very tired. very stressed.

only until now, then i have some time to write my bloggie.

Recently, wat have i been doing?

study.

study.

study.

study.

I can almost feel I'm going to explode.

These few days, I have several occassions when i feel like crying.

Realise that i can't.

Have bottled up my stress for a long time.

Yet i dun know how to vent out this stress.

Did feel better after a badminton session on wed. But realise it hasn't removed all my stress..

T_T

i really wan to cry out..

I feel very terrible......

*faInT* *FaInT*

I wanna faint today..haha..

Saw one of my old pri sch friends today..!! ArgGGggGGg..

I wannna faint..

Almost fainted.

hhaa..met him in bedok central with a girl. If i am not wrong, that should be his girlfriend. Glad to know that he has met another girl. But this girl looks different from his ex. This one is more quiet-looking and less active. Looks more suitable for him..haa..but when he saw me, he got stunned there for a moment, making me stun there for a short moment too.

With a waffle in one hand.

A file in another.

And me chewing the waffle.

And I stunned there for a moment.

O_O arrggg...!!

*faint* *faint*

Lucky thing is that I wore better just now. Phew.... =P

He has slimmed down pretty much, compared to when i saw him in junior college (i entered the same sch as him, but different classes). And definitely, he's grown to be more good-looking. haa...he used to my eye-candy in my primary school's years..hhaa..his eyes are pretty nice. but the thing is that he never even greets me at all la.. -_- the same old him still..recognised me yet din acknowledge me.. -__-

HAA..

u may think i've strayed off..hahaa.. NO nO NOoo..I am still in great l_v_ (fill in the letters urself) ..whaahaa..though his eyes are smaller than this pri sch fren's, his have the voltage high enough to make me feel the electric shock...

Ah..!!! i'm electricuted..!! stay a few metres away from me..!! Ah..!! *shock* *shock*

Someone's going to have goose-pimples again. haha..

busy..BUSy..liKe a BeeEzzz..

this is the first week when tutorials have started..

bussssyy..BuzzYyyyy..

already feeling the stress level in me on the first week of tutorials. also busy preparing my students for their tests and exams. T_T

me and my the one have started becoming couple muggers..hahaa..for him, i can understand. cos he has lotsa reading to do. Kanbatte..!!!

juz gotten a new tuition assignment. so in total,i have 4 students at all. One who is preparing her 'N' level exams.. x_o stress sia..

My prescribed elective is cool - "Music, Technology and Novel". Again it's english literature related. hhee..think i'll still prefer taking english literature to chinese literature. As i can express my opinions better in english, though my command of language is not very satisfying. For chinese, i could only write better in narrative works. Anyway, for this elective, i'll be studying "Dracula"and "Dogseater". Think i'll like these two works real lots.

my French language lessons are great too. Not easy to understand when my french teacher speaks too fast. But i love her voice - gentle yet brings out a level of artistic appreciation. Beautiful.. ^^ Well, motivates me to learn french more and better. haha..

but my this voice quality doesn't really suit specking french. japanese suits my voice more - more kawaii, u see.. hhaa..but well, i still love the french language and wanna speak it well.. =)

Miss playing badminton..feeling that i'm gaining weight again.. T_T

badminton, fireworks, HMV

played badminton today.. T_T i played badly today.. sigh.. think i'm tired ba..

Reached esplanade to watch the fireworks with my the one..super crowded..then ended up him being annoyed. din really get a good view site. partly cos tat we reached there late. hmm..but i think next time round, i shall go there alone or with my friends. At that point in time, i juz remembered that he dislikes crowded places a lot. noticed his expression juz now, he doesn't seem to enjoy the whole thingy totally...But well, still, despite the poor view site, i could still see the high level fireworks, especially the finale. The fireworks were simply displayed like nobody's business..!! as if they have too much money to spend..hhaa...

But well, tat's what i love the last part.

Many yet ongoing with high pace. hhaa..

Went to HMV after the fireworks. Saw the 'princess hours' soundtrack album.. T_T have that great urge to buy..!!! T_T goodness me..!! but it's quite costly for me.. sigh... =(

BORING DAY..

thReal boring day today..

Sigh..

Took 2 hrs of nap and watched 3 hrs of the korean drama "princess hours".

Initially wanted to go esplanade watch the singapore fireworks festival. In the end, made up my mind not to go le..

Going alone to watch the fireworks performance. think i'll tear in the end.

initially my the one told me that he's going pubbing with his orientation group mates.

Can't believe it's faster than i expect.

I expect one of the days, he will go such places.

Wat can i do? i can't do much. haiz..sooner or later, he'll change...

But i really want to go to watch the fireworks performance tonight badly. Did try to ask him whether he wants to go but he seems to shrug it off.

That's why even if i were to go alone, think i'll feel very down..wishing him to be there etc..
Should have asked lip yung to go with me, since he's bored today too..hhaa..

But well, my the one decided not to go pubbing. Cos he was asked to make a choice between pubbing and meeting me for breakfast tomorrow. not asked by me. I feel more relieved.
But then, there will be other chances when he will go pubbing.

