realise there is a family who practically came as the whole to seek my teacher's consultation..but i believe the main patient is their 4-5 yr old son..what touches me is the family's love for each other..the way how the young parents teaches their children..can see how much the parents have communicated with each other that they have no problem managing their children during the consultation (the kids kinda scared of needles..haa..)
learnt that it is really not easy to be mother, even during the 9 months of pregnancy. Every step towards pregancy, during pregnancy, and even during birth, can strongly affect the aftermath development of the baby/child.
Probably that's one thing which makes me want to lead a healthy lifestyle. And I wish I could influence my closed ones (especially AG) too..
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AG has not been feeling well and it worries me. And I feel useless cos I keep feeling I'm a total nag to him..i've been nagging the same advice to ask him kick off that unhealthy habit. Yet I can't do anything..I can't drag him to see my teacher cos he'll be angry and doesn't like the smell of herbs and acupuncture needles..I can't treat him cos i'm still a student, i'm not allowed to do any professional treatment... yet i have seen positive effects in my teacher's patients..and i can't do anything, and only nag...yet i dun dare to nag so much cos i'm scared that i'll irritate him (i've irritated him quite s few times)..
i'm feeling very useless...everytime when i think of how helpless i can get and can't take care of him well, i can't help tearing..
and i'm starting to feel the same old thing again..why i did not manage to do well in my JC times..Am i really that incapable as the rest? why can't i get into a medical school cos of my results? why can't i be a western and tcm doctor..? with both areas of medical capabilities, i believe that that can help me to push my ideals forward much stronger and more effectively...
and maybe at least AG will listen to me..?
early in the morning, i'm already feeling useless...that's a terrible start..
meeting him later before going for my evening lesson..
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yesterday's clinical attachment's been a stressful one..can see that 2 of my students have some tcm background and they have always in touch with this area..and i'm feeling so incapable...i felt sooooo terrible..i still dun know many many things... (T__T)
keep thinking to myself that how can i excel when i'm working in a total different environment?
but according to my teacher, he said that i'm still very young...so can still learn from the experienced tcm practitioners..and it takes the minimum of 10 years to be highly skilled in this regime..a success path which seems to be very different from the western medical regime.
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and gosh...one work event has to clash with my exam period... (T_T) can't have it changed cos of the availability of my big boss's schedule..but this time, i wanna be involved on that day, i dun wanna the 2nd time to feel myself being part of the planning stage but out of the implementation stage.
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think i'm really very stressed up right now..can't help tearing away as i write this post..but at least i feel slightly better..
but it seems to come to a stage where in my romantic r/s, i rarely share my stress with AG..i dun wanna AG to feel that he's a burden to my study..i've learnt to solve my own stress problem myself and avoid myself from incorporating my stress to strain the r/s..
meeting AG later.. =)
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i feel so stressed up..and i start to feel really lousy about myself...but i still have to nag to AG, i feel the urgency to help him kick off the habit cos i strongly in "prevention is better than cure"..and i dun wanna the situation that if we were to get married and he's keeping the habit, i'm scared i'll become a young widow..i'm not interested in inheriting big money at all..but i'm very scared that my marriage life will just continue without him, it'll feel lonely and unfulfilling...
dun know why i'm so pessismistic right now..probably i'm really very stressed up..exams in one month's time and i'm feeling myself a big nag and irritant to AG cos i keep nagging and i can feel very strongly that he's ignoring my nag...
but i'll still nag no matter what, as long as he's not kicked off the habit and not taking care of his health..i still wanna take good care of him, treat him well, as long as i'm in this r/s, until the day when he feels i'm a total bug to him and decides to dump me for another person who can tolerate his habit better than me, or share the same habit as him..i'll prefer him to dunp me before marriage than during marriage when he realises that i can be such a nag..
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