Lessons of Love

hihi, people..!!

here's a little story to all of u, especially those who have been hurt along their way of life..

I apologise for the religious tone in this story, but the crux of this blog is to let you know something about life.

Anyway this is a good story, which i've actually gotten this from an email and had it printed out black and white. So that i could keep it in my wallet and read it whenever i see the need...

Lessons of Love

A ninety-one year old woman died after living a long dignified life. When she met God she asked him something that had long bothered her. If Man was created in God's image, and if all men are created equal, why do people treat each other so badly?

God replied that each person who enters our life has a unique lesson to teach us. And it is only through these lessons that we learn about life, people, relationships and God. This confused the woman, so God began to explain.

When someone lies to you it teaches you that things are not always as they seem. The truth is often far beneath the surface. Look beyond the masks people wear if you want to know their heart. And remove your own masks to let people know yours.

When someone steals from you it teaches you that nothing is forever. Always appreciate what you have, for you never know when you might lose it. An dnever, ever take your friends and family for granted because today is the only guarantee you have.

When someone inflicts an injury upon you it teaches you that the human state is a fragile one. Protect and take care of your body as best as you can, it's the only thing you are sure to have forever.

When someone mocks you it teaches you that no two people are alike. When you encounter people who are different from you, don't judge them by how they look or act; instead base your opinion on the contents of their heart.

When someone breaks your heart it teaches you that loving someone does not mean that that person will love you back. But don't turn your back on love because when you find the right person, the joy that one person brings will make up for all the past hurts put together. Times ten.

When someone holds a grudge against you it teaches you that everyone makes mistakes. When you are wronged, the most virtuous thing you can do is to forgive the offender without pretense. Forgiving those who have hurt us is the most difficult and courageous thing Man can do.

When a loved one is unfaithful to you it teaches you that temptation is Man's greatest challenge. be vigilant in your resistance against all temptation. By doing so you will be rewarded with an enduring sense of satisfaction far greater than the temporary pleasure by which you were tempted.

When someone cheats you it teaches you that greed is the root of all evil. Aspire to make your dreams come true, no matter how lofty they may be. Do not feel guilty about your success, but never let an obsession with achieving your goals lead you to engage in malevolent activities.

When someone ridicules you it teaches you that nobody is perfect. Accept people for their merits and be tolerant of their flaws. Do not ever reject someone for imperfections ever which they have no control.

The woman's curiosity deepening, God once again began to explain.

When someone loves ur it teaches ur that love, kindness, charity, honesty, forgiveness and acceptance can counteract all the evil in the world. For every good deed, there is one less evil deed. Man alone has the power to control the balance between good and evil, but because the lessons of love are not taught often enough, the power is too often abused.

When you enter someone's life, whether by plan, chance or coincidence, consider what your lesson will be. Will you teach love or a harsh lesson of reality? When you die will your life have resulted in more loving or hurting? More comfort or pain? More joy or saddness? Each one of us has power over the balance of love in the world. use it wisely. Don't miss an opportunity to nudge the world's scale in the right direction.

- The End -

ahhhh chhOOoo chhOooo...

I'm sick..

very sick...

Caught a cold early in the morning..

Nose's running tremendously fast today... T_T

Despite my runny nose, i risked my life to go to the army market to help my buddy get some stuff..haha..hey fishiz buddy!! touched rite? hahaa... =p hhaa..but well, he's my buddy, so haa..i'll help him as much as possible, within my ability..hee ^^

back home after meeting my the one...face felt hot...

Had my body temperature...

uh-oh..i've fever.. x_X noooo...not at this time, pleasee.. T_T think it's not cold i've caught, it's flu...

arggggGG..!!!

I need to ensure i'll get well by tomorrow. i really want to go for the NDP preview. For the past 2 NDP shows, i din manage to watch the grand finale of the fireworks..!!! T_T why? cos i've to attend to cases during that period.. T_T ok, maybe u'll say..watch them from my house..NoooooOO..i dun wan..i wan watch from the stadium... hee..

Really hope everything goes on well tomorrow. Hope nothing goes wrong, especially on the red cross side. Sometimes i'm really tired of handling political stuff. Need to wreck my mini pathetic brain to weigh what ought to be done and said, and always lie LOW...

Have a bad feeling..i'm in high profile in RC now.. x_O arggg...

