well, my results were out yesterday..hmm..not within my expectations, but well, hee..i managed to pass all subjects..hee..sigh..in fact, i was hoping to score more As than last semester. Still, almost same results as last semester..stupid idiot results.. T_T =p
well, no choice la..have to work hard next semester loh...whaa.. hmm..
very busy recently, busy especially with st john thingy... phew..finished my zone meeting this afternoon..hmm, well, think there's improvements in the way how the meeting is conducted. Fast, short and clear. but well, i was arrowed to help out in the SingMa competition. the appointment's quite dumb la, i also dun know why i accepted it..arg...dumb dumb me!
i saw derek during the meeting..dun know i felt a strong sense of saddness within me..sigh..i also dun know why....
well, think SAC is thriving to perform well, maybe cos of the teachers-in-charge. All of us share the same vision of wanting to boost SAC's performance..hee..hopefully we can do it. hmm, i shouldn't say "hopefully"; i should say "we must do it!!!" ^^
i'm going to be a platoon commander for this year's NCOC..kinda nervous and excited over this appointment. i've never tried this before, but i try to be one good one. hmm, still currently, there are some in the zone who have an impression that i'm kinda soft-spoken..hee..i can understand why they have such response =p nevertheless, there are many things which i have to learn a lot from the officers who have experiences in NCOC..hee..
then after the meeting, i saw Polin mdm...she ah..aiyo!!! think she really has mood-swing..she somehow scolded me for dragging my shoes when i was walking along the corridor of the HQ. to me, i juz feel that she's abusing her authority..i mean how i wanna walk is my own personal problem, she has no right to intrude mine! besides that, both of us are not wearing uniforms, so the more she has no right to control me! so unreasonable! i know she's strict and fierce, but really la, she's finding the wrong way to correct junior officers. maybe cos i nvm greet her when i saw her, then she's not happy and tried to find minute fault in me..stupid idiot..well, still, think i should know how to handle her when i see her le..have to act respectful to her though i know she's known to be a excellent officer and leader... =( still, the way she treats me this afternoon only earns fear fr me, but not respect..
but really, i really need to pray hard that i dun have to see her..she's superb fierce! i am really very scared of her...!!
well, enough about Polin mdm...
anyway good news! dennis has been selected by NUS to study law. i am very happy for him cos i know it's going to be good life for him. well, though i am happy for him, i am actually starting to be mentally prepared..hmm, well, it's juz this fear that comes to me..scared he will dump me for another when he goes NUS..one reason could be because i'm worried that the status he's going to enjoy in the future will only make him look for someone with the same calibre as him, and better calibre than me..hmm, u can say i've no faith in him..but that's not wat i think. to me, i juz have no faith in human nature. When one's having a good life, one may tend to forget the past hardships one had been through n the ppl whom have gone through the tough times with, especially the very very closed ones..i juz hope this day do not ever come at all...
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Thursday, May 19, 2005
hot hot hot...
it's been very hot these few days.. T_T wanna die...
sort of bored these few days..haa..no extre tuition..nothing..leaving me penniless n helpless T_T
hhaa..sigh..
wanna play badminton but i dun think i've enough time..sigh..dun know la..now i still hav to re-schedule my kick-boxing lessons. i need to change to other venues. so troublesome, but no choice cos later in the few weeks' time, i am involved in the zone's NCO as one of the platoon commanders..whahaa..so funny.. -.-
anyway forget to tell u all about my previous Sunday in HQ doing my CPR attachment. Well, the morning was not started very well cos i was somehow reprimanded by a very fierce female officer..think she's called Perrine mdm..hmm..i only rmbr it starts with the letter 'P'..haa..well, but later, it's pretty not bad la..haha..initially i had this urge to teach the public sloggishly. But in the end i think i didn't. I can still remember what i have told all the officers who attended last year's seminar. I come is not only because I wanna to be CPR instructor, but it's also that I wanna educate the public the importance of first aid through the role as an instructor. hee..so afterall, i think i've done what i've said. ^^
these few days, i've been attending my GE. It's about leadership thingy. hmm..well, think it helps me a lot..hee..n well, i get to know one guy friend there. A concidence incident to know n talk to him on a train to school..but well, dun know why, he looks a bit like dennis n i can't help wondering what makes him to look like dennis. hehe..well, still, he's not like dennis la..dennis is still the best ^^
anyway dennis accompanied me on the way back to my home ^^ in fact, i'm kinda very happy cos he nvm bothers to send me all the way home..hehe..hmm, actually on that day, i could sense that he's a bit lazy to do that but he insisted on sending me home before he showed me that kind of reluctant feeling..hhee..well, he does not have the habit of doing that n i know he will not do that. that's why i didn't sound angry when he gave me that kind of feeling. hee..well, of course, i will be disappointed if he wanted to take his words back..but still, i know him la..he will not do that anymore, i bet.
