Been a tiring day..especially when attending tcm lesson..dozed off immediately once i sat down in class.

after the break, feeling worse..feeling nauseous...heavy head..feeling dizzy..

feeling sick..oh so sick... =(

Went for my very first acupuncture clinical attachment.

Learnt a lot of stuff from the patients and my teacher..!!! =D

so happy!

But kept feeling that i've neglected AG...n i miss him badly..every week we've been meeting once or twice during the weekends..n both of us are always very tired after the end of the day cos both of us are very busy in our respective work during the day...

sometimes, i get so scared that one day, cos of my heavy study schedule, i might lose tis r/s...scare tat he might ask other lady frens to go out with eventually..n u know u know..?
but at the same time, i need to keep reminding myself that this is the only one chance which i can get to fulfil the goal which i had lost with pain..i dun want to feel lost in my life again..n keep trying to fork out my remaining time and energy to hope spend quality time with him...but time spent with him is always faster than what work spends onto me..

oki, shall stop harbouring negative thoughts..

know about my 3rd yr's modules..increase by one module..so 4 modules next semester..n furthermore, think there're more clinical attachment in 3rd yr..all my classmates are starting to get worried...

work, studies, family, and r/s...how to juggle..?

n i still have one more tuition student now..next yr's his 'O' levels..sigh..

****************************************************************

was studying in sch lib on wed..and haa..guess who i saw?

Ponsak - the mediacorp celebrity! he's one tcm yr older than me..

okay, tat's the end of what i wanna say..cos i already know he's my senior in my yr one..saw his photo in yrbook, only get to see him real person on wed.. =p

**************************************************************

I'm exhausted...n been eating veggies..n fruits...

Did have once or twice when i can't stand the savoury of meat...n i've sinned..haha..

very hungry now.. (T_T)

n always have cravings for meat...fast food..e.g. carls' junior.... ahhhh.....

I miss being a high-density carnivore...

Din have a good work day..meeting's not good..got marked by a customer..n he's not very pleased... sigh.

Starting to feel very lost in my work performance...

I'm starting to have no solution and it seems that my performance's deteriorating..especially when i received my last year's work performance..it's an alright grade, it's not a poor grade at all..but i juz feel i dun deserve that grade..

sigh..

guess i juz need to bite my teeth through..and learn through the hard and tough ways, trying to avoid myself from developing negative thoughts (of what others might think of my work performance)..afterall i've little office experience, so i should take the chance to learn as much as possible..

maybe i'm worried that i can't get permanent placing after my two-years contract is over..think i better start searching for other job opportunities when my contract term is going to end.

i've never felt so lousy before... =(

still awake..

can't get to sleep..have no idea why...

feel very unsettled..dun know why too..think it's the diet which is tolerating me emotionally..can't eat late night snacks..been controlling myself..i need to lose weight...

kept listening to Corrinne May's songs to keep my thoughts positive and at ease...

everytime when i listen to her songs, i can't help myself thanking to God for the friends whom i have..many have changed my mindset positively..and it seems that i've grown to be more at ease with many things..more in control of what i want and what i dun want..probably more independent and more certain in what i want out of my life...

kinda reflecting on my uni life and kept having the feeling that i've changed/matured..think such change in me has to credit to DLY, ZJ, LA, KH and HL...

ZJ taught me about taking the leap of faith and she is still teaching me till now..

DLY is like an elder brother to me (anyway he always treats me like his younger sister)..and he had been very tolerant to my nasty temper during a certain period of time in uni..

KH drilled the truth into my head and helped me in a way to accept the reality..

LA taught me to be more at ease with things, be more realistic and optimistic..esp through the whole last semester of my 4th year..he has helped me get through..i've become stronger and more zen..haa..

HL for being a great buddy to me..been teaching and protecting this simple-minded buddy of his..haa..of course, for letting AG come into my life..

Probably it's like what i've mentioned before in my previous post..everything has its time..God has arrangement for each of us..just like how He lets these friends into my life...and eventually how He lets AG into my life..

All i know is..treasure the present.. =) for i know God loves me and i love Him too.

**********************************************

think i've felt better after writing these down...

i kinda miss AG now...though i did talk to him some time ago...

