solved

well, my day didn't really start pretty well..i had an argument with dennis throughout the whole evening..well, it's my fault afterall..
hmm..how should i put it across u all?well, i have not been in a good mood these few days. One reason is due to the fact that two of my precious things were destroyed within the 2 training camps which i've attended. Well, one is already repaired while the other is still under repair..this is really sickening..Next, my NDP PD may have to clash with SRC's first aid course which i've signed weeks ago..T_T Third, i've been feeling annoyed with things which are planned last-minute recently..Forth, i juz realise tat i have so many things at hand tat i almost neglected dennis..As a result, he's not happy n i'm not happy too..but well, think the situation is getting better now. Both of us are talking peacefully over the phone juz now.. ^^
well, i have to say it's my fault tat i wanna take up so many things n i know dennis only wishes me to focus on my voluntary work on one organisation. well, i've decided - most probably, when nothing goes wrong after NDP PD, i will focus my contribution on SRC..tat's why i have told my Elite platoon that this NCOC could be my first n my last...kinda miss them now..
well, anyway, back to the main issue. i realise tat i am a workaholic whereas dennis is not. Probably due to difference in our family background, i seem to priotise my family less than dennis. in fact, i should be ashamed of myself cos i value work more than my family n friends. It has been hard on him, i know, to tolerate me, a person who has a totally different interest n passion to any other girls...but well, though the solution seems to be tat he claims he will not ask me to change my schedule at the last minute, i will try my very best to accomodate to his schedule. cos i really dun wanna him to feel that sjab n red cross are my life. in fact, they are really not my life; they are only my moral n emotional support to strengthen my belief in life - helping n serving others positively. but dennis is my part n parcel of life whom i can't afford to lose....
maybe like my parents had said to me once, afterall i'm not fated to become a medical professional...

bad bad..

this is horrible, man.....i have to meet SRC ppl soon... T_T
juz realised tat i've been selected to go for NDP public duty n i have to attend a ground familiarised exercise on 2nd july at ard 123o...arghh..i wanna go for the carnival to support my NCOC junior...he's going on to the NCO Idol...!! sigh..not this matter, the ppl who are going for tat NDP event have to meet up with the SRC NDP PD ppl...!! arghh...i really hope the person-in-charge cannot recognise me on that day..!! cos i never tell him tat i am fr SJAB, i only somehow told him that i'm juz an amateur..aiyo......so horrible... T_T
well, i dun care anyway..i have signed up for SRC liao..hmmm..then not only this, i think that the whole event will actually last for about 2 mths...!! argh........!!! well, dennis is not very pleased with tat, but i really wanna grab this opportunity n learn more things. sigh...then he feels that i priotise SJAB more than him..sigh..it's not tat but it's juz tat first aid is my passion n i really dun wanna miss this opportunity..anyway think i'm going to go real busy over the next 2 mths liao... =p
omg.....i really need to pray hard hard for myself....

