Thursday, March 30, 2006

stress..

getting more and more stressed up...

Exams are around the corner and i still have to handle tests...arg...!!! This semester has been passing too quickly, and right now, I'm finding hard to cope with the level of stress. Din do well for my first microbio test and it's depressing me - this implies that i've to work super hard for the upcoming test and the exams. sigh...not only tat,i'm expecting to get a 'A' for my 2nd structure test but i din manage to!!! =( i'm very very sad...i thought my working's correct...sigh... T_T as a result, i spent $4.50 on KFC's Superstar meal to try make myself happy..hmm..work a little effective..sigh...

stress...i'm stressed...!!

i wan to play badminton badly, wan to vent my frustration, my stress intensity on badminton..but i can't..i can't afford the time to do so..!!! maybe i can play pool..but i'm not good at it at all, my ball accurancy's super lousy (i've no idea why) n i always feel stress when i feel i've to meet up to dennis's pool standard..as a result, make me more stress..i can go kbox sing, but money matters!!! money's been pretty tight recently.. -_-

arg...!!! i need a rest but i can't afford the time to do so...!!!

okay..well, at least i still wan to fork out some time to watch my favourite korean show "Paris Lover"...hee...i love the main male character..!! he's so ke-ai (cute) to me...!!! ^^ (hahhaa...talking about this makes me happy) whahhaa...

Recently i can't fork out time to really spend some time with dennis. This time, i realise i really can't..i can still do that in my past few semesters, but not for this time..sigh... T_T sometimes, i juz hope tat he can sit with me while i'm studying outside..he does his own thing while i do mine, n then can chit chat a bit while resting.. arg...i'm dreaming again n i'm rattering and crapping away again.. 'crabs' ...

feel kinda stress now and all i wan to do now, is to ratter and ratter and ratter and ratter... 'crab' 'crab' 'crab' 'crab' 'crab' ...

anyway juz attended my first meeting with red cross's detachment 9 people. met 4 more ppl there..heheee..n if i'm not wrong, i'm going for this national day first aid duty with them..hee..kinda excited though..n kinda worried a little..wonder what the sj ppl'll say..i juz hope nothing's political..tat'll the ugliest thing which i dun wish to see..but still, i've my principles to hold..first aid is my interest and my passion..i wan to be exposed to as many as cases as possible..

i still have intentions to do 2 more voluntary works.. one is to join the deaf association (wan to learn sign language so that i can make frens with the ppl there) and to join KK hospital as a hospital volunteer (where i can help the terminally ill kids by playing with them n cheering them up)

haa...think i'm crazy about voluntary works..hee..but well, as wat i say, this is my interest, my passion..n i feel that i learn a lot by doing voluntary works..still, besides doing voluntary work, i still cannot neglect my family, dennis and my friends.
=)

Monday, March 27, 2006

Practical and Typical

Recently been hearing some stories from my frens regarding guys chasing after ladies..Sad cases there are many, good news there are none... ah...terrible truth, terrible world.

Like what dennis had told me before, when the guy can't get the lady, most (or i should day majority) cases are that he will just leave her alone cos he finds it not worthwhile anymore to spend time on her. And they can't even be good friends, or maybe just friends. if a guy wants to chase after the girl, i mean there's some assets in this lady which attracts him a lot..but why things have to reach to an ugly situation? From friendly conversations to 'hi-bye' ones, o_O sigh.. this is so practical..n so typical when i make my final conclusion.

I try to imagine about my case..what if dennis can't get me, so does it mean that he will, too, be very typical and practical - look out for other options and leave me aside as if we are not at all friendly to each other. What if? what if? arg...i dun want to think of this; i can't bring to myself to imagine.

Maybe i'm paranoid again. But this is the truth right? =(

Anyway this kind of things, i guess, it can't be explained. Typical and practical, they do come together and we all just have to accept. So to my lady friends, we cannot be so naive, thinking that we can still be good friends, or even friends, even though guys fail their 'chase' mission.

*note: okie, a word of fairness, there are girls who can be practical as well..so yup, u get what i mean..gee..

Monday, March 20, 2006

Back to normal mood.. hee..

Back to my normal self. No longer paranoid..hee..

Well, life goes on and I'm still a happy cute cute Man Sze.. ^^ haha..i'm so thick-skinned..

Kinda miss playing badminton..but exams are around the corner and i've refrained from further entertainment. Well, really hope can play a super lot after my exams...and oh ya, i wanna play find a time to play badminton with Anh. Long time never play with him liao, but i really hope everything'll be fine for him nowadays.

