TADA~! my new pair of frameless specs~! nice nice?? heee..i like them a lot..i like the design a lot...haa..and i was quite surprised that the specs come together with a spec box of its own and a package box to go along with...

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Yeah..!! can't wait to attend tomorrow's performance..! hee..yup bought the "Cullberg Ballet" ..read the synopsis..and it seems to be pretty interesting..

Will be going there alone, but i feel it's fine..hee..cos i dun want AG to feel bored over the performance..so i din feel angry or frustrated or anything .. =p

but haha..excited for tomorrow!!! =D

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Arg..one month holiday is not enough for me...basically weekdays can't do much after work..weekends there are only four..and i might be going to be busy during the whole siww week,..though not sure which delegate am i allocated to, or if i am going to be allocated to one..haha..

gonna go work this sun..T_T but still not too bad..half day in sembawang..but it's so super far from my house la...think it's quite near to HL's house too..hhahaha...

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oh ya! met HL and his gf last night for dinner, together with AG over at Mackenzie restaurant..the food is relatively nice..and they served only rice from chicken rice..yum yum!

hhaha..and he's put on weight..!!! hahaa..he's getting chubbier..hhahaha..must be the food of love...

eeeekkkk..that's mushy...!!!!!

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Another busy day..sigh..handling with HR issue..but should be ok la..

slept immediately after dinner..slept till this morning..gosh, am i tired...

sigh..one month of holiday..suddenly feel that it's not enough for me..i wanna more rest..

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and SIGH..wanting to sign up for a salsa class and this is what they told me via email:

"Hi Man Sze,

Thanks for signing up for our salsa class :) We're so sorry to let you know that our beginner class starting on 13 Jun is only confirming guys or couples right now.

To manage the ladies:guys ratio in our classes, we cap the number of ladies signing up, and is now only confirming guys or couples for the class.

Pls let us know should you be able to sign up with a guy friend for the class. Otherwise, please let us know if you wish to be waitlisted, thank you. "

(T__T) i feel a little insulted and hurt..so only couples or a pair of guy-female frens can join?!
when i read this, i feel like crying...the more i think of this paragraph, the more i feel like crying...it's like this kind of dance only couples can dance..single females cannot dance? it's not that i'm single iterally, but AG's not joining and I wanna dance again..but i can't dance salsa juz cos i dun have a partner to sign together with me?!

*@#)*@JHEUW)(#@8#008*#*$#*$)@&$_@*_@(*#

(T__T)

Anyway decided to sign up for ladies salsa styling class from another dance school instead..hopefully they still have vacancy..

disappointed with this sch... =(

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I wanna cry again..was checking out events for Arts Fest..and realised that the play "Long Life" has been fully booked..ARGGHHHH... (T___T)

now only left a modern ballet performance by the Cullberg Ballet..sigh..but most likely will be getting this ticket and be going by myself..dun tink AG will be interested to go with me for all these events cos he doesn't want to go to art museum with me, so kinda assumed that this kind of stuff he will not want to accompany me to watch..

better get the ticket tomorrow after work..the performance is this week..!

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Another play which i feel like watching - The Reduced Shakespeare Company's ''The Complete Works of William Shakespeare'' ..Read the synopsis and it's pretty interesting..hee..

Another play which I'm waiting patiently is "The Pillowman"..watched this play before and I wanna watch it again..! Any interested party who wanna watch this play with me? Let me know..haa...

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Still very upset with the fact that the dance school rejected me juz cos of the unavailability of many guys...sigh..i feel so discrimminated..

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Been a hectic day to start my first comeback to work..

Was totally fatigue the whole morning, was not in a very high spirit attending the meetings..2 meetings one after another..arg..and that's how i had my morning burnt out...

afternoon, after lunch..! again busy clearing my emails..only managed to clear some..urgent work to be completed, etc..

arg. so tired.

Shopping day..

First things first, got myself a pair of about 300 bucks worth of frameless specs..gosh. but this time is wine red, which is one of my most favourite colours. very classy red, subtle but not old-fashioned..hee.. show you all once i've gotten the specs..i love the design of the frame..

and also spend a bit more, cos dun tink i'll look good in contact lens..so shall spend more on specs..

Next, before meeting AG, headed over to hmv, my standard place whenever i walk past it in city hall..to check out for any new album released by Lisa Ono, or any other jazz albums which i can try listening prior to purchase.

Voila! Found Lisa Ono's latest album "Cheek to Cheek" which was released this year March. in fact, she released another one at the same time - "Look at the rainbow"..well, budget constraint and try one album first..bought the "cheek to cheek"..and hmm..her voice is always dear and pleasant to the ears..hee..so personally i think..still not too bad..though i still feel the very first album i bought is better..hee..

think i've put on weight during this week, when i did not have any chance to exercise..anyway yes! start exercising tmr..!

took too long in g2000 after dinner..and caused AG not have the time to buy his tv..was kinda guilty about it..think next time it'll be better that i shall let him go buy his stuff first..for me, i can forgo missing the buying of clothes on that day..
i never expect myself to take so long in a clothes' shop..

arg..work tomorrow..tried to clear some emails today..
sigh..2 meetings in the morning..SIGH.

and only one month of holiday...sigh...i dun have enough time to firm up my study...!!! and june is a period when the company is starting to prepare intensively for the singapore international water week...
and as usual, clashes with my birthday..somemore this big event will be always clashing with my birthday.. (-__-) arg...they love my birthday so much that i still need to work on that day.. arg. =p

Exams have just over..

but i dun feel happy at all..
think my performance has not been satisfying..i dun tink i've performed well this time..

sigh.

well, this means i need to continue to self-study before the next sem starts in 1st week of july.

only one month of holiday.. T_T

oki, guess that's all i wanna say..not much in the mood to say "hurray! exams are over.."

Yes..! One paper down..!

Now..for the next paper..! the hardest of all...gonna bite my teeth through..

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Decided to take up the tuition offer and the mother is willing to accept the tuition fee which i've offered..

gosh..but well, i gonna take the cab to and from this tuition..can't afford to lose much time on the waiting and taking bus..

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haha..went to do this little personality test through someone's blog..haha..

the first paragraph speaks great volume of me..haha..but i dun really agree with the second paragraph...

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Source: http://www.thisismyindia.com/numerology/lifepath.html

A Life Path 7 person is a peaceful and affectionate soul, and by nature rather reserved and analytical. The overwhelming strength of the number 7 is reflected in the depth of thinking that is shown; you will garner knowledge from practically every source that you find. Intellectual, scientific and studious, you don't accept a premise until you have dissected the subject and arrived at you own independent conclusion. This is a very spiritual number and it often denotes a sort of spiritual wisdom that becomes apparent at a fairly early age. You need a good deal of quiet time to be with your own inner thoughts and dreams. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion. You are very thorough and complete in your work, the perfectionist who expects everyone else to be a meet a high standard of performance, too. You evaluate situations very quickly and with amazing accuracy. You rely heavily on your experiences and your intuition, rather than accepting advice from someone; your hunches usually prove to be very accurate, and knowing this, you are one who tends to follow the directions they seem to guide. It's easy for you to detect deception and recognize insincere people. You aren't one to have a wide circle of friends, but once you accept someone as a friend, it's for life. You really aren't a very social person, and your reserve is often taken to be aloofness. Actually, it's not that at all, but merely a cover up for your basic feeling of insecurity. You actually like being alone, away from the hustle and bustle of modern life. In many ways, you would have fit in better in much earlier times when the pace of life was less hectic.

