Had a nightmare last night and kinda affected my thoughts the whole day.. =(

It's the same kind of nightmare - AG dumping me for another girl who looks a lot better and slimmer than me. And in addition, this time in the dream he was pinpointing my negative points..It's the 3rd time I had such a dream..It's scary..especially at this period when I start to put on weight..many of my colleagues notice that and feedback to me.. (T___T)

I just feel very terrible of myself now..feel lousy about myself..unwanted fats have come invading to the different parts of my body. And I dun wear dress..i can't wear dress..i've no confidence to wear dresses...i feel fat at my legs...i feel fat at my belly..i feel fat at my arms!!!
Sigh...

Almost the whole day i was thinking very negatively about myself..keeping reprimanding myself..pinpointing myself all my negative points - i'm not slim..i've thick claves..i dun dare to wear dress..i'm naggy..i can't go overseas with AG...i can't talk well when interacting with his parents...i'm financially idiot...i feel i can't meet his expectations...

The whole day everytime when i think about it, i can feel myself on the verge of tears...i feel really nasty...

*********************************************************

AG cooked japanese curry rice for us on sunday..he's a good cook.. =) and he's a good soft drink mixer..ahhaa..

For all these months, he's been treating me well..been trying to give in to me...dun know why, it feels that i've known him for very long and feel very comfortable with him though it's only one yr and 5 months...

Had a nice dinner with AG on Friday, and we drank beer..and goodness me, how lousy i am..i only finished 3/4 of the beer and i started to feel hot and started jibble jabble "i'm very tired...i cannot drink liao.." blab blab blab...basically i'm talking nonsense..whahaha..i'm so lousy...

*********************************************************

I was asked to be the main lead actoress and singer for a musical organised by my department for an event and i accepted it.. Gosh, feeling excited yet nervous...excited cos it's been a long time since i acted and from the script i'm relatively confident that I can act pretty well..need to dance hip hop too, hmm..think should be able to pull it off cos i've learnt two types of dance though not hip hop..hahha..but need to sing in front of many people....arg....that i'm very very nervous....

***********************************************************