**********************************************

2 days of course starting from tmr.. yeah...

***************************************************

Been studying every now and then..in office during lunch..in sch library...

so tired...n quite stressed up...wanna improve on my grades and class position..

***************************************************

Been meeting AG once/twice a week...

***************************************************

hey hey..zhijia...i've left a long message for you..over your side...

sound a little nagging and a little long-winded...

but do take good care of your eyes..dun sleep too much too..look at the greenery more..let your eyes relax and have a good break..! =)

Had a weird dream..and it's like an intuitive dream to me..seems to be telling me that i need to be emotionally prepared for it..

Can't help shaking the feeling off..

********************************************************

back to office to work tmr..finally...

2 days of course again...so tired...but haha..no work.. =p

found a new good study environment today again..hahaa..it's the tcm sch library..!!
was quite surprised with myself that i finally study in a quiet environment..
tink i need a lot of focus nowadays...

but it's one place which can help me stay away from food...from unhealthy snacks.. =D

*******************************************************

Been trying hard to stray away from fried stuff..n trying hard to eat less..n only eat low carb food..

Hopefully such a diet can help me lose my unhealthy fats away...
n need to push myself to start exercising again..

the problem with me is that i've pretty good health status - low cholesterol..acceptable blood pressure..but my fats just remain in the body... =(

******************************************************

hahaa..been very busy...another group of students coming in for internship...gosh....

*******************************************************

4th March:

Attended a wedding dinner with AG..it's his uni fren's big day...was super nervous to meet his frens.. =p

turned up pretty not too bad..but was pretty bored during the dinner, cos AG is all i know there..
AG kinda noticed that when i started games in my hp.. =p
he's nice..trying to keep me entertained.. =p haha..but it feels nice to have him around.. =)

*******************************************************

5th March:

Felt extremely sick...feeling so terrible that i had skipped my tcm lesson and went straight home taking cab from Jurong area..

There i met this taxi driver who told me that he's taking a dipolma on counselling..and when he started telling me how he came to take this course, i realised that the pain in my body had kinda ceased off and somehow, seems to me that God has been kind to me..letting me know this taxi driver..he seems to be a nice man, based on my intuition..a very different kind of taxi driver, but he seems to be someone with a certain goal in his life, at an age of 40s...

Throughout that whole journey, i was not much in great pain but a sense of inspiration that I've learnt something about life just from this 15mins of taxi ride..
You may say i'm kinda naive and that this fellow can be just trying to distract me and start taking long route to get to my destination..hee but well, i choose to go with my gut feelings.. =)

AG was sweet...he sang me songs over the phone, in hope to cease my pain..and when i requested him to sing "Moon River", he really sang...hahaha..and i kinda teared out of happiness..hahaha..kinda touched with his action..it doesn't matter whether he sings well or not, it's just that little request which he tried to fulfill...

of course, he din know that i teared at the end of the phone..hahaha..

**********************************************************

7th March:

Met up with HM they all to celebrate HM's post-birthday..!!!!

Been a great catch-up..had late lunch in vivo's sushi-teh..and we simply sat there to chat for the straight 2 hours..! and no distraction from any staff in the restaurant..!! hahaa..perfect..!!

hahaha..and started talking about our old sch's days, esp the SAC days...all of us miss those days.....

hahaa..somehow we started talking about who had seen each other cry..hahha..and by recalling, it seems to come to a conclusion that they've seen me cry the most number of times, largely due to my emotional plus paranoid personality..

Had a lot of great laughs at our individual funny, embarrassing incidents..haha..

and again in vivo's pet safari..i saw siberian husky..!!!! AHHHHHH..!!! it's sooooo handsome...!!!! AhHhHhhHH...!!!!

was surprised that AG picked me up after my tcm lesson..and he din drive..instead, we took a bus back to my place and he went back home by cab..recently he's been very sweet to me, dun know why too..hahaha..i'm starting my paranoid thoughts again.. =p

***********************************************************

measured myself and realised that i've really grown fatter... (T___T)

Starting my diet plan next week..

i cannot afford to put on anymore weight..i need to lose lotsa lotsa weight..!!!
cos i really want to change my dressing style...

***********************************************************