sigh, well, at least he has done that once after our honeymoon period.. ^^
not bad la..haha.. =p
oh ya..besides this, that guy fren of mine has stopped contacting me. somehow or rather, i think the past few weeks r 'honeymoon period' for him. then later, think he cannot beat dennis or he feels that i dun suit him anymore..so he decides not to bother me anymore..so bad rite?
guys are really a bunch of realistic creatures o_O (ok..i'm playing feminism here =p )
sort of bored these few days..haa..no extre tuition..nothing..leaving me penniless n helpless T_T
hhaa..sigh..
wanna play badminton but i dun think i've enough time..sigh..dun know la..now i still hav to re-schedule my kick-boxing lessons. i need to change to other venues. so troublesome, but no choice cos later in the few weeks' time, i am involved in the zone's NCO as one of the platoon commanders..whahaa..so funny.. -.-
anyway forget to tell u all about my previous Sunday in HQ doing my CPR attachment. Well, the morning was not started very well cos i was somehow reprimanded by a very fierce female officer..think she's called Perrine mdm..hmm..i only rmbr it starts with the letter 'P'..haa..well, but later, it's pretty not bad la..haha..initially i had this urge to teach the public sloggishly. But in the end i think i didn't. I can still remember what i have told all the officers who attended last year's seminar. I come is not only because I wanna to be CPR instructor, but it's also that I wanna educate the public the importance of first aid through the role as an instructor. hee..so afterall, i think i've done what i've said. ^^
these few days, i've been attending my GE. It's about leadership thingy. hmm..well, think it helps me a lot..hee..n well, i get to know one guy friend there. A concidence incident to know n talk to him on a train to school..but well, dun know why, he looks a bit like dennis n i can't help wondering what makes him to look like dennis. hehe..well, still, he's not like dennis la..dennis is still the best ^^
anyway dennis accompanied me on the way back to my home ^^ in fact, i'm kinda very happy cos he nvm bothers to send me all the way home..hehe..hmm, actually on that day, i could sense that he's a bit lazy to do that but he insisted on sending me home before he showed me that kind of reluctant feeling..hhee..well, he does not have the habit of doing that n i know he will not do that. that's why i didn't sound angry when he gave me that kind of feeling. hee..well, of course, i will be disappointed if he wanted to take his words back..but still, i know him la..he will not do that anymore, i bet.
sigh, well, at least he has done that once after our honeymoon period.. ^^
not bad la..haha.. =p
oh ya..besides this, that guy fren of mine has stopped contacting me. somehow or rather, i think the past few weeks r 'honeymoon period' for him. then later, think he cannot beat dennis or he feels that i dun suit him anymore..so he decides not to bother me anymore..so bad rite?
guys are really a bunch of realistic creatures o_O (ok..i'm playing feminism here =p )
Monday, May 09, 2005
back again
=) it's not over after all.
We are back together again. ^_^
i'm very glad. in fact, after today's conversation, i feel i have more faith in this relationship. i can really see he really treasures me a lot, a lot as he is willing to scarifice n overcome his fear of getting married. he can't guarantee me but at least, he tells me he's willing to change.
and it's not just this, from the whole conversation with him this morning, i can feel very strongly that he really treasures this relationship a lot and is really willing to put in the effort to maintain it. And what really makes me want to go back to him is that he is really steadfast in this relationship. To me, it's very rare to find such a man in this world now. but one thing is also that, i really like him n i really dun know where to find such guy, especially in NTU's engineering..awhahaaaa...sorry.. =p
anyway frankly speaking, i really cannot find any clue where to find such guy..hee..mine's one in a million..hahaaa.. ^_^ so today, i more or less know and have more faith in this relationship.
i'm really lucky and i dun wanna lose him just because of some stupid reasons i've given to myself n others before.
Well, still, i can't take this for granted. i've to try my best to maintain it well n wisely. still, i need a lot of guidance about this guy n girl thingy. i realise this is stupid confusing n complicated. Wonder is there any book which writes about wat men are actually thinking when they interact with girls........
We are back together again. ^_^
i'm very glad. in fact, after today's conversation, i feel i have more faith in this relationship. i can really see he really treasures me a lot, a lot as he is willing to scarifice n overcome his fear of getting married. he can't guarantee me but at least, he tells me he's willing to change.
and it's not just this, from the whole conversation with him this morning, i can feel very strongly that he really treasures this relationship a lot and is really willing to put in the effort to maintain it. And what really makes me want to go back to him is that he is really steadfast in this relationship. To me, it's very rare to find such a man in this world now. but one thing is also that, i really like him n i really dun know where to find such guy, especially in NTU's engineering..awhahaaaa...sorry.. =p
anyway frankly speaking, i really cannot find any clue where to find such guy..hee..mine's one in a million..hahaaa.. ^_^ so today, i more or less know and have more faith in this relationship.
i'm really lucky and i dun wanna lose him just because of some stupid reasons i've given to myself n others before.
