Great friends gathering..!

Saturday, after my golf lesson, met up ZJ they all for dim sum buffet at Tung Lok Seafood restaurant. Followed up by 2 games of bowling..haha..HM topped the 2 games! i'm impressed!! haha.. =p then we went to the arcade to have a daytona car racing challenge. hahaa..i won most of the challenges.. =p Then hmm..went to katong mall to sing ktv..haha..gosh..what a day! haha..it's fun but very tiring..we squeeezed many activities within a day..haha..!!

Sunday - Fathers' Day celebration. Ended up cancelling the meetup with AG and his dad for dinner. But went to Downtown East to have a great outing and dinner with my family..went to play arcade again, with my brothers while my parents watched us play..followed by seoul garden buffet..and last but not least, arcade again! hahaha..!!

Monday - One big NTU clinque gathering in Blu Jaz Bar..it's a farewell party for KW's leaving for australia for his pilot training. and hahha..guess what? they gave me a surprise birthday cake!!! i was very surprised and never thought of it at all..hhhaa..it's a great night!! =) watched the entire match of Portugal vs North Korea and had great catchup session with everyone..!!!

Tuesday - The day din really end well. Was kinda reprimanded by my boss for not meeting the weekly KPI (key performance indicator).. =( was disappointed with myself, but anyway have already thought of the solution and told my officer..so see how it goes..think this time should work well. Guess afterall I'm still not as proactive as I thought. And I need to be more assertive.

Anyway left slightly earlier than usual and had a mini wok soup for comfort food.

Birthday leave tomorrow! can't wait!

Somehow it seems that since my boss talked to me about my work performance, I felt more motivated and proactive in my work. At least I know what the expectations are now and I am not feeling that lost anymore. I can feel myself that I am performing a lot better than before.

Recently been going for many external meetings with my boss and learnt a lot from her. She presented herself very well and would take every opportunity available to promote our initiatives. Yet she doesn't sound aggressively pushy. Learnt a lot of positive management and leadership skills from her.

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Yeah, my birthday leave has been approved!! Think this year is a great birthday year for me, the big event doesn't clash with my birthday week!!! =D so happy...!!! =D

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Meeting with ZJ they all tomorrow after my golf lesson!! Woohooo..!! can't wait to see them!!

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Went for a hike at the bukit timah nature reserve with my tjc wushu frens last sunday - fun but super tiring..my calves ached for almost 4 days!!

But din take many photos - still not good enough to play around with the manual mode..

We have reached the summit..!! and I've left my water bottle at the summit hut... (T__T)

Apparently we saw some of the regular hikers walk backwards as they walked down the steep slope. We followed them and realised that it was much easier to walk backwards down the slope..!!

Went to the driving range to have my own practice.. this time hit 240 balls ..and majority of them were bad shots.. =(

somehow i was very affected by such comment,"you can't be taught." I was useless and can get hurt very easily by such comment, so I kinda teared and scared AG..I just hate this such comment..i dun think myself to be stupid, i'm just slow in my learning..aiya..think i've hit too many balls in one session..240 balls cost me a total of $18..sigh...was kinda discouraged cos my performance is not consistent at all..

quite useless of me to tear for such a comment..but i seriously hate to be regarded as useless, in any form or way - it just gets on my nerve.

i'm not stupid!

Super bored now. worked till 8, then hit the office gym..and have nothing to look forward..stone stone stone..

think i'm very used to the hectic life..then now AG has golf to focus on, so think meeting me after work is his secondary stuff in his time now..but i can't tell him too and also dun wanna to initiate to meet up for dinner..so now during the holiday, i need to find stuff to do now..

i'm so bored tat i feel like crying..haiz..shall fill my time with studies.. =(

Been crazy past 2 days for me - it's like fighting for war first day when I went back to work. And tuesday's afternoon was data and more data calculation.

Got back my results today. I've passed all!! Especially the one which I thought that I need to retake and I manage to pass it by 10 marks! Phew....now I can fully look forward to the bintan trip!! =D

yeah! Can start exercising!! Been putting on weight..terrible me..

Golf this Saturday..can't wait to excel in it..whahaha!!
Hmm..but actually why do I wanna take up golf? Hmm..the first source of motivation is that I can play with AG, not that he has no accompany to play with, but think so that in case he has no one to play with, I can play with him..hmmm..actually i only know I decide to take up because of him..secondly just take it lah, no harm- may be a good networking sport for career development..but I'm not ready to get any golf club for myself..super ex lah..I just try to excel using the golf borrowed from the driving range.

Oki gonna sleep now..