But i really hope i can get back home fast...early...i wanna make my parents eat their words that i can take care of myself and guarantee them that,"hey i''ve grown up le..."

But well, as u know, they'll always treat me like a kid.. T_T

Nose is still running..hope it's not running marathon though i know marathons' events are coming up...

I need to pray real hard tonightttt...

not a bad day afterall.. =)

Not a bad day today..

mum's talking more to me. hmm..a few instructions. Still a baby's step..

my student din pass her a maths test..!!! arg..!! T_T DEMORALISED LA...!!!

celebrated anniversary with him juz now.. ^_^ wow..i've been with him for a quite long time.. =) but i still like being with him though he's a little 'woody' and not very sensitive..haha..but well, there are important factors in him which i like.. whahhaaaa...

So mushyy...!!! arg...!!!

Anyway hopefully can play one more session of badminton this week...wanna try out my new racket..!! and oh ya, forgot to tell u all something..!!

yesterday, me paired up with my the one to play a match with lip yung n his friend.

The match's initial results - me vs lipyung : 0 - 11

Later, dun know wat had happened..my the one juz scored like nobody's business...

me vs lipyung : 11 - 11 odd.

=) cool rite?

and of course, close match..

and finally my side has won...!!!!! with the results 15 - 13 !!!!

yeah yeah yeah yeah..!! can't imagine can catch up so much...all efforts credited to my badminton hero - the one..!!! hahaa... ^^ =P

but i realised something. everytime when i compete against my the one, i juz cannot perform well. But when i compete against people like lip yung, hahaa...i'm highly motivated and juz feel like smashing the ball at him...since i've learnt how to smack ( haa..though still not good ^^)

hhaaha..dun know why la..maybe i get electrocluted by my the one..whahhaa

feeling better..

feeling better..after the game of badminton..

haha..also listened to one particular Christian song..i feel better..

My buddy FINALLY msg me..hahaa..i feel better too...

also my buddy had consoled me well and i feel better..

My badminton racket is getting a re-string make-over..!! i feel better too..!!!

Wilson taught me smacking skill today..!! master a little but not enough..haha..cos my arm strength is still not good..so haa..me going to start doing push-ups again. Actually Anh taught me before but i juz cannot get it right. But also of course, my footpath is refreshed again. Still not familiar with it..hmm..going to train myself more on it..
hhaa

My racket is getting a re-string and i'm really excited...!!! my tat one brought me to the right shop and i learnt a lot more from the shop owner. He's a badminton player from malaysia. And i believe he's a professional one..haha..

One of the days, i'm going to get a new one. A better one. hahaa..

^^

busy day today...

had a real busy day today..tuition in the early morning..and another one in the afternoon.

Travelling from Pasir Ris all to the Serangoon just for tuition. Ended up myself having no lunch. Basically, i din eat much for almost the whole day.

Haa..can't help it. I'm a workaholic. =p

Bad feeling's coming up in me again. Have a bad feeling i'm losing one friend. Again...sigh......

I really guess I have to learn to reject. Just dun wan myself ending up in a sad mood again...a mood of expectation yet disappointment...

I want to talk to God again. Need to ask Him a few questions. Hope He will show me the way to acceptance and enlightment..

Wonder how are my buddy and Anh have been doing. Din hear anything from them. Dun know whether my buddy has come out from his BMT cos been seeing a few army guys booking out n walking around in Pasir Ris and reminded me instantly of my buddy. He hasn't given me his band's music album -.-

Dun know when Anh's coming back. School's starting soon and he seems not to be back from Vietnam. -.- me wan play badminton with him. Feel like asking him to play with lip yung an wilson when there's a chance. haa...

sigh..siGh..SIGH...

I wanna speak to God again.

miss my SAC life...

Saw Mrs Heng today in sch after the passing out parade. had a bit of chat with her.

I was real excited and happy to see her..!! i was practically jumping and hoping towards her..!! ^^ haa.. ^o^ can't help myself. i was really happy to see her..!!

She's still as motherly and gentle as in the past. ^^ but she seemed to look more tired..feel a bit heart-ache for her..currently, she's still teaching as a part-time teacher for sec 3 and 4 A.maths and E.maths.

