tone up my body, especially my lower body. i wanna look good in office wear for next year's fyp presentation, as well as job interviews. =p
if my buddy can slim down significantly within his bmt months, why can't i,rite?
Ya, rite.

been very busy and tired.

been trying to doing some pyscho-ing onto myself. i dun know la...some bad feelings are coming up onto me again..bad feelings..so bad tat many times, i just have the urge to cry. but like all of u have been trying to drill things into my head - life goes on......

sigh...

i can't recall any happy things now...so can't blog any happy stuff now..

surface water quality and environmental hydraulics modules are starting to get harder and their tests are around the corner...my final year project is starting to have more tests to be done daily...Integrated Design starts to have many design planning, research, calculations and considerations...human anatomy knowledge is starting to pile up...

once again, i'm starting to question my own self-worth...and i start to do many self-reflections, but at many times i just couldn't get the answer.

and i am starting to become forgetful...but of all things, i can't make myself forget something which i wish to forget at times. strange, rite?

just all these are enough

i only know my life's like a mess with me trying to put them in order and calmness.

all cos of one decision which i have made, which seems to change my life completely different.

i'm starting to detest it, but i have to live with it, and bear with it.
it's a responsibilty which i have to carry for life.

What i can do now, is to improve myself to be more firm in saying "no" to certain things, and be more firm in what i actually want in a guy and in a relationship.

i dun want to make a second such mistake (to have my beliefs be shaken loosely by a third party).
Such mistake, such lesson, is too much to bear for the second time.

feeling sick of myself blogging all my moaning n complaints.

haa..

ok, try to blog more happier stuff.

starting to get irritated with myself complaining and complaining...

haa.. =p

been very tired these few days..

my mum's been feeding me with all sorts of chinese herbs...they work in the morning, but not at night. =p hahah..think the medicinal effect dies off at the end of the day..

and my research student commented that i've very bad mathematical brain..ARG..!! hahahaha...cos i've been taking real long time to calculate and figure out the numbers...hahaha..i can't believe it.. =p

starting to feel the stress level picking up...and Fatigue is getting a hold on me. suffered from acute headaches and all the crappy stuff...my tuition works've not been very smooth-going for me. been so tired in the day, that i had to end my first tuition session an hour earlier...and at the later session of another tuition, i actually lost the ability to think properly and mathematically. it's really bad, and they are going to have their prelims soon...and i can't teach them efficiently.

sigh..sian.

but well, since i've chosen to walk the path in this way, i just have to press on. at least it gets my mind off from being reminded of certain stuff. shan't not mentioned here what they are.

lucky thing, going to meet up with zj they all soon. feeling really excited to meet them.. =D

ok, shall try to end a happy note for today's post.

today's Sindy's birthday..!!! XD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, SINDY...!!!!! =)

Hee..