Dun know why I dun feel any happiness to know that my exam is over..think I've the feeling that I need to retake one paper cos I was stubborn enough to refuse to buy the "ten year series" to study for the mcq questions..

Was looking through the nus-duke medical sch website and after looking the admission requirements, realise that I dun think I've the chance to go in..3 to 5 recommendation letters and to be original, which means no sch testimonials, etc..I can't get my boss to write or acknowledge it cos it's not engineering-related programme..

Then somehow the more I thought of this and told this to AG, I can't help myself from crying. Suddenly I just think back of why can't I manage my stress in sch better during that time and had more effective ways to study for the A levels..and now I'm regretting it very much..and now ive to go through this admin process which i've no confidence that even if I might have the letters done and still can't get in..

Suddenly that great sense of regret just engulfs me.

Went to check my office email earlier on. Just realised i've made a bad mistake and my hypothesis is right - never never check your work email during your leave - totally regret it. Now i am really regretting it and I dun feel like going back to work after the leave.

=(

Had an hour long of jog - felt so much happier and relaxed after the jog. Fantastic.

Got bored of studying now and went to Facebook and started a novel activity - old classmates hunting. Hunting for my primary sch classmates whom i used to have crush on, and one whom i met in tpjc for the past 3 mths and never talked to him much cos i felt too shy to talk to him (he's a smart chap - got in vj after tat). whahahaha!!! well, din add them all though, too shy to do that, but anyway these little crush stuff are histories, so i juz say it here.

But it's really interesting to look at their current looks - still as charming. WHAHAHAHA!!

Ok, shall stop this.

can't wait for my exam to end and i had a good Saturday evening and whole of Sunday to enjoy before I toil in office. Din want to check the office email during this period, scare tat i'll be distracted. But i know it's gonna pile up like nobody business.

i need a good break and need to do things which i've been wanting to do. Frens gathering, photography and golf, yes!!! yes, i'm taking golf lessons with a colleague..hmm..dun mind learning golf, can play with AG and hit the golf course with him. And hopefully i'll be good. hahaa..

I'm bored of studying now. First exam on tuesday and my classmates have been sending mass emails for the past 2 weeks which keep informing that some answers to questions are wrong, blab blab blab,..to and fro...and i'm totally annoyed with the frenzy. anyway i just focus on my study.

i'm feeling very moody now. think it's the biological hormonal fluctuation. Anyway can't help myself from minutely tearing periodically while memorizing my stuff. And i dun dare to call or text AG cos later i scare he'll think i'm a crazy or needy girl. so i'm controlling myself and handle this alone myself by blogging here. Many times this really helps me regain my sanity.

Ok, gonna go jogging now. Am really very frustrated now when i'm feeling oh so chubby now.. =(

had a weird nightmare last night. this is really bad. and right now, i'm talking rubbish to myself.

Here I am, typing all sorts of rubbish right now, whichever comes out of my mind.

My mum is very happy with where I am right now, including my brother. But probably it's true of what my 1st bro describes me - I'm just like my 2nd bro -stubborn and loves to defy. I guess it can be true of me, and probably that's why I can't get along well with my 2nd bro.

So I really need to bite my teeth through and step out of it. And by the way, so what if I'm going to be in discomfort zone? That's what I always like to get myself in. But p.s., such does not apply to relationships - I hate insecurity in a relationship.

Self-identity. Who am I? What makes me me? What's my calling? Since the day I know God, I constantly feel his presence and periodically He seems to be always telling me something.

Life is never smooth-sailing and yet from what I recall from the whole of my 24+ years of life, I've met fabulous and helpful people more than I've met the nasty ones. Ok, those few teachers in my mind right now belong to the fabulous people.

Hmm..ok, what's my main point?

Suddenly I miss everyone. I feel isolated from the outside world right now. whahha..

Suddenly I have the urge to cook. Hhaa...can't wait to make vietnanese spring rolls! Cheese cake!! and dumplings!!! All for AG! =p He's nice, he dares to eat whatever I cook, even though I do not decorate the dish nicely..whaha..

Ok, tat's all for my rubbish..

Moody now :(

Can't study anymore..drained and unmotivated to memorize..

First day of my leave and I've started my intensive study. And also jogging. Went to facebook and look at my photos in uni, gosh, the dame blouse yet I'm looking different on it now. Put on weight and I am starting on my intensive training again. I really want to wear a skirt and look nice on it...

The first day of my leave wasn't a smooth one. Seemed to be bothered by something and my study. Anyway guess it's the intuition which starts hinting me something. But why feeling so bothered?
Anyway a lot of blur incidents happened to me.

