Don't know what's wrong with me recently..had all sorts of weird dreams - dreamt of my boss and me feeling pressurized...tied to a bungee thingy and thrown up and down in the air...and my lips being injured by a fish hook, yet didn't feel any pain..

Hmmmm...

Think the boss's expectations really have been stressing me a lot...i'm kinda worried that my numerous questions posed to him may have posed to him that i am not very intelligent...  :s  and don't know why i may have portrayed to him as a not very hardworking worker...sigh...

I am intelligent, just that to avoid any form of misunderstanding, i wanna ask more to double confirm!!! I am hardworking, i have been making a lot of notes to memorise..!!!!

i will survive..i will survive...!!!

Exams are around the corner..i am starting to feel the stress...

Think i'm starting to become paranoid since the disappointment incident..i'm starting to worry if i will be dismissed for the incapability..i don't want to disappoint my boss again..but don't know why, things are not going smoothly for me these few days, i made mistakes which i have never made before in my past 3 years..think i've put too much pressure on myself...

sigh...

really hope i can regain my self-confidence and boss's confidence in my capability.

don't stress too much, mantou...don't stress too much...relax.....

Not an excellent morning to begin today. Again, I have disappointed my boss. I was shocked because i thought i've perfected my work before sending to him. Only the second time when i made the mistake (a different mistake this time), i was finally enlightened what the root of my problem is...

Couldn't agree more with my boss about his very first feedback to me on Thursday - I did not listen. Initially i have to be honest with myself that i do kinda doubt it. My initial thoughts were that it couldn't be - during normal conversations, i could remember every single thing the other party is saying. I can even remember what the event is during the conversation. But then since today's incident, i kinda know the reason.

For my past 3 years' working experiences, i have been very much attuned to taking instructions via emails, resulting in my deterioration to listen attentively to verbal instructions. I am glad that i learnt my big lessons right now during my probation period.

Of course, i am not going to let it happen. It will affect my performance! So I've come out with a solution and i believe this time, it'll work successfully.

Seriously i want to prove to my boss that i am willing to learn, willing to change to the better, and that i am worthy of his guidance and employment.

The more i reflect, the more i feel i have indeed made a wise decision. I am still grateful for my very first employment experience. But on this second career path experience, I realize there are hundreds of things which i am totally inexperienced and that i need to tell myself - this is the period when you are improving yourself. That is why you have made this decision to move out of the comfort zone. The road may be tough, but you just gonna press on and keep telling yourself that you can do it. Do not despair. Do not give up easily. Keep on thinking of solutions to improve yourself.

Think i have mentioned my career ambition too soon...

these 2 days have been a disaster for me in work..it was totally unsatisfactory!! Sigh....totally disappointed with myself..wanted to explain to my boss, but after some thoughts, i decided to hold them back, will only reflect myself taking excuses...i guess i've put my guard down in work, as a result, i did not put in 100% effort in making sure my work a total perfection before sending to my boss.

after some reflection, i find it weird - why i will do that? how come i can end up like this? i guess after all i need to get back my self-discipline back. i need to quickly transform myself into a perfectionist.

i told myself before - i want to work for this boss, right from the start after the first interview with him. i know i can grow, i can improve under his leadership. i must learn the good work ethnics from him. i must press on!! i must transform!!! i can do it!!!

Finally all back to my regularity!! ZJ's wedding was just over on Saturday and i was honored to be one of the bridesmaids, and...one of the MCs for her wedding dinner!!

Enjoyed myself very much throughout the entire day..the groom and his brothers were very spontaneous! First time i had a walk down the church aisle..haha..of course as the bridesmaid..ZJ was a very beautiful bride on that day too...

Wedding dinner was lovely..love the live band whom ZJ has engaged..it was entertaining and at least many of us would not feel so bored..

And of course, seems that love cupids were flying around that day..hee hee her...

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Work is taking its pace to pick up..but i am starting to have several concerns in my mind..e.g. if i voice out too many suggestions, will it make me look too aggressive or hungry for straight As? Or what are the other areas i need to consider while working..? Can i be proactive in voicing out suggestions and improving things to the better, or just wait for my boss to give instructions to me?

Hmm..i want to do well, in fact, wanna do a lot better than before. my morale is at peak - i am no longer taking cabs to work, i study on the trains whenever i am on my way to work or back home from office, i am back to my exercise regime..

this time, i wanna score straight As in my work.

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6th October 2011 marks the day when a member of the Crazy Ones passed away at his 56. He's Steve Jobs, ex-CEO of Apple Inc. It's interesting and somehow comforting to see many of us, including me myself, post several clips, speeches and biography about him over Facebook.

He is, indeed, as said by many, a visionary. A crazy one. A legendary.

My very first knowledge of him, probably interestingly, has nothing to do much with Pixar and iPhone. It is his presentation style, the simplicity and impact of his presentation slides, which draws me to him the very first time. It was then when i was inspired to do up similar presentation slides i  my career path. Not an easy thing to, because the slides are so simple that the speaker needs to put in a huge effort to remember his lines and building up the climate of the presentation.

2 years back, i was introduced to using iPhone, credits to AG. Used to be cynical about the phone and of course its price. But this phone concept has this rather powerful attraction. I love the application, i love the  responsiveness and convenience of the phone. I was pulled closer to Steve Jobs' fan club.

Just last year, I got my very first DSLR and later introduced by my ex-colleague to use RAW format. Eventually, I managed to get a MacBook with the help of my dad. And woah! That was the moment when i knew i can never get back to Windows OS..(i mean besides my office laptop). Mac has helped me so much with my editing of photos.

Couldn't agree more when news, even US president, complimented that Jobs has put a lot of impact onto the world.

I've read more about him today, especially his speech at a Stanford graduation ceremony. i respect him more than before. He's an inspiration to me who is weaving my own dream into a reality.

Stay hungry. Stay foolish.

Thank you, Steve Jobs!

New work has been starting quite a while..a lot of new things to learn and I'm still unlearning and re-learning..and there are times when i need to remind myself that i cannot be too frank in my replies..think not everyone can take it..i need to watch my mouth...hmmm...