And guess what? hee..Mrs Heng still remembers my name..!!!!!!! whahhaaa...me so happy..!! She made my day..!! ^^

And to all my sec 4/7 friends..!! GUEss what..??!!! She still puts our class photos, which we took with her in 4/7 classroom and during the grad nite, on her working desk..!! T_T me so touched...!! n so happy..!! and she mentioned to me that our class is still the best class she has ever taught..!! ^^ haa..cos we always listen to her and will always do the homework she gave to us..!! haa...

Really miss my sec 4/7 class..Mrs Heng, our form teacher..Mr Robb, our hilarious New-Zealand E.maths teacher who always told us to save his homeland's trees..Mrs Boo, our joyful Chemistry teacher...hha..

Miss my sec 4/7 classmates..like Peiying, who sat next to me the whole year..doing all the silly movements eg 'row the boat' , giving each other weird nicknames like 'siew ya (roast duck)' and 'siew rou (roast meat)', physics's Fleming Left Hand Rule to become sticks for fishballs..whaahaa...and me teaching her cantonese when we were suppposed to be preparing for 'O' level chinese..haa..

Really miss those days..

happy n sad..arg..dilemma of feelings..

on 21st july 2006,

racial harmony day,

i had my oath taken solemnly.

With a little giggle though. =p giggled a little when i read the last few statements of the oath. I can't help it..!! T_T

It's kinda weird to take my oath in front of the lady commission of oath, in front of the two photos, and the flag. The whole environment was kinda weird, awkward, i would say. =p Well, of course, i was pretty excited cos i've renounced my british-hong kong citizenship and now took this solemn oath as a singaporean. hmm..pretty a significant day to me. =)

Attended SAC's passing out parade this afternoon. My girls were utterly nervous when they received the rank from the principal. haa..a lot of hilarious mistakes made from them..!! haa..but the passing over of positions was not very well-done, especially the passing over of the president appointment.

*shake head* i started to get worried for the future of my girls. T_T

The whole parade brought back my old memories. All my achievements i had in SAC, in sjab, especially...

1998:
- Appointed as my class's class monitor. (in fact, i volunteered myself to be one. dun know how i got the courage)
- Joined sjab cos there's no red cross in SAC. still, to me, made no difference as long as i could learn more first aid skills.

1999:
- Appointed once again to be the class monitor. (this time, voted by my classmates..haa..)
- Tremendous improvement in maths ever since i had joined my tuition teacher Mr Kelvin Ng's lessons. =) really grateful to him.
- Almost every maths test, I topped the class. =)
- Final year exam, i was ranked fifth of the whole sec 2 level in the Final year's Science paper. =)
- Got into my dream class - the only Triple Science class, sec 3/7 =)

2000:
- Appointed to be the class vice-chairman
- Often topped the class for my A maths's tests. =)
- Initially signed for SJAB zone 3's Basic Leadership Course (BLTC). But after the selection and interview, I was recommended to go for Advanced Leadership Course (ALTC). Basically, i've jumped course. =) with only a rank of a private.
- Awarded to be the ALTC's Best Cadet Award. Only with a rank of a private. =) this, i'm real proud of myself.
- During SAC's passing out parade, I was awarded to be the Sec 3's Best Cadet Award.
- At the same time, I was appointed to be SAC SJAB's vice-president cum secretary. this, i'm really happy.
- For my sec 3 term 2 semester, I scored full marks for all my A.Maths tests.
- So, I topped the whole sec 3 level for A.Maths. =)
- In SAC's Achievers' Night, awarded 'Leadership' award and 'A.Maths top-scorer' award.

2001:
- Represented SAC for National Pen Chinese Calligraphy Competition. But din win. haa..
- Represented SAC for National Chinese Composition Competition. Din win again. whaa..
- Got double-promotion in SAC passing out parade. =)
- A tremendous jump from prelims' 17 points to 'O' levels' 9 points.
- English literature -> prelims' B4 to 'O' A1
- English -> prelims' C6 to 'O' B3
- At that point, I really thank God for this. Din really expect myself to do this well. Really thank Him for His blessing.
- Entered my dream JC, Temasek Junior College. =)

I love my SAC life. =)

okay day today...

A okay day today...

Went to british high commissi0n today. Ended up catching in the wonderful rain with my umbrella. Caught the right bus in a wrong route direction.

But lucky me, have my stuff done. =)

Almost done.

Love rainy days. But not today. Cos my poor feet had been soaked with rainwater in the morning. -.-

Kinda miss my the one. Din really get to see him during these 5 days. Somemore, tmr's NDP and on sun i can only meet him for a few hours. ARgg...!! And right now, at 1245 and in a few minutes' time when i'm expecting his phone, i'm slacking my night off. He had slept exceptionally early due to his domestic matters. sigh..and guess what?

