Friday, September 30, 2005

mild depression

tink i'm suffering from mild depression..having been tinking positively negative about myself..paranoid over everything..
probably i have no idea how to handle my sad emotions..can't find anyone to talk about my problems, my worries..in fact, tink it's that i dun wan to find cos i dun wan others to feel the same as me after hearing from mine..maybe, u will ask me to look for dennis..hahaaa...na, dun bother..he has his problems now..n also, i know wat i'll be hearing from him..haha..so na..
still this place will be an almost ideal place for me to vent out..
again, i need to say this - dun have take everything i say here to heart.

realise i can't tell people tat i'm a teochew. why?tink i'll be condemned n mocked. i can't speak, i can't understand a word, n i dun know anything about being a teochew. food tat my family cooks, they juz dun look teochew-style. great, i'm deemed to be a cantonese cos i speak the language. i speak the language not cos i'm a cantonese, but cos i'm fr hong kong. all people from hongkong speak cantonese, no matter who they are - teochew, hainanese etc..
well, ok fine. i'm not a teochew.

tink have overworked myself..need a break probably. but even if i'm free, i've no idea what to do. ok, then it'll be best if the situation remains like this. at least i know i can get myself so busy until i forget my own worries. tink this should be the way for me to handle the emotional inbalance in me.
tis's a problem of a cancerian - emotions analogous to the fluid mechanics' moody diagram.

initially i thought i'm feeling better. probably i was wrong. or maybe due to wat happened this evening. i was being 'reprimanded' by dennis for me being silly naive n sheltered. but it's not his fault..i am one such person. tat's why he's so worked up. i'm sorry.

tink i need a conversation with God.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

maybe he's just not right for you

Anonymous said...

Ms...Dont keep pushing urself go forward when u r already so tired and stressed up...Many a times lack of sleep will cause depression thats maybe y u have been thinking abt alot of things, making urself sad and demoralised...Hey...Dun think just because u kept urself ultra busy from day to night then u can 4get ur worries...In fact u wont 4get, u merely quarantined it one side =) If u really cant afford to have more rest, then try to pamper urself with gd food lor...U cant be lacking in both, u know...Anyway, must jia you and if u feel like telling us ur pro, feel free to say it...No one will complain u being naggy...Hhahaz...Smile always!

Anonymous said...

I am not the first anonymous.
Hmm, u must take care.If a person is subjected to a long term under such stress and low spirit, he/she might develop mental disorders? And then, the disorder will then be like a viscous cycle. U cannot get out of it when as u like. It is terrible.. and so awful..he/she will need medication to cope with life. Think of it, it is such a sad case. And mental health is like physical health, must take care, dun regret when that time arrives.
Enuff of scaring u. But a solution is to find time for urself. I personally think taking up sports with frens, not solo sports, will be good for u. Since sweating it out will health ur fitness, as well as divert ur attention towards the more meaningful events, rather than just brooding over things which r virtual. Also, doing those sports will reduce ur adrenline level, and this can help to reduce ur hyperactive mental state. Then, for time when u r free, u might like to take up a hobby which u can do as and when u like, like on the bus or train. Maybe a crossword puzzle or stuff like that. Then take it as a rest time during travelling,cos i dun think u will purposely take time to relax right? haha take care.

Anonymous said...

Oh yah..maybe if u feel like writing a personal diary of all ur problems? but most importantly is that u must be able to let go of some things and not hold on to all the reins. Dun be "greedy" in a sense, it is not worth it if one day when u r so weak, u'd let loose of all the reins.

Anonymous said...

ah mansze...juz spend one whole dae slping then the nx dae will be fine! n juz tink of food! i tink that will surely works! :)