hee hee..have a great day today..first thing, i woke up late in the morning cos of my SAC camp..the camp's super tiring..only had 3 hrs of sleep each camp day :p n my juniors were hard to handle..had to modify the training style cos i had received complaints from a grandparent who actually stood outside the school fr morning to night time..argh.. T_T
anyway back to today, i was late for the NCO examination course day..haha..overslept..also, i received a present from my SAC sec 2 juniors..they are really very sweet..!! i never expect a present from them at all, and it really shocked me..!! hahaa..not only, my Elite platoon n the whole course platoons sang me birthday songs n i had another surprise..then, later after the course, all my officer friends bought me a chocolate cake n again i was surprised. I was totally not prepared that they will buy me a cake to celebrate my birthday..somehow or rather, i was wondering whether i should continue staying active on zone level cos i am really very touched by their actions.. T_T
still, in overall, i have learnt from NCO as a platoon commander - i realise myself that i need to speak more, learn to pronounicate my words clearly..n probably have to get more vocab so that i can express myself better..think i've been speaking chinese too often nowadays..hhaa..
but i dun know..i juz have this feeling that i will not going for next year's NCOC though i wish to..i have signed up as a volunteer in Singapore Red Cross cos afterall SRC is where i started my first aid 'career'n it seems to promise me the things which i have been always wanting to contribute..i will be still active in SAC but i dun think i will be active on zone level..anyway things in SRC are not finalised though i have successfully gotten their membership card..well, sigh..i kinda miss NCOC, especially my Elite's people..
by the way, i have to cancel one of my students' tuition lesson..sigh..longer time to get my salary..well, watever.....somehow or rather, i'm starting to feel obligated to adjust my time schedule for Dennis..hmm..maybe i have many things at my hands and things are getting out of hands..wat actually happened was that Dennis wanted me to push forward my lesson from 10 am to 9 am cos i have to attend a last-minute lunch with his family...but i can't cos my student has not replied me till now n now he is not very pleased..not only that, he wanna me to rush down to the restaurant after the tuition..sigh..but it's not my fault at all n he last minute wanna me change or cancel my lessons...sigh..i dun know la..maybe cos he will not change his schedule for my sake,but well, he has his reasons of not able to fulfill this n i can understand....well, i juz have to tolerate..sigh..maybe i'm expecting more from him now cos he 'revives' this relationship n yet he doesn't seem to be doing it so..maybe recently i juz have feeling tat i look like more of his good good friend to him when both of us are walking on the streets..hmm..well, i know n i can understand that he is busy n tired with his NS job n i cannot expect so much committment from him..sigh..as a result, i end up committing myself more to SJAB stuff n tuition stuff..die la..have problems again..
but well, i am busy too n recently i have many things at hand which are pusing me physically to the extremes. As a result, i am too tired to message him..sigh..can't blame him la..it's my fault too..

yeah...!!! i've finally gotten back my beloved phone..!! muack muack my phone... ^^
haha..well, lucky thing is tat all my msg r still in the phone..nothing is lost..n i managed to read what zhijia had msged me during my camp..when i read it, i was entirely shocked n guilty..in the msg, she sounded really frustrated n irritated n i felt guilty tat my phone was damaged those few days..fortunately,she still called me in the end..thank god..phew..otherwise i think i almost lost my 7-yrs of friendship innocently..but nevertheless, i have made sure myself tat i'll reply my 4 gd frens in time..hehe..i really dun wanna lose a fren like them.. =)
anyway forgot to tell u all my day in sakae sushi on mon 13th june..it was great..jacinta has a pair of earings while i have a bouquet of flowers n a soft toy ^^ so sweet of them rite? later after eating in sakae sushi, we went to zhijia's house to have our birthday cake..guess what kind of cake was it? it was chocolate banana cake...!! yum yum yummy...!! geee..
gee..but frankly speaking, i love celebrating my birthday with jacinta..the atmosphere is very vibrant n cheerful..hee..tat's why i never mind celebrating my birthday with her even though my birthday is later than hers..hhee.. ^^ i love my 4 wonderful frends...!!

one of my indonesian frends msged me tat day..he told me that he's going back to indonesia..sigh..some or rather, this is the first time i have such a different friendship - a friendship which seems to be not there n yet is present all the time..hmm..anyway both of us will be in different engineering sch - he'll in EEE (same as Anh) while i'll be in ENE..well, anyway hope he's fine now..

recently, a few of my Elites wrote me testimonials..they are really very sweet...!! everytime when i read them, i am almost touched to tears..some or rather, i juz feel that life is indeed beautiful - there are still wonderful people around in life..i juz feel tat i am really blessed to have met wonderful, beautiful people.. ^^ well, they really strengthen my belief n my willingness to lighten up other people's lives..it'll be hard, but i will try my best ^^ however, no matter how blissful i feel, i still hope that those people who am in my mind will be well-blessed as me eg dennis, one of my elite's cadets n one of my indonesian frends.. ^^

