today's dennis's birthday.

hope he has enjoyed his day today.

*************************************

as for me, i tried to pass the day as light-heartening as possible. but it seemed to fail...been very fatigue and un-motivated the whole day, and i was surprised when DLY told me that i was in a good mood today - "smile like a kid"..

hhaa..

but ok la, at least i realised that i could hide my feelings better now. at least even when i laughed and smiled, it didn't reveal any of my saddness.

i juz wish that i've selective short term memory, only remember the happy things. i juz wish that i've selective thinking, only think of the necessary things which are important at the moment.

been having very negative thoughts recently, and it's very tiring to think...thoughts of why my this relationship failed...keep thinking that it's all my problems..keeping thinking that i failed cos that i dun have the socially acceptable external appearance..that i am not smart like the other ladies..that i can't talk well..that i dun know this, dun know that..that i am not interesting enough to have a relationship maintained for long..

it's really very tiring...sometimes i am thinking is that i have not kept myself busy enough...thinking whether i should keep myself busier to the extent which makes myself faint out of extreme fatigue.

sometimes i really wonder what God wants me to do..
before the whole breakup, i am already feeling aura of omens..signs of omens...the handphone which he gave me was spoiled..the last piece of cross-stitch which i sewed for him was not completed with the rest of 3 letters...etc etc...

sometimes i really wonder how others can get past with their breakup...and many can even get attached to another after a few weeks of breakups..it's a scary sight to me..

i still try to take dennis as a very good friend of mine..and i hope he does too...

sigh...i dun know..maybe i am losing touch with his life...cos even if i asked, i hardly get an enthusiastic reply...

ARG...anyway.....take me crapping away...i need a space to vent out....

ok, me shall stop here. completely no mood to study....

ARGHHh...anyway juz take me crapping away...take it as my usual outbreak of periodic depression..