In the most negative use of the 7 energies, you can become very pessimistic, lackadaisical, quarrelsome, and secretive. A Life Path 7 individual who is not living life fully and gaining through experiences, is a hard person to live with because of a serious lack of consideration and because there is such a negative attitude. The negative 7 is very selfish and spoiled. If you have any of the negative traits they are very difficult to get rid of because you tend to feel that the world really does owe you a living or in some way is not being fairly treated. Fortunately, the negative 7 is not the typical 7, at least not without some mitigating positive traits. This number is one that seems to have some major shifts from highs to lows. Stability in feelings may be elusive for you.

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And for my horoscope outlook for the year 2009.. =p

General Enviornment:- Work pressure and tensions in personal life await Cancerians in 2009, especially the first quarter. As a result the Cancerian may feel suffocated and caught up in the second quarter.

Profession:- A great start in teh early part of the year may change to a tough time as the year progresses. Things might however not remain so bleak at the end of the year.

Finance: Mid year investments may get you some profits.

Family and relationships:- Problems may rise to great hieghts and test your endurance in the first quarter. The second quarter of 2009 may not continue to put pressure on you.

Sagittarius/Cancer Horoscope
The combination of the Sun in Cancer and Moon in Sagittarius blends the contradictory elements of caution, tenacity, and a need for security, with the much more outgoing Sagittarius tendency to be outgoing and independent. This pairing gives you a more sociable and progressive demeanor. You can relate to generalities and ideals, but on a more real and practical basis. You can inspire confidence in people. In your relations with others you demand absolute honesty. When you detect falsity and insincerity in your dealings with people, the sensitive and defensive side of your nature quickly appears. Petty jealousies and trite behavior repels you. You live more or less by your own set of rules, often trying to live up to some ideal or idol you have set up as a goal or inspiration. You are innately the philosopher in the way that you look at life and consider those around you. In many ways, you are a true "free spirit." While you are extremely polite and tactful, you seem to have no difficulty being firm and definite. Communication is frank, open, and no one has to wonder where you stand on an issue. Weakness or timidity is rarely a problem with this placement.

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haha..this is cool..

received a msg from my ex-tuition student, conveying the msg that her mother still wants me to teach tuition, this time, for the younger brother A-maths. this is the third time when i received her msg of her mum's request to ask me teach tuition..rejected the mother twice..

but this time, the mother seems persistent and has more confidence in me teaching tuition..

gosh..i'm very hesitant right now..one side of my hesitation is that i'm honoured that the mother is more confortable with my teaching method which highly likely produces positive results to her daughter (who was my student). the other side is that i've been very busy, trying my best to juggle everything..and weekends? i want to focus on one student, my study and AG..

next semester, going to have clinical attachment..arg..

but probably will be taking this assignment..just that this time, to save time and increase my productivity, i'm going to take a cab to and from this student's house..

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Suddenly i miss AG...and i miss myself pampering him..for the past few weeks, i've not pampered him well, been focusing on my studies and yet at the same time, my paranoid perked.

can't wait for exams to be over, and i can cook him nice food.. =p hopefully nice.. =p haa..

and he's a good cook =) guess it's the overseas training which trained him up as a good cook..in fact, i dun mind not knowing his "secret" recipes..it makes me feel that that's one which makes him whom i love and will always remember..but on the other hand, if he wants me to know his recipes and cook for him, i dun mind either, cos i can feel i'm the one who will cook for him, just right for his taste buds. =))

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oh ya! met DLY yesterday for a short coffee break in starbucks..i realise i need a break from my study..i realise i can't focus long hours now, partly cos it's a total different curriculum which i'm studying right now..

haha..anyway good catch-up session, realised that he, too, is facing the almost equivalent transition phase as me..haha..

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Feeling a lot better now, after taking a few break by getting out of my house...

Met AG last night for steamboat dinner and guitar hero..! =) Dun know why..i always feel a lot better after meeting him..

after much self-reflection and advices coming from my close friends, my paranoid gets the worst of me, maybe cos i'm worried that i can't spend time with him..and that negative thoughts and phobia juz keep coming into my mind, affecting my every emotion and communication, including my faith and trust..trying my best to destroy that self-barrier and once again build up my faith and trust in r/s..

And i need to have the faith and trust in God that He has indeed sent me a wonderful gift - AG. As what i had prayed to Him before about my worry just prior to my attachment to AG.

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Anyway 2 more days to my first paper..am not very worried about the first paper..

what i am more worried is the 2nd paper, which is this module on chinese medicine formulae..so many medication with different kind of herb combination, under different treatment efficiency..and can get real confused about each function for each medication as they can differ by just one or two chinese words... (o_O)

i know i can do it, as i was told by many...i am a tough mantou..!! i know i can do this..!! i can do this..! i will survive this round..!!!

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Oh Lord, I pray for the strength, the wisdom, the determination and the clear-mindedness, to get me through this stressful period..

a post of castaway

hi blogspot,

first time talking to you..hmm..dun know how to strike the very first conversation topic with you now..

hmm..you look familiar to me..seems that i've seen you somewhere..

you were acting in Tom Hanks's "Castaway", rite? the character of the coconut fellow..? sorry no offence ah..but i remember you dressing up like a coconut, with that mona lisa smile..

hmm..you have nice smile, anyway ...

gosh, this is a lousy topic to start with...

hmm..ok, maybe just an introduction of me to you..
i'm stuck in this island..dun know how i landed here..get kinda lost and it's like hell kitchen in here. i've buried my phone and right now, in my mind, i can't help thinking whether there will be anyone calling me, or maybe a simple warm msg specially for me...but ya, here's just me, with a few books which i've kinda gotten tired of reading them...

ok, think it's a good start..

hmm..so ya, that's just about me..what about u? what are you doing here?

Silence.

And more silence.

hmm..ok, guess you dun like to talk..
oh YA! you dun even have a mouth..! how to talk?!

Silence again.

ok, great. starting to feel cold here.
maybe we should move on to the next topic.
do you know what's the day today?

Silence again.

Quickly interrupted.

it's saturday..2 more days to my very first paper..gosh..i'm nervous, despite of many years of experience with managing exam pressure.

i can't keep my focus well right now..i'm feeling fatigue..it's just like jogging a marathon..

Sensed the mona lisa's smile.

hey, please talk to me..! dun give me that stupid smile..!
talk to me..!! please!!!

the mona lisa smile.

arg..! why aren't you talking to me?! am i so boring to you?! am i such an irritant?!

started searching for the buried hp.

where's my phone? where's my phone?! where is my phone?!
blogspot..! did you steal the phone?! did you steal it?!
tell me, where is it?! where is it?!

