yeah!

All my papers are over..!!

Hee..

Met AG after the paper and he gave me a very simple yet lovely surprise.
haa...ended up myself giving nervous, happy giggles.

it's very sweet of him...

heee hehee heee heeee heeee.... =p

A post of In-sanity

Probably affected by last evening's paper. Morale's been heavily hit by the paper.

It's not a difficult paper, it's a paper which i find some difficulty in recalling the facts.
ARGH.

I've seeped into the world of self-doubt.

Acupuncture for tmr's paper.
*GASP*

So many points to remember...ARG.

I dun know whether i can remember everything. I seriously hate exams. And i can't wait for the one-month holiday.
But it's only one month! I dun have any time to rest...! ARG.
And I'm so scared that i have to go for a re-test, which takes place in mid-dec. ARG.

Not really looking forward to work. Have some bad feelings that I've many things to do, especially after the launch of the intiaitive.

Wonder how's the launch, and wonder how the book looks like.

And i wanna talk rubbish now. rubbish and only rubbish.

how's the weather?
fine.
not raining. arh.
RAIN. Give me heavy pour.
Wash away all the moodiness.

RAINNNNNN..

how's the food?
hmm.ok. mum's cooking. edible. feel i'm home. foc.

how's the study getting along?
hmm. ok.
Exploiting my brain's capacity.
all the acupunture points, all the passage ways of the points...

wat r u doing now?
blogging, obviously.
listening to class95..immune to the music play..
thinking wat am i doing here..thinking of how to get my brain functioning...
thinking of how to tune the frequency of my brain wave back to sanity..

*pulling out the rose petals*
study it
study it not
study it
study it not
study it
study it not

ah. study it not.

no, i dun wan.

never mind, do it another time.

study it.
study it not.
study it.
study it not.
study it
study it not.
study it.

ah. now's it's "study it".

But i'm so drained now. can i not study it now?

never mind, i shall try it again. this time, shall start with "study it not"

study it not.
study it.
study it not.
study it.
study it not.
study it.

hmm. study it.
Arg. sickening flower petals.

Imagine how often people are always stuck within themselves and are trying to pull themselves out of their own sticky situations?

We should be called glue-beings.

Another one paper down!

Not a very good feeling to have this paper ended in this way though..

Sigh. (T__T)

************************************************

Results for my herb module is out.

And I fulfilled my own expectation.

But when I was with some of my classmates this evening before the biology paper, i realised that my team leader has gotten a very high mark for this paper.

I need to work doubly hard and efficiently.
There is a strong competition in class.

And i can feel that i'm not doing hard enough.
And guess my this biology paper is going to affect my class ranking. ARGH.

It's ok. At least I've learnt how to juggle work and studies now. I just need to be more patient with myself.

HAIZ.

blogging right now...watching "Black Books" ...to make sure that i'm still sane after studying all the piles of bio in CHINESE..

ARGHhHh...

Studying human physiology is so taxing to the brain...

was very drained......

till now, still kinda drained...

but definitely i know how to juggle my studies better for next semester..next semester i believe i should be better.. =p

( T___T ) so tired.....

i can't wait for my exams to end......i wanna pamper AG more than ever.... =p

yeah~! One paper's down!

but this paper only constitutues 20% of the whole module on herbs.

well, hopefully should be within my expected mark range for this paper..

****************************************************

Love this song "Saviour" by Alicia Keys.

Lyrics are nice, the music style fits my kind of taste.. =))

Hee..finally out of my little 'cave' and met AG for a simple birthday dinner in Brazil Churrascaria.

It's basically a carnivore buffet-style of dinner. Food is generally edible, but i love the service. Dun know whether cos the service is genuinely good or i've been looking around observing everyone in the restuarant. One of the waiters which seems to be in charge of serving us is pretty meticulous in his service.

So I've given a 10 out of 10 for the restaurant's service.

haa..

Din give AG any kind of surprise though.. only sang him a bday song over the phone last night when the clock striked midnight.

haa..took a few photos in coffee bean cafe, after our dinner. Found it pretty amusing and sweet. hahaahahaha...i still smile at the thought of it.
hee hee hee...

P's a very sweet dog ...she still came to greet us, wagging its tail happily, even though she looked super sleepy and tired..hahaha..very cute and sweet dog. i adore her a lot.

Did a bit of work just now. and arg, tue's my first paper. Very nervous. Pretty nervous that i may not pass the paper.. =p even though i've studied much.

However guess i must not put a lot of pressure on myself, dun wanna the pressure to affect my overall performance.

So much things to blog...and have not blogged about the surprise birthday celebration for HL. hahaha..HL's so super touched by his little gf's plan...hahhah...

Going bonkers....

so much to study, especially the herbs...

all the medicinal effects..AIYO!

Seriously dun know how's my project getting along..next week's the official launch and i dun know how's the final outcome like.

Been having small nightmares of my boss scolding me of being careless. =p
Din see her for these few days...dun know what she'll tell me off or maybe she may not even say anything... (T__T)
ARG....

