But not a good night to end it off...was on a defense mode while having social awkwardness at the same time, and as a result, out of my defense mechanism, i gave a gentle slap on AG's face when he tried to kiss me on my cheeks in front of his friends..yes, it was wrong of me to slap him, even if it's a gentle one..at that moment, it was so sudden, my mechanism triggered the "fight" mode and i had made the worst mistake a girlfriend should not make. He was annoyed and i later realise that i've just embarrassed him.
Explanations..sigh, can't say much, i can't explain that too..i only knew during the dinner, i was socially awkward, i was shy and quiet - all the comfort i could seek of was the NDP show and the steamboat dinner which i just kept munching away..
i was at fault..so sigh, oh well, if AG were to want the end of this r/s, i know i deserve it and should not cry over spill milks..
Once again i've screwed up, just that this time is in a complete different form.
The alternative for this, i need to run away - avoid meeting AG's friends for their gathering sessions. Each session, i do not behave like myself and involuntarily my social mind sets at its defense mechanism, fights back when it gets threatened.
Somehow i guess i need to get myself mentally and emotionally prepared for the worst. i am aware that i do not have the physical asset and now, my behaviours are unacceptable..
I am a total screw up in relationships.
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