Silent, with the smile.

ARGH..! dun give me that stupid silly irritating smile..! you think it's funny?! you think it's enjoyable to watch me in silent pain?!

With great force, threw Blogspot.

Yet, silence again..

with the smile.

Noo...i'm sorry, blogspot..! i'm sorry...! i din mean to hurt you..! i'm juz frustrated....you are my only friend right now!! you are my only listening ear right now!!!

Burst into tears and slowly dozed off into a deep sleep.

Carrying the mona lisa smile on the face.

arg...bored of studying...!!!!

getting to get a little burnt out..argh...

and i'm so bored...bored of playing games too...bored of watching shows...bored of those things which initially can help me relieve stress or boredom..even a good lunch meal which i treated myself just now couldn't help much..

argh..boring boring boring boring...

switched my hp to a silent mode and kept it in a closet, juz to force myself to forget about waiting for AG's msg...or else i get myself paranoid again...

i dun know..think i'm very stressed up..so stressed up that i can't keep my focus well...

argh...

i hate this kind of feeling..confusion..paranoid...argh.....i hate myself feeling insecure and confused...

my one-day leave's been burnt out half, cos of the meeting..sigh..lasted for almost the whole morning..it's like as if i should have taken half-day leave today..

not sure whether can take time-off from my boss.. =p

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had lunch with AG near his workplace after that.. =)

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starting to have more scholars in the company..and definitely the treatment to them is totally different, based on my observations and some of my colleagues..it's the reality and the pressure which i myself am starting to feel it..

but gonna be zen..stay cool and hold firmly to what i really want in my life..just keep zen and avoid any form of jealousy, envy, etc from harbouring..

ok la, at least right now, i know i've a goal to fulfil..

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NTU's proposing to build a third medical school..

i feel so tempted to try my luck, although i feel that this chance's relatively very slim..it's a realistic world out there..

even when i looked at the requirements for the NUS's post-graduate med programme, i totally gave up..it's totally impossible for me to get in..

oh well...

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think i'm happier now...dun know why..think get to talk something nice with AG.. =)

anyway of no reason (as usual), i was reminded of a few songs...

Love this song "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns N Roses..love the electric guitar play..




AND another i love totally..!! "Joy to the World" by Three Dogs Night..can simply dance and sing to the song..love this video, can feel myself singing and tapping my foot to the beat.. =p



and finally last song to share with all of you for the night..
"Eye of the Tiger" by the Survivor..love this movie series "Rocky"..i'm going to watch them again after the exams..
and this song's how i'm feeling right now - i'm preparing for a fierce fight, man..!!

FIGHT, MANTOU, FIGHT..! ROCK THEM ALL DOWN ONCE SHOT, MAN..!!



Okay, enjoy these videos, man..

yeah! my dad's back from HK..!!

bought a lot of black pens for me..haha..guess he's still making up for the food which he might not be able to bring into Spore.. =p

but hee..i still have bubble gums..yum yum..

i wanna travel overseas...miss travelling...

hee..yeah..now i dun have to worry about squeezing time to get pens.. =p

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tomorrow's gonna go attend an important meeting...thanks goodness, it's in the morning..hopefully i can have the time to treat myself a Mac Big Breakfast.. =p

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I need to stay zen...

finally my leave's started, in preparation for my exams next week...

still a lot of info to absorb like a sponge..

gosh..stressed up...

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for no reason, i'm starting to get very paranoid again..and i'm feeling feeble...

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had a weird dream..felt so real..i was basically explaining my reasons to an ex-church mate about why i'm no longer wanting to go back to that church...and i could feel the anger which has been within me...

gosh...

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\WOOoo..!! Tjhin's back to Singapore..! haha..and goodness me..! How much he had slimmed down..!! haha..gosh..unbelievable.. =p

Went to Va Va Voom Cafe, a vietnamese restuarant.. =) love the food...and totally reminds me of all the authentic vietnamese delicacies.. =)) pretty nice food and the price is reasonable.. =)

hhaa..and Tjhin was like a "celebrity tourist",as described by KP..hhaa..all of us wanna take a photo individually with him..haha..

it's nice to catch up with him..catching up all the memories in Vietnam..haha..and goodness me, Tjhin has excellent memory..all my lame and embarrassing moments in Vietnam just simply came back to me...gosh gosh..hahahaha..

laughed a lot yesterday..haha..think it's been quite some time since I've laughed so hard with friends..too enclosed in schoolwork, i guess...

Made the final decision to go to esplanade for the second round of catch-up..

and this is Homegenic (i think it's the correct spelling, can't find the group name over google.com)..anyway as was told by Tjhin, they are from Indonesia..well, they are goooooddd... =)

Harry's bar @ esplanade!!

hahaha...great catch-up session with them..! =D

oohh..and now gonna wait for a few months before Tjhin comes back Singapore!

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Thank goodness i only had beer during the catch-up session..

woke up early to go NEWater Visitor Centre with I, my colleague under same section as me, to understudy my boss..and gosh, my boss is terrific..!! she can simply keep everyone's attention keen and cool..!

after the half-day in the centre, yeah..!! my fav porridge..!! specially requested to my mum..!! yeah..!! ate many bowls of it..love it love it love it..!! =)

and haha..AG made home-brand macaroni salad..!! and it tasted yummy...!!!!

brought home a middle container of the salad..hee hee...

i better make him some nice food after my exams.. =p

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can't wait for exams to be over...

need to get a new pair of specs..i can't stand wearing my black framed specs, doesn't look professional enough..too nerdy..

and i need to get myself a new phone..dropped my dear phone into a toilet bowl..ARG~ and now it's malfunctioning and i'm using AG's old phone..

and i need to get more office clothes and shoes..and bag..!! arg..!!

and what else..my hair..!! i need to have it cut shorter, or at least have it trimmed..

arg.....so many things to do after exams....

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Watched the last one hour of this movie "Mr Brother" over Channel U..

a very touching story..excellent acting skills and the story plot is focused and brings a very strong meaning to the viewers. Sibling love, motherly love..the love of kinship..how the elder brother has tried to help or care for the younger bro who is played by Won Bin.

haha..still remember Won Bin was a big-time fav among ZJ they all, but not for me. He's not my cup of tea.. =p

Love the ending and how the director films and directs the story..the director manages to capture the meaning of kinship very vividly..

The story ends with the elder brother who was killed by an accidental assault and how Won Bi's character and the mother tried to cope with the loss.

And it kinda reminds me of one colleague in my department who has lost her daughter quite some time ago.. the loss was a big sudden to her, as well as the other colleagues who have watched this daughter grow up into a young adult...and i can feel that this colleague's still going through a tough time even though she talked cheerfully to us..but..it just doesn't feel right..then again, i believe she knows she has to be strong..and it's not easy for a mother to take that kind of hit...