Well, still, i can't take this for granted. i've to try my best to maintain it well n wisely. still, i need a lot of guidance about this guy n girl thingy. i realise this is stupid confusing n complicated. Wonder is there any book which writes about wat men are actually thinking when they interact with girls........
Thursday, May 05, 2005
over
it's over..but it's a new chapter of my life with him...
i lied to him n it's very very heart-breaking..i only treat tat guy as a friend cos he doesn't have all the qualities which i'm looking for and he has. he doesn't know this at all til date.
i thought going out is just a friend-friend thingy. he flared up n i found great difficulty in explaining to him. It's been on and off for almost the whole semester. Different guys, different arguments.
but he doesn't want to get married n he once said somethin which hurt me lot. the latest time for a break-up will be when he's in yr 1 n i'm in yr 3. he thinks reality comes before anything else. maybe he wants to know more girls there without restrictions. well, i have granted him.
he has one yr to recover. he has three yrs to know more girls. i might have a life to regret.
dun think i can find guys who can be better than him in NTU. all r fr engineering n think most of them r quite square. he can find better girls next time n tat girl will be more persuasive than i am. tat girl will change his concept of marriage i just can't.
well, at least, currently i can still call him. i hate it when he keeps asking me about tat friend. i have to lie. everytime i lie, my tears just come down. it's very heart-breaking to do.
first time i realise how tiring and heart-breaking is to lie to a person.
i need to work. work work work til i fall dead...!! i've been stoning these few days n it's very tiring.
but somehow, he seems to treat me better now. sigh, but y then he treats me better now? sigh...nevermind...watever...
simplicity has its own complications.
everyone in wushu only knows tat we break cos i like another person. but tat's not true.
i have to keep this secret forever. it hurts whenever i think about this.
well my plan now is..
i only tell this secret to my four very good friends, anh and gary. In the future, i still let people know i'm attached. No guy will know i'm pretending cos i'll act like one. tat guy will only know my pretence when he's better than or equally good as him. i dun want any rship.
i'm tired n i have no more faith in rship anymore.
he never reads blog cos he finds it stupid.
i keep this blog on-going is not only that zhijia helps me design this. but it's also cos i'm paving an alternative pathway to let him know my daily life when we break.
but well, maybe this'll be one which i vent out my inner frustrations.
i miss him....really really a lot..
i lied to him n it's very very heart-breaking..i only treat tat guy as a friend cos he doesn't have all the qualities which i'm looking for and he has. he doesn't know this at all til date.
i thought going out is just a friend-friend thingy. he flared up n i found great difficulty in explaining to him. It's been on and off for almost the whole semester. Different guys, different arguments.
but he doesn't want to get married n he once said somethin which hurt me lot. the latest time for a break-up will be when he's in yr 1 n i'm in yr 3. he thinks reality comes before anything else. maybe he wants to know more girls there without restrictions. well, i have granted him.
he has one yr to recover. he has three yrs to know more girls. i might have a life to regret.
dun think i can find guys who can be better than him in NTU. all r fr engineering n think most of them r quite square. he can find better girls next time n tat girl will be more persuasive than i am. tat girl will change his concept of marriage i just can't.
well, at least, currently i can still call him. i hate it when he keeps asking me about tat friend. i have to lie. everytime i lie, my tears just come down. it's very heart-breaking to do.
first time i realise how tiring and heart-breaking is to lie to a person.
i need to work. work work work til i fall dead...!! i've been stoning these few days n it's very tiring.
but somehow, he seems to treat me better now. sigh, but y then he treats me better now? sigh...nevermind...watever...
simplicity has its own complications.
everyone in wushu only knows tat we break cos i like another person. but tat's not true.
i have to keep this secret forever. it hurts whenever i think about this.
well my plan now is..
i only tell this secret to my four very good friends, anh and gary. In the future, i still let people know i'm attached. No guy will know i'm pretending cos i'll act like one. tat guy will only know my pretence when he's better than or equally good as him. i dun want any rship.
i'm tired n i have no more faith in rship anymore.
he never reads blog cos he finds it stupid.
i keep this blog on-going is not only that zhijia helps me design this. but it's also cos i'm paving an alternative pathway to let him know my daily life when we break.
but well, maybe this'll be one which i vent out my inner frustrations.
i miss him....really really a lot..
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