I MISS HIM LOTS..!!! T_T

Think i'm love-sick...sigh...

Love being with him these few years though there were times of disagreements and misunderstanding. He possesses almost every quality which i'm looking for my mr right. Though he is kinda 'woody', i'm glad that he makes effort in reassuring me in this r/s. but sigh...i dun dare to think of the future though. Sometimes, when the same problem is mentioned, i juz have this bad feeling coming up. sigh..anyway i try my best not to think about it and think positively. Maybe i may tend to sound a little technical here, but well, he, my this choice, not only fits most my requirements, but also i feel i've made the right choice to be with him. And i count myself real lucky, provided i choose him solely on how he carries himself in front of his friends and that he din really make real obvious efforts of 'chase'. whaha...

haa..think DLY is going to have goose-pimples again..whaa..anyway me dun care..!! xp


Anyway me juz feel like writing these down..and somehow, think it's time for me to have a quiet time, thinking about people around me.....

NE show tomorrow, later still needs to read up on my first aid manual (juz in case). but gee..maybe tmr morning i can get to see him for jogging and for breakfast..!! really hope he'll wake up early...really hope he'll happily surprise me tmr morning..

Have not been hearing anything from my buddy who is stuck in the local tropical 'jungle'. wonder how he is now...

also, wondering when Anh's coming back..i want play badminton with him..and want to learn more skills from him..

Another quotes of the day..

"We would think a man insane who, instead of covering his house with a roof and putting windows in his window frames, goes out in stormy weather, and scolds the wind, the rain, and the clouds. But we all do the same when we scold and blame the evil in other people instead of fighting the evil which exists in us. It is possible to get rid of the evil inside of us, as it is possible to make a roof and windows for our house. This is possible. But it is not possible for us to destroy evil in this world, just as we cannot order the weather to change and the clouds to disappear. If, instead of teaching others, we would educate and improve ourselves, then there would be less evil in this world, and all people would live better lives.

Do not be embarrassed by your mistakes. Nothing can teach us better than our understanding of them. This is one of the best ways of self-education."
- THOMAS CARLYLE

"When people wanted to kill a bear in the ancient times, they hung a heavy log over a bowl of honey. The bear would push the log away in order to eat the honey. The log would swing back and hit the bear. The bear would become irritated and push the log even harder, and it would return and hit him harder in return. This would continue until the log killed the bear. People behave in the same way when they return evil for the evil they receive from other people. Can't people be wiser than bears?

You should respond with kindess toward evil done to you, and you will destroy in an evil person that pleasure which he derives from evil.

The true teaching of love is strong; it kills evil before evil can grow and beome powerful."

Read the same book again yesterday and only have the time today to write. Find these two quotes to be very meaningful and necessary. Hatred often occupies a certain portion in our hearts. Many often, when we do not sit down peacefully and reflect calmly with rationality, we are often blindfolded by the truth of evil. As a result, as the saying goes,"an eye for an eye" or at worst situations, "few eyes for an eye". It is tough to forgive and forget and it is tough to refrain ourselves from taking our so-called revenge.

This is human nature. Or I should say,

This is the animalistic nature in humans.

Anyway, lucky thing i managed to contact one of my frens who is from hk. Have very urgent important stuff to ask. Phew..i'm real relieved that i could get through her in short time and she really helped me a real deal lots. Very grateful to her. =) i have decided that i have to help her as much as possible, to the best of my ability, whenever she needs help from me.

Btw, i feel the need to pray for my friends, especially some of them.

A Calendar of Wisdom...by Leo Tolstoy

Recently have the time to go the library and borrow some books. =)

Been a long time since i read my favourite reading materials.

Philosophy - that's one of my reading subjects.

Borrow this book "A Calendar of Wisdom" written by Leo Tolstoy. This book was said to be written and selected from the world's sacred texts and it seems to me that this author was a renowned one (dun "play-play" ah..).

Anyway found some of the quotes very interesting and meaningful. So selectively select my favourite quotes:

"The difference between real material poison and intellectual poison is that most material poison is disgusting to the taste, but intellectual poison, who takes the form of cheap newspapers or bad books, can unfortunately sometimes be attractive."