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Managed to have resolved that HR issue..hee..was pretty happy, mainly cos i feel i've striked a balance..and that my boss is relatively pleased with the way i managed it.. =)

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yeah..meeting kim phong they all for dinner..!! cos tjhin has come back to singapore for a visit..!! yeah...!! the chia se team meets up again... =p

this dinner, i have to go cos i've no idea when can get to catch up with tjhin again..i always remember him to take really nice photos and made a lot of lame jokes in vietnam..

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starting to get very stressed up..exams soon...has taken 7 days of my annual leave..

sigh...and i really wanna go overseas....but...i can't...cos i only have 18 days of leave....and i need to save up for exam leave...sigh....even my colleague asked me before why i am not going overseas at all, at least to take a good break..i want too...but ....i know i need to scarifice and be patient...be patient for my 2-yrs contract to be confirmed and have my exam leave to approved by then...and eventually hopefully can have longer annual leave if i stay there longer....

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Went to a community club to give a briefing on a programme to a group of grassroots leaders on thursday evening during their meeting...

and gosh, how resistant and sceptical they can get...and they even had a voice recorder for their meeting...! which means i have to be careful in what i say.. =s

went there alone, partly cos there'll not be any advisor attending the meeting, which may indicate it's not going to be that tough to manage, from the feedbacks i got from my other colleagues who had went to other areas to give the same briefing..so my boss actually let me go alone..but well, the unity of grassroots leaders/reps from this area can be tough to handle..!!

gosh gosh gosh...

then again, it's good exposure and work experience for me..and given that kind of pressure, i personally feel i've done not tooo bad....at least i feel my tone was confident and assertive...despite of the sceptism truthfully expressed by many of them..

Had a chat with my colleagues over lunch..heard a few stories and learnt a lot from her..

it seems that loving the wrong person can really go bad...to the extent that it can affect almost the whole life...

gosh.

The more I think, the more i can get scared..not that AG does not treat me well..but i guess I'm just paranoid.. =p

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But AG's been really nice to me recently..felt being well taken care of..and he seems to know how to make some views into very interesting theories, which that makes me laugh it off..

It's the first time to get a present for my mum on the mothers' day..

i remember her mentioning some time ago that her wallet has kinda become shabby and torn..

bought her a simple-looking Braun Buffel wallet...and i have to consider myself to be lucky yesterday, seminar ended early..and i managed to find and buy the wallet fast..and haha..I managed to find that kind of wallet design which my mum is looking for, on this brand. After looking through many brands, i still prefer Buffel..the design is simple looking yet beautiful and not flashy at all. Also, partly due to my wallet, it's the same brand and i'm loving it..haha..the design's its subtle beauty which i'm loving.

anyway my mum's happy that she has a new wallet.. =D

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Quite an interesting chat with one of my colleague yesterday during the train ride to the east..kinda learnt more from him..and i can say he is one of the few guys whom i know who knows what he wants in his romantic relationship and he is a man with healthy principles which he holds on very firmly. And he recognises that a r/s is never perfect and it's the two-way communication which patches up the imperfection. Also probably cos of his interaction with his religion which he shares with his gf, all these factors seem to maintain a r/s for so long (they've been together for about 7 to 8 yrs..getting married soon)..

It's kinda interesting to learn that he used to be in the same graduation batch as me, saw him in lectures and lab sessions..but never got to talk to him till now when we are in the same company and under the same department. And yet today, I've learnt quite a lot from him. He never literally gives me a whole series of lectures, etc..but listening to his narration of a small portion of his life, I've learnt a lot and it firms up many of my thoughts.

I thank God for giving me the chance to learn from this colleague.

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Hee..a present given by AG..the girl's for me, while he takes the guy..

slacking in office..cos it's past office hours..so haha..i can slack.. =p

anyway reading a few articles from Economist.com..just to share some interesting ones with you all..enjoy! =)

Life in thin slices
An ancient smile may predict a modern divorce
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13570080

Snowball fight
Everybody knows that birds sing. But it appears that some can dance, too.
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13570066

Manet, Monet, money
http://www.economist.com/books/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13570169

And finally for my civil engineering pals..
Filling in the cracks
How to preserve concrete with bacteria
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13570058

All at sea
Foreign military bases have both political and practical difficulties. “Seabasing” may offer a solution
http://www.economist.com/science/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13570088

A busy day..goodness me...really dislike handling all the quotations, cost centre, etc..this is very annoying for a first-timer..

haven't had the time to handle a HR issue..gosh..it's gonna quite a challenge..a totally different leadership and management experience..

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Getting nervous..exams in 3 weeks' time...arg...

hee..soup made by AG..haa..it';s quite a combination..first time to have soup like this..hee..but it's tasty..!!! hhaa..what's amusing was that he actually wanted to give me a surprise but haa..i went down to the kitchen and caught him "red-handed"..hhahaa...

(^^)

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Vietnam chilli..!! Woooh~! Given by a colleague of mine..but i've not managed to think of how to make these chilli into sauce.. =p but these chilli smell super hot~! WOoooO, I know I'll love them! =D

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Chocolates given by AG..!!! YUM YUM..~~~CHOCOLATES~~!!!! They're our favourites!

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Farewell cards by the 3 poly interns! It's very sweet of them..and i love their creativity.. =)

This is one card made for a colleague..i kinda like this card..pretty cute..

And this is the card which they make for me...love this card..very sweet card... =))

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Yeah..!! One down..!! I've passed the acupuncture clinical test..!!! yeah~!!! =D

which means i'm eligible to attend clinical attachment during my 3rd year..!!! YEAH...!!!!

Just finished just now.. hee hee hee hee...i'm so happy...and so so relieved..! =D

oki, next few hurdles...which will be in the last week of may..gosh...i can't wait to finish my exams..!!!

wanna do so many things....hair treatment...have my hair cut...facial wash...buy bag/s..buy a watch..shop for clothes..and more clothes..and firm up my basic tcm theory...

WOOoOhh! 3 months of holiday! can't wait can't wait!!!

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decided to give myself a good break - not teaching tuition tmr.. =) yeah...

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met AG today before the lesson..felt much more better and happier when i get to see him..

but he's still not feeling and i'm still kinda worried..but not as worried as this morning..

Clinical attachment yesterday..nothing much ..but have the chance to see the same few patients..

realise there is a family who practically came as the whole to seek my teacher's consultation..but i believe the main patient is their 4-5 yr old son..what touches me is the family's love for each other..the way how the young parents teaches their children..can see how much the parents have communicated with each other that they have no problem managing their children during the consultation (the kids kinda scared of needles..haa..)

learnt that it is really not easy to be mother, even during the 9 months of pregnancy. Every step towards pregancy, during pregnancy, and even during birth, can strongly affect the aftermath development of the baby/child.

Probably that's one thing which makes me want to lead a healthy lifestyle. And I wish I could influence my closed ones (especially AG) too..