Anyway, Dennis has ORD liao (or has he?) ...!!! He'll be super free whereas I'll be super busy..whaa..well, anyway dun know what's wrong with him these few days. He's been treating me as if he's back to the first day when we were attached..haaa..as a result, he makes me feel the same too..haha..well, i believe it's nothing which smells terrible to our relationship. But well, I like the way he treats me now..whhaaa..makes me feel that i am really very lucky to have him...heee ^^

But really, I hope nothing will change when he starts going to law in NUS. Status will be definitely different between both of us. He's going to be a lawyer and I'm an engineer. Sigh..but really, hope everything will turn out fine for both of us. Really worried that I'll be depised by his future lawyer friends. I know i dun have the looks and i know i am just an very average girl who loves to do first aid duties. T_T oh no..i'm having negative thoughts again..hahaha..but well, anyway this is just my predicted future. May not be true. hahaa..

Anyway really hope I can get more 'A's for this semester's exams..Choing ahhhh... hahee... ^_^

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Paranoid again...

Getting paranoid again, dun ask me why i'll be so paranoid, juz read what i want to say...

There's been a saying,"Money is the root of all evil."

Not for me.

"Greed is the root of all evil."

It is the greed which drives man to do everything evil - greed for reputation, fame, power, money etc. Man is a greedy creature. He will do things to the extent which bring tragic to the idealistic life. Man always find hard to overcome the evil of greed. To do that, he has to constantly remind himself, and find time for self-reflection. Time is precious in the world like this, hardly any0ne will spare some time for solitude and self-reflection. To them, it is redundant; it is unnecessary.

Definitely I'm not an exception. Greed surrounds me too. Let's not talk about greed for food, delicacy. Let's just talk about greed for our expectations of life. I manage to overcome greed, but not all attempts have been successful. Greed overcomes me, and I realised myself to be disgusting. You may find me overly self-conscious of my own actions. But upon self-reflecting on what greed has done to me, I know, to overcome, it has been a very tedious thing to do.

I used to study a English literature novel "To Kill a Mocking Bird". In the novel, there's a quote which says,"They have nothing to fear, but to fear themselves." Man has to fear the devil of greed. I know the feeling of fear for the devil of greed. Temptation's a friend of greed and I hate myself of being conquered by him, even though it's in the early stage of the 'greed' battle. Managed to stop this battle by the aid of self-consciousness, but the impact of injury inflicted by greed will only be permanent. But well, at least, I know the dangers imposed by greed and will make sure that I'll not make the same mistake. Still then, the shadow of injury will be accompanying me throughout the whole life.

I may be deemed to be paranoid. But I am just often disgusted with the facets of life. Life should be beautiful, but it has been polluted with sins of greed. Some may be washed, but some may leave a great impact on one's life. Lucky me, greed comes and goes at times.

I may be deemed to be naive, to be ignorant. But in fact, I choose to be naive, I choose to be ignorant. Truth can be very hurting and disgusting in the face of greed.

Really, do Man has to have conversations with the devil of greed, before they can learn lessons of life?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

stress...

kinda stressed these few days..
the zone first aid competition is coming in a week's time..dun know why for this time, i'm feeling intensively stressful. Probably i've skipped my chinese literature lectures n tutorials, and this module is making me very worried. After the competition, i have to finish a written report of one of my chinese literature novels.
Sigh..stress stress stress..
I want my sch to be in top 3 for first aid competition badly..but they are still not serious. And only that, my sec 3 cadets shocked me the whole day. During the Adult First Aid exam, they dun know how to handle a conscious choking case!!! Goodness me...!!! Sigh...they are going for competition soon and they...ah...I was kinda depressed and greatly affected by it..
Dennis is already not liking me to be involved in st john stuff..n the girls are worrying me terribly..For the past few days, I noticed myself to be quite a bad-tempered person. That is so unlike the usual me!! I've been frowning and scolding my cadets, and i'm quite pissed with myself..
Maybe i've set my expectations too high and i know i've not been a very good officer. Ever since my 'A' levels, i've been angry with myself of not being able to do well and get into medicine course. Probably when i can enter medicine course, i can help my cadets more efficiently. sigh...i've no idea la..no one seems to understand how i feel right now..
It's not tat i dun wan to talk to my frens about this..i wan to, but i dun wan to depress them as well..
think it's time for me to have a good conversation with God. Only He has the patience to hear me out and console me in his own special ways...