"The life of a person without faith is the life of an animal."

"Kind people help each other even without noticing that they are doing so, adn evil people act against each other on purpose."

"Put at least half of your energy into making yourself free of empty wishes, and very soon you will see that in so doing you will receive much greater fulfillment and happiness."
- After EPICTETUS

"No matter how many times you aim to achieve victory over your passions, do not give up. Every effort weakens the power of passion and makes it easier to gain victory over it."

"The kinder and the more thoughtful a person is, the more kindness he can find in other people."

"The higher the position you occupy among other people, the more humble you should be. Many people live in height and glory, but the mysteries of this world can be revealed only to those who are humble. Do not seek out complication. Treat your duty with respect. Do not study what you should not. More things have already been revealed to you than you can understand."
- From APOCRYPHA

"Remember all the bad things which you have done, and try to avoid doing bad things again. Remembering only your good deeds will interfere with your doing good in the future."

"People live by love: love for yourself is the beginning of death; love of other people and of God is the beginning of life."

hmm.

Badminton session is also great. Wilson is real good. Well, after all he's a school team player, so haa..certain level of standard needs to be there. hhaa..but well, today played with my the one, wilson and daliyong. Good game. My backhand serving has shown improvements and today i managed to play slightly better. but well, still lost badly to wilson and daliyong. Totally destroyed by wilson. haa.. =p but my service was not done well today and my light serving as well.

long time never play with anh now. wonder how he is in his hometown, vietnam. When school re-opens, i must get to play with him.

not going to see my the one for this whole week. =( sigh..important domestic matters at hand...

Ne show this coming sat. Need to wear the no-rank rc uniform. hopefully it has been done by fri.

Finally have uploaded more cosy bay's photos on friendster. funny ones. please dun laugh too hard though. hahaa..

thanks..people... =)

Thanks ling..thanks for telling me..i feel more at ease now..thanks really a lot.. =) i love u all guys..!! hahaa.. xP

But of course, the detachment people are treating me well. Yesterday, if it wasn't for this deteachment friend, I really have no idea what to do. The chairman is very nice too. He really cares for his detachment members and i heard from this friend that he was asked by the chairman to take good care of me, making sure that i'll not be pushed around. And this detachment friend was really very helpful and took great care of me. So thankful that I join the right detachment. =)

Anyway i love my sjab zone 3. Start to love them even lots. haa..i'm really very touched. Will put in my best effort. =)

Yes..!! tomorrow's playing badminton..!! i'm so so happy..!! but my right arm is aching badly ( cos i use this arm to support the casualty's full body weight), wonder how i will fare playing. The badminton kakis are back together again..!! ^^

utterly pissed off in the day, challenging at the end...

my pants issue is solved. Managed to buy it but the cutting is not very nice. But well, i dun care..

Utterly pissed off in the beginning of the whole duty. when i reached rhouse, things are not arranged properly. Everyone is very scattered and there is no actual meeting area in the hq.

Next, my pass is not done, and i have to do a temporary pass. -_- n heard fr my fren there that things are pretty political. To me, it seems that politics are more prominent. Sigh....

Next thing, reached the stadium. messy meSSY MESSy....disOrGaNISED..DISorganised..

that's all i want to say. Things which could be done in the hq are done there, which seems to cause the whole thing to be disorganised and look last-minute.

Talking about last minute, heard that things are well-planned initially, but implementation of the planning is not fully carried out. last-minute changes are done and my detachment fren was being pushed around by the duty committee.

Not just that, i was very unhappy about some attitudes from one member in the committee. One first aider from another detachment and i were sitting on a bench when she came forward to us. she wanted us to move away cos they will be having a meeting. The problem is that she can't put the message across nicely, and it seems like she's looking down on us. -_- so wat she's an officer?! no customer service. At that point in time, i dislike her a lot and find her to be a very ugly person. =( phmf, yes,i am very angry.

Ok, next, the arrangement of where my detachment fren and i are supposed to stand. Think cos of political issue, or watsoever personal issue, our names are cancelled off without our permission..!! what crap!! =( yes, i'm angry again.