Have not written my performance appraisal..seriously dun feel like writing...i dun feel tat i'm worth to be appraised given such a lousy performance i've given.
Given myself a self-appraisal and i give myself a D for it.
Seriously i tink i'm not performing well, based on my own benchmark.

Tink i can handle better for the next semester - of how to juggle my studies and work better.

Now i know why they say part-time studies can be tough. It's tough when the exams are nearing and yet at the same time, at the back of the mind, work seems to be always hanging heavily onto you.

Cos right now, i'm experiencing it.

Can't wait for Dec..can shop..can spend lazy times with AG...can read other genres aside fr tcm...can revise my tcm basic theories...can decorate my office desk..no boss in office (yeah~)...can play games...can watch tv programmes...can go laze around in starbucks to stone...can blog as long as i wan...can window-shop for a dslr camera...can prepare a gd present for AG (and ZJ they all..haha..)....can go for my other favourite lessons...can exercise....can sleep with less tension...can go get a good facial treatment....can get a good hair treatment...can pamper myself...can pamper AG...can get more clothes for work...can get shoes...can get more bags....can get myself a new mp3...can go sing "it's my life" with Jas...

hahaha...one month..yet so many things to accomplish...

Blog of the Day (2)

Super stressed and still stuck in the world of self-reproach.

Starting to question about my self-worth and capabilities.

How can i be so careless?

i can't stand myself being careless. And it's been a long time since i've been careless. =(

Head's still aching tremendously, yet i've bite my teeth to struggle through the piles of notes and the maze of self-reproach.

ARGH.

***************************************************

Seems that AG is facing almost the same stress level as me, maybe even higher than me..

To AG: JIAYOU JIAYOU, dear..!

Leave starts today, to prepare for my next week's exams..

Just checked my office email..

and realised that there are still some mistakes..from this morning's emails...

very disappointed about myself - still very careless and making the same old careless mistakes..

(T__T)

Dun feel like writing my own performance appraisal...think i should just leave it blank and not take any performance bonus.

i'm feeling so lousy about myself now...i supposed to assist my boss in reducing her burden, but i can feel tat i'm not doing so...it's my very first project and i feel i've done very badly.
(T_______T)

Having a terrible headache now - great anxiety for both - my project and my exams..

Guess it's one mistake which I've learnt and need to avoid...

Juggling with projects and my exams are very tiring....can feel tat i'm going to have high blood pressure...

Right now, as i'm studying, i'm worrying about this project at the same time...it's really very tiring...

To YS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YS~!

Hope you've enjoyed your day today! =D

**************************************************************

HHaa...saw myself on a photo in my company's intranet e-notice board...

not tat i was on a wanted list. but was taken during my company's family day in zoo.

hahaa..the photo looks quite comical to me..hahahaa...

**************************************************************

OOooOOO...i'm getting so nervous....hopefully will receive honest comments..especially good comments.. =p

may even need comments from DLY, YS etc...those who are in the engineering line..

**************************************************************

Exams soon..arg...i'm so scared...

**************************************************************

To HL:

HEY HEY..! CONGRATS~! =D

Part of credits must be given to me, okay? Especially during that time when i had to shout "encore". =p

*hahah..i'm so thick-skinned...*

*************************************************************

Was woken from my afternoon nap by a call from AG.

hee..was happily surprised when AG asked me about tickets to Avenue Q musical performance.

Din expect that he actually still remembers this musical.. =p

(^^)

was almost on the verge of tears..hhhaa...was pretty touched by this little surprise..

Before we are attached, we did have agreement on going for this performance together.
Hear very good comments from him who had already watched it over in New York..
want to watch it badly...

hee...really excited for tomorrow.. yeah yeah yeah yeah~!

Thank you, dear.. =)

*****************************************************

Been a busy day. =(

My colleague Id and I could not go for my department's seminar cos we still have urgent projects to rush and to meet the deadline. Even my manager was very busy with many things.

sigh.

Can't wait for my project to be over before i went off for my exam leave.

Right now, still left the foreword. And still need to wait for this person, tat person etc to clear..blab blab blab blab...

can't wait for this project to end and launch..

and cos of this project, it's the first time when i have to interact my dept director. can be super stressful. O_x

********************************************************

ha..was talking to Id what are our office plans after our projects which each of us are currently managing.

haha..i can't believe that the first thing in my to-do list duing the dec is to decorate my office desk with nice stuff.

cos right now, the desk is decorated with files and books, and papers, and blab blab blab...

*******************************************************

Sometimes, i have this perception that my boss have 2 more children - Id and me.

Often, Id and i have all sorts of mutual arrangements..taking leave, time-off, and thinking of how to persuade our boss to let us go for seminars so that both of us can have a temporary get-away from work. =p

********************************************************

Received a surprise sms from my student, WJ.

haha..he initiated to sms me to start giving him tuition after letting him rest after his final year exams.
haha...i'm glad that he's so hardworking. =p

But he's very cheeky - always bullies me.

