sigh

had not been feeling very happy recently..sigh..something's going wrong..
For the past few days, he has not been in a very good mood. His temper has not been very good. I have not been feeling well recently and he scolded me last night for not going to see the doctor. In fact, I have no idea why he is so fed-up and the way he asked me to see the doctor was almost like a command. sigh..at that point in time, I was pretty hurt. He was not like this when I knew him before. I know it's partly my fault that I refuse to go see a doctor even when I am not well. Things have not been very smooth.
Somehow, he just feels that we are getting further away from each other...sigh, this I have no idea. I am really very busy with schoolwork and I have no time to spend time with him. well, partly it's because I start to know two male friends, one local and one fr vietnam. He always has this idea that both of them like me and to me. Well, of course, i deny that they like me..they only treat me as normal friends...but sigh..i don't know..talk about this, i'm very very confused..he's not very happy that i deny this 'fact' and he thinks that i've this stupid mentality that i am still in a girls' school..sigh..don't know la..
but don't know la..sometimes i just have this feeling that i should tie up my hair again..in this way, no guy in school will want to know me..then he'll not feel in this way..i don't know..thinking of this oftens confuses me. But i feel strongly that after this relationship, i'll not want another one in a short time. First, i don't think there'll be guys who like me..i've nothing attractive..haah..erm, next, i still like him..though he has a very very bad temper, though he will not say anything comforting when i'm sad, he teaches me many things. If it wasn't for him, i will not be having a better relationship with my parents. If it's wasn't for him, i don't think i can make it through the hardships during the jc periods and after the release of 'A' level results. If it's wasn't for him, i will not be going to gym. My dream's shattered, and yet i know i gain another-to know him. And i think he'll be the only one who will tell me anything about soccer, games and cars though there're times when i've great difficulties understanding the technical terms..sometimes we even talk about girls who walk past us..
but the thing is he'll not want to marry..and that's saddening me..sigh..i dun know la..