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AG has not been feeling well and it worries me. And I feel useless cos I keep feeling I'm a total nag to him..i've been nagging the same advice to ask him kick off that unhealthy habit. Yet I can't do anything..I can't drag him to see my teacher cos he'll be angry and doesn't like the smell of herbs and acupuncture needles..I can't treat him cos i'm still a student, i'm not allowed to do any professional treatment... yet i have seen positive effects in my teacher's patients..and i can't do anything, and only nag...yet i dun dare to nag so much cos i'm scared that i'll irritate him (i've irritated him quite s few times)..


i'm feeling very useless...everytime when i think of how helpless i can get and can't take care of him well, i can't help tearing..


and i'm starting to feel the same old thing again..why i did not manage to do well in my JC times..Am i really that incapable as the rest? why can't i get into a medical school cos of my results? why can't i be a western and tcm doctor..? with both areas of medical capabilities, i believe that that can help me to push my ideals forward much stronger and more effectively...

and maybe at least AG will listen to me..?


early in the morning, i'm already feeling useless...that's a terrible start..


meeting him later before going for my evening lesson..

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yesterday's clinical attachment's been a stressful one..can see that 2 of my students have some tcm background and they have always in touch with this area..and i'm feeling so incapable...i felt sooooo terrible..i still dun know many many things... (T__T)


keep thinking to myself that how can i excel when i'm working in a total different environment?


but according to my teacher, he said that i'm still very young...so can still learn from the experienced tcm practitioners..and it takes the minimum of 10 years to be highly skilled in this regime..a success path which seems to be very different from the western medical regime.

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and gosh...one work event has to clash with my exam period... (T_T) can't have it changed cos of the availability of my big boss's schedule..but this time, i wanna be involved on that day, i dun wanna the 2nd time to feel myself being part of the planning stage but out of the implementation stage.

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think i'm really very stressed up right now..can't help tearing away as i write this post..but at least i feel slightly better..


but it seems to come to a stage where in my romantic r/s, i rarely share my stress with AG..i dun wanna AG to feel that he's a burden to my study..i've learnt to solve my own stress problem myself and avoid myself from incorporating my stress to strain the r/s..


meeting AG later.. =)

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i feel so stressed up..and i start to feel really lousy about myself...but i still have to nag to AG, i feel the urgency to help him kick off the habit cos i strongly in "prevention is better than cure"..and i dun wanna the situation that if we were to get married and he's keeping the habit, i'm scared i'll become a young widow..i'm not interested in inheriting big money at all..but i'm very scared that my marriage life will just continue without him, it'll feel lonely and unfulfilling...

dun know why i'm so pessismistic right now..probably i'm really very stressed up..exams in one month's time and i'm feeling myself a big nag and irritant to AG cos i keep nagging and i can feel very strongly that he's ignoring my nag...

but i'll still nag no matter what, as long as he's not kicked off the habit and not taking care of his health..i still wanna take good care of him, treat him well, as long as i'm in this r/s, until the day when he feels i'm a total bug to him and decides to dump me for another person who can tolerate his habit better than me, or share the same habit as him..i'll prefer him to dunp me before marriage than during marriage when he realises that i can be such a nag..

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It's the last day of internship for the intern (the one who was in the same sec sch as DLY)...

Overall, he did relatively well..and i can't deny my director's selection..

He said he's learnt a lot from us....and now, kinda reflecting upon myself - what have i learnt from this intern?

probably one big thing which i've learnt from him - his passion and optimism to learn as many things as possible..and his proactiveness..

haha..ok, end of my reflection of the day. =p

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Was watching this documentary "The Human Spirit" shown in Okto channel..great documentary..it shows the wonder of self-preseverance..the "wonder" of medical technology and the "wonder" of God..the amazement of human body..it's brillant..awes me totally..

This week's episode "Living with half a brain" is inspiring and motivational..the faith of the parents in believing that their children will lead a better life after going through operation. It's really amazing how a parent's belief can affect the child's self-belief and recovery in any way - psychological, emotional and pyschiology.

And again, it's really amazing and fabulous to see God's greatest work of all - human body. How a brain which loses its half can adjust itself and eventually how it manages the whole body movement..

fabulous..and it makes me love God more in His greatest way and have stronger faith in Him.

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Came across this advertisement by chance..it's a TV commerical launched by the MCYS. Love this as it talks about the imperfection of two people which makes the marriage perfect. And it's trying to persuade/urge people - look, listen, feel and manage a marriage with your heart.

Small things, it seems, are the sweetest imperfection in a marriage life.
Then again, it's the sensitivity which makes one appreciate these subtleness.

Enjoy~! It's very touching... =)



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haaa...wanna saw this film "Half Nelson"..the plot looks interesting.. =)

Somehow i was reminded that i want to watch this movie "mona lisa smile"..

hee..was very fascinated by the story..and ended up giving up playing guitar hero world tour and watched this instead..

the movie reminds me of my adolescence being brought up and highly influenced in a convent school..i miss SAC...

hhee..loves this movie cos it promotes feminism..hhhaha..it's pretty jane austen kind of movie..
and well, kinda reminds me of Jane Austen's "Pride and Prejudice" and knowing about Leonardo da Vinci which have a very strong influence on me..in being what kind of lady i wanna be and what kind of guy i am looking into..hee hee...

hhaa..loves this movie..nice nice nice..

haa..wanna watch "dead poet society" next time..

have watched the new version of "pride and prejudice" movie before..not nice at all..horrible story..doesn't match with the novel at all... lousy lousy lousy.. =p

Saw this really cool car quite some time ago..all along i hadn't had the time to upload these 2 photos..hee..

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Love long weekends...1 less working day..and more time spent with AG and my books..

went to Hilton Hotel's Checkers resturant for their seafood buffet dinner..didn't reach our expectations, at least for me..the chinese tim-sum is not very nice..dessert's okay, but not fabulous..partly they've very few chocolate cakes...but love their blueberry and american cheesecakes..hee..and oh! osyters and prawns, and little lobsters..yum yum.. =p

up to date, i still prefer inter-continental hotel's buffet lunch..went to eat there once for a workshop's lunch sessions with the hotels' facilities engineers..fabulous cakes...oysters, prawns...love the dessert, cos they've wider variety of chocolate cakes..!!! ahhh~ =p

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studying for exams is a killer..

juz for one module to study is a torture..it's scary to memorise so many herbs combination..GOSH...!!!!!!

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First time paid my sch fee, using my own money...feels good..hee hee...

cos at least i feel i'm not relying on my parents' money and i'm feeling more independent.. =p

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Thank goodness it's wednesday..just finished my work in the office and yup, blogging a bit in office after doing my work.. (T_T)

having slight headache now..and i kinda dread eating the salad which i've prepared last night.. argh..

no one in the office now, except me.. -__-

the whole day's been spent trying to understand how to fill a purchase order..getting advises from different departments and finally only at the end of the day, managed to get the stuff done. stupid me...

basically learning from the mistakes and confusions which i had the whole morning..

it's 9 pm..argh..initially wanna go sch to study and do my homework..

now need to rush home to finish my homework..argh...stupid idiot....

and can't be bothered to tidy up my office desk now..it's in stupid big mess..even had quite a hard time searching for my handphone...

but one good thing about today was that AG asked me out to have lunch with him... (^^) i'm so happy..it's been very long since i had lunch with him during our working days...

