I seriously doubt my potential in what I'm doing right now..after receiving the sms just now, i can't help but frowned and started my little cow tantrum. ended up tearing a little..cos i really dun wanna do this...i feel very forced/unmotivated and angry..

probably pissed off with myself..but also pissed with myself being sandwiched...probably it's my personalities or the environment which i am brought up..

There is this voice within me, which seems to be telling me this "hey, do something which you have seen yourself achieving something..", "get out of this - you are just biting your teeth through it..you are not enjoying what you are doing right now. That's not you".."you keep making mistakes..you are not naturally motivated..you are forcing yourself to be motivated.."

i dun know...i can feel myself seriously underperforming...i can feel myself very unmotivated..i can feel myself really bad at what i'm doing...this is a really horrible feeling cos it's pulling my self-esteem down...

on the other hand, i can picture myself enjoying teaching the sec sch students, marking papers, preparing homework, improving myself on the modules so that i can be better than the students..even if there will be many admin work for me to do and listening to the nagging of the principal or HOD...

i'm seriously very tired...i can feel myself being not myself at work..
but i'm really worried whether being a teacher will be a lower job status than being an engineer..i'm worried that AG's family will look down on me cos of the status switch..though i feel and know that the pay for teaching now is a lot better than the older times..

i'm paranoid.... =(