NCOC

finished my ncoc camp on sunday! so tired..!! really..i am completely very tired..tired of scolding my cadets, tired of pumping them, tired of having to act like an officer.. -.-
well, the first day was kicked off pretty well, but the most traumatising moment happened in the evening..one of my platoon's cadets, ernest, almost fainted during the fire drill exercise. He was almost completely blacking out n i was very extremely worried for him. It was later found out that he was actually physically okay; simon n hansong started to suspect that he was putting up an act. As for me, i juz had this feeling that he wasn't lying to me..
the second day kicked off with me pumping my Elite platoon. Kind of disappointed with the girls cos they were not helping each other..probably they thought tat i was a very mean person..sigh..i was juz too disappointed with them la..later, in juz not a few mins, i was hit terribly with one of my cadets' behaviour. Heard he had gone berserk n was trying to kick hansong n chin seng who were trying to stop his 'fits'. Later he was screaming n crying..somehow or rather, i juz wanna sent him home..i felt very heartbroken when i heard him scream n cry..i was very very disappointed with myself of not taking good care of my cadets..at that point in time, i knew i almost wanna burst out crying but i held back my tears. Till now, i am still fighting with myself over this matter.
Probably to u, it's a nothing much. maybe he is really putting up an act. i have no idea now. i only know that he comes under parental obligation n he hates it - i know n i can understand why he will react in that manner. A young kid like him shouldn't have gone through all these things. He's really scaring me off that day.. during these few days, i've been praying silently to God to protect n bless him..i juz hope he dun do those again..really..it really hurts me to see him in that state.. =(
well, the camp still went on well. i heard that i was deemed to be a pretty fierce officer n erm..i am speechless..those who know me as a friend know tat i have a very good temper..sigh..well..i have to act like an officer on the training ground la...
then, somehow or rather, i dun know whether my Elite cadets like me or not..cos i know myself to be quite a mean person these few days. maybe i am really a bit harsh on them, cos i realise i am training them in almost the way of what derek, my SAC seniors n OTC have trained me..
this ncoc could be my first n my last nco platoon i am going to lead. i am not very active in zone n i only come for this nco course cos i am asked to substitute one of my junior officers. anyway i am still wondering whether i am a good leader..cos for the past few days, i am trying to show my cadets to learn to work hard n play hard..well, dun think all of them r aware of.. sigh..cos i think i am really very mean to them..
i really miss my Elite ppl..i miss the times when i get to tease the SJI boys..haha..think there's still tat SAC spirit in me..i miss the campfire when i can get to have fun with some of the Elite girls..i miss the water war..but i juz have this bad feeling tat this could be my last time to see them le.. T_T i wanna cry now.........

arg...

finally i've the time to sit and write...haha ^^
been very busy these few days. busy with my sch's GE presentation projects; busy with NCOC... T_T
NCOC is very fun. At first, i was kinda stressed cos it had been a long time i'm not in NCO training ground. haa..but well, i'm getting accustomed to the environment there. As a platoon commander, i'm very lucky to have my assistant, Priscilla. Though she is from a different school as me and is 2 years younger than me, she helps me a lot. She is more out-spoken than me and helps me in bringing out a more light-heartened environment to the platoon BLTC mates. A great assistant. Though she is only an OCT (officer cadet trainee), she does not require any much guidance from me. I'm really very lucky. ^^
What i find it very amusing is that there is a cadet who asks me weird weird questions. Haa..and guess which school he is from? he is from SJI!! oh my goodness..!! Of all schools, I am once again associated with SJI guys. First experience was in NCO 2000, 2nd was when i was in TJ, a guy from SJI liked me. arg......................hahhaa... =p
Ever since Dennis knows he's going into NUS's law, he seems to have changed. To the better or worse, i still cannot judge..i juz feel that his status has risen and is willing to change - himself and including me..sigh..
e.g. he tells me that he is changing his temper cos he knows his bad temper will only affect his career..sigh..maybe i'm a bit too sensitive, but it juz gives me a feeling that he changes his temper is not cos of me, it's cos of his career.. T_T
but for this, it is still tolerant to me cos his willing to change his temper benefits me too..hmm..but there's another thing which i think is pressurising me - he wants me to wear more formal clothes next time when i am with him in the future (i think when both of us have grown more older). He comments that me wearing T-shirts and jeans will only appear to be kiddish when i am with him next time...sigh..i dun know la..but i feel extremely comfortable in wearing T-shirts and jeans...sigh..somehow or rather, i have a bad feeling that when he goes to study next year, he will change completely. He will look for people who have the same calibre and status as him..cos for me, i juz want to lead a simple life where i dun have to go around wearing gowns for some stupid political functions...
well, i dun know la..maybe my this mindset may change with time too...
A lighter note now, I'm going to make some plamphets to introduce tuitions. My brother is willing to teach tuitions..hehe..i'm happy..still on the process of doing..when i manage to get some responses, i think i am going to pull my friends in..hee.. ^^ haha..i'm going to be a tuition coordinator..!!!