Anyway the whole thing is utterly disorganised and i am very disappointed with the high-level management. Utterly disgusted, pissed, disappointed..!!! At one particular point in time, i've this strong urge of writing to the newspapers. But well, i restrained my utter disappointment. Also, at that point in time, i really miss my zone's ppl badly..cos in their hands, i know and i trust them that they can do things much much better. y do i say so? cos i've been through ndp duty with them last yr, and they've done a very great job in managing ppl and organising things.

and of course, i'm not condemning the committee totally. In fact, my detachment fren has been very very helpful. he knows i need to get a pass and almost bugs the duty chairperson every time he saw him. he really takes a very good care of me this political amateur cum political idiot.

Well, maybe it's a blessing in disguise. When the duty was almost ending, cases stepped in and i was involved in one. A challenging one. Hypertension case. Spent a great deal reassuring the casualty in getting her to resume normal breathing. She's basically struggling in great pain and was yelling and crying. Tough one. Anyway realised she has great phobia for medical-related stuff. Also got her relative to do a great deal of reassurance. Lucky she's around, cos it'll make things done more effectively n efficiently. Afterall, casualty will feel more reassured when the relative does the job. Spent almost 2 hrs on reassuring the casualty. phew.

Learnt that a casualty really does not need juz the medical treatment, but an important yet insignificant thing is that, he needs emotional and mental treatment. But really glad that i can get to handle a case, juz there are many times when i can't have the chance if there is. Anyway i am really glad that the casualty is feeling so much better and has gone home safely. =)

Saw hp and jh today. jh jokingly said something which hurts me a lot. Really a lot. I join red cross juz because i wanna to be exposed to more first aid experiences, and very often i feel stressed when giving treatment with my rank on. with no rank at all, i feel that i might be able to practise first aid with ease cos i know very well that i've poor first aid experiences and do not excel in it. with my rank on, i am very worried that if i can't treat a casualty, the cadets will start to question my rank and capability. but still, i wan to be with my zone 3 ppl. Afterall, i feel more at ease with them. Know them longer and definitely a certain level of ties is there n i really love being with them. Also, st john has taught me a lot stuff and groom me well. but i really hope they can understand me and not condemn me (if there is).

stress..stress..

stress.......STRESS.....

need to get a pair of dark blue pants by 1300 later...!!! arg...i din know it's compulsory to wear them!!! sigh...lucky thing daliyong has helped me find out whether tampi sells dark blue pants. Well, i'm not going to care so much about the gender of the pants. I juz wanna buy n wear..!!!

This is terrible..dark blue pants are so hard to find... =(

Anyway i'm really stressed up now..dun know whether i can really buy my ideal pants...sigh...

So right now, i'm feeling stressed up now n am trying to find people online to play msn minesweeper game with me now...

and of course, writing this blog..

basically,i'm stressed..stressed..STRESSED...!!!!!!!!!

hmm...

Feeling affected recently.

Been feeling tat i've not been a very good gf to him. A terrible one. Feel myself to be too conservative and narrow-minded, overly suspicious lady these few days. Paranoid, as well. As a result, ended up myself getting into troubles and problems. :(

well, anyway as i say, new challenges will be coming up. I have to make myself to be more accustomed to the future changes. I believe I will lose to some challenges but well, I just do my utmost best to face them.

Sometimes, i wonder how i could be more open-minded n less suspicious. Do have ideas to make myself to be as busy as possible - but that's a short-term solution, isn't it?

Any suggestion?

Be going for this sat's ndp red cross first aid coverage. might meet my sjab frens. hope they'll not be stunned or anything...i juz scare they've misunderstood my intention. cos i juz want to be exposed to as many first aid coverages as possible, in order to upgrade my first aid skill. red cross is my first pri cca which intro me to first aid and cultivate the passion within me, sjab is my cca which trains me more on first aid, nursing, leadership and personal development.

if were to ask me to choose only one, i'm sorry i can't.

cos both are my teachers of my life.

if weren't these two CCAs, there will not have a today's me.

feeling better..

i'm feeling better.

After a wonderful game of badminton and non-stop action of 5 hrs ktv with my 2 other friends.

Somehow, have this feeling that my r/s is moving on to another stage of challenge.

Kinda nervous though...hmm..

Recently, dun know wat's wrong with me. My emotions are almost fluctuating. Arg..terrible...I'm paranoid again...!!!!!!!!

ARGGGgggGGggGg..!! x_X

I'm crapping again...

-_________-

Disliked today.

Feel terribly cheated.

By one of my friends.

Can't believe me got cheated again.

By the same friend.

Something which i can't understand - why can't tell me that plan B has been carried out successfully? and left me this stupid idiot to carry on plan A?

