Been habouring a lot of thoughts and worries inside my mind.

Family responsibilities, which i keep feeling that it seems i'm the only one who is having such a problem. Being the eldest among my siblings, many times, i just feel being tired of being the eldest. It's like I feel so different from the rest who are the eldest sibling.

There is a little tinge of 'jealousy' that they can go out and enjoy as much as they can. Gotten quite affected when the subject matter (who is the eldest sibling in his family too) told me that i must enjoy as much as i can, must experience many new things as much as possible.

Yet for me, I'm like fufillling some domestic KPI (Key Performance Indicator).

And by trying to keep up with the KPI, including my personal KPI, it's like working non-stop, 24-7. Even when I want to take a break, I can receive complaints from the boss (my parents).

So basically, my performance appraisals haven't been very good.

I also want to stay out late, I also want to enjoy life as much as I can.

But I just feel very restricted. And many times, I just feel extremely tired. Tired of being the eldest.

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It hadn't been easy for me to step into that place.

Really.

But I guess it's time for me to face this 'fear'. Cos the more i run away from it, the more i feel fearful of it.

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Meeting the S5 girls tomorrow..! yeah..! Can't wait to see them...! =)

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It seems that a number of nasty things happened to friends around me.

Really hope that everything'll go on fine...

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Going to lab tmr...

I'm becoming mentally and emotionally exhausted.