I never like guys who go clubbing. That's why i'm very scared for him. Scared he will do something behind my back. But wel, juz realise he's wanting pub, not club..*phew*

Paranoid?

Yes i am.

Very paranoid when it comes to this.

So what to do? i juz let him go if one day he's going. For socialising.

HAIZ.

school's started..!!

School's started..me so excited..!! ^^

Really eager to start a brand new school day..cos there's no lab session at all in this semester..!! haha..me so so happy..cos i dun have to have that evil idea of wanting to burn down all labs in my sch..

whahaa...

Reached boon lay's new bus interchange and my school's bus booth is extremely EXTREMELY far away from the mrt station.. o_O

Bad decision-making. Dun they know that this will only increase the 'skipping school' morale in us, the students? Well, cos they've just increased my morale. hee.. >_<

Not my fault...

As usual, late for the 0830 lecture. and of course, i give that "i can't be bothered to be punctual" face. hhaa.. =p

Realised my favourite lecturer teaching us waste water engineering..!! hah..me so happy..!! he's very very cute. Find him looking like Santa Claus. Dun know why i will have such idea. maybe cos he's a foreigner and he has a belly and he looks old..haha.. ^^ so ke ai..!!

My hydraulics lecturer is an interesting person too. He's not physically cute nor good-looking at all. But he can make the whole class listen to him, though there were times when i still dozed off. hhaa..like my this lecturer.. ^^

Realise there are many interesting lecturers around in my sch. There is one who looks like Yu Tian (a tawainese artiste), one who looks like Fei Xiang. I have one hydrology lecturer who has a hairstyle of Einstein and a pair of cute deep jiu wo. haha..

And one more..!! He's my favourite lecturer..!! ^^
To me, he's considered to be quite good-looking and a very good presenter. He used to teach my patch of yr 1 common engineering students nuclear physics. He's always looking very pleasant. I still remembered, I walked past him twice and he smiled at me TWICE..!! ^^ aaahhhh...got electrocuted by his smile..!! hhaa..but too bad, this lecturer's from EEE. o_o

Anyway today's my last day in kumon. Really excited cos i find myself getting bored of working there with little pay.

This semester's timetable is great. No lab. class ends early. Can learn French.

But need to go sch early everyday. 0830 everyday. o_O

Let me see which 0830 lessons to skip..

sch's starting..

school's starting tmr..

Pretty excited.. =)

Been having tough time at home..have not been laughing (including smiling) and crapping with my family for a very long time..often wonder whether my parents actually miss my jokes and non-sensical craps and laughters..

Sigh..dun care much le..

School's starting, giving me excuses not to go home for dinner.

Nowadays, i've been having tough time having dinner with them. I'm like a walking corpse.

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Will be going for Red Cross first aid duty's IMF. Feel like going.

There might have riots.

I dun care. That's what i want to be involved.

I'm crazy. probably. But i've been wanting to do this when i was back in HK last yr..

Wanna show my parents that i can take care of myself.

-------------- (-_-) (-_-) ----------------

During a recent gathering with my 4 very good friends, one of them posed a very good question.

"What do you think where you will be after 5 years?"

A question which i no longer have a definite answer to.

When i was in junior collage, i can still answer this question.

"Will be in NUS medicine. Saving people with the medical knowledge i hold dearly. Be a unique doctor to all my patients. Will be taking photos with all my patients. Will be......"

No longer now.

"Maybe i will try again for medicine course. Maybe i will go work as an engineering for 2 years. Maybe i will go NIE take up teaching. Maybe....."

Of course, I enjoy doing first aid duties. But so what? my family is not supporting me at all. my parents dun seem to understand what i actually like. They cannot understand why i like to go for first aid duties.

Arg..dun care liao..

I'm sounding terrible now again..

--------------- (-_-)' (-_-)" (-_-)"' -------------------

Great day..

Great day yesterday.. ^^

initially had a bad tummy ache in the morning. Visited the doctor and well, my stomach's okay. So i gave myself a good excuse to go cycling with lipyung they all..haha..

Cycling is fun cos it''s been a long time since i cycled. haa..met the Northland sec girls there'. they were having sec 3 camp and 2 of these girls recognised me.hhaa..

BBq in the evening. My the one came to attend the bbq and hahaa..guess what? He's the BBQ hero of the night..!! ^^ well, he helped to start the fire twice..!! hey, ppl, must thank him ah..hhaa..but i can't help much with the starting of fire. So, all i can do is juz stand by him, giving moral support and provided him as many welfare services to him as possible. whhaa..'think i'm going to be his personal missy..hahaa..!!! ^^

The chicken wings marinated by ys's mum was fantastic..!! I enjoyed eating them. But think cos my stomach's not fully recovered, i can't eat much too. Feeling nausea later on. Partly due to the marshed otah's paste being bbq...the look of the paste really disgusted me, and made me wanna vomit... x_x

hhaa..anyway the day was great and as for today..!!! i'm going to meet my 4 good good frens..!! haha..so happy..!! going changi village..!! wonder what's that place like...haha.. ^^

My parents're still not talking to me..almost a month of cold war soon..the longest war i've ever had to endure... T_T why can't they juz start talking to me first, esp my dad? is face that that important? -_-