I love AG lots lots.. =p

Hasn't been a good week...

Was feeling pretty ill..and my mood's kinda fluctuating..probably kinda really miss AG a lot..just hope tat we could spend more time together, instead of juz once a week...but AG's been tolerant..and last night i was happily surprised that he bought me food for my family and was willing to step into my house to say hello to my parents..haa..but din invite him in cos we knew my parents will ask him in to drink tea together..and they really did..but i've kinda pushed him out of the house later..hahahaa..what i'm surprised that he's willing to do some "score-points" things..hee hee hee hee...

was "arrowed" to be the emcee for my department's seminar on thursday..received pretty good compliments but of course, many of them noticed that i was kinda nervous during the opening, standing alone in front of many older adults, and of course my director and my other colleagues..lucky thing, eventually i was getting more comfortable with the audience..so i was still satisfied with my this going-to-be-my-"first and last" host performance.

ended up myself dozing off heavily during my tcm lesson on that day, and feeling terribly ill and exhausted..

hadn't been in good spirit to work..kept questioning myself about my work performance and self-worth in work..

probably one thing which i felt happy during work is when i get to guide and work with the poly students which are attached to my division..

a lot of things to memorise for my sch work..exams is end of next month..starting to feel stressed up..

many times, really wish i can quit my job n focus fully on my tcm..i really want to do it well, or at least do as well as my classmates who are simultaneouly well-versed in chinese language and tcm..wanna show that a young chap like me can be as good and strong as them..
then again, many times, can feel myself at disadvantage than these classmates.. =p

arg...

Been a tiring day..especially when attending tcm lesson..dozed off immediately once i sat down in class.

after the break, feeling worse..feeling nauseous...heavy head..feeling dizzy..

feeling sick..oh so sick... =(

Went for my very first acupuncture clinical attachment.

Learnt a lot of stuff from the patients and my teacher..!!! =D

so happy!

But kept feeling that i've neglected AG...n i miss him badly..every week we've been meeting once or twice during the weekends..n both of us are always very tired after the end of the day cos both of us are very busy in our respective work during the day...

sometimes, i get so scared that one day, cos of my heavy study schedule, i might lose tis r/s...scare tat he might ask other lady frens to go out with eventually..n u know u know..?
but at the same time, i need to keep reminding myself that this is the only one chance which i can get to fulfil the goal which i had lost with pain..i dun want to feel lost in my life again..n keep trying to fork out my remaining time and energy to hope spend quality time with him...but time spent with him is always faster than what work spends onto me..

oki, shall stop harbouring negative thoughts..

know about my 3rd yr's modules..increase by one module..so 4 modules next semester..n furthermore, think there're more clinical attachment in 3rd yr..all my classmates are starting to get worried...

work, studies, family, and r/s...how to juggle..?

n i still have one more tuition student now..next yr's his 'O' levels..sigh..

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was studying in sch lib on wed..and haa..guess who i saw?

Ponsak - the mediacorp celebrity! he's one tcm yr older than me..

okay, tat's the end of what i wanna say..cos i already know he's my senior in my yr one..saw his photo in yrbook, only get to see him real person on wed.. =p

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I'm exhausted...n been eating veggies..n fruits...

Did have once or twice when i can't stand the savoury of meat...n i've sinned..haha..

very hungry now.. (T_T)

n always have cravings for meat...fast food..e.g. carls' junior.... ahhhh.....

I miss being a high-density carnivore...

Din have a good work day..meeting's not good..got marked by a customer..n he's not very pleased... sigh.

Starting to feel very lost in my work performance...

I'm starting to have no solution and it seems that my performance's deteriorating..especially when i received my last year's work performance..it's an alright grade, it's not a poor grade at all..but i juz feel i dun deserve that grade..

sigh..

guess i juz need to bite my teeth through..and learn through the hard and tough ways, trying to avoid myself from developing negative thoughts (of what others might think of my work performance)..afterall i've little office experience, so i should take the chance to learn as much as possible..

maybe i'm worried that i can't get permanent placing after my two-years contract is over..think i better start searching for other job opportunities when my contract term is going to end.

i've never felt so lousy before... =(

still awake..

can't get to sleep..have no idea why...

feel very unsettled..dun know why too..think it's the diet which is tolerating me emotionally..can't eat late night snacks..been controlling myself..i need to lose weight...

kept listening to Corrinne May's songs to keep my thoughts positive and at ease...

everytime when i listen to her songs, i can't help myself thanking to God for the friends whom i have..many have changed my mindset positively..and it seems that i've grown to be more at ease with many things..more in control of what i want and what i dun want..probably more independent and more certain in what i want out of my life...

kinda reflecting on my uni life and kept having the feeling that i've changed/matured..think such change in me has to credit to DLY, ZJ, LA, KH and HL...

ZJ taught me about taking the leap of faith and she is still teaching me till now..

DLY is like an elder brother to me (anyway he always treats me like his younger sister)..and he had been very tolerant to my nasty temper during a certain period of time in uni..

KH drilled the truth into my head and helped me in a way to accept the reality..

LA taught me to be more at ease with things, be more realistic and optimistic..esp through the whole last semester of my 4th year..he has helped me get through..i've become stronger and more zen..haa..

HL for being a great buddy to me..been teaching and protecting this simple-minded buddy of his..haa..of course, for letting AG come into my life..

Probably it's like what i've mentioned before in my previous post..everything has its time..God has arrangement for each of us..just like how He lets these friends into my life...and eventually how He lets AG into my life..

All i know is..treasure the present.. =) for i know God loves me and i love Him too.

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think i've felt better after writing these down...

i kinda miss AG now...though i did talk to him some time ago...

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2 days of course starting from tmr.. yeah...

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Been studying every now and then..in office during lunch..in sch library...

so tired...n quite stressed up...wanna improve on my grades and class position..

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Been meeting AG once/twice a week...

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hey hey..zhijia...i've left a long message for you..over your side...

sound a little nagging and a little long-winded...

but do take good care of your eyes..dun sleep too much too..look at the greenery more..let your eyes relax and have a good break..! =)

Had a weird dream..and it's like an intuitive dream to me..seems to be telling me that i need to be emotionally prepared for it..

Can't help shaking the feeling off..

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back to office to work tmr..finally...

2 days of course again...so tired...but haha..no work.. =p

found a new good study environment today again..hahaa..it's the tcm sch library..!!
was quite surprised with myself that i finally study in a quiet environment..
tink i need a lot of focus nowadays...

but it's one place which can help me stay away from food...from unhealthy snacks.. =D

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Been trying hard to stray away from fried stuff..n trying hard to eat less..n only eat low carb food..

Hopefully such a diet can help me lose my unhealthy fats away...
n need to push myself to start exercising again..

the problem with me is that i've pretty good health status - low cholesterol..acceptable blood pressure..but my fats just remain in the body... =(

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hahaa..been very busy...another group of students coming in for internship...gosh....