Have a lot of things I wanna do during the June holiday! And this year the company event doesn't clash with my birthday, I'm totally thrilled!

Dun know is it Tat I've turning 25 this year, or went through 'depression' in the past, I tend to be a loner, spending time reflecting about many things in my past and current life. Is this my mid-20s crisis?

Going to have a few friends gathering - my jc wushu, NTU and ZJ they all! Excited to meet up with all of them.
KH is going to leave Singapore for his pilot training programme. Feel happy for him cos he is fulfilling his dream.

Dream. Somehow I find myself stuck.

Sometimes I really wish there's a time machine to bring me back to my jc times. Maybe I'll handle the academic stress better and study more effectively. Sigh. I feel upset.

The past 2 days have been very hot.. :(

it came to confirm my hypothesis that presentation style and its aesthetic are very important to a learner's adsorption capability.
I dozed off during a colleague's presentation..too wordy..... (O.O) it's an underestimation of ppt slides.
Will put this comment in the course feedback form.

Starting to feel the strong urge but I need to hold........

A good Saturday for me. Was highly motivated and I rated myself to be highly efficient in my study. A senior of mine has activated my "fight" mode. Prior to that I kinda forgot about my source of motivation and decision to take up this course.

guess what? I can go overseas trip with my friends!! Ha..going to plan a weekend trip to Bintan to go with ZJ they all!! Was disappointed that HM can't go..but we hope she'll travel overseas with us in the future. I can't believe that my parents no longer reject! Ha..but well if travelling with AG that'll be a different story for my parents..hee hee..

Can't wait for my leave..and can't wait for June sch holiday..I've added new plans to my holiday plan!

Couldn't get to sleep. Dun know why.. Been thinking a lot and constantly feeling that sense of aimless direction..

Been thinking a lot..

I need to have faith in God - that whatever decision I will make or have made will do me well..

Had a chat with a classmate who is around my age - gave the same advice.

Within the week I heard the same advice over and over again. Are those hints from God?

Realise that how much I've changed over time - I found my confidence, set my dream and I lost them overnight. I have been trying hard to retrieve them..

What's my calling? Will it take me through?

Tired. Shall get to bed now.

Had a chat session with some of my coursemates during a workshop which I've attended recently.

Kinda confirmed my thoughts.

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Just finished work for the morning. So tired..cos was trying to complete my tcm assignment the day before..but thanks goodness, the work ended in the early afternoon and I had sufficient time to complete it..phew..

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Exams in 2 weeks' time...can't wait for the leave!! =p

What I wanna do after exams...hmm..go for a few local photography trips..shop for more clothes...exercise more intensively...revise my tcm work...and last but not least, friends' gathering!!

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A very tiring Thursday for me..can't work efficiently the whole day and I kept dozing off for the first half of the lecture..

Somehow it seems that many people have the wrong perception of where I'm working currently. Many thought that it is very relaxing but they are wrong! There are numerous things to do, just that all these efforts are not visible to the public..

Anyway was chatting to a classmate who was around my age during the break when I decided to go home to finish up my work. He gave mr a few advices/reminders..

Had a little chat with my boss after work - glad she told me truthfully about my work performance. Had a feeling of why she was telling me. But anyway, I know myself that i've disappointed her in some ways or another. Well at least I know pretty clearly of her expectations of me and the areas of improvement I need to work on.

After self-reflection, I feel that I'm too not confident of myself.

Sigh.

Time passes fast during the weekends..it's Sunday today..

Just managed to have a small catch-up with an uni fren of mine..changed his job and is now following his heart and passion. Glad to hear that and he seems to be very happy. And of course I'm impressed with him. An overseas scholar with a relatively good pay for the start, he gave up the chase which tend to tie many of us up.

Way to go, my friend!

Finished my clinical attachment..tucked myself cosy at Starbucks cafe, feeling undisturbed. Been so long since I can sit alone and have quiet moments to myself. Good break.

Clinical attachment is fun and fulfilling - get to learn a lot of stuff..learning from different teachers, and each of them seems to have different gourps of patients. So cool!

exams exams exams..and yeah! my boss has approved my time-off and leave for my exams!!! I've to say I've a good boss. Hee hee.. =p

Boohoohoo..so sad..gonna cancel my half day time off tmr..need to attend an important meeting in the afternoon..hopefully my boss will approve my proposed time off date..

Love attending my TCM lessons..my classmates are very fun loving, humourous batch, But all of us are very attentive students..hee..

Exams in a month's time..hopefully will be a peaceful working week during my absence..