*********************************************************

been hearing to Michael Buble's "Everything" .

=)

Love the rythmn and its lyrics. hee.. =))))

To AG:
And in this crazy life,
And through this crazy times...

It's you,
It's you,
You make me sing.

You're every line,
You're every word,

You're Everything!

Went to zoo early in the morning for my company's family day. Super tiring..

But it's really nice of AG to have met and fetched me from my office building just now. :)

***********************************************************

Probably DLY is right. I'm really thinking too much..

Have told myself that I shall not shed any more tear - i've grown to get tired of myself crying..i'm a strong mantou now~

Went to the same place to attend my buddy's, HL, band performance.

The whole performance was much better..the lead singer sang better too..haha..n even got to speak to the lead singer's mum

;p

lucky thing AG brought along his dslr camera..so much sharper and at least i can capture more expressions..

but can only upload these photos after my exams.. =p

Plus

1 embarrassing moment (T____T)

Was asked by HL just now in the afternoon, that have to shout "encore" later after the whole performance, cos it's kinda sth to do with his little happiness. hahha..

And during the last past of the last song, HL mouthed some words across the stage, reminding me to shout "encore" after this song.

So after a silent pause after this last song ended, I shouted "Encore!".

Only that, i realised I'm the only one who shouted it.

And everyone told a shock, including AG and HL.

Furthermore, the male lead singer even asked me to repeat what i've juz said.
I was like....start making nervous giggles and kinda hyperventilating..whahaha...

Took quite a lot of courage to do tat solo shout.

****************************************************

Been busy with my school work. exams are around the corner and the notion itself is occuping my mind most of the time.

ARg...

****************************************************

It's the third time when i had such similar nightmare.

It's kinda making me feel insecure and paranoid...
think it could be due to one reason tat i realised i've put quite a bit of weight...
N it's terrorising my sense of security..and i'm starting to be scared...

I dun wanna the same form of fear to affect me in a r/s..i dun want to repeat the same insecurity....

(T___T)

The more i tink of it right now, the more i feel like tearing...start to develop all the possible negative thoughts i impose upon myself.
"Why can't I be like those girls who can eat so much yet not gaining weight easily?"
"Why can't I lose weight easily?"
"Why am I feeling myself to so lousy in grabbing a guy's heart for long?"
"Am i really stupid or what?"
"Why am i always so stupidly lousy in fashion sense?"

It's all the why-why questions which constantly runs in my head, ever since i know i've gained weight.
And all these questions are very 'surface'...all associated with the perception of beauty from a guy's point of view..

The worst of me has gotten over my sanity.

after tcm lesson, went for a supper with AG. =)

haha..think it's kinda first time when my parents actually allowed me to go for supper when it's nearing 12 and i'm supposed to have reached home by then.

haha..i'm sounding like a cinderalla..haha.. =p

anyway saw a kid collecting empty drink cans in the hawker centre where we had supper.
Din really affect me much until when this kid approached us the second time.
Curiosity kills the cat. So while AG was trying to empty his drink can, i took the chance to talk to this kid.

Learnt from the kid that he's helping his dad as his dad was kinda injured on the leg and could not walk properly, so came out to help. In addition, he told me that the cost for an empty can has dropped quite alot.

Coincidentally, his dad walked past us and kinda greeted me while holding a burning cigarette in his hands. i was like (-________-).

He is only a lower primary school kid, with a younger bro who was also collecting empty cans for his dad. Besides, this kid gives me a terrible feeling that he might have picked up the skills of deception. And working at such an environment, it's not going to be positively influencial to his personal development.

Probably it kinda hurts me to see tat. When i passed him the empty can, I told him to study hard so that he doesn't have to come back here to work. And he just nodded slightly.
When i watched his response, it worried me more. It's either that he might not even have a chance to go school yet or he doesn't like to study (Din ask him further though).

I dun know..i just dun like to see a kid to be situated in such an environment. just feel that in Singapore, it's necessary toh have at least a basic tertiary education. But ya la..it's just something which urges me to tell something to that kid. Whether he will understand what i wanna tell him depends on him ...

Went to help out as liaison officer to VIPs for Marina Barrage opening ceremony.
Been going there for "rehearsals" for the past 2 days...

and got myself a little sun burnt in the morning.. =(
now i'm worrying about the wedding lunch on this sunday..arg...

and spent a few hours in Marina Square with my colleagues - lunch, played arcade and coffee.

anyway a few shots on Marina Barrage...

Exhibits

hahaa...guess whose butt is tis?

haha..it's Adrian Pang's..! =p

I know...this's sounding kinda pervert of taking his butt from afar..

but the whole of the day, he was looking so serious....my colleagues and i were kinda scared of getting near him, even to take photos with him..

=p

And he's the host of the opening ceremony.

oki, here are the shots which have been taken, using my hp camera..

And this is one where i took where the crest gate was opened. So, if i'm not wrong, this is the hydraulic jump - a hydraulic concept which i've learnt during the uni days..

Really amazing.. =)