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4th March:

Attended a wedding dinner with AG..it's his uni fren's big day...was super nervous to meet his frens.. =p

turned up pretty not too bad..but was pretty bored during the dinner, cos AG is all i know there..
AG kinda noticed that when i started games in my hp.. =p
he's nice..trying to keep me entertained.. =p haha..but it feels nice to have him around.. =)

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5th March:

Felt extremely sick...feeling so terrible that i had skipped my tcm lesson and went straight home taking cab from Jurong area..

There i met this taxi driver who told me that he's taking a dipolma on counselling..and when he started telling me how he came to take this course, i realised that the pain in my body had kinda ceased off and somehow, seems to me that God has been kind to me..letting me know this taxi driver..he seems to be a nice man, based on my intuition..a very different kind of taxi driver, but he seems to be someone with a certain goal in his life, at an age of 40s...

Throughout that whole journey, i was not much in great pain but a sense of inspiration that I've learnt something about life just from this 15mins of taxi ride..
You may say i'm kinda naive and that this fellow can be just trying to distract me and start taking long route to get to my destination..hee but well, i choose to go with my gut feelings.. =)

AG was sweet...he sang me songs over the phone, in hope to cease my pain..and when i requested him to sing "Moon River", he really sang...hahaha..and i kinda teared out of happiness..hahaha..kinda touched with his action..it doesn't matter whether he sings well or not, it's just that little request which he tried to fulfill...

of course, he din know that i teared at the end of the phone..hahaha..

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7th March:

Met up with HM they all to celebrate HM's post-birthday..!!!!

Been a great catch-up..had late lunch in vivo's sushi-teh..and we simply sat there to chat for the straight 2 hours..! and no distraction from any staff in the restaurant..!! hahaa..perfect..!!

hahaha..and started talking about our old sch's days, esp the SAC days...all of us miss those days.....

hahaa..somehow we started talking about who had seen each other cry..hahha..and by recalling, it seems to come to a conclusion that they've seen me cry the most number of times, largely due to my emotional plus paranoid personality..

Had a lot of great laughs at our individual funny, embarrassing incidents..haha..

and again in vivo's pet safari..i saw siberian husky..!!!! AHHHHHH..!!! it's sooooo handsome...!!!! AhHhHhhHH...!!!!

was surprised that AG picked me up after my tcm lesson..and he din drive..instead, we took a bus back to my place and he went back home by cab..recently he's been very sweet to me, dun know why too..hahaha..i'm starting my paranoid thoughts again.. =p

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measured myself and realised that i've really grown fatter... (T___T)

Starting my diet plan next week..

i cannot afford to put on anymore weight..i need to lose lotsa lotsa weight..!!!
cos i really want to change my dressing style...

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One of my favourite quotes in "He's Just Not That into You":

Gigi: Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up: if a boy punches you he likes you, never try to trim your own bangs, and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. but sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. and maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. maybe the happy ending is just moving on. or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing after all the unreturned phone calls and broken-hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment... you never gave up hope.

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Can;'t wait for this documentary movie "Earth"..!!

Here's the trailor and love the filmography..!!

http://www.hollywood.com/trailer/5403328/earth_James_Earl_Jones

Attended a 2-days workshop on some environmental course, organised by this university - University of Nevada Las Vegas. Met a lot of engineers from different hotels..though was late for the first day, i was lucky to have seated next to an engineer..very humorous and talkative guy...hhaa..but learnt a lot of things from him..

basically realised that it's very male-dominated...was kinda nervous , partly cos i am young and inexperienced compared to the rest...

my boss's one of the guest speakers in this workshop..and she's good in her presentation..!!! She managed to get everyone's attention and almost everyone in the room interacted with her..

Love the hosted lunch sessions..yum yum..

Cos of this workshop, got myself a business card holder..realised tat i still need it..

and now, quite a number of things which are needed to do some mini follow-up...

Went to watch "He's just now that into you" with AG..was pretty surprised initially that he'll pick this movie..haha..but well, the show din reach his expectation of a romantic comedy..

i'm pretty fine with the show..pretty nice and could say that i've kinda picked up a few enlightments...learnt about how guys can give excuses about not doing any follow-up...learnt that ladies cannot be so naive, thinking that when a guy says "he'll call back" and stupidly waiting for his calls/sms-es...basically, dun believe every word guys say..

hmm..and the topic of marriage..the show presents the truth of it but has not really stated the probably true reason of why at a certain period of the r/s, ladies do want to get married..let's not talk about tying the guy up...

hmmm..probably as what i've read a column written by a very famous taiwanese columnist, at a certain age and the lady is in the r/s, the lady will start to feel the anxiety that she's turning more mature and the growing age will start to deter her from knowing more eligible bachelors..and it has come to a stage where she wanna (and needs) to get married..it may be juz a piece of paper but probably the concept of marriage gives the sense of stability and security to a lady, it's like a form of assurance that the guy really loves her a lot and is willing to go further to spend the later part of his life with someone whom he sees happiness in..

probably blame it on the ladies' "natural" sense of insecurity and the yearn for the strong sense of stability..

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i can feel myself becoming a gf who tries to check on her bf whenever it's possible...i dun know why...it feels like the first time i am like this..think it's the phobia and the sense of insecurity...and probably self-confidence..? it feels so unlike me...and i dislike tat..but i feel i wanna get my sense of insecurity eased off...

probaby juz feel that i cannot be too naive..too trusting...hmmm...

probably i get so worried and/or paranoid that i can't help popping out a question to him, juz wanna "survey" whether he is happy with being with me....

Kinda a big meeting for the class reps from all levels coming together to meet up and talk to the Dean.

Think it's kinda the first time when I have the guts to voice my opinions and give my suggestions/proposals to some of the issues discussed.
First time to express myself in Chinese..and i realise that it's pretty tough to try expressing in proper Chinese..i was kinda nervous, kept stammering and I'm glad that the Dean understood what I'm trying to convey..

First time when i can talk so much during such a meet-up session..especially with the Dean and a few other teachers..

Till now, i keep feeling that i might be dreaming or something like that..i dun know when did i have such the courage to talk..think my classmate who has given me the encouragement and support..hhaa..tat classmate is a father of a daughter and i feel he's treating me like his daughter, trying to teach me quite a lot of things, just like what my dad does too..

kinda weird to listen to a group of growing dads (my classmates) sharing a topic about progressive lens..which now then i learn that the lens' design are for presbyopia..

First time my feet step into the college library..a small library but it has massive of books...wow......totally in awe....
and there at the library counter, i saw an old man..he's in charge of housekeeping the library..
Somehow i just had this weird thought - do not underestimate this old man. He may be just like those old monks who housekeep the temple library and yet hidden within reveals a man with powerful martial arts and extraordinary wisdom...

Kinda silly of me to harbour such silly thought, but still i try to give my most utmost respect for this library..

argh....think i've watched too much Jin Yong's...

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Been a really tiring week...

work hasn't been smooth-sailing...lucky thing my boss's very tolerant...

been trying to take good care of the intern..and it seems tat it has kinda taken up quite a bit of my time...

but learnt a lot of things from being the buddy to the intern...