Utterly hurt. Yet a word of apology is not said at all.

Well, i've carried out my plan B too. A subtle one though.

An act of so-called pre-planned revenge?
An act of mental and emotional preparations?
Probably.
Yet it brings out the true colour in this friend. I only know I'm utterly terribly disappointed.

Been feeling cheated these few days.

I can't bring myself to trust guys to a greater extent anymore.
That's why if my this relationship were to end one day, I do not wish to be attached so soon.
One, I dun want the other party to feel that he's just a substitute.
Two, I can't bring myself to trust guys more than in the past.

I know I always look dumb and easily to be cheated. But why take advantages? I put my whole heart to trust a person just because I always have faith in human nature and I always want to behold this faith. To me, I believe no one is completely evil. It's just that the circumstances and ever-changing self-belief and mis-trust bring one to the dark side.

Forced circumstances have drawn me to the darker side.

But dun fret, I'm still holding my faith.

As what I've learnt from my religious lessons in SAC - Forgive and Forget.

Liberated.. =)

Liberated.

From the death of boredom..

=) Nice.

Utterly bored during these 2 days. Watson store was utterly miserably boring. The products which i was asked to sell were almost overshadowed by their competitor products.

-_- terrible.

As a result, i was miserably demoralised. Keeping mum for almost 8 hrs.

I've great tolerance for silence. =]

But of course, he came to visit me. N i was quite affected by some stuff.

Not his fault.

Greed clouds my rationality and trust.

-_- Detest Greed my accompliance.

Anyway saw an old classmate in Watson while i was working. It's Bernard - my classmate who was in the same class as me in TPJC for the first 3 months..!! Goodness me..he's now working as a policeman..!!! ahh..i was very surprised and i was almost staring at him..haa..he caught my eyes but din seem to recognise me.. -_- stupid..anyway he's still as good-looking as ever..whahhaa...well, can say tat frankly over here since he does not have any means of telecommunication from me..if he knows this, i can tell that he will freak out..!! haha..cos i strongly believe n know that i'm not his type of girl. Anyway i'm not very physically appealing, so hhaa..yup..shall not make any further comment. Or else i'll feel depressed about myself again..

Sigh..also, it seems that i'm still not confirmed that i'm going for ndp duty..crap..

Many times, i really detest the sensation of uncertainty and insecurity.

It's suffocating to my emotions.

bored...but busy..

i'm bored..

At the same time, I'm busy too...

Din really have a good rest today..sigh..woke up late in the morning, then ended up cancelling the jogging session with HM..hha..can't go orchard today, ended up have to wake up early to go to the agency just to get one silly time sheet.. -_- SIANN...

Just gotten my tuition work pay..yet, i've to use it to pay for my phone bills.. -_-

SIAN...

Next, i've to start to purchasing a present for one of my frens..arg...might have to spend quite an amount on it.. T_T

Heart-Ache...

Working again as the 'Colgate girl' later in the day..in Parkway again..but this time, in Watson..haha..

Phew...

Then again, SIAN ahh...

Will be super bored later at work. Nothing to look forward after work. He might not be visiting me, and thus, not much motivation. Not just that, later in the day, there's SYF first aid coverage...and cos of work, i can't go...!!!

T_T arg....HEART-BREAKING...!!! *crack crack crack*

Have submitted my resignation letter..my mind is set and has been set.

Have to move on now...

Feeling very sian now..real sian..REAL REAL SIAN..

Slog for so long..yet my earnings are almost equivalent to his. =(
well, wat can i do? his results are there, so can negotiate for higher wage.

Sigh, reality... =(

Envy my fren who can work for his passion...always been busy but always have the chance to get close to his passion..

Really envy him...

School's starting in a few weeks' time, and i dun really look forward to it. Thank goodness, no more lab..i detest lab..detest the cold environment..besides, i'm studying this course for the sake of getting a degree. Passion? Na..not much. Unless they are willing to send me to New Zealand or other European countries to study about water..hhaa...

Hope i can get a class slot to study French...wanna go Paris one day, sit in a road-side cafe, drink coffee, and juz slack there like nobody's business.....and when i go from place to place, i can ride my bicycle, enjoying the cool breeze, the scenery and smell the flowers when i ride past them...

wWoooowOWw...i wan this kind of life.... ^^

Ok,i'm night-dreaming now... -_-