2nd day of stress..hhaa..

i realise i can be quite lost at guiding an intern..will scare tat i can't take good care of the intern..think i've placed too much pressure upon myself..

feeling headache and a little dizzy walking to and fro..trying to juggle many things at one go..headache again..ended up losing focus during lessons..

was a little worried that i can sound too harsh to the intern...oh nooooo... (T__T)

but he's really proactive, which is a good thing..but i need to guide myself and go through a series of self-reflection at the end of the day..so tat i know how to manage the intern..

stress stress....

starting to feel more stressed about my sch work...so many things needed to revise... (T__T)

be going to the student union meeting this sat...sigh...i dislike attending..but sometimes i juz feel improvements may need to be made..
then again, i dun have so many hands....i'm no octopus... =(

An intern's here to be attached to my section for a month...and i'm assigned to be his buddy while my boss's the mentor.

was so nervous and tensed up for almost the whole day...i was so tensed up that i developed quite a terrible headache at the end of the day..ended up cancelling my exercise plan and headed home to compensate my headache...

when i saw him, i was even more tensed up..kinda stammered when i talked to him...hahahaa...
i felt so shy........thank goodness, during lunch time, i've jas with me..she tends to be more talkative and interactive.. hee hee..

Read about his profile..very outstanding and impressive academic and cca results, even during NS...
and hahaa..he's DLY's sec junior (from VS)..and he's from vj...hahahaa..
can't help thinking tat it can be quite a coincidence..hahaha...
very smart guy...pretty proactive on his first day of work.. asked a lot and he's very interested in many things..very enthuaistic ...this buddy of his feels even more nervous...hahaha...
but i guess cos his internship's only a month..so he wanna know as much as possible before making the decision to sign up for the scholarship..

then again, given his academic and leadership results, i feel he'll venture outside first...

gosh..tmr's another day...so nervous...hahahahaa...

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Yeah..!! going to another workshop again..!! i'm so happy..!!! hahaa...yeah..i love learning... =D

been a great weekend.. =)

AG prepared a nice dinner..hee..meatballs and seafood fish fingers, and lobster soup which he bought it from supermarket..hahahhaa.. =p oops.

and he gave me a heart-shaped box of chocolates..quite an abrupt method of giving me the gift..hahahahaa..

and i made a relatively thick oreo cheesecake..with thick layer of oreo base..and a layer of oreo in the middle of the cake..
what made me touched was tat he enjoyed the cake and he finished almost the whole of the cake..and he swopped big spoon of cake when he ate...it's touching to watch him eat the cake which i first made for him...
and i even asked him several times whether he likes the cake and whether the cake is delicious..hahaa...

i wanna make more types of cheesecakes for him in the future..hee hee hee hee heee...

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Woke up fatigue, partly cos of a small cup of dessert wine which i gulped down pretty quickly..pretty bad hangover...hahaa =p

hee..met up with ZJ they all for lunch..! so happy to see them..but haa..i was pretty tired that i also did not really talk much..and very slow to respond..hahhaa..

and can't wait for the next gathering..!! S has a Wii system at home...!!! and we are intending to arrange for a chalet during a weekend..!!

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on my way home with ZJ they all, we had an interesting topic about guys..haha..

we realise tat we can't really tolerate our bfs/partners to have many female good/close frens..haha..but well, it's easily understood...it's the insecurity which many females develop it..when they are attached or even during the dating period..

think it's applied to guys?

haha..well, r/s needs 2 hands to clap..both parties must know when and how to draw a clear line when relating with female/male frens..assurrance, communication and truthfulness probably are the ingredients to building up confidence and trust in the r/s..

once i had a sorta 'discussion' with a fren in uni..used to agree tat self-confidence is very important in r/s, especially when one party has many good/close opposite gender frens..

now when i think about this statement, i realise that self-confidence, many times, need to be coupled with assurance from the other party...assurrance through words and most importantly actions can build up the self-confidence for both parties..and both need not question their self-attraction too much cos they know from each other, through words and actions, why they are still committed and attracted to each other over tis long period of time...

however, then again, this is an ideal and optimistic way of looking at r/s...isn't it?

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Love Joanna Wang..she's real good singer..love her voice..! especially when she sings live..WooOH..bravo bravo..!!

Watch this clip n u'll know why...hahhaa..



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Another great singer..

Love tis song sung by this singer..love her voice - very natural and soothing..
love the lyrics too..



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Happened to come across this song "Seasons of Love" over youtube.com

Love this song too..haha..and it's from this musical "Rent". Song is nice..wonder whether they will be coming over to Spore...tink i wanna go to watch this musical..



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been very moody these 2 days..cried last night...n even had the urge to tear where ever i go..lucky thing is tat i can drown myself in work and during lesson...

a lot of negative thoughts..kept developing tat very uneasy and insecure feeling..it's not about work, i know for sure.. the whole issue just keeps giving me intuition tat something bad is coming..it's as if the lost phobia has made its comeback.

but keep telling myself tat i need to stay strong and this could be just a short period of moodiness which is hindering me...

i need to stay strong..i need to stay strong...

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ended up myself watching some chinese mtv to make myself tear...

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for the past few days i keep feeling tat i'm a boring person..tat i'm a lousy gf...tat i'm not like other girls who loves to shop..shop to groom themselves well, to look presentable..who can talk about so many things...who can mingle well with the bf's friends and family...

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i'm just a quiet naive cow who juz keeps working hard to turn a dream into reality yet knows she may lose something dear in return. and if one day something hinders the r/s, probably this cow will just move away silently, in hope tat her departure will leave another blessing to another...cos the cow knows she has no assets to fight with others....

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Readers, you may wish to ignore this post..i jus need a channel to vent out some emotional, probably irrational, moodiness...

a short post of the day..

been tiring for the past 2 days...long meetings in the afternoon..from being uneasy to becoming a bit more comfortable with discussing issues with external officers, without my boss around..thank goodness i still have my senior technical officer to help and guide me along..

still, as usual, a lot of things to learn - regardless of technical and management issues.

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have not really taken a good rest..by the time when i was about to leave the office to rush for my tcm lessons, i'm already "half-dead"....

tcm lessons are intensive than ever, and i'm feeling the great pressure of needing to catch up fast and absorb information like a sponge. Have decided to learn from a few of my classmates by recording the lectures and listening to these lectures during my free period.

Sometimes, i harbour the thought of quitting my job and focused fully onto the studies. But then again, i'm not tat wealthy and ...sigh...,just keep feeling that i'm still at a disadvantage..i still dun know many things..

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After starting my work for quite some time, i finally got to contribute a monthly sum of money for my family's household spenditure.

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oki, shall get to sleep now.. (T_T) i'm super tired..

always have the urge to take MC whenever i wake up for work...really dislike the drag which i almost experience daily. Yet i dislike falling sick. I need the time to stay focused on my studies and can't afford to fall sick for too long.

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Once again, i can feel the lesson learnt - there is always a big price to pay when there's a life goal to achieve. One really needs to bite his/her teeth through the tough times.

Probably, toughness brings greatness out of an ordinary man.